Declan (Special Forces: Operation Alpha) (Gold Team Book 5)

by Riley Edwards

  The town was so small it was barely a blip on the map, but it was so full of culture and beauty I was in awe. From the sandstone bluffs to the San Juan River, the Bear Ears Monument, their Winter Solstice Burn—which I really wanted to see—the annual balloon festival, I loved everything about the area. But it still didn’t feel like home.

  I wasn’t sure what home felt like, but I figured I would know it when we stumbled upon it. In the meantime, I was happy to just keep exploring. And so was Declan, even if he was grumbling about me picking a place to settle down.

  We’d spent the day two hours north of Bluff at the Canyonlands National Park. The views were otherworldly, even Declan had stood silently on the lookout and took in the spectacular canyons a thousand feet below and smiled. And I was happy to report, those were coming frequently—his smiles, that was.

  It wasn’t that he’d suddenly turned into a light-hearted, jolly, fun-loving guy. I mean, Declan was Declan. But he smiled a lot and he laughed often—normally when he said I was acting like a goof. I didn’t know I could act like a goof, and I didn’t think I did.

  However, over the last three months, I felt lighter. I felt the ugly lifting, and I felt the filth washing away. I felt this because Declan went to great pains to make sure I felt it. He was gentle with me always, but not in a condescending way. He didn’t treat me like I needed to be coddled and protected. He simply was Declan.

  So now we were in our bed in a kickass cabin we’d rented. It was so kickass, it had a lime-green exterior door, Native American tile casing all of the windows, which made the adobe-style cabin so freaking cool, I wanted to build an exact replica of it wherever we settled. But I knew it wouldn’t be in Bluff, Utah—even though I loved it there.

  “Let's try Idaho next,” I told him.

  “Whatever you want.”

  His tone was teasing but his statement was not. Declan would give me whatever I wanted.

  He had me tucked close to his side, my head resting on his shoulder, his hand on my hip, my hand on his chest, and I was lightly tracing my fingertips over his tattoo.

  “I want to try,” I whispered, and Declan’s body went solid.

  “Not yet.”

  That was his answer every single time I’d tried to convey to him I was ready to give him a blowjob. What man turned down repeated offers for a woman to suck him off? Declan, that’s who. I was ready, I wanted to give it a try. I trusted him. We had sex frequently—as in daily. The first couple of times he’d taken me missionary, he’d gone to extreme lengths to make sure I was comfortable. I’d taken my time getting to know every inch of him with my hands. It hadn’t taken long for Declan to relax when I explored his body with my hands and mouth—everywhere except one part of him. His dick. My mouth was not allowed around him and I was starting to get peeved.

  I didn’t want any barriers, no limits. I wanted both of us to be free of the restrictions we’d had in the beginning. And we were pretty much there, with the exception of me sucking him off and him taking me from behind.

  “Dec—”

  “Not yet, baby.” His head turned, his chin dipped down, and his fiery eyes locked onto mine. “Take your panties off, I want you to climb on.” His veiled order was punctuated with a squeeze on my hip, which meant it wasn’t a request but an order.

  I pressed deeper and tilted my head back so I could brush my lips against his.

  Now, Declan always treated me gentle, he always had a mind to what I needed. But, gone were the slow kisses Dec had introduced me to. That wasn’t to say they weren’t still sweet, they were just sweet in a deep, wet, wild way. And there were still times when he started out soft and slow, but they always brought us to where we were right then, seriously deep and wet and he was leading us to wild.

  I loved kissing him.

  “Baby,” he growled against my lips and I shivered.

  Yeah, I loved kissing him, but I really loved it when he grew impatient.

  I quickly shimmied out of my panties, threw my leg over him, and straddled his lap. My wet center hovered over his hard dick.

  “Christ, you look like a goddess—a fucking queen. Every time, you take my breath.”

  His hands went to my sides as he gathered the material of my t-shirt. Goose bumps raised as his knuckles skimmed my skin when he pulled the shirt up, forcing my arms to follow, then it was over my head and tossed aside.

  “Brush your hair over your shoulder. I wanna see you.” Again, his request was a demand, and my thighs started to tremble.

  Declan was bossy. Outside of being naked, I balked at this. Naked, I couldn’t get enough.

  “Take me.”

  I lifted, fisted his cock, and gave him a few strokes, loving the way his jaw clenched and his pectoral muscles jumped.

  “Look at me, Declan.”

  “I see you, baby,” he returned, looking right at me.

  “No, honey, see me. I’m strong.”

  I positioned him where I needed him, the tip notched in, and I slowly started to sink down.

  “Yeah, you are. So fucking strong.”

  I took more of him and told him, “You make me stronger.”

  “Autumn,” he moaned.

  “So strong, I can do anything.” I slid down more and stopped. “No boundaries, Declan. You and me. Together, we can do anything.”

  I leaned forward and placed my hands on his abs, roaming over the ridges and valleys. Something that used to set him on edge, but now he tensed for a different reason.

  He liked me touching him.

  “Anything,” he muttered. “Fucking hell, you gotta move, baby.”

  His red eyes were flashing with desire. Declan liked me on top, he liked the view, I knew this because he told me. He wasn’t stingy with his compliments, he never withheld his affection, and he was never selfish with his words.

  I slowly glided up, then back down, over and over, until I was full and my head tipped back.

  “Eyes,” he grunted, and I righted my head. “Hard, Autumn, I want you to ride me hard.”

  His fingertips dug into my hips and he helped me do just that.

  Hard, fast, and so freaking good I felt my orgasm fast approaching.

  “Lean forward, baby, I want your tits.”

  I did as he asked and as soon as my nipple was within reaching distance, his mouth latched on, his tongue swirled, and finally, he gave me the edge of his teeth and that was all it took for the dam to break and pleasure to wash over me.

  “Declan,” I groaned.

  He tore his mouth away and bucked up. Not holding back, he moaned my name.

  Sweetest freaking sound.

  “Baby, fuck. So damn good. So fucking hot and wet.”

  A few moments later, one hand lifted my hip, moved up my back, and he fisted my hair, bringing my face close to his.

  “Fucking love you, Autumn. So goddamn beautiful.”

  Every. Time.

  Every single time, that’s what he told me.

  His mouth hit mine and he groaned his orgasm down my throat.

  Nine times out of ten he did that, too. The other one percent he bit the soft spot between my neck and my shoulder. It was a toss-up which was better. Right then, I was leaning toward the growl, though I always did until I got the bite, then I changed my mind.

  Chapter 39

  Four months later—Maryland

  “Emmy sounded like she was in a lot of pain,” Autumn noted from the passenger seat.

  We came back to Maryland because her sister was being induced and we’d promised we wouldn’t miss the birth. Now we were in a rental car driving to the hospital. My truck was back in Oregon where we’d been staying the last few weeks.

  Idaho and Washington were a bust. We’d stayed long enough to sightsee in both, explore houses, but neither of us felt like it was home, so now we were trying out Oregon. Autumn loved it there but this time it was me holding out, though if she found a house and had her heart set on staying, I’d get down with it.

  “Babe,
she’s pushing a kid out of her vagina, what did you expect her to sound like?”

  Autumn made a disgruntled sound and I didn’t have to look at her to know her face was adorably scrunched up.

  “Thanks for the mental image. And there are drugs for the pain.”

  I followed the signs and pulled into the Anne Arundel Medical Center and told her something she knew, “She didn’t want drugs.”

  “Who doesn’t want drugs for that?”

  “Your sister,” I deadpanned, and Autumn shifted in her seat.

  “That’s insane.”

  I pulled into a parking spot and agreed, “No argument from me.”

  “I’m taking drugs,” she blurted and my body locked tight.

  “Say again?”

  “Um.”

  I looked over at Autumn and her face was bleached of all color.

  “You’re taking drugs?”

  “Um.”

  “You want kids?”

  “Um.”

  “Babe,” I snapped. “You want my kids?”

  “Yes,” she whispered. “I didn’t think I ever wanted them.”

  “Yeah? But now you do.”

  “I think so.”

  My heart was thumping in my chest and a golden burn started.

  Fucking, fucking, hell.

  “I want kids,” I admitted. “Didn’t think I’d ever want that again. Didn’t think I’d ever be able to think about the possibility without it eating me with guilt. But with you, I want that. I want us to have a family. So when that maybe turns into a yes, you tell me and we’ll talk.”

  “Okay, Dec.”

  Fuck.

  Sometimes it was easy to forget. I saw her smile every day. I heard her laugh, tease, be cute as all fuck when she was being silly. It was easy to forget that she wasn’t always like this. That it had only been seven months since we left.

  But it felt like a lifetime ago.

  “You ready to go see your sister and your parents?”

  Meggy had sold her house in Iowa and she and Justin had moved to Maryland. They’d been discussing getting remarried. Then one day they called Autumn to tell her that they’d gone to the courthouse and tied the knot. They also explained they didn’t want a celebration. The way they viewed it, they’d simply set things right, and now everyone was moving on.

  And when Meggy Pierce wanted something, she got it.

  So everyone moved on.

  “Are you ready to see the guys?”

  I was nervous as all hell to see them but I wasn’t going to tell her that. The first conversation I’d had with Thad had been difficult. I’d run out on my team, abandoned them, but I quickly found the awkwardness was coming from me. He harbored no bad blood and told me none of the others did. This became clear the first time I spoke to Max. Straight out, he told me he was happy I’d taken Autumn and left.

  I didn’t speak to them every day but it was often enough that I knew what was going on in their lives.

  Brooks and Tatiana had their daughter, an event I missed because we were in Utah, and Tatiana had to have an emergency C-section. When we’d tried to make a plan to come out, Brooks told us to hold off because Tatiana’s recovery hadn’t been going well. Luckily, the women did what they always did and rallied around her and pulled her through what Brooks had described as the hardest time of his life. His wife had battled postpartum depression while recovering from major surgery. But the guys had taken his back and helped both him and Tatiana.

  Something I felt guilt over. I should’ve been there for Brooks. But like with everything, Autumn guided me through, reminding me that Brooks knew I was a call away, and if he needed me, my ass would’ve been on a plane.

  “Yeah, I’m ready.”

  I folded out of the rental, met Autumn at the trunk, and took her hand.

  Another thing that was natural now—simple things, easy things, normal things. But for us, there was nothing easy about the obstacles we’d overcome.

  The elevator doors slid open and the lobby was packed.

  Zane turned first and Autumn’s hand spasmed in mine.

  “One word about his dimples—”

  “Jeez. Touchy much?” she returned, and yanked me forward.

  “Declan,” Max boomed and everyone stopped talking and turned.

  “What’s up? Why’s everyone out here? No waiting room?”

  “We’re waiting on your dumb ass,” Kyle told me and made his way over. “Autumn,” he greeted, then pulled me in for a one-armed embrace and a slap on my back. “Good to see you.”

  “You, too.”

  Next was Brooks, then Zane took his shot, pounding my shoulder hard enough to dislocate it. And finally, Max stepped up and jerked me forward, but thankfully refrained from a bone-crushing man-hug.

  “Happiness looks good on you, brother,” he muttered.

  “Feels good.”

  “Fucking hell. You’re like a whole new man.”

  “Waking up every morning next to the woman you love, going to bed the same way, will do that to a man.”

  “Christ. You’re seriously fucking happy.”

  “No, I’m over-fucking-joyed.”

  “Yeah, you are.”

  Ten minutes later after more greetings from the women, which included Autumn receiving her fair share of hugs, we made our way into the waiting room and were met by a haggard-looking Justin coming down the hall.

  “Autumn!” The man didn’t stop until he reached his daughter and yanked her in for a tight hug. “Finally.”

  Zane’s eyes sliced to mine, his brow raised in question.

  I knew what he saw, Autumn hadn’t flinched. Not when the guys had crowded around, not when the women hugged her, and certainly not when her father embraced her.

  Normal, easy, onward.

  Autumn talked to her parents weekly, she talked to Emerson multiple times a week. Most of the time she knew what was going on with the guys before I did. They exchanged pictures, texts, and video calls. No one would guess that just seven months ago, they hadn’t talked in almost a decade. Those two were tight.

  “Hey, Dad.”

  “They’re waiting for you,” Justin told her.

  “Me?”

  “I was kicked out. She wants you and your mom in there with her.”

  Autumn looked up at her dad and smiled.

  No, she fucking beamed.

  Beautiful.

  She turned back to me, rolled up on her toes, and brushed her lips against mine.

  “Be back,” she muttered.

  “I’ll be here.”

  That earned me another broad smile that made my heart clench.

  Then she was gone.

  The room went silent, Justin openly gaped at me, the women were all grinning, the men looked pensive.

  “Thank you,” Justin croaked, his voice thick with emotion. Then he was gone, too.

  “Never thought I’d see that,” Brooks started. “Not from her and especially not from you. Pleased as hell for you, brother.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat, wondering when I turned soft. Then I realized I didn’t give the first fuck what I was as long as I had Autumn.

  My gaze met Tatiana’s and I took in the bundle in her arms.

  “Well? Do I get to meet your daughter?”

  Tatiana made her way to me and placed the baby in my arms and I barked a laugh.

  “Brother,” I choked, “what’s with all the pink?”

  “She’s a girl,” Tatiana snapped.

  “No missing that.” I chuckled.

  Pink blanket, pink bow, pink outfit, pink socks. All that was left was a pink diaper. I didn’t know if they made those but I suspected if they did, Tatiana would buy them.

  “Give me back my daughter.”

  “No way.”

  I found a seat, plopped my ass down, and continued to look down at Brooks’ daughter, Lori.

  “She’s perfect,” I told Tatiana.

  “She totally is.”

  Two hours l
ater, my sister showed up with Jaxon and his brother, Cooper. That was a surprise.

  “Coop.” The men greeted and huddled around him and Jaxon, but Violet made a beeline to me and nearly jumped into my arms.

  “Hey, sis. Where’s my nephew?”

  “Awesome, you, too, huh? No one’s ever happy to see me, they all want Mason.”

  I gave her a squeeze.

  “Yeah, poor you. No one loves Violet,” I teased.

  “He’s with his grandma. You and Autumn are still coming over for dinner, right?”

  “Yeah, if Emerson ever pops this kid out.”

  “You look good,” she whispered.

  “I feel good.”

  “Good,” she breathed.

  “How long is Cooper in town for?” Jaxon’s brother lived in Los Angeles.

  “He moved here.”

  “No shit? So he left the force?”

  Cooper was a SWAT officer with the LAPD. I’d met him a handful of times over the years and he’d given every indication he loved his job, loved California, and even after his mother moved to Maryland to be closer to her grandchild, Cooper had held out staying in Los Angeles.

  “I’m not sure if Zane’s made the announcement to your team yet.” She lowered her voice and I bit back the urge to remind her the Gold Team was no longer mine. “Some bad shit happened in LA. He quit the force and Zane offered Coop a job at Z Corps and he accepted. He’s joining Blue.”

  I glanced at Coop, thinking that would be a good fit for him. Gabe, Owen, Kevin, and Myles were good guys, no-nonsense, and they all had their shit tight. They worked well as a team and would be open to taking Cooper in.

  “Good fit for him. Have you heard anything about Natasha?”

  “From the little bits and pieces Jaxon gives me, she’s not doing well. Ashaki’s death hit her hard. And she still refuses to talk about it. Owen’s about ready to lose his shit. They’re still living together, and surprisingly, she hasn’t tried to run, but she’s not opening up, either.”

  Ashaki’s death had hit Autumn hard, too. For the first month after she died, Autumn had talked about her a lot as she fought to come to terms with not knowing her friend as well as she thought. The fuck of it was, to give my woman peace, I had to stand up for a woman I really didn’t like and remind Autumn that Ash had demons, she’d lost her family, and just like the rest of us, she’d found an outlet. Most of what she’d done was good. She had saved lives, she had brought bad men to justice. But she’d made a fucked-up play that cost her her life.