Declan (Special Forces: Operation Alpha) (Gold Team Book 5)

by Riley Edwards

  “Do you like tacos?”

  The change of topic was so abrupt my body jerked and the muscles in my neck spasmed.

  “Uh…sure.”

  “I haven’t looked, but unless you went to the grocery store since I’ve been gone, we’re gonna have to stop on the way home so I can pick up what I need.”

  “I didn’t go to the store.”

  She nodded and made her way across the room to grab her backpack. I was debating the merits of giving her that play—the change of subject, taking the topic to something mundane after the heavy one we’d had. Especially knowing what was about to come, but I couldn’t drop it when her body language was screaming that there was something wrong.

  “Babe?”

  “Huh?”

  “You okay?”

  “You’re better at this than me.”

  “Better at what?”

  “This sharing stuff. I’m trying to figure out how you went from grunting and one-word answers to…this. I know how to deal with the other Declan. But this Declan, the one that’s all flowery and open, I don’t know what to do with him.”

  “Flowery? Never in my life has anyone accused me of being flowery or open. And you know you’re the only woman in the world who would think anything I just said was flowery.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m also a woman who’s never had a man claim me in a way that felt good.”

  Fucking Christ.

  “Baby—”

  “You know, never in my life did I think I’d want to belong to someone after what happened to me.” She paused and worried her bottom lip, something I’d learned she did when she was drawing up courage. Something she did a lot and always bested, therefore I waited for her to continue. “I don’t need the words, Dec. Words are meaningless. As a matter of fact, I don’t want the words, I just want you however you come. At this point, I don’t know much of anything, but I do know I spent three weeks without you and it hurt in a way I couldn’t deny. So, I’m ready to walk through fire with you. But fair warning, Declan, there may be times when I need to crawl.”

  Sweet Jesus.

  That slammed into my gut and my chest with equal measure. The pain so exquisite, I let it blaze a path until my body was engulfed in the beauty she’d just given me.

  “And she says I’m better at this,” I mumbled. “Baby, we’ll run, walk, or crawl. There will be times I’ll carry you and times you’ll have to carry me. I am man enough to admit, I got problems and sometimes those problems weigh me down. But I’m also smart enough to know you’re strong enough to handle them. We’re a team, Autumn. You and me gotta work to make this good, to give the other what they need. We do that, we’ll find paradise.”

  And there it was again, hope. Only this time it didn’t flash in her eyes—it overtook her entire being. A look so devastatingly beautiful, I’d fight and die to keep that look.

  Chapter 25

  With Declan by my side, we’d already cleared three security checkpoints and currently, his retinas were being scanned so the elevator door would open.

  “If I didn’t already know the answer, I’d ask if Zane was paranoid.”

  Declan chuckled and straightened. A moment later when the metal doors slid open, he gave me a gentle push forward.

  “Though I’m unclear if he’s trying to keep his enemies out or his secrets locked in.”

  “Both,” Dec answered. “Last time Zane checked, there was a ten million dollar bounty on his head.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yep.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that insanity so I didn’t say anything. Besides, I was more concerned about what was going on with Ash and why she wasn’t answering my calls. Surely when she “fired” me—though I didn’t work for her so in actuality she couldn’t fire me—she hadn’t meant that was the end of our friendship. So I was concerned but not overly so because I’d only called twice, and sometimes it took days for her to get back to me depending on where she was or what she was doing.

  But I didn’t like that Declan told me something felt off. And I didn’t like she’d been watching. Not because I had anything to hide, but we were friends. If she was close, why hadn’t she stopped by? So now I was beginning to agree with Declan—something was off and I didn’t like thinking that.

  Ash had been a good friend to me over the years, a good mentor, and even if I was seriously miffed she’d called Beth and—shit, why hadn’t I thought about contacting her earlier?

  “I need to call Beth,” I announced. “She might know how to reach Ash.”

  “Who’s Beth?”

  “Beth’s an information broker,” I told him.

  “Information broker?”

  “She’s my Tex, I guess you can say. When I need intel, there are a few people I use, but she’s the best—my go-to person. Ash introduced me to her.”

  Declan looked down at me as the elevator opened and he smiled.

  “Got your own Tex, huh?” he asked, leading me into a large room and I halted.

  Holy shit. Zane Lewis had it going on. Gray walls, chrome accents, a maze of cubicles, and in the middle of the large room was a glass-enclosed room, that was right then tinted for privacy.

  “What’s in there?” I asked.

  “Command Central.” Declan chuckled, obviously not missing the wonder in my voice.

  I’m sure I sounded lame but it wasn’t every day a girl caught a glimpse of a set-up that rivaled NASA.

  “That’s Garrett’s domain. He’s our in-house intel specialist.”

  “So you have your own Tex,” I noted.

  “We do. Garrett runs most of our work, but we call in Tex when we need an extra set of hands.”

  That must’ve been nice. I had to wait for Beth and sometimes the wait was long depending on what else she was working on.

  “Come on, the guys are waiting in the conference room for us.”

  And suddenly my palms started to sweat and my heart rate ticked up. Declan wasn’t the kind of man to gossip, but Brooks, Kyle, Max, and Thad all knew I’d taken off on Dec, and for the first time in my life, I found myself concerned about what someone else would think of me.

  Especially Thad.

  He’d texted me twice after I left. Both times to update me on Emmy’s pregnancy. Thankfully, all was well. I could almost feel Thad’s relief in the last message he’d sent. What he hadn’t done was bring up Declan, my absence, me contacting Emerson, nor did he ask where I was or how I was doing.

  Just information.

  At the time, I’d appreciated it. Now I felt like a bitch.

  I’d successfully pushed everyone away and I didn’t know how to mend those fences, if I should, or if I was even ready to.

  I let go of a heavy sigh, knowing I was lying to myself again. Obviously, I was crying out for help or I wouldn’t have sought out my father. Which meant I was ready to mend some of what I’d broken.

  I just didn’t know how.

  “I got your back. No one’s gonna say anything to you or push you to talk to Emmy.” Declan incorrectly read my exhale.

  Though it was a good guess. And it felt great he had my back. But it was time I started coming clean and opening up.

  “I don’t know how to approach Emmy,” I admitted, and Declan’s hand spasmed in mine. “I don’t know how to tell Thad I’m sorry for the way I treated him. And I’m worried that he won’t forgive me and there will always be a rift because I put it there.”

  Declan brought us to a stop outside of a closed door and looked down at me. “What you just said.”

  “What?”

  “You already apologized but if you feel you need to say more, say what you just said to Thad and that will be the end of it.”

  “I was a bitch to him.” I reminded him of something he couldn’t have forgotten since he was there to witness it. Not to mention, he’d been on the receiving end of my bitchiness, too. Him more than anyone else. “And since we’re on the topic. I’m sorry I was a total bitchface to you.”


  “A bitchface?” he asked, smiling.

  “Yeah, that’s worse than a bitch but not quite the C-word.”

  “C-word?”

  Declan’s smile went from amused to highly amused, and not for the first time I was struck by how hot he was.

  “Yeah, you know, C-U-Next-Tuesday.”

  “You mean cunt?”

  My nose scrunched and I said, “Yeah, that word.”

  “You don’t like cunt?”

  “Um, no.”

  And I didn’t. Not in any form it could be used.

  “Right.” Declan laughed.

  “It’s degrading,” I told him.

  “Right,” he repeated.

  “What? It’s totally crude.”

  The door opened and both our eyes went to it.

  Zane Lewis.

  Just because I’d never met the man in person didn’t mean I didn’t know who he was. His reputation preceded him—both for his looks and skill. Though seeing him face-to-face, I was now wondering if the skills he was widely known for—those skills being on the battlefield—were actually for something else. I knew he was married and had a son. I didn’t think I wanted kids, but I bet his wife would give him a battalion of mini Zanes if he asked.

  “You hosting a convention in the hallway?” Zane broke the silence.

  “We were discussing the C-word and how degrading it is,” I blurted out.

  “Say what now?” Zane cocked his head to the side and gave me a strange look.

  “You know—”

  “I know what the C-word is,” he returned.

  “Okay, so then you know it’s crude and degrading. That’s what we were talking about, not hosting a convention.”

  “Jesus.”

  “What, do you disagree?”

  “Yeah, Autumn, I disagree. Nothing degrading about it when it’s used the right way. As a matter of fact it’s downright hot.”

  I’d never thought the C-word could ever be used in a way that was hot, but the way Zane smirked as he explained, I was wondering if he was telling the truth. And then I wanted to ask Declan to try it out and see if he was right.

  “Maybe you can refrain from talking to my woman about the right way to use the word cunt,” Declan clipped, and Zane burst out laughing.

  He did this for a long time, he also held his stomach while doing it, and lastly, two dimples popped out.

  “Sweet Jesus, he has dimples.”

  “Autumn,” Declan growled.

  “What?” I wheezed. “You can’t expect me not to notice he has dimples.”

  “Can I expect you not to openly drool over him while I’m standing right here?” Dec rasped.

  “I’m not drooling. I’m commenting. And what do you care? I’m going home with you.”

  My comment just made Zane laugh harder.

  “Great, can we get down to business?”

  Declan didn’t wait for an answer, he simply pushed past Zane. When he did, I noticed that Zane was tall, just like all the men. He was broad, too, though Declan had a tad more bulk than Zane did.

  “You got him wound tight,” Zane noted and I stiffened.

  “No, I don’t.”

  “Woman, he was ready to take my head off.”

  “He was not.”

  “I already know you’re a pain in my ass, please tell me you’re not one of those blind bitches who can’t see what’s right in front of them.”

  “First, Mr. Lewis, women don’t like to be called bitches. And the last thing I am is blind. I know what’s in front of me, and not that it’s any of your business, but I see what’s in front of me.”

  “Lotsa different kinds of women out there, Autumn, as you well know. A good woman knows what she’s got and makes moves to protect it. A woman who’s got good but plays bullshit games and therefore loses the good, is a straight-up bitch. And I know you’re smart enough to know the difference since you just laid it out that you know you have it good and made your play to protect it.”

  I liked that he thought that about me.

  “And I’m not a pain in the ass.”

  “No, you’re a pain in my ass.”

  “I don’t see how.”

  “You will,” he strangely said, and walked away.

  I walked in behind Zane and found all the men standing around. All eyes were on me.

  Great.

  “I’m sorry I was such a bitch.” Four men blinked but Declan smiled. “I feel like I keep apologizing to you guys and you’ve all been cool to me, so me repaying that kindness with my bad attitude is unfair.”

  “You got your shit sorted?” Max asked.

  “Um, negative. I have so much shit to sort through it might take the better part of a decade to sift through it. Am I working on my attitude and need to lash out at everyone around me, yes.”

  Male laughter filled the room but my gaze remained glued to Declan’s. Or more accurately, my ears as I listened to him chuckle. Then I tried to remember if I’d ever heard him laugh. A real honest to goodness belly laugh, and I couldn’t remember. Then I tried to remember the last time I let loose and was bowled over with hilarity. I couldn’t remember that, either.

  Jeez, we were a sad pair.

  Then as I stared at Declan, I decided it was my life’s mission to make him laugh.

  “What’s got you thinking so hard?” Declan asked.

  “We need to laugh more.”

  The room went deadly silent, the air charged, and the hair on my arms stood.

  “Jesus,” Zane mumbled, then his eyes sliced to Declan and his features turned to stone when he said, “Serious as fuck, you don’t got your head on straight, you see me after this meeting and I’ll screw it on for you nice and tight.”

  “It’s straight,” Declan returned.

  And it was worth noting that while Zane was staring at Declan, Declan hadn’t taken his eyes off of me.

  Holy smokes, those red eyes were an inferno of goodness. I could get lost in those eyes. Who the hell was I kidding? I already was, and it scared the piss out of me.

  “Let’s get this started so I can get back to my wife,” Zane suggested, or more aptly, demanded.

  “What did Ashaki say to you when you saw her in Iowa?” Brooks asked.

  I gave them a quick rundown of the conversation, leaving out that Declan was wildly in love with me, instead saying she thought he was into me. When I was done it was Max who was studying me and doing it closely.

  “And now, your opinion of her has changed,” Max wisely surmised.

  “Yes. Now that Declan has expressed his concerns and I’ve had time to think about it, I’m wondering why she was watching. I’m also wondering what she was doing in Maryland in the first place. I’ve worked with her in the past. We’ve gotten together when we’ve been overseas and in the same area. But mostly we communicate over the phone. She’s never just popped up somewhere I’ve been for the sake of grabbing a beer and having a gab. So, yes, I’m concerned she was watching me. But more, I want to know why she was watching Declan when I never told anyone I’d been seeing him. I need to call my girl Beth and see if she can fill in the blanks.”

  I grabbed my phone out of my pocket, had her contact info pulled up, and hit the green button when Zane asked, “Who’s Beth?”

  “I’ll explain when we’re done.”

  The phone started ringing and I put it on speaker.

  “I was wondering when you’d call,” Beth answered in her sing-song voice.

  I had to admit, over the years, hearing Beth’s chipper voice had been one of the only bright spots in my life. She always sounded upbeat and happy even when we were discussing filthy scumbags.

  “Listen, you’re on—”

  “Ash called me, told me you’d hooked up with Declan Crenshaw.” She let out a whistle and continued before I could shut her up. “I have to say, I was shocked. Never met him but I’ve heard of him. I mean, everyone has. He was the CIA’s golden boy. I think they wept when they lost him. Legend has it he wipe
d out an entire camp of insurgents and saved a ranger unit.”

  Shit. My eyes went to Declan and I tried again. “Beth. Stop, you’re—”

  “It’s also widely known he’s untouchable. Not cold but glacial. Girl, if what Ash says is true, you gotta tell me—”

  “You’re on speaker and Declan is right here.”

  “Shit. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I tried. But you were all fired up to tell me what Ash told you and you didn’t take a breath.”

  “Did you expect I wouldn’t be fired up to hear how the woman known as the Angel of Death landed herself the King of Frost? I’ve known you a long time, Autumn, never did I think I’d see the day you’d walk away.”

  Shit.

  Everyone in the room was now staring at me. Except for Thad, he was smiling. Damn. I hated to do this but I had to.

  “Is that what Ash said?”

  “Yeah, she called to tell me you hooked up with Declan, and you were done. Which I have to say makes me happy.”

  Damn. That made this next part worse.

  “I’m not walking away, Beth. I’m not sure why she told you that.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Seriously.”

  Then I told the story for a second time, again leaving out Ash thinking that Declan was in love with me.

  “So with all that, do you have anything for me?”

  “I need time,” Beth returned.

  “We don’t have time. My concern is growing. I need to know why she was in Maryland. What’s she working on?”

  “You know I can’t tell you that,” she quietly told me.

  “I get it. I’d be pissed if you told someone what I was doing. But I need to know if Declan or the team is in danger.”

  “I…um…shit. They're not in danger. Let me make some calls and I’ll hit you back.”

  “One more thing I forgot to ask. How’d you know I was in Iowa?”

  “I didn’t, why?”