by Clara Benson
‘Hallo, old bean!’ he said genially to Freddy. ‘Come to stir things up again, what? Things have been deadly dull around here lately. It’s about time we had some fun.’
‘Nobody is to have fun,’ said his mother firmly. ‘I know exactly the sort of thing you two mean when you say that word, and I shan’t allow it.’
‘Rot,’ said Goose. ‘You laughed as much as anybody when we put Freddy in Great-Aunt Ernestine’s wedding-dress and paraded him around the West field on Old Bessie. Don’t tell me you don’t like a joke.’
‘That was quite different,’ said Bea. ‘There was only us then. But this is to be a formal party to present Ro with an important family heirloom, and there are several people we don’t know here, so we must at least pretend to be respectable.’
‘Always trying to hold the side up,’ said Goose to Freddy. ‘She knows it’s a waste of time, but we shall let her keep her illusions for now.’
Bea shook her head and went off to see to Nugs.
‘I really am glad you’re here, old boy,’ said Goose. ‘I thought there’d only be Ralph, and you know what a frightful bore he is.’
‘Mmm,’ said Freddy non-committally. ‘Is Iris here yet?’
‘Upstairs with Ro, I think,’ said Goose. ‘They ought to be down by now, doing their duty and brightening the place up. Goodness knows there’s nobody decent to look at here at the moment.’
‘No,’ said Freddy, eyeing the other guests. ‘Who’s the Jurassic exhibit by the table? The one who looks like an elderly greyhound?’
Goose glanced across at the man Freddy had indicated.
‘That’s Mr. Wray,’ he said. ‘His house fell down and he’s got nowhere to live at the moment, so he’s staying with us for a few weeks.’
‘Rather tiresome for you.’
‘Not particularly,’ said Goose. ‘He’s so self-effacing that he practically blends into the wallpaper. One hardly notices he’s here.’
‘I see,’ said Freddy. ‘And what about those two over there?’
‘The foreign-looking chap with the bow tie is Dr. Bachmann, Father’s old pal from Oxford. The other one with the shiny head and the loud voice is one Professor Coddington. Nobody seems to know who he is—not even Father, who invited him—but according to himself he’s the world’s foremost authority on everything. He’s here because his latest “thing” is genealogy, and apparently he has a theory about the Warehams, and wants to write a book about us, so he’s wangled an invitation to come and burrow in the library.’
‘What’s his theory?’ said Freddy.
‘Haven’t the foggiest,’ said Goose. ‘Father thinks he wants to discredit us, but then why invite him?’
‘Discredit us? How?’
‘Oh, there are various questions as to whether we’re all quite legitimate, you know,’ said Goose airily. ‘Once in a while we get a letter from some crackpot who wants to claim the title, but we just ignore it. I expect this Coddington fellow thinks he’s the rightful heir to the dukedom or something. Well, good luck in trying to prove it, I say. I shouldn’t like to try and find anything in that tomb of a library—why, I don’t think anybody’s tried cataloguing it in the last hundred years or more. Mr. Wray’s been digging through some of the books in there, but he seems just as confused as anybody. Ah, here they are. I see Ralph’s arrived.’
Freddy looked up as Ro and Iris entered the room in company with a newcomer. Ralph Uttridge was a young man whose habitual expression was one of insufferable complacency. He was intelligent but unimaginative, and had many important connections, to whom he always said the right thing. Everything marked him out for a shining future as a diplomat or a Government minister. Freddy disliked him intensely, but would have died rather than admit it.
‘Hallo, Ralph, old chap,’ he said cheerfully. ‘Hallo, Ro, hallo, Iris. You girls are looking splendid today. All set for next week’s jollification, Ro? How many guests do you have now?’
‘I’m starting to lose count,’ said Ro. ‘You know how these things happen—you put a name on the list, then somebody says, “Oh, but you can’t invite X without Y. And if you invite Y then you’ll have to invite Z too, or she’ll be terribly offended and will snub you for the next twenty years.” I think we’re up to nearly three hundred now.’
‘I’m sure the Savoy can manage,’ said Freddy.
‘Of course it can,’ said Goose. He was unlike his sister, being shortish and fair-haired like his mother. Ro, tall with chestnut hair, bore a much closer resemblance to the Duke, but oddly enough, when the two of them stood together it was easy enough to see that they were brother and sister.
‘When do we get to see the pearls?’ said Freddy.
‘Tonight, at dinner,’ said Ro.
‘You simply must see them,’ said Iris to Ralph. ‘Ro let me try them on and they’re quite magnificent.’
‘Is that so?’ said Ralph. ‘And I dare say you’d like something similar yourself, eh? I know a hint when I hear it. Well, we’ll see.’
Iris laughingly denied having hinted at anything of the sort, while Freddy strained to the utmost not to roll his eyes.
‘Ah, Freddy,’ said Cedric, strolling over to join them. ‘How’s business at the paper?’
‘A little quiet lately,’ said Freddy.
‘Well, glad you could come. Isn’t Daphne here yet?’
‘Daphne?’ said Iris immediately. ‘Not Daphne Garthwaite? Is she coming?’
‘Yes,’ said Goose.
‘But why on earth?’ said Iris. ‘I mean,’ she went on hurriedly, ‘I didn’t know any of you knew her.’
‘Thank Freddy,’ said the Duke, blithely unaware of any tension. ‘He’s the one who invited her.’
‘I didn’t—’ began Freddy, but the conversation had already turned. Iris stared at him in astonishment for a moment, then turned away from him and talked determinedly to Ralph, leaving Freddy feeling somewhat foolish, although he could not have said why. He was rescued by Bea, who led him away.
‘Come and speak to our Chair,’ she said.
‘What?’
‘Professor Coddington.’ She lowered her voice. ‘He arrived just after lunch and I’m rather afraid he’s not going to be a success. He’s terribly full of himself and has already managed to put half the servants’ backs up with his demands. He’s spent half the afternoon contradicting everybody—including poor Mr. Wray, who’s a gentle soul—and he looks as though he’s spoiling for an argument with Dr. Bachmann. Go and be vacuously respectful to him and give us all a little rest.’
‘Oh, so that’s why I’m here, is it?’ said Freddy. ‘I’m to be a sort of punching-bag for guests you don’t like.’
‘Of course not! But nobody could possibly want to pick a fight with you, and you’ll be doing me such a good turn if you’ll keep an eye on him and stop him making everybody cross. If I had half your natural charm I’d do it myself, but I have a houseful of guests to entertain, which is difficult enough at the best of times. You will do it, won’t you?’
She was looking at him affectionately, and, being as susceptible to flattery as anyone, he relented.
‘All right, I’ll do my best,’ he said. ‘Do I have to stick to him like glue?’
‘Not at all. Just step in if you see him beginning to rub people up the wrong way. Now, you go on, and I’ll send Samuel round with the tea.’
Freddy was duly introduced to the professor, who was delighted to have a new acquaintance upon whom to bestow the beneficence of his vast intellect.
‘And so you are one of the minor Warehams, yes?’ he said, once it had been explained to him where Freddy fitted into the family. ‘Yes, yes, I remember now, although I gather that none of your particular branch of the family has achieved anything of note—or at least, nothing I have read about. Still, it is not every member of a noble house who is given to greatness. I dare s
ay your mother, as a mere daughter of a younger son, did not have the beauty or the force of personality to attract a husband of high rank and thus carry on the family fame in that way.’
Freddy glanced across the room to where Cynthia, looking expensively chic and younger than her years, was loudly and imperturbably informing her cousin, the Duke, that he looked a fright and really ought to buy some new clothes. He was about to point out the inadvisability of the professor’s repeating the remark in his mother’s hearing—at least if he wished to survive the weekend—when he remembered he was supposed to be vacuously respectful, so changed the subject, and instead made some polite inquiry about the professor’s academic interests. This proved to be a mistake, for it swiftly appeared that Professor Coddington liked nothing better than to hold forth at length about himself. Freddy soon learned about the professor’s early genius and how it had been scandalously overlooked by first one, then another master at school; how he had gone up to university and forced his instructors—yes, forced them—to recognize his superiority in not one, but many disciplines; how he had published paper after paper which jealous rivals had attempted without success to discredit; and how only the worst of bad luck had prevented him from attaining the worldwide renown to which he was undeniably entitled. Freddy was trying not to yawn at a long anecdote in which the professor had, through his own deductive capabilities, detected a flagrant act of plagiarism on the part of an inferior academic and duly reported it to the authorities, when Coddington interrupted himself as Ro was passing and said:
‘Ah, Lady Rose. And so tonight we will see you for the first time in the Belsingham pearls. I suppose you have heard the story behind them? It is an inglorious one of blood and despair, but it is not to be expected that a young lady such as yourself will be thinking of the sacrifices which were made in order that you might have a trinket to wear for dinner. No, indeed—you may leave those weightier thoughts to those who are older and wiser than yourself. Your task is a much easier one, for you have merely to provide decoration—and may I say you perform your responsibility admirably.’
Here he gave an absurd little bow, and Ro was forced to stop and make some reply. The professor was delighted to have another victim, and Freddy thankfully made his escape, leaving poor Ro at the mercy of the unwelcome guest.
‘I say,’ he said to Bea. ‘I didn’t realize he was quite such an excrescence. Can’t you get rid of him? How did you land him in the first place?’
‘Someone talked Cedric into inviting him,’ said Bea. ‘Still, there’s nothing we can do about it now, so we shall just have to put up with him.’
Freddy looked across and saw an elegantly-dressed woman standing near the professor and Ro, listening to their conversation with her head on one side. As he watched, she introduced herself neatly into the little group, and after a decent interval Ro was able to escape.
‘Whew!’ she muttered as she came to join them at the tea table. ‘I thought I should never get away. Mrs. Dragusha can have him for a bit. I dare say she’ll know how to manage him.’
‘Mrs. Dragusha? Is she the foreign-looking woman?’ said Freddy. ‘I think I know the name. Isn’t she a seamstress or something?’
‘Shh! Don’t let her hear you say that! As a matter of fact, she’s quite the best dressmaker in London,’ said Ro. ‘And terribly in demand, too. I was lucky to be able to get her. She has a waiting list of a year!’
‘Or that’s what she says, at any rate,’ said Freddy. ‘Clever of her.’
‘No, but she really is worth it,’ Ro assured him. ‘Iris wanted her to do her wedding-dress, but she’s all booked up, it seems.’
‘Dear me,’ said Freddy. ‘I suppose she won’t put herself out for anything less than a duke’s daughter.’
‘Yes, the title does come in useful at times,’ said Ro. ‘But Iris thinks I might be able to persuade Mrs. Dragusha to fit her in too. I’m to work on her this weekend.’
Cynthia just then came to claim Ro’s attention, and the two ladies fell into conversation about abstruse matters of no interest to the male mind. Freddy wandered over to where Goose was talking to the foreign gentleman in the bow tie, and was duly introduced. Dr. Bachmann provided a refreshing contrast to Professor Coddington, for his manners were impeccable and he was clearly determined to be pleased with his hosts and his surroundings. He had not seen his old friend Cedric for many years, he said, and had been surprised and delighted to receive the invitation, for he had only happened to mention in passing in his letter that he was coming to England for a week or two. He had hoped perhaps to spend an evening in London with his friend, but instead the Duke had gone so far as to invite him to Belsingham for a whole weekend. He was glad to see that Cedric and Mrs. Cedric were looking as well as ever—the Duchess in particular was just as handsome as he remembered her, and he looked forward to reminiscing with her about old times. The conversation then turned to Professor Coddington, upon which Dr. Bachmann became much more circumspect. He was evidently attempting to be diplomatic, but Freddy gathered that Coddington’s opinion of himself was not shared by the rest of academia, and that, far from being fêted and sought after by his fellows, the professor had been shunted from position to position, and from university to university, because nobody could stand him for more than a few months at a time.
‘Kitty, darling!’ came Cynthia’s voice suddenly, and everybody glanced up to see that a new guest had arrived. Kitty Fitzsimmons was fair, slim and delicate—a look which on many women might have strayed towards the insipid, but which on Kitty merely drew the eye towards her extraordinary regularity of feature. Her eyes, nose and mouth all seemed to have been placed on her face with mathematical precision, at exactly the right distance from one another, and in exactly the right proportions. Her eyes were a shade of blue-green not often seen in nature, while her complexion was clear and fresh, and the envy of many a woman more than ten years younger than herself. Her pink lips curved upwards in a permanent smile, and the only lack of symmetry to be found on her face was in the single dimple which appeared and disappeared at intervals on her left cheek as she spoke. Altogether she was a delight to look at, and even though she never seemed to court attention deliberately, she had long become accustomed to hearing a room fall momentarily silent whenever she entered it. Today she was dressed elegantly but demurely in a shade of rich yellow which would have been difficult to carry off if worn by any other woman. On Kitty, however, it merely accentuated the pale gold of her hair and made her seem like a breath of summer on that chilly and blustery spring day. At Cynthia’s loud greeting everyone turned, and it was strange to see how all the men appeared to stand up straighter at the sight of her. Kitty now made straight for Bea, squeezed her hand, and bestowed a genuine smile upon her.
‘Hallo, Bea, darling,’ she said. ‘Am I late again? I’m awfully sorry, but you know I never can decide what to pack. I’m simply dreadful at making decisions. I’m not the last, am I?’
‘No, we’re still missing one or two,’ said Bea.
‘Oh, marvellous,’ said Kitty. ‘Then at least I shan’t feel like the naughty girl at school again, as I usually do.’
Cynthia now swooped on her, and conversation, which had fallen in volume to a dull buzz, now resumed. Freddy noticed that Cedric had approached the little group consisting of Bea, Kitty and Cynthia, and was hovering around them with a particularly foolish expression upon his face. He glanced at Bea, who was looking so determinedly unsuspicious as to be perfectly obvious, and felt a pang of sympathy for her.
‘Where’s Daphne?’ came Goose’s voice at his elbow.
‘Haven’t the faintest,’ said Freddy with a shrug.
‘Good-looking girl, isn’t she?’
‘I suppose she is.’
‘I don’t know where you find all these pretty girls. The Governor’s been hinting that I ought to settle down and shoulder some responsibility—but I mean to say, what’s a man to
do if all the girls he knows are either taken or not worth looking at? We had Agnes Rowe and her sisters here the other week—you remember them, don’t you? Ghastly females to a woman. Teeth all over the place and legs thick enough to hold up a church roof. Agnes in particular has a voice that could strip the skin off one’s face at twenty paces. I shouldn’t have minded so much, except they were all so disapproving. They sat in a row on the sofa with their hands folded, looking down their noses and pursing up their lips every time I made so much as the slightest attempt at a cheery remark. I was relieved to find they weren’t coming this weekend, I can tell you! I’m glad you thought to invite somebody decent, at any rate.’
Freddy was about to reply when Daphne herself arrived in company with Lavinia Philpott. Mrs. Philpott made straight for Bea and began to gush, quite forgetting Daphne, who scanned the room in a moment, calculated accurately which of its inhabitants were likely to snub her, and retreated to the safety of Freddy’s side. Goose was overjoyed at her arrival, and was just beginning to ponder the best strategy to adopt in his campaign to win her off Freddy when they were joined by Iris, who detached a surprised Ralph abruptly from his conversation with Mr. Wray and propelled him across the room for the purpose of having an arm to cling to.
‘Hallo, Daphne,’ she said, smiling brightly. ‘I haven’t seen you in simply ages!’
Daphne clung to Freddy’s arm in turn and returned the smile.
‘Hallo, Iris,’ she said. ‘I hear you’re getting married soon.’
‘Yes, in six weeks,’ said Iris, casting a coy glance up at her intended. ‘I wanted an August wedding, but Ralph was too impatient and didn’t want to wait that long. He’s such a silly boy, aren’t you, darling?’
‘Oh, er—’ said Ralph.
‘I didn’t know you were a friend of Ro’s,’ went on Iris.
‘I’m not, really, although of course we’ve met. As a matter of fact, it was Freddy who insisted I come,’ said Daphne sweetly. She gripped his arm more firmly.