What Happens When

by Samantha Boyette

  “Thanks.” Lily doesn’t hesitate before ripping the page free of the book. “Here, you can have them.”

  Mom takes the page gingerly. “Oh, no, they’re yours.”

  “I have dozens. Please, take them.”

  “Thank you.” Mom takes the sketch to the other room.

  “Suck-up,” I whisper.

  “Damn right. I want her to like me.” Lily elbows me in the stomach and I take a step back.

  The doorbell rings, but I hear Mom heading for the door before I can think about moving. “Hello, the girls are in the kitchen.”

  We hear a chorus of thanks and turn to see Connor, Emma, Dani, and Mick walking in.

  “Mick, you made it,” Lily says.

  “Yeah, turns out the family meeting wasn’t so bad.” He grins and settles into a chair. He’s got eyeliner on and I wonder if maybe I should be calling him Abby today, but he didn’t correct Lily, so I figure Mick is good.

  Emma hands me a tray of chocolate chip cookies.

  “They’re still warm.” Connor sinks into a chair at the table. There’s stray chocolate on his chin.

  “And there were about ten more of them before he got in the car,” Emma says.

  “Nice spread.” Dani juts her chin at the snacks.

  “Mom got carried away.” I set the tray on the counter and grab a cookie. The chocolate is still melty and I let out a small groan of happiness. “These are awesome.”

  “Thanks.” Emma grins. “We host a lot of bake sales with cheerleading.”

  “So what went on at the family meeting?” Lily asks as she grabs a cookie.

  Mick shrugs. “Not much. They asked me if I was planning on transitioning and I told them I honestly have no idea. Because I really still don’t. It’s cool to get treated like a dude, but today I was feeling the eyeliner again.” He shrugs. “So I’m just going to do whatever for now and see where that goes for me.”

  “And they were cool with that?”

  “Mostly. My mom asked if I could at least dress like I used to when we go see Grandma this Christmas, so long as I’m still figuring things out. I told her I’d think about it.”

  “That kind of sucks.” Dani tosses a cheese ball into her mouth.

  Mick nodded. “It does, but I guess that’s been her biggest concern about all this, and Grandma is basically on life support. Mom’s been a mess. If letting them call me Abby for a day is all Mom needs me to do, then I’m cool.”

  The oven dings and I pull out the pizzas. Everyone digs in and I’m surprised there is any pizza left when Maria, Gavin, and Luke get to the house.

  “Geez, I go for a half-hour ride and you people demolish the food.” Luke grabs a greasy slice of pepperoni, not bothering with a plate.

  I clean up the plates and put on music while Lily spreads out the art supplies and fills everyone in on her ideas. The next couple hours fly by. Halfway through my face hurts from smiling and laughing so much. Connor cracks us all up with a running combination of dirty and stupid jokes. I find it hard to pair this goofy, sock-footed kid with the sullen-looking kid from the first Queer Alliance meeting.

  Every so often my eyes wander to Dani and Emma. They stay close to one another and it’s clear from the way the older girl is looking at Emma that she is completely into her. I wouldn’t have paired them together, but Emma seems just as into Dani. More than once Emma’s hand has brushed over her arm or she’s nudged her with her shoulder.

  Luke and Gavin aren’t much help with the decoration making, but they do what they can, finding more glue when we run out and carefully moving the completed decorations to the top of the washer or dryer to dry. I’m surprised Maria gets anything done the way Luke hovers behind her.

  I sit close to Lily. Our legs brush, and once she rests her hand on my leg under the table, squeezing gently before returning to her work. I wish I could kick everyone out and haul her upstairs, but I doubt that would work out. By the time everyone leaves, we have dozens of sparkling stars attached to streamers and a mishmash of rainbows, hearts, and different colored triangles. Lily leaves them at our house and I walk her to her car. It’s getting dark out, even though it’s barely five. Again I forgot my coat, so I’m shivering as Lily leans in to hug me goodbye.

  “Thanks for hosting us,” Lily says.

  “No problem.” I pull back and she leans on her car door. I cross my arms, trying to cover my hands. Lily doesn’t seem eager to get into the car and I don’t want her to leave yet even though I’m at risk of hypothermia. “Think we’re ready for the dance?”

  “I think so.” Lily tugs my hands free and pulls my arms around her under her jacket so we are pressed close, but I wouldn’t quite call it a hug. My heart twists and I know I made the right decision turning Zia down because right now I wouldn’t trade the feeling of Lily pressed against me for anything.

  I lean in, hoping this kiss will feel as good as the others. Lily turns her head and I stop, resting my forehead against her. “What do you want from me here?” My happiness deflates rapidly.

  “Sorry, I just didn’t want you to be cold.”

  “I could go in, then.”

  “I didn’t really want that either.”

  “But you don’t want to kiss?”

  I pull my head back just in time to catch Lily biting her lip. “Not yet.”

  “You still don’t trust me?” I can’t help but feel hurt. I mean, I turned down Zia for her. I can’t exactly tell her that, though.

  “I want to be sure that you mean it this time.”

  “I mean it. I mean it a million times over.”

  “So you’ll wait, then, right?”

  I let out a sigh and step back. “Yeah, I’ll wait.” I lean in again and kiss her cheek. “But please don’t make me wait too much longer,” I whisper and her hands grip my wrists just long enough to make me think she might pull me back. Instead, she pushes me away, a huge smile on her face.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

  “Yeah.” I stand there, arms crossed as she gets into the car and backs up. Only when her taillights are fading do I turn and hurry into the house.

  I find Mom standing with false casualness near the coat closet, studying it like she’s lost something.

  “Mom?” I smirk, watching her turn around pretending she is surprised to see me.

  “Oh, Molly. I didn’t know you went outside.”

  “Sure.”

  “Lily seems nice.” Mom hesitates, wringing her hands. “Are you two…? Is she your girlfriend?”

  I sigh and turn toward the kitchen. “I really don’t know. I hope so.”

  “She’s very talented. All of them seemed very nice. I liked that Connor boy. He isn’t gay, is he?”

  “Yeah, he’s gay. Has a boyfriend and everything.” I wipe leftover glitter from the table into my hand and throw it away. “Thanks for letting us do this here.”

  “Of course, honey. I’m glad to see you involved in something again.” She grabs me and pulls me into a spontaneous mom-hug. “You know Dan and I both love you very much, right?”

  “I know, Mom.” I hug her in return.

  She pulls back and gives me the eye. “No sleepovers with Lily.”

  I laugh and nod.

  Chapter Forty-two

  It isn’t until the Queer Alliance meeting that I realize I’ve forgotten to collect sponsors for the dance. With everything else going on, I didn’t even think about the fact that everyone else in the group was planning to participate and I probably should too.

  “It’s okay, you still have a week,” Lily says as we leave the meeting. “You know your mom will sponsor you.”

  “Yeah, of course, but that won’t be enough.”

  “Luke,” Lily calls. Up ahead Luke pulls Maria to a stop and they wait for us to catch up. “How much did your mom pledge for you?”

  “A dollar a song,” Luke says without hesitating.

  I stare at him. “You already have pledges?”

  “Of course.”<
br />
  “Who are you dancing with?”

  “Gavin.” Luke grins. “We’re going to be the winners too. That boy has moves.”

  “I can’t believe you got pledges without telling me.” I fidget from boot to boot. I am an absolute idiot.

  Luke shrugs and turns toward the library for his free period. The rest of us follow. We still have a few minutes left before the next period. I’m wondering who else I can get to sponsor me at such late notice.

  Maria gives me a sympathetic look. “We just figured you were getting pledges too.”

  “Who are you dancing with?” I ask as we stop at Lily’s locker.

  “Well, I was going to dance with Lily, but she ditched me.”

  Lily grins and shuts her locker before taking my hand.

  “Sorry, but Molly needed a partner.”

  “It’s fine,” Maria says as we start walking again. “I got my friend Bethany to sign up with me.”

  “This sucks.” I moan. “I’m going to look like a loser if Mom is my only sponsor.”

  “Just head downtown and hit up some stores after school.” Luke turns and walks backward into the library. “And ask a couple teachers.”

  I nod and we leave him at the library. Maria steps into the next classroom with a small wave. We continue toward the front hallway where I have history and Lily has psychology. The warning bell rings and the kids around us start moving with purpose toward their classrooms.

  “Luke’s right about the businesses. I’m sure you can round up a few people downtown,” Lily says as we stop just outside the door to history.

  “Okay.” I nod, but she senses my reluctance.

  “What’s up?” she asks. Students trickle past us into the room, most of them barely giving us a second glance.

  I sigh. “I’m just not sure I’m ready to go around asking people to sponsor me for this. It’s like really telling the world that I’m gay.”

  Lily gives me a half-smile. “Pretty much everyone in your world already knows. I mean, everyone here knows, your family knows. Do you really care that much if strangers know?”

  “Kind of?” I shrug. “Is that weird?”

  Lily squeezes my hand. “No, not at all. How about I come with you?”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Of course. You don’t even have to tell them that you’re gay. Plenty of kids who are doing the fund-raiser aren’t.”

  “I guess that’s true. Thanks.”

  “No problem.” She hugs me just as the bell rings. “I’ll see you after school.” I watch her run toward her class before slipping into mine.

  *

  By the end of the day I’ve managed to get two small pledges from teachers. It’s not much, but even that small amount went a long way toward suppressing my panic that I wouldn’t get any sponsors.

  “So you’re sure your mom doesn’t mind picking us up later?” I ask Lily as I put on my jacket. I think about putting on a hat but the day is sunny and warmer than in has been in a couple weeks. One last gasp of summer for us.

  “I already checked with her. She’s fine. She’s been really cool ever since the paint thing. I think what my dad said really got to her. Plus, I think she’s happy I’m not a total outcast here.”

  “I hear that. My mom was practically giddy after everyone was over to make the decorations. She was glad to see a pile of friends at our house again.”

  “Luke doesn’t have people over much?” Lily asks as I shut my locker and hoist my backpack to my shoulder. We head toward the front doors shoulder to shoulder.

  “Not like I always did. Gavin is pretty much his go-to friend. He’s got a few other friends, but no one who shows up for more than the random birthday party or homework assignment. He’s always been happy doing his own thing. I used to think it was dorky, but I kinda get it now.”

  We push through the doors and out into the crisp afternoon. The buses are gone and so are most of the cars. A few groups of students loiter on the lawn and in the parking lot. We turn toward Main Street.

  “What do you mean by that?”

  I frown, trying to put it into words. “Well, since middle school I’ve been so concerned with Carmen and her quest to get in with the popular girls that I haven’t spent much time thinking about me and what I might actually like to do on my own.”

  “So what do you like doing?” Lily nudges my shoulder with hers.

  “I still don’t know, I guess. I like being in the Queer Alliance, I like watching bad science fiction movies with my family, and I like being with you.”

  “Sounds like a pretty good start.”

  I glance at her and she smiles. I almost wish she’d hold my hand, but as we draw closer to Main Street I am glad that she doesn’t. It’s stupid and immature to be so concerned about what strangers think, but I can’t help myself.

  I’m a stuttering mess in the first shop, but by the third I’m getting the hang of it. Lily steps in to add details that I forget, and by the fourth shop I have a new pledge. No one says anything negative about the fund-raiser, but the guy at the ice cream shop gives a curt no that tells me right where he stands on the issue.

  We stop at my hairdresser’s and she puts down a dollar-per-song pledge. A lot of the people we talk to have already pledged for other students, the downside of living in a small town and being late on the uptake.

  “How about the diner?” Lily asks. It seems like an innocent suggestion, but I know she knows it’s where I used to work with Zia.

  “I don’t think so. I pretty much didn’t give them any notice when I quit. We might not be on the best terms,” I say.

  “You’re a teenager, they expect that. Come on.”

  She grabs my arm and pulls me toward the door. I will my feet to stick to the sidewalk with each step, barely lifting them. Too soon we are stepping through the doors and the familiar warmth and smell of fried food washes over me. I scan the waitresses for Zia but I don’t see her. My heart unclenches a fraction. Lucy spots me and gives me a big smile, waving me over and coming around the counter.

  “Hello, where have you been?” She comes around the counter, arms open for a hug. “We’ve missed you. I was so sorry when you had to quit, but we all know school is more important.” I let her crush me in her soft embrace, smelling floral perfume layered under grease.

  “I missed you too, Lucy.” I pull back, warm from the welcome.

  She smiles and bustles back around the counter. “You want sweet potato fries?”

  “No, actually I’m here looking for sponsors for a school fund-raiser.”

  “Wonderful, what do you need?”

  I sit on a stool and Lily sits beside me. Laying out the paperwork, I lean forward to explain to Lucy. “We’re raising money to help schools get cultural competency training so whatever you pledge, you’ll owe that much for each song I spend dancing with a girl.”

  “A girl?” Lucy raises an eyebrow and glances at Lily. “Are you her partner in crime?”

  Lily smirks. “Something like that.”

  “Odd fund-raiser.” Lucy shakes her head. “It sounds like fun, though. How long is it?”

  “The dance will be three hours.”

  “Then put me down for fifty cents a song.”

  “Thanks.” I begin filling in the form. “So does Tim hate me?”

  “No, he understands. Teenagers aren’t always in control of their lives yet, and you were a good worker while you were here. Plus tourist season is winding down and someone was going to have to get cut anyway.”

  “That’s good.” I feel like a weight is lifted from my chest. I didn’t realize how scared I was that everyone at the diner would hate me. “Sign here.”

  Lucy signs her name with a flourish and drops the pen. “I will see you when you come to collect?”

  “Yep, probably next week sometime.”

  “Perfect. Stick around for some fries next time.”

  “Will do.”

  Lily and I slide off our stools and start for the doo
r.

  “She’s really nice.”

  “Yeah. She’s worked here for years and waits on us all the time. She’s kinda like a grandma to Luke and me.” I’m oblivious to the door opening in front of us until Zia is staring me in the face. Tyler steps in behind her and lets the door close.

  For a moment that lasts far too long, Zia stares at me, frozen in place with something like panic in her eyes. Then her gaze darts to Lily and she shakes her head to clear the expression. “Hey, Molly.” With those two noncommittal words, she slips by us to the counter.

  “Molly.” Tyler smiles. “Good to see you. It’s been a while.” We both know exactly when the last time I saw him was. You don’t forget a conversation like that. He smile slips only a little before it is back, full as ever. “What have you been up to? Who’s your friend? I’m Tyler.” He sticks out a hand to shake.

  “Lily.” She steps forward and shakes his hand.

  “Good to meet you.” Tyler looks at me. “So is this your girlfriend?”

  I flush. “Uh, well, um.”

  “Yes.” Lily smiles at me. “I am her girlfriend. I’m going to get a soda to go. You two chat.”

  I watch her head to the counter with panic growing in my chest as she waves over Zia. I pray to God this isn’t all going to explode in my face.

  “So, Zia told me you two still aren’t really talking.” The door opens and Tyler and I both step off to the side to get out of the way. “That really sucks.”

  “Yeah.” I glance at Zia and Lily. “It really does.”

  “You should forgive her. I mean, I know she can get a little crazy sometimes, but she knows she shouldn’t have blamed you for telling me those things.” He lowers his voice. “I don’t think she’s had a drink since that night. She’s a much brighter person when she isn’t drunk.”

  My attention turns back to him. “I talked to her the other night, and I think you’re right. She seemed happier. I think you’re really good for her, Tyler.”

  Impossibly, his smile broadens. “Thanks. I really love her, you know?”