Leaving Home

by Chase, T. A.

  anything to hurt me.”

  “I know that. Hell, Les takes care of all of us, and he’s like an expert meddler. I don’t know how he does it. Somehow he always knows the best thing to do for each of us.” Max

  shook his head.

  “Right. So you might as tell me who’s here, because if you don’t, I’ll call Les and tell

  him about you not letting me know.” Peter knew how to threaten Max.

  “Fine. I guess you can decide whether you want to see him or not.”

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  Peter’s ears perked up. “Him?”

  “Yes. Chaz is in the living room.”

  Peter froze, not sure he had heard Max right. “Chaz is here?”

  Max nodded. “Yes, and he’s waiting in the living room. He apologised to us for what he

  did to you. I’m not entirely convinced, but Derek seems to think I should give you the choice whether to talk to him or not.”

  “Ummm…” Peter didn’t know what to say. His heart raced and it made him feel like he

  was running the Indy 500 and was gunning to win. His palms got sweaty and he rubbed

  them on his pants.

  He ran his fingers over the scars on his left arm from the surgery he’d had to repair the broken bones. For months after the accident, Peter would grow angry when he saw those

  scars. Yet, as he’d healed and the terror from that night had faded, his rage had slowly

  disappeared as well.

  Peter had ended up deciding it wasn’t worth the energy to stay mad at Chaz. There was

  the possibility of Peter getting hurt worse by his own anger than anything Chaz had done to him.

  Max slung his arm around Peter’s shoulder. “You don’t have to see him, Peter. Neither

  Derek nor I will force you. Just say the word, and I’ll send him on his way. He told me he wouldn’t argue if you said you didn’t want to see him.”

  “I want to see him,” Peter blurted, then ducked his head. “I’m just nervous. What will

  he think when he sees me? Where has he been for a year? Why haven’t I heard from him

  since he left the hospital?”

  Max brushed a kiss against Peter’s forehead. “Honey, he’ll think the same thing he

  probably thought the first moment he saw you. You are gorgeous and perfect in every way.

  If I hadn’t fallen for Derek, I would’ve eventually come to my senses and swept you off your feet.”

  Peter snorted. “Thanks for saying that, but you wouldn’t have. I’m not your type. I

  figured that out once I saw how you looked at Derek.”

  “Well, you are gorgeous, and he has to convince you to take him back, if that’s what he

  wants. As to where he’s been, I don’t know, but I can tell you this. Chaz looks really good.

  Better than he ever did when he was hanging around the ranch last year.”

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  “Seriously? Do you think he’s off the drugs?” Peter didn’t want to get too hopeful about

  Chaz’s reasons for being there, and whether he was clean.

  Max shrugged. “I can’t say for sure, but he doesn’t look like a guy who’s on anything.”

  After standing up, Peter rubbed his hands together. “I think I should go talk to him. Les thinks it a good idea, right?”

  “Yes. I called him the minute we opened the door to see Chaz standing there. He said

  he sent Chaz here, so I’m guessing he’d like you to face the man.”

  “Face him? You make it sound like I was the one who did something wrong.”

  Max pushed to his feet before laying his hand on Peter’s shoulder. “I mean face him like

  he was a phobia or something to be dealt with. After you talk to him, maybe you can move

  on.”

  “I’m not sure how. I still love him, Max. I don’t think I’ve ever got over him.” Peter

  didn’t feel weak admitting that to Max.

  “I know, honey. We all know how much you still care for him.” Max pursed his lips

  while he paused. Then he continued, “This might be the fresh start the both of you need.”

  Peter looked at the button-down shirt and jeans he wore. “Do I look all right?”

  “He won’t know what hit him.” Max smiled and Peter grinned back.

  “Let’s go then.”

  Max led the way down the hall to the living room. He went on in, but Peter paused just

  outside where he couldn’t see Chaz. Closing his eyes, Peter took several deep breaths. His hands shook slightly at the thought of seeing Chaz again.

  He didn’t know how long he stood out there, but he opened his eyes when he felt a

  hand on his shoulder. Derek smiled at him.

  “Are you all right?”

  Peter nodded. “Yeah, just trying to get up the courage to go in.”

  Derek chuckled. “I get it, but trust me, Chaz is far more nervous than you are. Go on in.

  You’ve waited long enough, I think.”

  “Thanks, Derek.”

  Derek patted his shoulder, somehow giving him the courage to walk into the room. He

  spotted Chaz on the opposite side, standing with his hands in his pockets. The stiffness in Chaz’ shoulders and the way he kept shifting on his feet spoke of his nervousness.

  For some reason, that thought helped ease Peter and he was able to walk into the room.

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  “Hello, Chaz,” he said.

  Chaz whirled around, almost falling in his haste. “Peter. Hey.”

  Peter studied Chaz, and he saw how much better Chaz looked. His eyes weren’t

  bloodshot, and he wasn’t standing like he was in pain either. Chaz’s arms were hanging

  loosely at his sides instead of held stiffly to protect his back. Now that Chaz didn’t do it, Peter realised that Chaz must have been hurting every minute of the day. Everything about Chaz spoke of health and, oddly, acceptance.

  “You look good,” Peter commented as he slowly moved farther into the room, even

  though every atom in him wanted to throw himself into Chaz’s arms. It wasn’t time for that.

  They needed to talk first, but Peter longed to press his lips to Chaz’s.

  “Thanks. So do you, but then again you always did.” Chaz scrubbed his hand over his

  head. “I appreciate you agreeing to see me.”

  Peter shrugged. “I wanted to know how you were doing. You kind of fell off the radar

  after the accident.”

  After sitting in the chair across from the couch, Peter gestured for Chaz to take a seat.

  He watched Chaz rest his butt on the cushions for a second, then bounce to his feet.

  “I need to tell you how sorry I am, Peter. So sorry about everything I did to you while I was high. I can’t believe I risked your life like that. You are the most precious thing in my world, and I almost killed you.”

  Chaz rushed over to Peter before dropping to his knees in front of him. Peter gasped

  when he laid his head in Peter’s lap. He stared at Chaz’s shaking shoulders, and realised he was crying.

  Chaz’s tears tugged on Peter’s heartstrings. He stroked his fingers over Chaz’s soft

  auburn curls.

  “Hush, love. It’s all right. I’m okay. We’re both fine.” He kept murmuring those phrases

  over and over, hoping Chaz would hear him, and stop crying.

  Finally, Chaz seemed to get himself under control before rocking back on his heels to

  meet Peter’s gaze. Smiling, Peter wiped the tears from Chaz’s cheeks.

  “See, I’m fine. It took a couple of months of physical therapy, but it worked out. With a little more time, I’ll get full movement back in my left hand.” He held his hand up.
<
br />   Chaz gripped it, tracing the scar running the length of Peter’s forearm. “I’m sorry, Peter.

  I don’t have an excuse. I mean I can’t excuse what I did, or even why I did it.”

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  “Did what? Drive, even though you knew you were high? Or doing drugs to begin

  with?” Peter couldn’t let him get away with not explaining. He wanted to see if he could

  understand why Chaz had done what he had.

  “Well, mostly driving. I guess I didn’t want to show weakness in front of you. Of

  course, it’s not like you hadn’t seen me at my worst before that.” Chaz pressed his lips to Peter’s scar.

  Peter accepted the caress. Hell, anything that had Chaz touching him made Peter

  happy.

  “Why did you take the drugs, Chaz? I know you said it had something to do with an

  injury you suffered several years ago. I understand taking the medicine then, but why did you continue?”

  Chaz let his hand drop before climbing to his feet. Peter stayed seated while Chaz

  paced the room.

  “I took them at first to help ease the pain right after the injury, but the pain didn’t go away. I told you the truth before. I wasn’t ready to call it quits yet. So I kept taking the pills to dull the pain.” Chaz shrugged.

  Peter could understand that. “Then?”

  “My addiction grew to the point where I wasn’t taking the pills to help with the pain

  anymore. I needed them to get through the day, then I had to have more and more. Just like every other addict.” Chaz snorted as he stopped in front of the fireplace. He stared down at the hearth.

  “If you knew that, then why didn’t you get help? There were people all around you

  who would’ve done everything in their power to get you what you needed to be clean,”

  Peter pointed out.

  Chaz shook his head and chuckled harshly. “I thought I was strong enough to break the

  habit on my own, but what I found was a simple universal truth. Very few people have that much strength to defeat this.”

  Peter sighed as he studied Chaz. So much pride, and it almost could have ended in

  disaster. After standing, he strolled over to where Chaz was. He rested his hand on Chaz’s shoulder.

  “What changed?”

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  “Meeting and falling in love with you. It changed everything, though I didn’t know it at

  the time.” Chaz covered Peter’s hand with his, but didn’t turn around. “You almost dying in an accident that was my fault finally opened my eyes all the way. If it wasn’t for Les, I wouldn’t have known what to do.”

  “I’m getting the feeling Les was like a fairy godfather in all of this. What exactly did he do?” Peter flipped his hand around to entwine his fingers with Chaz’s. He tugged, asking

  silently for Chaz to come with him. After turning, Chaz followed Peter back to the couch where he sat next to Peter. Resting their hands on his thigh, Peter used his shoulder to bump Chaz’s. “Tell me everything Les did, so I can figure out if I should be mad at him for

  meddling or thrilled that he chose to help you.”

  “I was shocked when he approached me, since he had every right to be angry for what I

  did to you.”

  Chaz flexed his fingers and Peter shivered at Chaz’s touch. Christ! It’d been over a year since Peter had been touched like that. He brought his mind back to what they were talking about instead of wishing he could feel Chaz against his naked skin.

  “I’m not surprised Les said something to you. Even when he’s angry, he’s always been

  able to see both sides of a situation, and if he can, he’ll work to fix it.” Peter leaned against Chaz, resting his head on Chaz’s shoulder. “I’ve missed you, Chaz.”

  Chaz sighed. “I missed you too, but Les told me not to contact you until I knew for sure

  I was clean and had a handle on my addiction. I know I’ll always be an addict, but I haven’t had any drugs for a year. The night of the accident was my last time.”

  “Les told you not to contact me?” Peter didn’t know if he was upset about Les’

  interference or if he was happy.

  “Yes, and I agreed with him, Peter. I was a danger to you and myself. He found a rehab

  centre in New York for me, and flew me out. I left right after you told me to leave you alone.

  Les paid for the treatment.” Chaz grimaced. “I owe him a lot of money, but every time I try to talk to him about paying him back, he changes the subject. His condition for paying was I wasn’t to contact you at all until I had been clean for at least six months.”

  Peter laughed. “Good luck paying him back. It’ll never happen, unless you go behind

  his back and talk to Randy. I can’t guarantee that’ll work either, because he’s reluctant to invalidate Les’ altruism.”

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  “I know, but I have to keep trying. I can’t just let him do this for me without giving

  something back to him.”

  “We’ll think of something,” Peter promised. “What about your job?”

  Chaz let go of Peter’s hand to wrap his arm around Peter’s shoulder, then pulled him

  closer. “I retired. I had back surgery earlier this year, and the pain’s not so bad. It just aches a little, but it’s something I can deal with without feeling the need to numb it. Though I feel better, the doctors warned me that getting kicked or hit at just the right angle could paralyse me. I don’t want to risk that anymore.”

  “What changed your mind about that? I know how much bullfighting means to you.”

  Peter embraced Chaz, holding him tight.

  “I would rather have a drug-free life than continue to bullfight while dealing with an

  increasing addiction. One day, I might not have reacted as fast as I needed to, and a cowboy or one of my fellow clowns would be dead. I wouldn’t be able to deal with that.” Chaz

  paused for a moment before continuing, “Also, my career doesn’t mean nearly as much to

  me as you do. I love you, Peter, and I never want to take a chance on losing you again.”

  Peter leant back to meet Chaz’s gaze and smiled. “You’ll never lose me again. From

  now on, we’ll fight this together. Whenever you get the urge to pop a pill, I’ll be there to remind you of all the good things you have, and why numbing yourself isn’t the way to live life.”

  Chaz kissed him, and Peter couldn’t help the moan bursting from his lips. For a year,

  he’d been reliving each kiss and touch while trying to make sense of why Chaz had

  disappeared. None of it mattered at the moment.

  Peter whimpered as he climbed into Chaz’s lap. All he could think about was how fast

  they could get naked, because he really wanted Chaz inside him. He lost all track of time and where they were as they continued to kiss.

  A throat being cleared caught their attention, and Peter broke away from their embrace

  to glance over his shoulder. Derek and Max stood just inside the living room. Both wore

  amused expressions.

  “I’m glad the reunion seems to be going well, but I have to ask you don’t do anything in

  the living room,” Derek commented.

  Max snickered. “It’s not that we’re opposed to sex in the living room, but you should

  probably make sure no one’s going to walk in on you. Unless you like people watching.”

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  Blushing, Peter ducked his head, but he only slid to Chaz’s side, not moving any farther

  away.

  “We got a little carried away,” Chaz explained.

  “We’v
e been there and done that.”

  Peter knew Max had wanted to say more, but Derek’s elbow connecting with his side

  interrupted him.

  “No big deal,” Derek reassured them. He sat in one of the chairs while Max sat on the

  arm. “So I see you’ve made up?”

  “There will be some more conversations, I’m sure,” Peter said. “But I forgive him for it

  all. No one died, and life’s too short to waste on being angry or hurt.”

  Derek nodded. “Understandable. Then Max will be able to report back to Les that

  everything’s okay. What are your plans now, Chaz?”

  Chaz shifted a little, but met Derek’s gaze. “I don’t have a job anymore, so I’ll be

  looking for one around Austin.”

  “Really?” Peter looked at Chaz in shock. “I thought you’d want to go live in Wyoming,

  or someplace like that.”

  “No. You live and work here. I don’t want to be separated from you again. That means I

  go where you are. There are ranches that I could probably find work at in the area.”

  Even more happiness bubbled up inside him, to know Chaz loved him so much that he

  was willing to settle down where Peter worked instead of making Peter move yet again.

  Max coughed. “I might be able to help out with that. Joe’s quitting. He’s moving back to

  Washington to help his parents out on their ranch. I was going to come and talk to you about it today, Peter. I wanted to make sure we could give him a bonus for working here so long.”

  “I’ll have to go over the finances, but I don’t see why not. Both the ranch and the

  recording company are doing well. We have the money.” Peter started to think about the

  accounts.

  “Good. You can work on that tomorrow. Chaz, we are now one hand short, starting

  next week. I can show you around, and you can see what you’d be doing. Then if you’re

  interested, the job is yours,” Max offered.

  Chaz looked stunned, and Peter beamed at Max.

  “Thanks a lot. I really appreciate this. I can give you a clean bill of health for my back and my drug usage, if you want.”

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  “I’ll take them, but not because I need the reassurance. It’s just good practice to have