The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations

by Mary Schaller

  Consider the account in Matthew 16 when Jesus asked his disciples a simple but profound question: Who do people say the Son of Man is? (16:13). This was a chance for the disciples to share what others thought about Jesus after seeing him perform many miracles, teach about the Kingdom, and model a life that glorified God. Interestingly, Jesus started out with a lighter, less intense question by first asking who others thought he was. Then, when he heard the disciples’ answers, he asked who they thought he was (16:15). I am sure they had discussed this among themselves many times in the months leading up to this particular conversation, as Jesus was probably such a mystery to all of them. They were already asking this question themselves. As facilitators, do we know how to ask the questions that people are already asking—the questions that are on their minds and that beg for answers? How do we improve at this? I think the short answer is intentionality and practice.

  With Jesus as our model, we can learn to become more intentional as we make new disciples through small groups in which we are guides (not teachers) to those seeking God. In the past few decades, small groups have become common in many churches. However, often they have been led in a way that does not result in vibrant discussions and growth for all of the participants. Some small-group leaders try to follow the approach of a preacher or a teacher, bearing the weight of studying and then dispensing the information they have discovered. Other leaders simply are present in the group, but have no idea how to spark a discussion and keep it going. Either way, the group does not flourish.

  In the past fifteen years I’ve led a number of spiritual conversation groups, and I’ll share stories about them both in this chapter and in chapter 12. The first time I invited people to join a spiritual conversation group in my community, they were a little surprised when I told them that my job was to facilitate discussions about God and the Bible, not to tell them what to believe. I explained that, even though I was in my first year of seminary at the time, I had a lot of holes in my own theology and I was still learning what it meant to have a relationship with God. I said that I was willing to walk alongside them as they discovered what was true, because the search for God was important and we all were continually growing in our understanding of God.

  I love how much I learned from the participants in the groups I cofacilitated, even from those who did not have an active and fully informed faith in God. For example, one day our small group was talking about why God would wait four thousand years to send a savior after Adam and Eve sinned. Once he knew a savior was needed, he could have sent his Son right away. My friend Kate, who was not yet a Christian, wisely observed that God waited because people had to realize their need for a savior over time and history before God would send one. They had to see time and time again that people couldn’t save themselves from their own sin. Kate’s comment was the single most profound contribution to our discussion that day, and it came from someone who had chosen, at least for that time period, not to believe in Jesus.

  Bill Mowry, on staff with The Navigators, wrote an important practical book called The Ways of the Alongsider, providing ten simple ways we can make disciples like Jesus. He writes:

  Jesus does the unthinkable. He invites us in our weakness and inexperience, to be his helpers in the Great Commission. He recruits ministry amateurs to come alongside friends to model behaviors such as how to love God, build friendships, read the Bible with others, tell stories, ask questions—and encourage application.[71]

  Could it be so simple? Is God looking for ministry amateurs to walk alongside those who don’t yet know him personally? Can our friendship with God enable us to guide others to have a relationship with him?

  Up to this point in the book we’ve been talking about using the building blocks of the first six Arts of Spiritual Conversations to develop one-on-one relationships with people who believe differently. Here we’re transitioning some of those same skills to a group environment. If you want to pursue your relationships with non-Christians in a small-group setting—and our experience shows that’s a highly effective approach—then you need to know how to be facilitators.

  Individual interactions affect just one other person. When you facilitate a conversation group where people who believe differently can explore their questions about faith, you have the potential to multiply your efforts. Not only do you have ongoing, planned opportunities for spiritual conversations, you can also join forces with other followers of Jesus and open up the possibility for God to work among different combinations of people.

  As mentioned earlier, a small-group community of two to twelve people, where the majority of the participants are not Christians, is a great place for people to figure out what they believe about God and the Bible. Whether you’re aiming for an organized weekly Q Place or you find yourself in a conversation about God with three moms at school or with friends at a bar after a sports event, facilitating well is important and will help determine whether the experience is positive or negative. It will also have an effect on whether people will want to continue having these highly sensitive discussions.

  Beacons of Light: Core Values

  Spiritual transformation in a small group requires more than just getting a group of believers or skeptics together and having conversations about God and the Bible. And it looks far different from a lecture scaled down to a small-group monologue. Several key foundational elements will help a small group of people with diverse beliefs thrive, including clarity on the core values that undergird the formation of the group, the way the group starts out and functions, and the guiding principles for choosing the topics to discuss. We’ll look at some of these elements here and then in more detail in chapter 12, “Starting a Q Place,” where we’ll walk you through the key issues involved in beginning a spiritual conversation group.

  Core values are an important building block for facilitating a small group. The following four core values establish the foundational DNA of a spiritual conversation group that will enable people who are curious about God to get on a journey of discovery. For easy memory recall, all of these values begin with the letter s:

  Self-Discovery: People learn best when they discover truth for themselves through discussion and study.

  Safe Place: An ideal environment for spiritual growth is a small group where personal dignity is valued and leadership is shared.

  Spirit: God’s Spirit will guide those who are spiritually open.

  Scripture: The Bible and the life of Jesus are worth serious examination.

  The introduction of Encounters with Jesus: Unexpected Answers to Life’s Biggest Questions, by well-known author and pastor Tim Keller, contains a story about a spiritual crisis he had when he was in college. At the time, Keller was questioning his faith even though he had grown up in a Christian home. He describes how he ended up in a Bible study where the leader didn’t take the role of teacher or instructor but instead would facilitate the entire group’s reading and interpretation of the chosen Bible text. Keller’s description of this small-group experience beautifully illustrates all four of these core values and the resulting impact the group had on his future faith.

  Keller explains his small-group community’s values and “ground rules”: You didn’t have to believe the Bible was true; you just had to believe it was worth serious study because of its historical roots and widespread use. No single interpretation was to be the final conclusion, but all participants were given a chance to share their thoughts about the text.

  We sought to mine the riches of the material as a community, assuming together we would see far more than any individual could.

  Before I was even sure where I stood in my own faith, I was asked to lead a group and was provided with a set of Bible studies entitled Conversations with Jesus Christ from the Gospel of John by Marilyn Kunz and Catherine Schell. It covered thirteen passages in the book of John where Jesus had conversations with individuals. Those studies helped my group uncover layers of meaning and insight that astonished us all. Moving through
these accounts of Jesus’ life, I began to sense more than ever before that the Bible was not an ordinary book. Yes, it carried the strange beauty of literature from the remote past; but there was something else. It was through these studies of encounters with Jesus that I began to sense an inexplicable life and power in the text. These conversations from centuries ago were uncannily relevant and incisive to me—right now. I began to search the Scriptures not just for intellectual stimulation but in order to find God.[72]

  The authors of the discussion guide he used, Marilyn Kunz and Catherine Schell, were the founders of Neighborhood Bible Studies, which is now Q Place.

  Keller’s description is strong evidence of the impact that the inductive process can have on doubters and skeptics when these core values are on display. Participants were discovering for themselves what the Bible said. The group was a safe place where every participant was valued and leadership was shared. God’s Spirit was guiding them as they studied the Scriptures and the life of Jesus with an understanding that the Bible was valuable. As participants like Keller continued to sense these values lived out in the group, they engaged more fully, took risks, and experienced God’s work in their lives. These core values become beacons of light when you initiate this process with people who are seeking to know God.

  Facilitating as a Team

  While we practice most of the 9 Arts individually, Facilitating is best done with other followers of Jesus. When I (Mary) started my first small group for spiritually curious people in 2002, I invited two Christian friends, Kristin and Judy, to help me facilitate it. I think I knew that I would never want to do something like this alone in the very secular community where I resided, as leading a spiritual conversation group was totally new to me. While I was more entrepreneurial than most, I needed the wisdom of a few other people to start a community where the majority were not Christians. And although Jesus sent his disciples out two by two when he was giving them their first taste of spreading his message (see Matthew 10:1-42 and Luke 10:1-23), my instincts at the time were that three might be a stronger team in order to create a sustainable community to talk about God with people who believed differently.

  Later I learned how good it was to start a group like this with two other facilitators. Together the three of us created a Christ-centered community that remained at the core in our group, even when the group went from three to twelve and included participants who had a variety of beliefs about God.

  The demands of facilitating can be overwhelming, especially when the majority of group participants have diverse beliefs. Solo facilitation casts the facilitator as a small-group superhero who has X-ray vision into group dynamics, heroic power to invite people to the group, and the ability to leap over discussion-ending comments in a single bound. But who facilitates the group when the leader is out of town or sick or is backed into a corner on a theological point that is way over his or her head? What happens when the leader starts to burn out or has to work late? How can the leader invite people into the group beyond his or her social circle?

  There’s no such thing as a perfect group facilitator—everyone has strengths and weaknesses. A facilitator may be great at inviting people to the group yet struggle to lead discussions. He or she may have great empathy yet shy away from addressing deep issues for fear of group conflict. A facilitator may be great at asking questions yet be weak at waiting to hear answers. And whatever their gift mix is, all facilitators have good days and bad days, moments when they lead well and moments when they don’t.

  A team of facilitators can support each other both inside and outside the small-group setting. When the group discussion bogs down, one of them may offer a new question or point the group back to its guidelines. Outside the group, facilitators can debrief, offering each other specific affirmation and constructive suggestions for future group sessions. The co-leadership approach allows each facilitator to use his or her strengths and look to others to compensate for weaknesses. As a result, each of them will feel more at home in the facilitating role and better valued for what he or she brings to the group.

  A team of facilitators can share encouragement, prayer, ideas, support, and wisdom, living out the idea that we can do more together than we could apart.

  Effective group facilitators strive to provide an environment that is conducive to exploration and discovery, where people who believe differently can explore, discover, and share with transparency while the Spirit of God works through Scripture. As they create this environment for others, they need it also for themselves.

  As the adage goes, “You can’t give away what you don’t have.” If a facilitator isn’t being discipled in a loving community, he or she is ill equipped to disciple others in a loving community. A group of three or four facilitators live out the idea of peer-discipleship, of iron sharpening iron (see Proverbs 27:17).

  Jesus modeled this community-within-a-community approach. While investing in all twelve disciples, he gave extra attention to three of his closest followers: Peter, James, and John. Jesus exclusively invited them into specific highs and lows of his ministry—the resurrection of a little girl (Mark 5:37-42), the Transfiguration (Matthew 17:1-13), and his night of prayer at Gethsemane (Mark 14:32-34). Surely Peter, James, and John talked together about these experiences. That processing-in-community perfectly captures the essence of a group of three—meeting together to work through our responses to Jesus and partnering together in the Kingdom work Jesus gives us to do. Facilitator meetings outside of small-group meetings offer a rich discipleship environment.

  Jesus Chose to Invest in Twelve

  We are living in times when the Western world has increasingly rejected institutional Christianity. An invitation to explore God and the Bible with a few others is a great first step for people who are unlikely to step through the doors of a church. It’s also a rich, holistic approach for Jesus followers of all levels of maturity.

  Jesus is our model for creating God-honoring, life-changing community. When he began his earthly ministry, he could have spent all of his time preaching to thousands. This might seem like the most efficient method of gathering followers. Instead, Jesus invited twelve ordinary Jewish men into a community to learn and grow together as they followed him. Rather than mass-producing disciples, Jesus chose to invest deeply in a handful of people, thereby developing committed followers.

  We’ve identified four simple stages that are essential in starting a small group for spiritually curious people—stages that mirror what Jesus did in building his group of disciples.

  Stage 1: Preparation. Jesus spent focused time in prayer to discern which people he would disciple. Notice how he prayed all night before he chose the Twelve (see Luke 6:12-13). Prayer is also crucial for us as we prepare to begin a small group. In addition, preparation involves finding two other followers of Jesus who will pray and plan together, building relationships with people who may accept your invitations.

  Stage 2: Invitation. Jesus extended compelling invitations to those he chose to follow him. See John 1:35-50, Luke 5:27-32, and Luke 6:13-16. For our invitations to be compelling, we need to pray for those we will invite and follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance in the way that we invite them.

  Stage 3: Trial Meeting. Jesus invited potential followers to “come and see” (John 1:38) where he was staying and spend the day with him, almost as a sample of what it would be like to follow him. A trial meeting allows people to come and check out what it would be like to be in a discussion group where people aren’t being told what to believe but can safely discover things for themselves. In a trial meeting, participants see that initiators are there to listen and create a welcoming, safe place to discuss life, God, and the Bible together.

  Stage 4: Growth. Jesus cared for the Twelve—day in and day out—through three years of their limited understanding, encouraging them to watch his life and wrestle with his words so that the truth would penetrate them completely. When we follow his lead, faithfully walking alongside the participants in
our group and helping them experience God’s Word for themselves, the Holy Spirit uses his Word to work in their hearts, and we can be assured that everyone will grow (including us!).

  Jesus is our model for facilitating spiritual conversations and starting small groups. He prepared well by praying about whom to invite; he extended compelling invitations; he encouraged those he invited to check it out; and those who accepted his invitation grew in their understanding of God. Jesus knew the Kingdom of God was all about relationships with each other and with him. We can follow his pattern for starting small groups today.

  When you start a small group for ongoing spiritual conversations with people who believe differently, it is important to know where your group is going and how to get there, always being attentive to the Holy Spirit’s guidance and the group participants’ freedom along the way. Twenty-first-century small-group guru Bill Donahue notes:

  Small groups were an integral part of the early church structure. They were small enough to allow individual members to minister to one another, use their spiritual gifts, and be discipled in the teachings of Christ. In addition, they were vibrant and life-giving communities where evangelism could take place as unchurched people watched a loving and compassionate community in action.[73]

  Facilitating these small-group communities well is an honor and a privilege for all followers of Jesus.