GoodKnight: A Reed Security Romance

by Giulia Lagomarsino

  I pulled back and forced a smile. “I’m good. I promise.”

  Cole followed my gaze over to Hudson and sighed. “He was a mess. I might not have helped things. I sort of kicked his ass when I found out you were gone.”

  “Well, I’m back and that’s all that matters.”

  “Kate…” I pulled my gaze from Hudson to look at Cole. He looked concerned and pulled me further away from everyone. “Is everything okay between you two?”

  “Of course. Why would you say that?”

  “Because this isn’t like him. He just got you back, but he’s cowering in the corner like a kid that just got in trouble. He should be over here with you and the kids.”

  I sighed, rubbing my hand across my forehead. “He’s going to run. He thinks this is all his fault and he’s going to leave.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  I chuckled humorlessly. “I wish. I have to find a way to convince him to stay.”

  “Do you want me to try?”

  “Not yet,” I said, placing my hand on his arm, giving it a light squeeze. I loved how Cole was so protective of me. That was how I knew that my kids would be okay. We had a big family, not all blood, but they were good to us. “Let me see if I can get him to stay first.”

  “Let me know what happens. I have no problem kicking his ass and chaining him in the basement.”

  “If only he didn’t know how to get out of chains. Do me a favor and watch the kids. I know I should be with them, but I need to talk this out with Hudson. I can’t risk him slipping off into the night without talking to him.”

  “Anything for you.”

  I made my way over to Hudson, but he wouldn’t look at me. He just stared at the ground, arms crossed over his chest. “Hey, can we talk for a minute?”

  “Yeah, what do you need?”

  My eyes widened in shock. “What do I need?” I glanced behind me at the kids and then grabbed his hand. I wasn’t having it out with him in front of them. I pulled him behind me, but I could tell he didn’t want to go. I found an empty room and shut the door behind us. “What’s going on?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Do you think I don’t know what you’re doing? You’re getting ready to leave me, leave us. Again!”

  “Kate…”

  “Don’t Kate me. You have a family. You can’t just walk away out of some misguided interpretation of what happened.”

  His eyes snapped up to meet mine and his whole body tensed. “Misguided interpretation of what happened? I’m well aware of what happened. Don’t for one fucking second think that this was all a misunderstanding.”

  “Here we go again,” I said, sighing. I was so sick of this shit. He was a bad man. He didn’t deserve to have a family. It was the same bullshit every time.

  He stalked toward me, his whole body pushing me back with every step he took. He caged me in against the wall and leaned in to whisper in my ear. My heart beat erratically in my chest at having him so close. This was what I wanted since he found me, but he was keeping his distance.

  “Do you really think that I don’t know exactly what I did? It haunts my dreams. I wake up in a cold sweat, thinking about walking into your office and seeing the blood on the floor. Knowing that it was because of my digging that you ended up in that trunk. If I had left things alone, I never would have had to watch you sitting in a chair, terrified for your life. I wouldn’t have had to watch as Ty pressed a gun to your head and threatened your life. I wouldn’t have had to watch you die,” he said fiercely.

  “But I didn’t die, Hudson. I’m still here, and if you leave, what the hell was all that for?”

  His hand cupped my cheek, his thumb brushing against my lips. “What the hell was any of it for? I can’t stay, Kate. I can’t put you in danger anymore.”

  “Then stop looking for trouble.”

  He pushed away from me, his hands running through his inky, black hair. “You don’t fucking get it. It’s not just about me almost getting you killed. Those senators, they knew who I was. I don’t know who else they told about my true identity. I spent years making enemies with cartels and drug lords. If they find out that I’m alive and have a family, they’ll come after me. They won’t hesitate to kill my family.”

  “So, walking away is better then? If you’re not here to protect me, then how is that helpful?”

  His jaw clenched hard and his fists were tight. I had him and he knew it, but he would rather walk away than stay and feel like he was harming me.

  “If there’s no connection to me being here, they can’t get you.”

  “So, they find out you’re alive and they don’t bother to find out where you’ve been for the past ten years? You just vanished and they don’t care about what you’ve been up to? I’m not buying it.”

  He turned away from me. “Hunter will watch out for you and the kids. He promised me.”

  I scoffed, unable to believe what I was hearing. “So, that’s it? I almost died, and now you have me back, but you’re going to walk away?”

  “Kate, I have to do this,” he said, turning back around to face me. I stepped into his body, wrapping my arms around his waist. He couldn’t leave me. I wouldn’t let him. “I’ve put you in danger too many times. I can’t stand to stick around, knowing that it could happen again.”

  “It could always happen again. I could get killed going to work tomorrow by a drunk driver. I could fall down the stairs and break my neck. I could get cancer and die within six months. There are a million different ways it could happen, Hudson!”

  “And what about our kids?” he asked. “You think I should just ignore the fact that I’m putting them in danger as well?”

  “It sounds to me like you were ready to leave them behind anyway,” I shot back. He looked like he had been slapped, but I continued. “I talked with Hunter. He told me what you were going to do. How could you ever think that was the way to deal with me dying? You were going to leave our kids behind without a second thought?”

  “Don’t you fucking get it?” he roared. “I’m fucking poison to all of you. I get people killed. I’m not a good man or anyone you should want around our kids. They deserve better than I can give them!”

  “Like love? Because I know that you love your kids. I know that in your twisted mind, you think you’re doing right by them. You’re not. Walking out of their lives is only going to screw them up. They’re going to blame themselves for you walking away. And what am I supposed to tell them? Daddy would rather be an assassin than stay home with you?”

  “Of course not,” he said scathingly. “Tell them I died. Tell them they deserved better.”

  I couldn’t take this anymore. I needed my husband, but I didn’t want to have to beg him to stay with me either. But this was different. I knew deep down he wanted us, but the loathing he felt for himself was even stronger. I didn’t know how to break through to him that I needed him. I didn’t know how to make him stay.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Knight

  I watched the tears roll down her face and my heart broke. I knew how much I was hurting her, but I would hurt her even more if I stayed. This wouldn’t be the end of it. There would be some other fucking stupid thing that I would do. Would it be the kids next time? Would one of them end up dead because of me? I couldn’t stay here and watch my family be tormented.

  “Kate, you know I love you more than anything. That’s why I have to go.”

  “If you loved me, you would stay. I can’t believe this is happening. I sat there for weeks, wishing that I could see you and the kids again. When Ty held that gun to my head, I didn’t know if he was really helping me or not, and I prayed that I would just get to see you one more time. I don’t understand how I can need you that much, that I would give anything to hold you one more time, and you would walk away like I mean nothing.”

  “You mean everything to me,” I said, grabbing her and pulling her into my arms. “But I can’t sta
y and watch as I put your life in danger again. None of this should have happened. I never should have gone to you in the clinic that day.”

  She looked at me in confusion. “When you were shot?”

  I nodded. “That was the beginning of the end. That was the point that I stopped making myself stay away from you. If I had walked away, none of this would have happened. You wouldn’t have been kidnapped twice, and you wouldn’t have the scars of what happened.”

  She pushed me away, slapping me across the face. “Don’t you ever say that again. Maybe you wish none of this would have happened, but you’re asking me to act like our kids shouldn’t have happened. How can you do this to me? You just stand there and say this to me so calmly, like none of this even matters. And I know it matters to you. I know you, Garrick. I know that you want to stay. I know that you love me and you would do anything for me. Stop pushing us away!”

  “I have to stay away!” I gripped my hair, willing the pain inside to subside. I couldn’t give in. “Kate, I can’t do this to you anymore. I can’t do this to myself! Do you really expect me to sit by and wait for the next time that being with me gets you kidnapped? What if next time you don’t survive? No, there’s no fucking way I’m doing this. I have watched over the years as my bad decisions have hurt you, and I can’t do it anymore. You can beg or do whatever you think you have to, but this is over. This stops here. Our kids will never be in danger again because of me, and you will never know what it’s like to have a gun held to your head again. I know you hate me right now, but when you see how your life will be without me in it, you’ll be thanking me for walking away.”

  She stared at me with tears in her eyes and an angry expression on her face. She was pissed, but I was okay with that, because I knew she would live.

  “I hate you for this, Garrick. You think you’re a man for walking away? A real man wouldn’t leave his wife and kids behind. He would stay and protect them. Tell yourself whatever you need to, but a man that walks away from his family is no man.”

  She shoved past and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her. I knew she was right. I wasn’t a man for leaving. But I also knew that it was the only way. I knew deep in my gut that walking away was the only way to keep them safe.

  The door opened behind me and Cole walked in. I sighed in irritation. I didn’t need any more shit from anyone. I needed to just get this over with. Only then would I feel the relief, knowing that I did what was right.

  “So, she couldn’t convince you to stay.”

  “You know it’s for the best,” I replied, not bothering to look at him.

  “You know, I actually agree with you. She does deserve better. I mean, what is this now? Four times that you’ve put her life in danger? Let’s see, there was the time she was almost killed in her house. Then at the motel when someone broke in to kill her. And let’s not forget almost burning alive in the second Reed Security building. I don’t even want to know how many times she almost died that night. And as shitty as it was to watch her go through the process of mourning you, part of me was happy because she wouldn’t ever be in danger again. But then you reappeared from the dead.” He huffed out a laugh, scratching at his jaw. “I was so fucking pissed when I found out you were alive. She had just started moving on with her life, and then you fucked that all up.”

  “I’m not arguing with you,” I retorted, hoping he would shut the fuck up.

  “And then she was kidnapped again! I guess maybe that was actually the first time. Either way, she was kidnapped, and if it weren’t for Maggie, it would be her missing a few fingers. I really fucking hope you thank Maggie every fucking day for not allowing your wife to go through what she did.”

  I did. I would let Maggie get away with damn near anything, because I knew that Kate would have never bounced back the way Maggie did.

  “So, after that, I was sure she would decide that this was not the life she wanted, but that’s not the way that happened. She stayed with you, and I knew my chances of getting her out had run dry when she had Raven. I knew then that you had her sucked in so deep that she would never leave you. And then we ran for a fucking year, tore her away from her job and she almost lost the clinic. And she still fucking stayed with you. So, I gotta tell ya, after almost losing her this time, after thinking she was dead for a few weeks, I can’t say that I’m sad you’re leaving. In fact, I’ll help you pack and shove you out the door, because I know that she’s safe now.”

  “That’s the plan,” I said, my voice cracking as I spoke. I didn’t want to leave her. I loved her so much, but I had to do what was best for her.

  “Thank fuck. And now she can move on with her life. Sure, it’ll take her a few years to really move past you. She’ll really miss you at first. I mean, she spent months in bed after she thought you died. It’s gonna suck having to go through that again. You tore her fucking heart out when you disappeared last time. I can’t tell you how many fucking times Alex and I had to come over and drag her out of bed. She was fucking miserable. And you’re going to do that to her again,” he laughed humorlessly. “I can’t fucking believe you’re going to do that to her. If you only saw her the way I did, you would never fucking walk away. But you’re so fucking selfish, worrying about how all this makes you feel. Never mind that you’re going to break her heart and destroy those kids. You’ll feel good about the decisions you’ve made. But hey, I’m getting what I want, so what the fuck am I saying? Sure, she’ll be devastated, but eventually, that sadness will turn to anger and she’ll be so fucking angry at you that she’ll be glad you’re not there. And after a few years of rebuilding her life, she’ll finally be ready to move on. Probably to that doctor she works with. He’s good looking, doesn’t have a wife or kids. It’ll be so fucking easy for him to step into your shoes. Well, an entirely new set of shoes, because let’s face it, your shoes fucking suck.”

  My fists clenched in anger, but I didn’t react. I fucking hated the thought of Kate moving on, but I didn’t have any right to tell her what to do after I left. She could go find any guy she wanted, sleep with as many men as she wanted to get over me. And as much as I would want to kill them all, I knew that I would have to back the fuck off. I would have to stay away forever, because if I saw her with another man, I would have to kill him. And that wasn’t fair to her.

  “You know, she’s young enough, she might even pop out a few more kids. I’m sure none of them will grow up to be killers,” he laughed. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love your kids more than anything, and with you gone, I can step into the fatherly role that you’re going to vacate, and I can raise them the right way. Until their new father comes along, anyway.”

  He clapped me on the shoulder, giving me a hard squeeze. “I gotta say, I’m really fucking happy you’re making this decision. But I also fucking hate you for what you’re about to do to my cousin.”

  His fist slammed into my gut and then into my face, taking me down before I even knew it was coming. Cole was the only man that could ever get the drop on me, and the only reason he did now was because I was too distracted, thinking about all I was losing.

  “I pray to fucking God that I never see you again,” he whispered in my ear, wrenching my arm up behind my back. “I swear to God, if you ever step foot in this town again, I’ll slit your throat and toss your body to a pack of fucking dogs. You don’t deserve her, and if you’re not willing to fight for her, you better not ever come back here again.”

  He released me, shoving me to the ground. I heard him stalk out of the room, heard the door slam, but I just laid on the ground, thinking about all I was about to lose.

  There was no point in delaying the inevitable. If I left now, Kate would be safe and we wouldn’t have to drag out this long goodbye. God, I wanted to spend one more night with her. I wanted to hold her in my arms and never let go, but if I did that, I might talk myself out of leaving. I couldn’t do that. I knew deep down that I was making the right move. I shoved some clothes into my bag and t
ried to ignore the gut-wrenching pain I felt deep inside.

  Opening the side pocket of my bag, I found the locket I had shoved in there, when I was trying my best to forget about Kate so I could do my job. I gasped for air, sure I was about to suffocate just thinking about walking away. My chest ached with the pain of leaving. I didn’t want to walk away. I didn’t want to leave the love of my life behind. But I knew I couldn’t stay. I would not be selfish and put my family at risk anymore.

  “I can’t believe you’re really leaving,” Kate said from behind me. I swallowed hard and refused to turn around and see the pain I was causing. Clenching the locket in my hand, I tried to decide if I could keep this one last piece of her. God, I wanted to. But I knew that if I kept it, I would never be able to stay away. I needed to walk away with no reminders of the life I once had. There would be no room in my life for any of my past. They would have to disappear from my life if I had any chance of succeeding.

  Slowly, I turned around and brought my eyes to meet hers. She was so fucking beautiful. Her eyes, I was never going to see them again. Only in my dreams. I would never run my fingers through her hair or feel her skin against mine. It would all be gone.

  Swallowing down the tears that were threatening, I took a step toward her, and then another until I stood right in front of her. I slid my fingers around her hand as my heart thumped erratically. Pulling her hand up, I opened her hand and placed the locket in her palm.

  “You’re a coward, Hudson. I never thought I would call you that.”

  “I’m doing what I have to. I know you don’t agree, but I have to keep you safe, and this is the only way.”

  I heard her sniffle, but I couldn’t look into her eyes any longer. I couldn’t see the tears and feel the pain of breaking her heart.

  “At least say goodbye to the kids,” she said, her voice cracking. “They deserve at least that.”

  She stormed out of the room. Knowing that she was right, I hauled my duffle over my shoulder and headed for the door. I didn’t know what I was going to say, but I would at least say goodbye to them. They didn’t need me to just vanish on them one night, even though that was essentially what I was doing. When I got to the living room, they were all still sitting there. Cole and Alex were playing with them, but when I walked into the room, Cole’s glare hit me like a dagger. I tossed my bag on the ground as Raven came running up to me, and snatched her up in my arms. I held her close to me as she started telling me all the things she had done with Cole and Alex while I had been gone.