Leaving Home

by Chase, T. A.

“What about you? When did you figure it out for yourself?”

  “I confessed it to myself when I was fifteen. It was on one of my solitary camping trips

  out in the desert. I sat there, staring into my fire, and analysed all the experiences I’d had. A major one being having sex with Cassidy, the head cheerleader. It didn’t excite me as much as it seemed to have done for the other guys. And believe me, there were other guys.” Chaz stared at the sky and Peter thought he was smiling by the tone of his voice.

  “Cassidy got around, huh?” Peter chuckled. “I’ve never had sex with a girl. Never

  wanted to either. That probably was my first clue that I might be gay. Girls were nice enough

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  as friends, but I had no urge to kiss or touch them. Not like I wanted to do with the boys I spent my time around.”

  “I had sex with Cassidy because that’s what I was supposed to do. I don’t think either

  one of us enjoyed it that much. We never did anything again.” Chaz shook his head. “The

  experience didn’t turn me off girls or anything like that, just showed me that I wasn’t

  interested in them that way. So I became determined to discover a sure-fire way to tell if I liked boys better.”

  “What was that?”

  “When I was seventeen, I got a fake ID, and went to Phoenix. Snuck into a gay bar

  there, and hooked up with a guy. Now, it wasn’t the best sex I’ve ever had, but what it did was prove to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that I like guys a whole hell of a lot more than I would ever like girls.”

  Doing something like that took a lot of guts, and Peter wished he’d been able to bring

  himself to do the same. Yet he never could, so he’d spent a lot of years watching and

  wishing.

  “That took a lot of courage. Juan, Tony’s nephew, did the same thing. Well, sort of the

  same thing. He and his friends snuck into clubs so they could dance. As far as I know, Juan never hooked up with anyone in one of those places.”

  Chaz rubbed his hand over Peter’s back. “It doesn’t take courage. It takes youthful

  bravado and belief in the fact that nothing bad will ever happen to you. That’s the only way I was able to do it. I went alone as well. I couldn’t risk any of my friends finding out, because that would surely lead to me getting my ass kicked.”

  Peter nodded as he relaxed even further into Chaz’s embrace. “I stayed quiet because I

  knew, if I didn’t get beaten, I would get thrown out, and I wasn’t ready to chance either of those situations. I’d seen what shunning by my family was like. I didn’t want to end up

  forgotten like Uncle Roscoe.”

  “Did you ever meet your uncle? Or was his story a cautionary tale told by adults to

  scare children like Little Red Riding Hood or other legends?”

  Snorting, Peter responded, “No, Uncle Roscoe is real. In fact, he called me earlier

  today.”

  Chaz met his gaze. “Seriously? I’m assuming you haven’t heard from him for years,

  right?”

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  “Not since the day my grandfather disowned him. He disappeared, and so did any

  mention or photo of him. It was like he never even existed.” Peter shuddered. “I didn’t want that to happen to me, but, despite my best intentions, it did.”

  “Do you want to go back to your family? Would they even let you do that?” Chaz drew

  Peter closer again.

  Peter closed his eyes, resting his head on Chaz’s chest. “Not if it means not being honest about who I really am. I know if I disavowed any kind of friendship with Les and Randy,

  then my grandfather might accept me back into the fold. I can’t deny two men who have

  taken me in under their protection, who ask nothing of me except to be honest with them and to respect them.”

  “You know, I hope I’m still around when Les and Randy come home, because they

  sound like men I’d like to meet.” Chaz placed a kiss on the top of Peter’s head.

  “If you stay around long enough, you will.”

  Chaz didn’t want to talk about staying or leaving. It wasn’t time yet. Maybe when it

  was closer to having to head down to Tulsa, they could discuss if what was going on

  between them was more than a fling or not.

  He shifted Peter around, so they were facing each other. After cupping Peter’s face, he

  brought their lips together in a whisper of a kiss. As the darkness settled in around them, he feasted on Peter’s mouth, tasting every nuance and flavour hidden there. Chaz wanted to

  learn every inch of Peter, and while they couldn’t fuck, they could do other things.

  Peter fisted Chaz’s shirt, bringing him closer. Chaz gripped Peter’s hips as they rocked

  together. Manoeuvring Peter’s body to where he wanted it became Chaz’s most important

  objective, aside from continuing to kiss his lover until they ran out of breath.

  Finally, Peter straddled Chaz’s thighs, his own spread wide, giving Chaz the chance to

  slip his hands to Peter’s belt buckle. Chaz let his head drop back, and Peter traced the vein in Chaz’s throat with his tongue.

  “Oh shit!” Chaz shuddered, almost forgetting what his ultimate goal was, which was to

  get his hands on Peter’s cock.

  “Hmmm…” Peter kept up his seductive licks and nibbles.

  Chaz struggled to undo Peter’s jeans, his hands trembling with need. He whined in

  triumph as he slipped his hand inside Peter’s briefs and wrapped it around Peter’s erection.

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  “Oh my God,” Peter muttered, his lips rubbing over the triangle at the base of Chaz’s

  neck.

  “That’s right, honey.” Chaz pumped his hand once along Peter’s length. He loved the

  hot, hard flesh his fingers enclosed.

  Peter seemed to have lost his coordination as he fidgeted with the buttons on Chaz’s

  shirt, but couldn’t get it open. Chaz wasn’t interested in helping him. He was far more

  interested in the cock in his hand, and how soon he could get it into his mouth.

  He kept jerking Peter off while he eased around until he was flat on his stomach with

  Peter’s groin right in front of his face. Chaz licked a line along the underside of Peter’s cock, then blew a puff of air. Shivering, Peter touched Chaz’s face before trailing his fingers through Chaz’s hair to rest on the nape of his neck.

  A little slice of heaven was only a few inches away from Chaz, and he was determined

  he was going to have it. He laid his free hand on Peter’s thigh, then sucked on the tip of Peter’s dick.

  Peter arched his hips off the log, but Chaz kept him from shoving his cock all the way

  down Chaz’s throat. He wasn’t ready for that, even though his gag reflex was non-existent, and something he’d worked hard to achieve. He wanted to build up the anticipation for

  Peter, so he teased and tasted.

  He took long licks and quick sucks on every inch of Peter’s shaft, using all the tricks

  he’d learnt during his years of sexual activity. Chaz used his hands, his lips and his tongue to drive Peter closer to the edge. While he wasn’t willing to let Peter take a risk by swallowing his cum, Chaz didn’t have any doubts about doing it to Peter.

  Hell, the man was a virgin, so Chaz wouldn’t be catching anything from him. He

  swiped some of the pre-cum out of Peter’s slit. Then he pressed his thumb against it, drawing a low moan from Peter.

  “Do you like that, baby?” Chaz glanced up to see Peter nod vigorously. He smiled, then

  did it again.

  It wa
s like an electric shock rocketed through Peter, and he jerked hard enough that

  Chaz was afraid the grip he had on Peter’s cock might hurt him. When Peter flexed his

  fingers against the back of Chaz’s head, Chaz decided it was time to blow Peter’s mind

  completely.

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  After getting more comfortable and finding a better angle, he relaxed his muscles and

  took Peter down. Peter shouted when he hit the back of Chaz’s throat. Chaz swallowed

  around the length of flesh in his mouth.

  “Chaz!” Peter yelled, and this time, when he thrust, Chaz didn’t stop him.

  He braced his hands on Peter’s thighs, but made no effort to keep Peter from moving.

  Chaz kept up the suction, applying as much as he could without using his teeth. He could

  tell Peter was getting close when his movements grew rough and his erection swelled in his mouth.

  Chaz took one of his hands and slid it into Peter’s briefs to palm his balls. He tugged,

  then squeezed them a little. Groaning, Peter tapped the back of Chaz’s head like he was

  warning Chaz about his impending climax. Chaz just hummed, wanting everything Peter

  had to give to him.

  Another thrust, and Peter froze as he flooded Chaz’s mouth with cum. Chaz drank it

  down like it was the sweetest ambrosia he’d ever tasted, even though it was salty and bitter.

  He wasn’t able to get it all, and some trickled out of the corners of his mouth down his chin.

  When he was sure Peter didn’t have any more to give him, he licked Peter’s softening cock clean before he let it slide out.

  He sat up, and Peter cradled his head before leaning in to clean off the pearly strings of cum from his chin. When Peter was finished, Chaz embraced him, pulling him on to his lap.

  “That was great,” Peter murmured.

  “I know.” Chaz realised how arrogant that sounded.

  Peter snorted. “No shortage of confidence, huh?”

  Laughing, Chaz hugged Peter. “I didn’t mean it quite the way it sounded. I just meant,

  having received more than my fair share of blow jobs, I know how awesome they can be.”

  The gorgeous man in his arms didn’t reply to his comment, simply snuggled closer to

  him, and Chaz had the sudden urge to kick himself in the ass for reminding Peter there had been other lovers before him.

  He didn’t know how long they sat there like that, but when his back cramped, he

  inhaled sharply. Peter scooted away from him, then stood. Chaz took another deep breath,

  discovering he was kind of stuck on the log. His back wasn’t willing to work at the moment.

  “Do you need me to help you up?” Peter held out his hand.

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  Chaz took a quick inventory of his muscles, testing to see which ones might actually

  want to work. When he decided it would be okay, he took Peter’s hand. Peter gently lifted Chaz to his feet.

  “Are you going to be able to ride back?”

  “I just need to move around a little. Sometimes sitting in one position can lock things

  up.” Chaz began to pace, trying not to grimace with the first few steps.

  “You weren’t really sitting,” Peter pointed out.

  He shot Peter an amused glance. “I know that, Peter, but ultimately it doesn’t matter

  what position I’m in. My back doesn’t stay happy for long, and it isn’t that flexible.”

  Chaz continued to move, wandering around the hill. Peter watched him silently,

  seemingly not interested in talking anymore. Chaz caught Peter in the midst of a yawn.

  “I think we can head back,” Chaz said, pretty sure his back would be able to take the

  punishment. “As long as we take it slow.”

  Peter gathered the horses, then brought them over to where Chaz stood. Chaz took

  June’s reins before he moved to her side. Peter mounted Rosanne, and Chaz held his breath as he placed his foot in the stirrup, then pushed with his other leg. Gritting his teeth, he got into the saddle before settling.

  His back only gave a slight protest, so he nodded to Peter, who made a soft kissing

  sound to his mount. Rosanne walked away, and June followed. Chaz appreciated the fact

  that Peter took what he said to heart, meandering from spot to spot like he was leading a tour.

  Chaz didn’t talk as they rode, spending the trip back to the barns and house trying not

  to fall off his horse. Once they got to the barn, he practically landed on his head as he dismounted. Peter looked at him, and the expression in his eyes held sympathy and

  understanding.

  “Why don’t you go in?” Peter suggested. “I’ll take care of the horses.”

  “Thanks.” He wasn’t about to argue, knowing he wouldn’t have been able to do

  anything like lift the saddle off the mare.

  After making his way back into the house, he went straight to his bedroom where he

  grabbed his pills and crushed up five of them. He might be out for the rest of the night, but at least there wouldn’t be any more pain to deal with.

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  Before he inhaled any of it, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. Was this what he’d come to? Needing drugs to get through the day instead of manning up and dealing with it on his own?

  He looked down at the white powder, and dumped it into the toilet. He packed the rest

  of his bottles away. Chaz shoved them to the back of the cabinet. He was going to stop using the shit. It didn’t fix anything, and really all it did was take him away from the world. That was why he used a smaller dose while he was working. He didn’t want to be so out of it that he missed saving a rider.

  Chaz took a deep breath. It was going to be hard, especially since he’d got used to

  dulling the sharp edges all day, not just for events. Vacations were meant for him to heal and try to overcome all the shit he’d done to himself through the year.

  As he studied himself in the glass, he could see the toll the drugs and the pain was

  taking on him. What had Peter been thinking to allow him into his house and his bed? Was

  Peter so desperate he’d take a man like Chaz?

  He shook his head. No, Peter wasn’t desperate. He was a good man who saw

  something worthwhile in Chaz, and Chaz wanted to live up to Peter’s expectations. He

  brushed his teeth before taking his time changing back into sweats and a long-sleeved shirt.

  His phone rang while he was trying to decide whether it was worth bending over to put

  his socks on, or just to put up with cold feet. Chaz snatched his phone up from the dresser.

  He checked the screen, and saw it was the same number Matthew had called him from

  earlier. Why was his brother calling him again? It was rare to get more than one call in a month. Now he was getting two in one day.

  “Hey, bro, what’s up?”

  Chaz grunted when he sat in the chair next to the window. He found it faced the barns,

  so he could see when Peter headed in.

  “I have to tell you something.”

  “Wow. Okay. It must be serious if you’re calling me again. Not sure what time it is

  wherever you are. Shouldn’t you be on a mission or something?” Chaz thought about joking, but the intense tone in Matthew’s voice told him it wasn’t teasing time.

  Matthew cleared his throat. “Yeah. We’re heading out again in a few minutes, but I

  needed to say something to you. If something should happen to me, I want someone in my

  family to know the truth about me.”

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  “You’re starting to freak me out, Matthew. Just fucking tell me already.” Chaz hated

  when people didn’t just come and say what they wanted.

  “I’m not re-upping after this tour. I’m done, Chaz. I’m tired of it all.” Matthew sounded exhausted.

  “I’m sorry, but I thought you were happy doing whatever it is that you do in the army.

  I never knew it was that bad.” Chaz slowly leant back in the chair, resting his head on the edge.

  Matthew sighed, and said, “It’s not just that. I’m tired of all the bullshit I have to deal with. I’m gay, Chaz. I didn’t have a problem with you because I’m the same way. I just didn’t want to say anything since I was going into the military. At the time, don’t ask, don’t tell was still part of the atmosphere, and I wasn’t about to out myself. I wanted to be to a Ranger so badly.”

  “Really? I’m not mad that you didn’t say anything. Hell, Matty, I understand why you

  didn’t say anything, but why do it now? All of your missions have been dangerous. What

  makes this one different?”

  “I met someone, and while he didn’t want anyone to know about us, I had to tell you.

  You’re my big brother, and my best friend. I wanted to let you know. It’s important to me.”

  Matthew sounded like he knew what the future held for him and it wasn’t pretty.

  “Shit, Matty. Now you’re scaring me. Did you have a fucking dream or something?”

  Chaz closed his eyes. “I don’t want to know you saw yourself dying or any crap like that.”

  Matthew laughed. “Nothing like that, man, but you never know, and, like I said, I

  wanted you to be aware of what was going on in my life. At least the shit I could tell you about.”

  Chaz pursed his lips, then rolled his head to look out of the window. Peter was walking

  towards the house. “I get where you’re coming from. He must be someone special for you to risk your men overhearing you tell me.”

  “He is, but he’s afraid I’ll get caught in friendly fire if my unit finds out I’m gay. I keep telling him my guys don’t care. He’s too scared. I think he saw someone close to him get in trouble in the military because of their sexuality.” Matthew’s voice held joy and love as he spoke about his mysterious man. “He plays guitar in a band. They’re trying to get a record deal. He’s really good, Chaz. I’d love for you to meet him.”