What Happens When

by Samantha Boyette

  “Sure, I’ve just been driving around for the last half hour. Get in.”

  I force open the stiff door and slide into the passenger seat. The car is clean and I guess it’s pretty new to Gavin because I know it isn’t either of his parents’ cars. It seems spacious to me, but Gavin is almost folded behind the wheel. It isn’t much warmer in the car, but Gavin doesn’t have a jacket, only his green basketball hoodie.

  “Thanks,” I say as we pull away from the curb. “I wasn’t sure how I was getting home.”

  “No problem. So, what do you think of the whip?”

  I give him a skeptical look. “Can you really call a junker a whip? Does anyone call cars whips anymore?”

  “Don’t call Gloria a junker.” Gavin rubs a hand over the dashboard as if he’s soothing a fussy child. “You’ll hurt her feelings.”

  “Gloria?”

  “A beautiful name for a beautiful car.” Gavin grins widely at me. Suddenly I wish I could like this boy. I mean, he’s a little younger than me sure, but nice. Probably uncomplicated, has his own car. What more could you want from a high school boyfriend?

  “Yeah, brilliant,” I say without enthusiasm.

  After a silent moment, Gavin glances my way. “You okay?”

  The two simple words make everything swell up inside me, and as I shake my head, tears begin to fall. “No, I’m not.” I sniffle through the words, knowing my face is twisted up.

  “Whoa, hey.” Gavin glances between me and the road. “Hey, it’s okay. Hold on a second.” He carefully pulls the car to the side of the road. I’m impressed when he takes the time to put on his flashers before turning to me. “Come on.”

  One of his big hands grasps my shoulder and he tugs me toward him. I don’t even fight it. He pulls me into his warm arms and I cry and sniffle into his hoodie, my arms crushed against his chest. He holds me there, letting me cry without saying anything. When my sniffing subsides and my tears have mostly dried up, I pull back. I wipe at my eyes and nose, knowing I look like a wreck.

  “Thanks.” Embarrassment fills me. Like Gavin needed to see that. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

  “It’s okay. Want to talk about it?”

  “Zia and I broke up.” I laugh. “Or whatever people do when they aren’t dating.”

  “Oh, that sucks.” He actually looks sad about it. “What happened?”

  I laugh. “She’s straight.” I sniff and wipe at my eyes again. “Everyone told me it wasn’t going to work, but I just kept thinking she was different. I really thought she would break up with Tyler for me.”

  “How could you not think that? I mean, she was all over you from what I heard.”

  “I guess so.” I shrug. “When she was drunk at least, but apparently she’s drunk all the time.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, Tyler thinks she has a drinking problem. And she lies a lot.”

  “Sounds like you dodged a bullet.” Gavin grins at me and I can’t help but laugh. It feels good.

  “Yeah, I guess I did. Thanks.” Gavin nods and pulls the car back into the road. “So…you going to go out with Lily now?”

  “I don’t think I’m ever going to date anyone again.” I know it’s a lie, but I feel that way. “All these feelings are too stressful.”

  “Word.” Gavin nods solemnly.

  “You are such a dork.” I shake my head.

  “I know. I hear girls find it charming, though. Is it working?”

  “Gay, remember?”

  “But you do find me charming, don’t you?”

  I laugh. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “See? I got this figured out.”

  Chapter Thirty-three

  I’m not surprised when Luke sits with me on the bus instead of any of his friends. I scoot over to the window, giving him plenty of room. I was already curled up in a cocoon of misery when he got home the night before, so I avoided any questions about Zia.

  “Anything you want to tell me?”

  “That shirt isn’t your color.” I slip my ear buds into my ears.

  Luke glances down at his plum-colored graphic tee before reaching over and tugging my ear buds free. “First, this is totally my color. Second, Gavin said you and Zia ended things?” He lowers his voice for the second part, but I still glance around, wondering if anyone heard. The bus is noisy and no one seems to be paying attention.

  “That boy can’t keep a secret to save his life,” I mumble. I tug at the collar of my gray turtleneck sweater. It already feels constricting, and I wish I hadn’t worn it.

  “He really can’t.” Luke nods, looking sympathetic. “He felt bad for you, though.”

  I shrug. “I’m okay.”

  “Is that why you hid in your room until the last possible second this morning? Mom knows something’s up. She said you hardly ate any dinner last night.”

  “I wasn’t hungry.” I shrug. I felt too sick to eat. “I would have stayed home today if I thought I could get away with it without Mom’s super senses going off.”

  “So what happened?”

  I give Luke the brief rundown of my conversation with Zia. I expect to start crying halfway through, but I don’t. I’m kinda surprised, but happy about it. Maybe I’m already starting to get over her. Luke sits there nodding as I fill him in.

  “I can’t say I’m upset that it’s over.” He’s playing with the zipper on his jacket while he talks, not meeting my eyes. “I didn’t like the way she treated you.”

  “You don’t even know how she treated me.”

  “I know that she was messing around with you and someone else. That’s not cool in my book.”

  I nod, because how can I argue with that?

  *

  I don’t come right out and tell Maria or Lily about me and Zia, but I’m pretty sure they know because they both seem overly peppy that morning. It isn’t until lunchtime that the good mood breaks.

  I’m listening to Gavin and Luke banter while I push mashed potatoes around my plate when Lily and Maria join us. Lily slams her backpack down on the table, nearly knocking over Gavin’s juice bottle.

  “Hey!” Gavin catches the bottle just before it tips. “Watch it.”

  “Sorry.” Lily barely glances at him when she says it. “Carmen’s dad wants to cancel the dance.”

  “I’m sure he does, but that doesn’t make it okay to throw my juice around.”

  “No.” Lily hit her bag on the table again, making everything shake. “He’s convinced the school board that the dance challenges school board policy.”

  “Why?” I lean forward. It might be the first time all day something outside my head has caught my attention. “Lots of clubs host fund-raisers.”

  “He says we’re promoting a moral agenda.” Maria sinks down beside Luke and pops a fry into her mouth.

  “Yeah, he’s made it out to sound like we’re converting people to a new religion or something.” Lily finally sits beside Gavin.

  “That’s stupid.” My brother, never afraid to state the obvious.

  “So the dance has to be reviewed and approved by the school board now.” Lily buries her head in her bag. The next words come out mumbled. “I knew this was all too good to be true.”

  “What?” Gavin grins. “What’s too good?”

  Lily lifts her head. “Things were just too good here. I have friends who don’t care I’m gay, we were allowed to start the club, other queer and straight kids are into it. Now one stupid bitch is going to ruin it all.”

  “I’d watch your mouth if I were you.”

  We all look up at the sound of Carmen’s voice. She’s standing with Ashley Cervoni and another girl about three feet from our table. They glare icy darts at us.

  “That’s slander. I could have my dad add that to the list of crimes your sick little club has committed.”

  Luke rolls his eyes at the jibe. “God, you’re like herpes or something, you just keep popping up.” A couple people from nearby tables snicker.

  “You’r
e disgusting.” Carmen sneers. “But I guess that makes sense when you surround yourself with perverts.” She raises her voice a bit. “When you surround yourself with perverts, it’s only a matter of time before you become sick yourself. A few more weeks and you’ll be begging Gavin to make out.”

  Carmen turns on her very expensive heel and the other two follow her out of the cafeteria. The tables around us resume their conversations. I wonder if they’re talking about us or about Carmen. I have a feeling they are talking about her, and it makes me smirk.

  “Gavin?” Luke reaches across the table, laying his hand palm up.

  “Huh?” Gavin asks.

  “Will you make out with me?”

  Gavin tilts his head as if considering it. “Well, Luke, I’m glad you asked. No. No, I will not make out with you.”

  “Damn it.” Luke grins and pulls back his hand. He looks at Maria. “How about you?”

  “Not if I’m your second choice.” She feigns insult.

  “What a frickin’ wack-a-doodle.” I shake my head.

  “I recall trying to tell you that back when you guys were friends,” Luke says.

  I raise an eyebrow at him. “Really? Because all I remember is you trying to look through the bathroom keyhole to watch her change into her bathing suit.”

  “Ew, really?” Maria leans away from him.

  “Oh, come on. I was like eleven.” Luke frowns at me. “Not cool. You want me to start telling everyone what you were doing at eleven?”

  A dozen embarrassing possibilities spring to mind, and I look down at my food. “No.”

  “That’s right.” Luke nods. “You’re lucky I’m a better person than you.”

  “Enough with the sibling banter. What are we going to do about this?” Lily is visibly upset.

  “We’ll go to the review and show them how dumb it all is,” I answer calmly. “No worries.” I want to reach over and squeeze her hand, but I don’t feel right about it. I’m actually glad for Carmen and her crazy dad right now. It helps take my mind off Zia.

  “But what if they decide we do have a moral agenda?”

  “We’ll deal with that later.” Gavin shrugs. “We have the Queer Alliance meeting Monday, so spread the word and we’ll see what we can come up with.”

  “Yeah, okay.” Lily nods. “I guess that’s all we can do.”

  “It’ll be okay,” I say.

  Lily smiles and nods.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  It doesn’t really hit me that it’s Friday and I don’t have to work until school’s over. With no other plans, I head for the bus. I’m surprised to find Luke doing the same thing.

  “Aren’t you hanging out with Maria?”

  “No. Didn’t you check your phone? I got a message from Mom saying we needed to come home right after school.”

  I pull out my phone as we shuffle forward toward the bus. Sure enough I have a missed call from Mom and a text saying to come home. I wonder if we’re in trouble.

  We go our separate ways on the bus. Luke sits with one of his friends, and I sit with a short, skinny boy who reminds me of Connor. The only difference is this kid doesn’t give off the same aura of distance. Still, I pick up my phone and scroll through my numbers until I find Connor’s.

  Me: Did you hear what Carmen’s dad did?

  Connor: Trying to ruin our “moral agenda”? Yeah, I did. Sucks.

  Me: Yeah. Going to fight it though.

  Connor: Fuck yeah we are. So…heard you had a breakup.

  Me: Wow, does the whole school know?

  Connor: Lol if they do, I didn’t tell them.

  Me: Yeah, I was dating this straight girl. It went bad.

  Connor: Her boyfriend find out?

  Me: No, thank God. Just didn’t work.

  Connor: That sucks.

  Connor: Want to come to that youth group with me tomorrow? Meet some queers?

  Me: Meet some queers? Let me think about it.

  I’m stalling because the idea of going to queer youth group is kinda like the idea of the Queer Alliance was. It sounds too gay for me. I mean yeah, the Queer Alliance ended up being a good thing, but it isn’t a huge group and I at least sort of know everyone in it. I’ve gotten the impression from Connor that this group is way bigger. Plus, do I really want to be some freshman’s pity invite? He sees his boyfriend there, so I’ll be a third wheel.

  I’m still mulling over the idea as we near our stop. I slide my phone into my backpack and get ready to leave. The kid beside me glances my way. He’s been doing that off and on since we left school. Now, he finally speaks.

  “I think what you guys are doing with that dance is pretty cool.”

  I blink in surprise. “Uh, thanks. Did you hear the school board might cancel it?”

  “What?” The kid turns to really face me. His messy hair and glasses make him look even younger than he is. “No way. Why?”

  The bus is slowing and I know I don’t have time to explain. “Come to the Queer Alliance meeting in Mrs. Bianco’s room during lunch on Monday,” I say as I stand. “We’ll be talking about it.”

  “Yeah, okay.” He nods, and I wonder if he’ll show.

  “Look at you spreading the good word,” Luke says after we’re off the bus.

  “Shut up.” I lean toward him, shoving him with my shoulder. “The kid brought it up.”

  “Mark DeBano, you mean?”

  “I guess, if that’s his name.”

  “How do you not know his name? He’s ridden our bus for almost ten years.”

  “He’s a boy and way younger than me.” I shrug. “You know I’m not good with names. Yeah, Mark brought it up. He seemed into it.”

  “I didn’t know that kid paid attention to anything that wasn’t in a video game or a science experiment.” Luke hiked his backpack up higher on his shoulders. “So why do you think Mom wants us home?”

  I shrug, but then we round the corner on our driveway and the house comes into sight, along with an unfamiliar car. An all-too-familiar man steps out of the car when he spots us.

  “I think I have a pretty good idea.” I glance at Luke.

  Luke nods, not looking much more excited than I feel. We continue toward the house and our dad strides toward us, grinning like it hasn’t been nearly six months since the last time we saw him.

  “Hey, guys,” Dad says as we reach him. He pulls us into one big awkward hug. My face is tight against his chest and I can feel Luke’s chin digging into my shoulder. He lets us go and we pull away, adjusting ourselves and happy to be free.

  Dad looks about how he did six months ago. He’s wearing a plaid shirt under a black jacket with the logo of the firearm company he works for, his light brown hair a little too long to be considered short. Unlike Mom, he has pronounced wrinkles around his eyes and mouth.

  “I swear you’re taller every time I see you.” He claps Luke on the shoulder. “What’s your mom feeding you?”

  “I don’t know.” Luke shrugs.

  “Everything.” I roll my eyes. “He eats like a pig.”

  Dad laughs. “Well, I guess we’ll hit up that all-you-can-eat buffet over by the mall for dinner, then.”

  We nod and trudge toward the house. This is how it always is when Dad visits. We never have any notice that he’s coming and we’re always expected to drop whatever we are doing for him. At least this time I don’t have any plans to cancel. To say we don’t have the best relationship is an understatement. We really don’t have any relationship.

  A half hour later, we’re on our way to the mall. This is the second part of the ritual. Dad takes us out and buys us stuff. It makes up for the fact he doesn’t remember to send us birthday or Christmas presents. We spend the afternoon walking through the mall. I end up with a new pair of jeans, a DVD set I’ve been wanting, and a jacket. Luke gets a video game, new sneakers, and two shirts.

  By the time we get to dinner our conversations are slightly less stunted. Dad carries most of it, telling business stories that range
from boring to actually pretty funny. He travels a lot to various gun shows and to sell directly to retailers. It was one of the reasons our parents got divorced.

  Luke is on his third plate when Dad asks him if he has a girlfriend. I almost roll my eyes. We’re at the third part of the ritual, where Dad gets filled in on our lives. Luke finishes chewing and washes his bite down with a swig of soda.

  “Yeah.” Luke grins. I think this is the first time he’s been able to answer yes to that question. “Her name’s Maria.”

  Dad raises an eyebrow. “A Latina girl, huh?”

  “Uh, no.” Luke frowns. “I guess she has red hair?” He looks at me as if he isn’t sure.

  “Auburn. It’s reddish, but not like Pippi Longstocking or anything.” I stab a piece of broccoli and pop it in my mouth. “She’s cute.”

  “Of course she is.” Dad winks at Luke. “We don’t date ugly girls. How about you, sweetie?” He looks at me. “Got a boyfriend this year?”

  “Nope.” I think about it for all of one nanosecond before continuing. “I sort of had a girlfriend up until yesterday.”

  Luke chokes and starts coughing, turning red as he reaches for his soda. Dad is giving me the sort of blank, uncomprehending look kids get in advanced physics. I pop another piece of broccoli into my mouth, enjoying throwing him this curveball.

  “A girlfriend?” Dad asks, as if he isn’t sure he heard me right.

  “Yep.” I nod. Luke has finally stopped coughing and is watching us with a half-smile.

  “Molly, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  I snort a laugh. “Excuse me?”

  He sighs and starts to cut his steak. “I get that kids need to experiment, but high school isn’t the place for that. People will talk.”

  “Oh, they’ve been talking.” Luke is all out grinning now. “Molly’s kind of been the talk of the school this year.”

  “Honey.” Dad shakes his head. “These rumors are going to follow you your whole life.”

  “How’s that?” I push my plate away. “Since I plan on going to college and leaving this small town?”

  “If you ever move back, people are always going to remember this and think you’re a lesbian.”