by A. M. Kusi
Isa walked out to Max’s room to see him sleeping against Ethan’s chest. The sight of such a big, strong man holding the baby so tenderly as he hummed was disarming. Ethan met her gaze. He stood and carefully transferred the little boy to his crib before they walked silently into the hall.
He looked at her with an unreadable expression. His gaze dropped to her chest. She was still in her silk pajamas.
“Go take a shower,” she said, her face heating.
“Isa—” He was interrupted by the doorbell.
“Who would that be at midnight?” he asked, walking down the stairs with her following right behind him.
“It’s probably Jax,” she said as he opened the door.
Jax stood there in his sleep pants and coat with a small cooler. He held it out. “I’m the milk man tonight, apparently.”
“What?” Ethan asked, thoroughly confused.
“I asked Harper to give us some of her milk for Max. Just until we get, I mean, you get him used to formula. I figured you could mix some in with the formula to help him transition,” she said, nervous that he would hate the idea.
“Share milk?” he asked.
“I read about it during the week when I saw we were getting low on breastmilk. It’s like having a wet nurse, only without the woman. I didn’t think you’d mind since you know Harper. You don’t have to. I just thought it was an emergency situation,” she said, shifting on her feet with discomfort. The more she rambled, the stupider the idea seemed. She crossed her arms, bracing herself from the chill outside. The bitter cold air was no match for her thin silk pajamas.
Jax handed the cooler to Ethan. “I gotta get back. Do what you will with my wife’s life-giving fluid.”
“That’s gross,” Ethan groaned.
“Tastes good though. I can attest to that.” Jax laughed as he walked back to his car.
Ethan shook his head. “Thanks, man,” he said and closed the door.
“I-I’m sorry. I just thought . . .” She started, avoiding his eyes. She needed something to do, to keep her hands busy and rescue her from this awkward situation. She was messing everything up, like she always did. Like everyone had seemed to know she would.
Isa bent and started picking up toys.
“Isa, you don’t have to do that.”
She gathered a doll in one hand and a truck in the other, fighting the tears that stung her eyes.
“I said stop! I can do it,” he said, taking her hand and pulling her off the floor gruffly as she dropped the toys.
“I want to do it. I know today has been hard on all of you. I just want to help.”
His hand seared her flesh where he held her. Her body tingled in awareness, awakening all the parts that she wished would stay dormant in this moment.
“I’m sorry I keep screwing it all up,” she said.
His muscles tensed before he spoke. “You didn’t. You saved me. Today. Yesterday. This week. I couldn’t have gotten through it without you.”
“I’m sorry about the house,” she said.
“Next time, just ask me first. I don’t want you buying me or the kids anything else. I am the man. I am supposed to provide for my family.”
“I hear what you are saying, but it doesn’t make you any less of a man to be helped. You feel emasculated and that’s an insecurity that you need to work through. It’s not like I’m throwing the fact that I have money in your face.” She took a deep breath before continuing, “I just tried to make a little girl feel better the day before she had to do one of the hardest things she would ever have to face. I wanted her to come home and feel like she belonged. I wanted her to have everything I needed as a child and never got when my brother died. I know I overstepped. It won’t happen again.”
He sighed and rested his hands on her shoulders. “I took my anger out on you, the last person that I should have. I’m so sorry.”
“I get it. Grief can make you feel like a different person, a shell of who you used to be. I promise it won’t be like that forever, if you start dealing with it in a healthy way. Just try to communicate with me and talk to me whenever you feel uneasy about anything I do with the kids, the house, or whatever. I’ll do my best to respect your wishes.”
His hands cupped her face. “You are like a witch. You take chaos and turn it into calm. You take a mess and make it beautiful. You take two very brokenhearted children and soothe them with your voice. You’ve caused a grown man to fall under your spell. You’ve compelled me to worship the very ground you walk on. And you’re making me fall in love with you.”
The breath caught in Isa’s throat. The atmosphere in the room changed with the vulnerability further tangling whatever this was between them. It sent her tumbling, twisting, plunging forward. Her body thrummed, alive, vibrating, as need coiled tightly inside her from his words. The pulse in his neck matched the pace of her own. Heat cascaded over her as though she were submerged in a hot bath. He was falling in love with her? The admission both terrified and excited her with delirium-inducing fantasies of a future.
His mouth moved dangerously close to hers and she could feel the magnetic pull between them, cinching, drawing, tugging her towards him. Every movement was magnified and compounded. Anticipation, vulnerability, and attraction wound together into a tornado that threatened to sweep her off her feet and into a place of shared bliss. She knew he’d said he couldn’t deal with an “us” right now, but perhaps they didn’t get a choice. Perhaps this was fate.
She leaned in the rest of the way—resistance was futile. She wanted, craved, and desired him; there was no denying that. His arms wrapped around her, holding her against him tightly, possessively, as their mouths collided. She moaned. The heat of his tongue in her mouth, tasting his sweetness, made her frantic and needy with each frenzied stroke. The ache between her thighs returned in full force as heat pooled in her belly, moving quickly to her throbbing center.
His hands cupped her breasts through the silk, and she gasped from the contact. He broke the kiss and stared at her. His obsidian eyes were potent and powerful. They showed flames of desire, of need and want. Unchained and unbound, his lust was clearly written across every flame that reached out and licked between them.
“Can you use your magic on me and make the hurt go away for a little while?” he asked, his deep voice rumbling like a thunderbolt.
Isa felt it in the marrow of her bones, this longing to expose herself fully with Ethan—to give herself to him. She yearned to join her body to his, but feared it with the same intensity. Would he save her or ruin her? Having sex with Ethan would be more than just a physical release, but a joining of hearts and souls. True intimacy. Was she ready for that?
He watched her patiently as she struggled with the indecision. A relationship had been challenge enough. When the unexpected tragedy had happened, Isa dove into the role of friend and caretaker to help him. He had said he wanted to slow down, and she had needed to take a step back too. Now, he was asking to merge the two—to be a girlfriend and a friend, a nanny and whatever the hell else she was doing now. This was all happening so fast. Of one thing she was certain, and that was that every cell in her body wanted him. This was it. This was when she would take the last step and jump all in or get out.
Isa nodded. “I want you too.”
Chapter 20
Ethan kissed her in a tangle of lips and tongues. He picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around him.
She cursed the clothing between them as he carried her upstairs to his bedroom. When they were through the door, he shut it with his foot before setting her down gently. Ethan walked over to the dresser, fumbling in the dark. A moment later, he lit the room with several candles.
Ethan turned to her and began unbuttoning his shirt as he commanded, “Take it off. Take it all off. I need to see you.” His voice sounded deeper than usual, predatory.
Her
body flushed as he stripped off his own clothes. His words fueled the ache between her thighs. She loved when he took control in the bedroom.
She obeyed, pulling the silk pajamas off and leaving them in a pile on the floor. She shivered from the intensity in the room. Awareness spun through every bare cell of her body in an exotic dance.
They were naked, standing exposed in front of each other. She took her time admiring every toned inch of his dark brown skin. The prominent features of his face and chiseled jaw were highlighted by the shadows from the candles. Ethan was the sexiest man alive, and he wanted her.
Her gaze met his. Onyx spheres looked back at her like she was his past, present, and future all wrapped into one. That expression threatened to knock her off her axis and leave her spinning out of control.
He moved behind her, sweeping the hair from her shoulder gently, before fisting it firmly in his hand. Tilting her head to the side, he bent to kiss her neck, sending a tremble through her body. Did he have any idea how he affected her?
He peppered kisses and little nips from behind her ear, down the path of her neck, to her shoulder and back. His warm hands encircled her from behind, his warm palms cupping the swell of her breasts. He sucked her earlobe into his mouth and she felt a bolt of lightning rip through her body, drenching the spot between her thighs.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered in the shell of her ear. “I’m gonna show you why you should be mine. Why you can never let another man ever touch you.”
He turned her around, still kissing her, and backed her up to the bed. She collapsed onto the soft material before he pushed her further, never breaking the seal of his mouth against hers. His hands caressed every part of her body except where she wanted him most, teasing her until she was a boiling frenzy of need.
“Please,” she begged.
“Please, what?” he asked, smirking.
She reached her hand down and grasped around his velvety hardness as he groaned and tensed.
His hand grabbed hers firmly before moving it above her head.
“Not yet,” he said. “First, I’m gonna make you come and forget every man before me.”
Her body thrummed with energy like a storm building. He dropped his mouth to her breast as his fingers entered the well of her body. She bucked and arched her back at the contact. A flood of pleasure ignited every nerve ending in her body, intoxicating her, making her greedy for more.
“I want to see you come,” he said, using his other hand to swirl around the magical spot, causing her to reach her first orgasm quicker than she’d thought possible. Her walls clenched around his fingers. Surprise and pleasure stole her ability to do anything else besides cry out. Honored and cherished and worshipped by this man who had stolen so much of her heart already. It was impossible to hold any part of herself back from him.
He moved his chin to her stomach and replaced his hand with his mouth. She gripped the sheets with one hand, trying to stifle a cry by covering her mouth with the other.
“Shhh,” he said, as if containing this amount of pleasure in her body was possible.
She held her breath as he continued sucking and swirling, using his mouth to drain every ounce of pleasure from her body. His hot tongue swept in between her folds, licking, tasting, and drinking her in. Her legs shook as wave after wave of her orgasm rocked through her core.
One more slow lick and he was back on top of her. Feeling boneless, it took her a moment to land in her body. The sensation was hazy and limbless perfection. Gasping in tiny uncontrolled breaths, she tried to get a hold of herself. He climbed over her and grabbed a foil packet from the drawer.
“You sure?” he asked, slipping the latex over his shaft.
“Yes,” she said, reaching out and grabbing him, as he hardened into steel. Her ear lay against his chest. His heartbeat thudded like a war drum—his conquest, her complete, overwhelming, soul-piercing ecstasy.
Ethan rolled on top of her. She spread her legs, making room for him. He entered her slowly, inch by inch. She needed him, wanted it all.
“More,” she begged.
He thrust the rest of the way inside. The mix of pain and pleasure sent a bolt of lightning through her vision. His hands pinned her down, his arms caging her. She had no way to escape, no choice but to accept this onslaught of almost unbearable pleasure rippling through her body.
His weight settled on top of her as she writhed, trying to break free because it was all too much. Overwhelming bliss saturated her. She needed to escape before it swallowed her whole. It was a raging inferno of lust. She couldn’t draw in a breath, the ringing sound drowning out everything else around her except his words.
“God, you are so beautiful. So fucking perfect. A masterpiece. Every inch of you. I want you so bad. I want to come inside you. Isa.” He said her name like a plea.
The torrent of lust ripped through her body. The firestorm raging between her thighs spread over her skin and through her marrow, burning her alive from the inside out. Fire and brimstone. Pain and pleasure. Light and dark. And finally, love. She was freefalling in a world somewhere between the physical and the spiritual as they melded together.
His face contorted with his own release of pleasure, filling her up, emptying himself inside her. Love glistened in his eyes, seeping through her pores as he bent his forehead to hers and whispered, “My love,” across her lips. He was breathing life into her, stirring and churning that emotion growing inside her that she was still not ready to say aloud.
Tears streamed down her face—she would never be the same because she was in love with this man. This man who was so pure and so good. This man who had just ruined her for any other. This man, her perfect storm.
***
Isa’s soft warm body moved next to his. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tighter against his chest where she fit so perfectly. He breathed her in, smelling sweet peonies. He wanted to wake her up and have another round before they took a shower.
Max started to fuss through the baby monitor, pouring a bucket of ice water on his fantasies. He stood, looking back at her lying in his bed like she’d belonged there all along. His heart nearly burst with the fact that this woman wanted him even though he came with so much baggage. They had crossed lines last night, boundaries that they couldn’t come back from. Not that he wanted to. He only hoped she felt the same.
He got dressed in a T-shirt and pajama bottoms before he went to get Max from the crib. They had forgotten all about the cooler with breastmilk that Jax had brought. Luckily there were enough ice packs in it to keep it all frozen. He heated one bag, just enough to melt it so he could feed it to Max. Should he mix some with the formula like Isa had said? He’d wait and ask her how to do it. The baby slurped it down in his high chair without any complaints.
Isa was wearing the silk pajamas she’d had on the night before, staring at him shyly.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” he echoed, standing to greet her. He walked over and kissed her.
“I should get home and change,” she said, biting her bottom lip.
“Okay. Do you want to come back after? Let me feed you for once. Maybe take the kids to that museum?” he asked, unsure if she would want to spend her day off with the children. He wished he could take her on a proper date.
She smiled, melting his fears. “That would be really nice.”
“Do you want breakfast before you go?”
“I better get back before Joy wakes up and sees me here,” she said.
“Right. I didn’t think about that.”
“I figure she has enough change happening right now,” Isa explained.
“You’re right. Probably best. At least for now,” he agreed.
“I’ll see you in a couple of hours,” she said, standing on her tippy-toes to give him a kiss.
Max leaned in with his mouth op
en like a little bird.
“Looks like I have some competition,” Ethan joked.
Isa smiled and gave Max a kiss on the cheek.
“I had fun last night,” she said, winking at Ethan before she wrapped her coat around her. Sexy and sweet, all in one gorgeous body.
“Me too,” he said, admiring her long tan legs as she slid her small bare feet into her boots.
“See you soon.”
Not soon enough.
***
Isa returned to the house and handed the keys to her SUV over to Ethan as she helped buckle the kids into the car. He would look into buying a bigger car when the life insurance money came through. The rest he would invest for the kids’ future.
They went to the crowded museum. Utter chaos sounded as they opened the doors. Kids ran around, their mostly joyful shouts echoing in the large room. They checked in and started exploring the first level, slowly making their way through the building.
A little boy darted in front of Joy, pushing her out of the way with his shoulder while another child grabbed the controls to the animated dinosaur she was controlling. She frowned and stomped her foot, balling her fists.
Isa moved closer, waving her hand in front of the boys to capture their attention. “Excuse me, guys, but this isn’t available yet. Joy is still using it. You can have the next turn.”
The boys screamed excitedly, making dinosaur noises before running off. Joy’s hands shot up to her ears at the offending sound. Even Ethan looked like he was three seconds from losing it.
Isa dug in the diaper bag and pulled out a set of noise-canceling headphones that she had bought for Joy after researching tips on traveling with kids.