The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations

by Mary Schaller

  In a recent book, missional leader Hugh Halter declares,

  If the kingdom of God is good news, then the King of this kingdom is also good news. Here’s some encouraging info that should give you more confidence to have a conversation. Almost everyone loves Jesus. . . . He set people free and gave them license to live again . . . , and He was constantly blessing, healing, protecting and saving people around Him. All of this was done way before He did his greatest act of going to the cross for our sins. Who wouldn’t love a man like this? Who wouldn’t love it if God was like this?[4]

  How about you? Are you trying to walk in the steps of Jesus to set people free with his good news? Would you like to genuinely model the practices of Jesus, who blesses, heals, protects, and saves people? Putting it in the broadest terms, do you want to be loving and compassionate like Jesus in the way that you interact with those around you? If you desire to improve in how you relate to people who believe differently (and let’s face it, we all believe slightly differently from one another), this book can equip you to bless others by talking about God in a way that is always good news.

  Discover

  What is your definition of discipleship? When do you think discipleship starts?

  Have you ever been involved in making a new disciple of Christ? If so, what did you find to be an effective method?

  How did you become a follower of Jesus? If you are not a Christ follower, what would be the most attractive way to explore the possibility?

  Practice

  Think about people you see on a regular basis at work, in your neighborhood, or wherever you spend time each week. Ask God to show you the people with whom he would like you to have a meaningful conversation about him, and write down a few names. We’ll come back to this list in some future chapters.

  Try using an asking approach rather than a telling approach in a conversation this week where there are differences of opinion. How did it work out?

  CHAPTER 2

  REDISCOVERING NINE RELATIONAL PRACTICES OF JESUS

  This is a large work I’ve called you into, but don’t be overwhelmed by it. It’s best to start small. Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty, for instance. The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice. You won’t lose out on a thing.

  MATTHEW 10:42 (MSG)

  We don’t change markets, or populations, we change people. One person at a time, at a human level. And often, that change comes from small acts that move us, not from grand pronouncements.

  SETH GODIN

  WE LOVE THE BIG STUFF. The star athletes and celebrities. The crowds. The grandiose events. The spectacular 2012 Olympic opening ceremony in London was viewed on TV by an estimated 900 million people. According to Nielsen ratings, 2014’s Super Bowl XLVIII started with 108 million viewers and peaked during the halftime show at 115.3 million! Fans love the game-winning, last-second shot to win the championship. People are drawn to the glamorous red carpet and opulent celebrity weddings.

  We often carry this perspective into how to spread our faith, valuing big outreach events featuring celebrity preachers and a polished production. We admire the evangelists who can “close the deal” with the all-important sinner’s prayer . . . on an airplane at 30,000 feet with a whole row of atheists.

  The Christian culture has embraced the mind-set that evangelism should be done by the experts, the gifted, the professionals and the pastors; the theologians, apologists, and Masters of Divinity; the Bible-answer-men and -women. The rest of us can cheer them on, set up chairs, and throw a few bucks in the offering.

  I (Crilly) have a friend who calls this the “Barry Bonds” mentality. Despite the controversial steroid scandal that clouded his career, Bonds was an outstanding baseball player. He played twenty-two seasons (1986–2007), received seven National League MVP awards and fourteen All-Star selections, and is considered to be one of the greatest baseball players of all time. An exceptional hitter, Bonds finished his career with the most home runs in baseball history. Bottom line: Bonds was elite. If you needed a home run, you would call in Barry Bonds.

  In the church, the Barry Bonds mentality translates to our admiration for all-stars and professionals who spread the good news about Jesus—not with a little base hit, but with a flashy grand slam. The ordinary stuff seems boring. The little stuff doesn’t seem to matter as much to us, so we’re content to sit on the bench—or maybe even decide we’re not needed on the team at all and head for the bleachers.

  But what if this is a perspective we need to challenge and reconsider? What if the ordinary stuff does count?

  Have you ever seen children playing tee ball? Tee ball introduces kids to baseball by helping them develop simple skills and have fun. If you watch the game, you will see little Jordan step up to home plate, where a stationary ball sits atop a plastic tee. Little Jordan takes a whack at the ball but misses it and instead hits the black plastic stem of the tee. The ball falls to the ground and rolls a few feet toward the infield. At once, all the parents start cheering for Jordan, who heads off running with all his might—down the third-base line, peering out the earhole of the crooked helmet on his head. His coach and his dad jump up to cheer him on and redirect him to first base. All the while, the crowd of parents is going wild because Jordan gave it his best try. In tee ball, everyone plays. Everyone cheers for attempts. Everyone gets a trophy. They don’t even keep score!

  If we applied this tee ball mentality to evangelism, what would happen?

  First, I want to remind each one of you that, as a follower of Jesus, you have been picked for the team! Jesus himself said, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last” (John 15:16). And, in Ephesians 1, Paul further expanded this truth that we were chosen to be part of God’s amazing plan from the beginning:

  Long before [God] laid down the earth’s foundations, he had [you] in mind, had settled on [you] as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt [you] into his family through Jesus Christ. . . . He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth.

  EPHESIANS 1:4-5, 9-10, MSG

  The God of the universe has hand-selected you to be on his team. Let that soak in a little. You are his first string, his A-team, his top choice. You are not created to sit on the bleachers and watch someone else play in the game. You are not his B-team or his last choice. God has specially picked you to be adopted into his family and to play a critical role in his redemptive plan to reconcile the world to himself. You are picked to be a Great-Commission Christian.

  If we are chosen for the team, then how can each of us get in the game of making disciples?

  Cups of Cold Water

  What if some simple steps helped us all get in the game? What if the little stuff counts? The little things seemed to matter to Jesus. He heartily applauded the widow who gave the two tiny coins she had to offer. He blessed and multiplied the little loaves and fish from a boy’s lunch until they fed thousands of people. He said, “If anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward” (Matthew 10:42).

  In Jesus’ view, an activity as small as giving someone a cup of cold water is so important that a reward is associated with it. In today’s evangelistic economy, little things don’t seem to count for much. But in reality, it’s the modern-day “cups of cold water”—like paying attention to people, listening to them, and praying for them—that bring refreshment and give others a taste of Jesus’ love.

  In tee ball, attempts matter. Regardless of the outcome, your simple attempt shows courage and grows you as a baseball player. The same can be true of making new disciples. Simple attempts matter because every action requires risk, faith, and courage, and repeated practice will help you grow as a disci
ple of Jesus. God will handle the outcome. He is most interested in our willingness to obey and follow in the ways of Jesus.

  A New Perspective

  In order to share the good news about Jesus intentionally today, we may have to start with a new perspective: focusing on the little things, the cups of cold water. In his book You Lost Me, David Kinnaman, president of Barna Group, writes:

  The Christian community needs a new mind—a new way of thinking, a new way of relating, a new vision of our role in the world—to pass on the faith to this and future generations. As it turns out, this “new” mind is not so new. . . . I am convinced that historic and traditional practices . . . are what this generation really needs.[5]

  We can discover a clue to this “new-old” way of relating by taking a look at Matthew 22:36-40, often called the Great Commandment: “Jesus replied, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

  Here Jesus presents the life-guiding principle given by God through Moses in the Torah. Jesus encourages a return to the basics—and loving God and loving others covers all the bases! What if this is the way for all of us to get involved in our Kingdom mission? After all, making disciples is a natural outcome of loving God and loving others. As you actively love people who don’t yet know Jesus, you are building trusting relationships with them and earning the right to engage in spiritual conversations.

  If our role in making disciples is to love people, then small, simple, everyday activities really do count! All of the little actions that build relationships count, and those are what we are responsible for. That’s what God asks us to handle; he takes care of the rest. I don’t know about you, but I find this extremely liberating. I am free to build loving relationships without the pressure of following the right formula. I don’t have to be the one to convict, convince, or convert anyone. Thankfully, it’s God’s job to change hearts and minds and produce fruit that lasts. I am free of the pressure to “save” someone because it is God alone who can transform a human heart.

  Simple Building Blocks

  So then, what is our job? Author and pastor Peter Scazzero says, “Telling people to love better and more is not enough. They need practical skills incorporated into their spiritual formation.”[6] These practical skills are a lot like simple machines. Remember them from grade school? There are six: the lever, the wheel and axle, the pulley, the inclined plane, the wedge, and the screw. The Greeks identified them, but all throughout history, people have used these fundamental tools to accomplish what would be impossible without them. Archimedes said of the lever: “Give me a place to stand on, and I can move the Earth.”

  Renaissance thinkers took these basic elements and combined them to create more sophisticated machines such as the printing press and the bicycle. The rediscovery of these building blocks of mechanics also paved the way for inventions from the steam engine to the cotton gin, and for cultural shifts like the Industrial Revolution—all from six machines so simple that people used them even before the machines had names!

  If six simple machines played a critical role in the development of the machinery that drove the Industrial Revolution, then what are the building blocks we need to rediscover for a different kind of revolution—a revolution of the heart? And where will we find them?

  Is it any surprise that we would find the answer in Jesus? If you think about how Jesus interacted with people around him and about the practices that made up the activity of his early church, you can see patterns that are very different from the habits of our Western lifestyle. Jesus’ method of disciple-making was thoroughly relational, involving simple foundational practices.

  For example, consider how Jesus initiated a conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well, recorded in John 4. He intentionally went out of his way to engage with her. He took time to notice her. He asked her a simple question: “Would you give me a drink of water?” Jesus could have made water flow from a rock or provided a way to draw his own water from the well. He did not need to interact with this woman, but he did. He engaged her naturally and winsomely—not in a way that was weird or canned. Why? Relationships start with questions and actions that build bridges and encourage trust. With simple relational skills, Jesus demonstrated love and compassion. Jesus’ question initiated a deep conversation with rippling spiritual consequences.

  In other encounters, we see Jesus intentionally notice people like Zacchaeus (Luke 19) and the crippled man at the pool of Bethesda (John 5). We read of Jesus’ regular practice of prayer (Luke 5:16, among others) and the apostles’ devotion to prayer (Acts 2:42). We observe Jesus listening and asking questions, intent on engaging in meaningful conversations about God with people such as his disciples at Caesarea Philippi (Matthew 16:13-16) and a blind beggar in Jericho (Luke 18). Then we read of the early church walking as Jesus did, on mission with God, practicing the same behaviors as Jesus. Think about Philip asking questions and facilitating an interaction with the Ethiopian (Acts 8) or Peter noticing a beggar and reacting with compassion and healing (Acts 3).

  What if we began to apply these patterns and practices of Jesus?

  The interaction with the Samaritan woman started with Jesus’ ability to engage her in a meaningful conversation. The same is true for you and me. Philosopher Martin Buber wrote, “When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them.”[7] Even if people don’t know God personally, they recognize the power of a significant conversation within a relationship that allows them to be authentic. Our challenge, though, is that a discussion about spiritual matters so easily becomes negatively charged. Even simple interactions and ordinary conversations can be difficult for us.

  Why? Well, generally, we are poor conversationalists. Some of us talk way too much and listen very little. Often we offer our unsolicited opinions. Our attention spans are short, and we formulate our responses while others are speaking. We’ll often make hasty generalizations and jump to conclusions. Some of us talk over people and talk for them. We tend to cast quick judgments. Most of us are generally not curious; we are more inclined to talk about ourselves than ask about others. Some of us avoid entering into conversations at all.

  If we are not good at ordinary conversations, how can we talk well about spiritual matters? We must be honest with ourselves. Even if we can handle everyday conversations, most of us still are not good at “God talk” with our family, friends, neighbors, classmates, or coworkers. Loving people and participating in the Great Commission will inevitably mean talking with people in ways that we hope will nudge them toward Jesus. So, to be Great-Commission Christians, we all need to improve in our conversational ability, to engage the spiritually curious, and to begin a journey of discovery with them about God and the Bible.

  Pastor Francis Chan reminds us that we all need to grow in this area.

  Wherever you are, you need to figure out how to get into the lives of the unbelievers. To me, the biggest problem with evangelism . . . is that it’s gotten too impersonal. People in the church don’t know how to look an unbeliever in the eye and actually love him or her and carry on a conversation with them. . . . It’s a lot harder to go out, be in the world, and build relationships with people who don’t believe like you and think like you. Most people don’t make the effort to do that. . . . I think overall, the church is going to get weaker and weaker in this area, and it’s not because they don’t love Jesus. It’s not because they don’t have a heart for the Lord. They just don’t know how to engage with people who don’t believe like they do.[8]

  We could take the pessimistic route and make gloomy predictions about what this behavior portends for the future of the church. But as Christians with a desire to see the world renewed and redeemed, we could instead see an opportunity. After all, people crave engagement. They want someone who will acknowledge and respect their thoughts
and feelings. For Christians living in this technologically interconnected but relationally disconnected culture, engaging in simple conversational practices will communicate the unconditional love of Christ to people all around us and could reverse the downward spiral of our churches.

  Maybe we don’t need more apologetic arguments, but simple conversational “arts.” When it comes to spiritual conversations, we are talking about a craft that you can cultivate and practice over time—and that’s more art than science anyway. As Vincent Van Gogh said, “The more I think it over, the more I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.”[9]

  Moving from a lifestyle of few, if any, spiritual conversations with people who believe differently to a life of ongoing spiritual conversations is a big leap for a lot of people. If making new disciples is going to become a normal part of our lives, it will have to be something we enjoy doing and can envision doing tomorrow, next month, and five years from now. That’s why we need to provide a pathway to spiritual conversations through simple, memorable activities that can be done by ordinary people as part of their normal routine. No special training or unusual courage required. It’s the little stuff that counts, like cups of cold water.

  So That

  Over and over in Jesus’ life, we see simple behaviors that reflect a life on mission with God. But that lifestyle isn’t the end in itself—Jesus’ behaviors and practices are always a means to a much greater good. Paul gives us insight into why we should adopt these loving practices of Jesus:

  Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.