Shit.
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
The bed shifted and suddenly a soft glow bathed the room. I blinked as my eyes adjusted and then Declan was up on an elbow staring down at me.
But still not touching me.
God, it sucked.
“What woke you?”
“I don’t know. But really, I’m fine. I’m sorry if I was moving around.”
A slow soft smile transformed his sleepy face and I took in a deep breath. Man, he was sexier than his normal sexy when his face was sleepy and gentle.
He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine, but before I could do anything, he pulled back. That sucked more.
“Whenever you’re ready, baby, you say the word.”
Whenever I was ready? I was ready now, dammit.
“How did you know?”
“You want the truth, or would you rather I tell you I have amazing reasoning skills?”
I narrowed my eyes and answered, “The truth.”
“Right. I knew you were disappointed when I kissed you, didn’t take it further, and put you to bed.”
“And you figured that out with your amazing reasoning skills?”
“No, baby, I figured that out because you were grinding your pussy on my thigh. My amazing reasoning skills, not to mention logical deduction came into play when you woke up, tossed and turned, and squeezed your legs together looking for relief.”
“You’re full of shit. You were on the other side of the bed. You have no idea—”
Then his face dipped, which was to say, we were almost nose-to-nose when he cut me off.
“Autumn, baby, you were squeezing your thighs together. But you want more truth, I know you’re aching because my cock’s been throbbing hard since that kiss. Why the hell do you think I’m so far on the other side of the bed, I’m damn close to rolling off?”
Okay, that was good to know.
“I’m ready.”
Declan was silent for a long time, just looking into my eyes. I didn’t know what he was looking for but I hoped he’d find it quickly. He was not wrong, I had been squeezing my legs together. He was also correct, I was turned on. I wanted more and I wasn’t sure what the hold-up was. We’d done this before, and it always ended fabulously.
Or had it?
The orgasms he’d wrought were absolutely fabulous. Otherworldly fantastic. And I knew Declan didn’t fake how much he enjoyed his.
But I knew something was missing because as soon as the high had waned, emptiness followed. I’d found short-lived, momentary peace in Declan. A time where I thought about nothing but him and what he was doing to me physically, but the emotional fallout from the highest of highs was the lowest of lows. He’d leave and I couldn’t hold back the pain of loneliness. Empty, hollow, wanting more from him but knowing I’d never get it.
I wondered if he’d felt that, too.
“I’m not gonna fuck you, baby,” he said softly and my body went stiff.
Okay, maybe I was wrong about everything.
“When you’re ready, I’m gonna show you something new. Something you’ve never had. And I swear to you, it’ll be good. But you gotta be ready to feel what I want you to feel. Physically, I can get you there. But emotionally, you gotta be ready to take this journey because I won’t let you hold back. Which means you gotta trust me to push you where you need to go.”
My heart rate spiked and my palms got clammy.
“You want on top of me,” I surmised.
Declan came closer and my vision narrowed to just him. His handsome face set to determination, his eyes full of something that looked like love, but his mouth was tight like he was holding back again and I hated it.
I wanted Declan to be free to be himself. The same way he made it safe for me to be me.
“I want to make love to you. I don’t want any boundaries. I want to explore every inch of you and do that however I want to do it. I want you to touch me while I’m doing it. I don’t want you to hold back, shut down, lock your emotions out. I want everything, Autumn. Flesh, desire, passion, love, lust, everything you have to give. I want you to feel me everywhere. The need to give that to you is consuming me. But what I will never do again is fuck you while we both hold everything back, giving each other empty orgasms to escape. I’m not saying I’ll never take you fast and hard—what I’m telling you is, when I take you I’ll be giving you everything. Nothing between us. No boundaries.”
The area between my legs was wet and tingling.
“And that’s why you’re sleeping on the other side of the bed not touching me?”
Declan’s lips twitched and I wanted to kiss them so badly that tingling between my legs became a throb.
“Yeah, Autumn, I’m determined to give you time, to go at your pace. That includes not pressing my hard cock against you, so I’d needed the distance.”
“Why?”
“Baby,” he groaned. “Pains me to think about it, because now I understand how fucked-up it was, the way we’d come together, and I hate how much I held back from you. But you have to know, you are sexy as fuck, you feel so goddamn good wrapped around my cock, I had to fight back coming five seconds after I got inside of you. Your ass is a thing of beauty, your tits only win out because you go hot when I bite your nipples. But again, I held back, and not only emotionally. I want to taste you so damn bad my hands shake. I want to feel you come around my cock while I look into your eyes. I wanna hear you calling my name while I’m driving deep, knowing it’s not because of what my cock does for you but because of what I do for you. So with all of that, I’m staying on my side of the bed because my cock’s hard, my hands are shaking, and my mouth is watering. When you’re ready, I’m all yours. You can touch all you want. But for now, I’m respecting your space.”
The word “space” was barely out of his mouth and my hands went to his back and started to glide up. Declan went stiff as a board, his muscles twitched under my palms, and I still panicked I’d done something wrong.
Wordlessly, he held my gaze and in rapt fascination I watched him war with himself. Little by little, he relaxed until he gave me a nod of permission and I slowly resumed my path. I’d never touched his bare back. Smooth skin over hard muscle. Every now and again, I hit a puckered scar but I didn’t have to ask. I knew where he’d gotten them. Not the particulars—those I’d never know—but they were marks of bravery. Proof he’d lived through the horrors of war. And I didn’t have to see them to know they were beautiful.
“Is this okay?” I felt compelled to ask.
“Yeah, baby, you can touch wherever you want.”
“Will you touch me?”
“Is that what you want?”
I nodded and swallowed past the lump in my throat, hating that I’d had to make a request.
“Just please don’t hold me down. Not yet. Anything else, but I need to be able to move my arms.”
“Anything you need, Autumn.”
Anything you need.
My heart melted.
Fucking melted. Me, Autumn Pierce, emotionless, stone-hearted, merciless, bitch. And with three words that meant more than any other words he could ever say to me, I went liquid. A puddle of excitement and nerves.
But after those three beautiful words, Declan said no more—his mouth was on mine. He started the kiss slow and sweet, but when my nails raked down his back, the kiss turned into something else. Deeper, a whole lot wetter, and I sensed Dec was close to letting go. Since I wanted that, I shoved my hands under the waistband of his shorts and gripped his bare ass.
Holy mother of God, his ass was firm. Two globes of pure muscle.
And that was when Declan finally cracked, and a seriously good kiss turned wild. He sucked my tongue into his mouth, and because it felt delicious, I thought he should feel it, too, so I returned the favor.
He groaned and then moved his hand to my stomach. He fumbled with my thin tank top until he had it up and my bra exposed. I felt the cool air wash over my overheated skin. As quickl
y as that relief came it disappeared when Declan found my nipple and ran his thumb over it.
My hands continued to roam, until suddenly his lips were gone and he was pulling back.
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
“Clothes off.”
I blinked in surprise.
Never had I heard his voice so tight, so full of desire, and considering it wasn’t the first time he’d ordered my clothes off, that was saying something. There was something different, not hardness, but a bite of possession.
He was so not in control.
And I loved it.
I loved that I was not scared of him, even though as I pulled my shirt over my head he was looking down at me like he wanted to eat me. I was not concerned he’d hurt me when his eyes turned hungry as they took in my bare chest. I was not afraid when I pulled my shorts and panties off and his eyes widened and his breaths turned choppy.
I loved that he’d earned every inch of trust I gave him.
He’d give me anything I needed and I knew that with a certainty that rocked my world.
He’d guide me where he wanted to go and he’d he do it with a mind to how I needed it.
I knew of this, a hundred percent, but when he lowered himself down and kissed my belly with a gentleness that was in direct contradiction to what his eyes conveyed, my conviction solidified.
My lids lowered and I just felt.
I felt his lips skim my stomach, his fingertips graze the sides of my breasts as they danced closer to my nipples. I felt the ache grow between my legs, and the heat of his touch sear through my heart. He was everywhere but I wanted more.
Declan licked around my belly button and started to move lower. Excitement and trepidation battled and I fought to keep relaxed. I didn’t want him to stop. I needed him to keep going.
“Baby, open your eyes,” he called and I slowly did as he asked. “I want your eyes on me. Every step I want you with me.”
So damn perceptive.
Profound affection—there was no other word to describe what I felt in that moment looking down at Declan as I watched him shift between my legs, slowly opening them as he held my eyes.
“You’re in control, Autumn. You need me to stop, we stop. But no matter what, I want your eyes on me, even if I’m not looking at you, you don’t stop watching me.”
I nodded because I couldn’t speak.
“I’m gonna taste you, baby, you ready?”
I nodded again because I still couldn’t speak.
“I need to hear you say it.”
More wetness leaked and my skin heated.
“I want you to taste me.”
Declan’s hand shoved under my ass, lifting it off the bed, and I bent my knees so my feet rested on the mattress, giving him better access. His head lowered but his gaze remained locked onto mine. Then he gave me one long swipe of his tongue from ass to clit and he groaned.
“Jesus,” he snarled.
And repeated the tongue swipe several more times until he dropped my ass onto the bed, hefted one of my legs over his shoulder, and dove in.
“Declan,” I groaned as his tongue stabbed into my pussy.
“More?” he growled against my clit. The vibration sent pulses of pleasure through me and I vaguely wondered why the hell he’d ask such a dumb question. Then I remembered. To Declan, that question wasn’t dumb, it was part of him taking care of me. Giving me what I needed at my pace.
“God, yes. More.”
Two fingers slid in and his mouth latched around my clit. He kept the suction light, but his fingers pumped in and out at a pace that drove me crazy.
“More, honey,” I urged and lifted my hips.
Oh, yeah, that was better.
“Swing your other leg over my shoulder.”
I didn’t have a chance to settle my thigh before he ravaged my clit. Total decimation. The very best kind of devastation scored through me. My back arched, my legs tightened around his head, and my eyes started to drift closed. At the very last second, I remembered Declan’s order and looked down. All I could see was his brown hair between my legs, shaking slightly as he ate me until I exploded. The sight of that was off-the-charts hot. I couldn’t stop my hands from gripping his hair and holding his face to my pussy as I rode my orgasm.
My fist in his hair loosened as the last waves of pleasure rolled through me and Dec slowed his fingers, bringing me down slowly.
“Good God,” I whimpered, surprised I was coherent enough to speak. “That was…I don’t have words for what that was. My God.”
Declan chuckled against my opening then gave me another lick, this time soft, lapping up my release.
Okay, that was hot, almost as hot as watching him eat me.
His head lifted and his gaze immediately met mine. Openly starved. And not a single inkling of apprehension or fear crept in.
This was Declan.
My Declan.
He’d take me where I needed to go.
“You want more?” he asked.
“I want everything.”
A lazy smirk played at his glistening lips, and when he caught me shivering at the sight, that smile turned sinfully cocky and he slowly licked my excitement away.
“You sure you’re ready for everything?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Then grab a condom, baby.”
Hundred percent. Without a doubt. Absolute trust.
Declan had this.
Chapter 28
My cock was going to explode from rolling a condom on.
Good Christ, I didn’t know what was better, the taste of Autumn’s orgasm on my tongue, her body laid out before me with her legs spread open, or the look in her eyes.
Her eyes. Fucking, hell. It was the trust in her eyes.
I dropped down, keeping one hand planted on the mattress to support my weight, and held her gaze.
“This okay?”
“Yes.” Her voice cracked and I hesitated.
“You control this. Doesn’t matter we’re here, you need me to stop, we stop. You need to be on top, you tell me.”
“I want this.”
“You trust me?”
“Yes.”
Quick, strong, sure.
“Then wrap your arms around me.”
I went down on my elbow giving her some of my weight and her hands went to my sides, then around, and glided over my back.
Fucking, fucking, hell.
Incredible.
Slowly, she moved her palms up and down, timid at first, then she gained confidence and continued to retrace her path.
“More?” I asked.
“Yes.”
My hand went to her hip, slid up over her ribs. I stroked under her breast and waited.
“More,” she mewed, and my thumb glided over her nipple.
If I’d been in my right mind, I would’ve noted how she’d arched into my touch, but I wasn’t thinking. I was lost in the feel of her hands on my back. I was so far gone, her soft skin barely registered.
Autumn Pierce owned me.
And the realization that I wanted this for the rest of my life unleashed some deep emotion I’d locked away. The need to belong, desperation, hope, promise. I never thought I’d yearn for someone’s touch. Never thought I’d lose myself in the beauty of the sensation.
This was enough. This feeling, the connection just from having her hands on me, the awareness that I didn’t care if she called it quits right now and my cock was left aching. I didn’t care if I had to wait fifty years before she was ready. As long as she was next to me, that was all I needed. I would do anything to keep her, anything to go to sleep next to her and wake up the same.
“Declan, more.”
Breathy, needy, fucking beautiful.
I held her eyes and settled my hips between her legs and nothing but desire stared back at me.
“You’re so pretty, baby,” I rasped. “So beautiful, you take my breath.”
“Thank you.” Her startled respon
se gave me pause.
“Not feeding you BS, Autumn, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Never seen eyes as pretty as yours. You got a great ass, your tits are perfection, but, baby, those eyes. Fuck, they turn me inside out. When you look at me and they melt, I swear nothing feels better.”
And there it was, her beautiful green eyes melted. My hand moved between us, I fisted my cock, guided it to her opening, the head touched her pussy, and I gritted my teeth.
Slow, I reminded myself and squeezed the base of my cock.
“More?”
“Come inside.”
I pushed in, pulled out slowly, feeding her more with each stroke. Autumn’s hips tilted and she groaned.
“Wrap your legs around me, baby, hold on tight.”
Her thighs pressed to my sides, her arms grew tight, and her eyes went hooded.
Fucking beautiful.
“You make me feel safe,” she whispered, and my heart exploded.
Good Christ.
I groaned and she took more of me.
“You make me feel beautiful.”
Her heels dug into my ass, and her hand drifted up my spine, over my shoulders, and into my hair. She didn’t fist it or pull, she glided her fingers through the strands. I lowered my mouth to hers, licked her bottom lip, and she opened for me.
Fucking, fucking, hell.
The kiss was deep and wild, my strokes were controlled and gentle. Conflicting emotions raged inside me, a battle, a war. My blood heated, my heart pounded, my need for her grew. Straight up emotional need, connection down to my soul.
Her body under mine trembled, she fought to take more of me, urging me deeper with each shallow stroke. She tightened her legs.
Perfect.
I broke the kiss, needing to see her face, needing to see her eyes. I slowly gave her more until I was as deep as I could go, yet I still pushed deeper.
“Declan.”
Fucking Christ, I loved the way she breathed my name, but when she said it with a desire-filled hitch, it was better.
“Thank you for making me safe. Thank you for giving me this.”
I was wrong, that was better than hearing her say my name. So much fucking better, I struggled to catch my breath.
“You’re killing me, baby,” I grunted.
Declan (Special Forces: Operation Alpha) (Gold Team Book 5) Page 18