The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations

by Mary Schaller

  Launching the Jesus 3:12 strategy works best when church leaders follow the same principles themselves—forming a leadership triad to pray, grow, and serve, and then inviting nine Christians who are capable of developing these groups into a community where they can learn and discover together from each other, catching the vision of how this works.

  Prayer Is Essential

  When I (Mary) started a Q Place in the Northwest several years ago, I began by asking God who would be the two who could facilitate the group with me. I had several people in mind who I thought could do it, but I really wanted them to be God’s pick. Over a couple of months, two names consistently began to rise to the top: Krissy and Colin. Krissy was a good friend of mine who had a naturally compassionate heart for people. Colin was an associate pastor in my church. Both were familiar with Q Place. Once I was pretty sure that they were God’s choice for my triad, I asked whether they would be interested in starting a group with me for the spiritually curious. They both prayed about it and sensed that the Lord was leading them to try it.

  The three of us began praying for people whom God had laid on our own hearts who might be open to coming. Soon, we were praying for about twenty people compiled from our three separate lists. Our hearts were knit together as we prayed for each other’s friends and for what God might be doing in their lives.

  We also prayed that God would show us new friends who had questions about God. We encountered dozens of people every day who were not Christians. Had we taken the time to know their names or their stories? Which of them would benefit from ongoing spiritual discussions about God and the Bible? We knew the people most likely to accept an invitation were those who already knew and trusted us.

  Without much extra effort, we started to get to know people who had come to our minds as we prayed together. For example, when I stopped for coffee in town, I made a point of meeting the couple who owned the café, and I started to learn some of their story. Tim had been in the army and stationed in Germany when he met his wife, Manuela. They had two kids and now lived in our town. He knew a lot about coffee before he launched the cafe, since he had worked for a local coffee roaster.

  I was mindful of following Jesus as I encountered people in my everyday path. Before he called Peter and Andrew to follow him, Jesus related to them as fishermen, taking an interest in their work and even helping them catch a record number of fish (Luke 5:2-11). The miracle he performed in the great catch of fish was followed by an invitation given in terms that they would understand: “Follow Me, and I will make you become fishers of men” (Mark 1:17, NASB). I wanted any invitations I offered to come out of genuine relationships I’d developed with people.

  In Luke 6:12 we read that Jesus went to a mountainside to pray all night, asking God to show him which of the men he knew would be his twelve disciples. No doubt he prayed for each individual one by one, and he may even have identified the closer relationship that he would have with Peter, James, and John. Not many of us would think to pray all night for our three and additional nine, but Jesus’ actions show us that identifying people to invite merits concentrated time in prayer to discern God’s will.

  Getting Started

  If you want to have ongoing discussions about God with people who are spiritually open and curious, you and your other triad members are the initiators of the process. To turn your initiative into action, set a date. Setting the start date adds a common focus for your triad, increases your passion for prayer and dependence on God, and provides accountability for following through with your plan.

  You’ll have to resist the temptation to judge who will be interested when you are assembling a list of people to invite. As mentioned earlier, let God help you select the potential attendees through prayer and quiet listening to him. You might be surprised at who ends up attending that first gathering. God is going before you and softening people’s hearts to accept the invitation.

  Make it clear to people that they are coming one time to hear about the possibility of a discussion group on spiritual topics about God and the Bible. In presenting the idea, emphasize some or all of these points taken from our book How to Start a Q Place:

  This group will discuss questions about God. People are respected as thinking adults and are not judged. No previous knowledge about God or the Bible is necessary.

  The group is not for experts. It’s for new discoveries. People who think they are experts are especially encouraged to listen and ask questions so that all group members can discover answers for themselves. Everyone is a learner.

  The format is informal discussion, not lecture. Questions on life, God, and the Bible can provide material for the discussion.

  People are encouraged to share their ideas honestly and openly.

  People learn as they express their discoveries. One person’s insights sharpen another’s understanding as the group discusses a topic together. Participation in the discussion increases. Interest grows. The focus is not on the leader but on the questions (and possibly the Bible passage) being discussed.

  It is helpful for the group to consist of people from different backgrounds who are willing to share their perspectives as the group learns together from each person.

  Most groups meet weekly for about an hour and a half. Some groups meet for a shorter period if there is a time limitation, such as a lunch hour at work or child-care constraints.[94]

  After the initial meeting, a group typically is open to getting together for six to eight weeks. The group members decide on the topic they are most interested in discussing, which often stems from the questions people raised about God in the first meeting. When the group has completed a six- to eight-week session, they can decide whether to continue beyond that period. If people are benefiting from the discussions and a caring community has started to develop, they will want to keep meeting. Most people recognize the rarity of this kind of gathering.

  Typically, the people you invite will have some fears about attending a group like this. Understanding potential concerns ahead of time will help you be empathetic as you extend an invitation. People are afraid to expose their ignorance and be judged. They don’t know what to expect, and they worry they’ll be stuck in a long-term commitment. If you have built trusting relationships with those you are inviting, some of these fears will be minimized or can be discussed openly as you invite them. It helps to ask open-ended questions to find out more about any concerns they express. Listen well to what they share and address their fears with short but clear answers.

  Colin, Krissy, and I set a date, but we faced some challenges when we began inviting people to our newly forming group. I was relatively new to the area and didn’t have a lot of non-Christian friends. I didn’t know if the people I was thinking of asking would trust me enough to seriously consider my invitation. Colin worried that inviting his non-Christian friends would ruin or change the relationships he had with them. Krissy planned to invite a few friends from her workplace, and she was not only afraid to ask but also was concerned that asking would cause trouble with her job.

  We prayed that God would make it easy for Krissy to extend invitations. One day she went to work knowing that the time had arrived for her to invite her friend Laurie. But as soon as Krissy arrived, Laurie came right up to her and asked if Krissy knew of a Bible study that she could join! Are you kidding? Krissy thought. Did God ever make it easy!

  Laurie became one of our group’s most faithful participants. She had many questions and was eager to learn. The group meant so much to her, giving her a good understanding of what it meant to be a Christian and why it was important to study the Bible. With a growing foundation of what she believed about God, she attended her Catholic church with a new sense of purpose. I loved Laurie’s seeking heart. The prophet Jeremiah speaks on God’s behalf when he writes, “When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me” (Jeremiah 29:12-13, MSG). Our invitation gave Laurie the chance to look for God. He w
as already at work in her life before Krissy invited her to join us.

  Paul was another regular participant in our group, and he had not been on anyone’s list! Here’s what happened: Colin asked his friend Ed to join our group, and in turn, Ed invited Colin to a different event about a spiritual topic where Colin met Paul. Paul was interested in biblical prophecy and the Bible, but he wasn’t sure whether that meant he wanted a personal relationship with Jesus. After being part of our group, Paul is a now a strong believer who loves Jesus. He’d say he grew to love everyone in our group too. He also met his girlfriend, Anna, there—a huge added bonus!

  Establishing Guidelines

  When you begin to talk about spiritual matters with a diverse group of people, they are likely to be uneasy. People relax when there are clear ground rules that will guide the discussions, maintain a safe environment, and respect each person’s opinions and time.

  Q Place guidelines have been developed and time-tested by thousands of small groups. They are printed in the back of every Q Place discussion guide and are also available on a separate guidelines card so that each participant in a Q Place can have them in hand for every discussion.[95] When initiators go through the guidelines together at the first meeting, they set the stage for everyone to understand the nature of the group and the tips for a healthy discussion. The guidelines help everyone feel from the beginning that the group will be a safe place for exploring the real questions they have about life, God, and the Bible.

  Whenever a new person joins the group, it’s good to read the guidelines again with everyone. Over time, initiators can have the group self-evaluate, discuss areas for improvement, and encourage everyone to keep each other—including the initiators themselves—on track.

  One of the basic guidelines is to begin and end on time. Another reminds everyone not to judge others. Each participant then knows that he or she can share a belief that won’t be criticized or immediately “fixed” by a well-meaning facilitator or participant. When there is acceptance and respect regardless of opinions shared, people can feel safe to express themselves honestly in the group discussions.

  More Prayer

  Did I mention that prayer is essential? I’ll say it again. Prayer is the foundational building block of any Q Place. From the beginning, prayer is needed to start an ongoing spiritual discussion group, and it will continue to be a necessary component as you meet because this is God’s work. He certainly invites you to participate with him, but as Jesus says in John 6:44-45, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them, and I will raise them up at the last day. It is written in the Prophets: ‘They will all be taught by God.’ Everyone who has heard the Father and learned from him comes to me.”

  In the beginning of a group, prayer will not be visible to participants. It’s something that happens behind the scenes. It’s good to pray before the participants arrive, after they leave, and during the days between your meetings. At some point in time, when you sense it is appropriate, let the participants know that you and your co-initiators are willing to pray for them as they are willing to share prayer requests. You could keep a prayer journal in which someone from the group writes down requests. Toward the end of the meeting, before you conclude, you could ask the group if there are things about which they’d like prayer. Assure them that what they share is confidential. After prayer requests are shared, one of the initiators could briefly close in prayer, covering those requests, if your triad believes the group is ready for praying out loud.

  Choosing Curriculum

  We talked a lot in chapter 9 about the importance of being learner centered as we facilitate. But if the facilitators are not teaching during these ongoing discussions, then how will people learn and grow in their understanding of God? It may start with very simple, icebreaker-type questions that encourage people to share honest thoughts about life and to discover that the group really will be a nonthreatening place to explore what they believe.

  When the group communicates specific needs or questions about God, you may suggest a topic that you could discuss together. Having a good discussion resource helps to support topical discussions. While you will find thousands of possibilities out there, not all of them use the inductive or asking approach, focused on the learner. Many Bible study resources are designed to show you the conclusions of the author of the study rather than to help you make discoveries and reach conclusions for yourself. Also, while there are many great books and great DVDs out there about God and the Bible, often the authors or teachers become the main text rather than the Bible itself.

  Here are two helpful criteria for choosing discussion resources for your group:

  Is the curriculum inductive, promoting self-discovery by asking open-ended, discussion-producing questions?

  Does the curriculum point participants to the Bible and to Jesus?

  Getting people into the Bible is the best vehicle for reaching the ultimate destination of knowing God completely through Jesus Christ. People are often ambivalent or even resistant to the Bible, but it’s the best source we have to understand God’s plan, purpose, and love for us. The greatest story of all time, the living Word of God can expose our need for him better than any Christian trying to “convert” someone. The author of Hebrews declares, “The word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).

  Prayer is essential in your triad as you seek discernment about your group’s readiness to read Scripture together. Many people are not willing to look at Scripture when they first join a group; they are not sure it has something to say to them personally, and they are not convinced that it is true. In the trial meeting, where participants get a taste of what it would be like to discuss important questions of life, God, and the Bible, it usually works well to read a short section of Scripture and ask questions that help the group discuss it.

  The trial meeting usually reveals the interest of the participants. Often groups just want to discuss their questions about God, and initially there isn’t a lot of reference to Scripture. It’s good to be careful. Rushing into something that participants are not ready to discuss is likely to reduce trust, causing them to feel that you have an agenda. As initiators are sensitive to the readiness of group participants, they can take Spirit-led risks to introduce Scripture into the group in a way that honors their level of openness.

  It may start with reading a short section of Scripture printed on a sheet of paper, having copies for everyone to read and discuss, or pulling up a verse through an app like YouVersion. You could ask five simple questions of each passage:

  What does this reveal about God?

  What does this reveal about people?

  What else did you learn?

  If you believed this was true, how would you apply it in your life?

  If you put it into practice, what could be the challenges? What could be the benefits?

  Later, if your group is ready to look at what the Bible says in more depth, together either choose a book of the Bible that is likely to answer the main questions the group is asking, or see what the Bible has to say about a topic the group has picked. If participants are curious about Jesus, study the Gospel of Mark, which is the shortest and simplest account of his life and teachings.

  Scripture is a powerful tool for transforming the human heart. In 2011, Lifeway Research did a study to discover the common traits of disciples who were maturing in their faith. They surveyed one thousand pastors and four thousand Protestants in the US and Canada. The survey identified eight attributes of discipleship: (1) Bible engagement, (2) obeying God and denying self, (3) serving God and others, (4) sharing Christ, (5) exercising faith, (6) seeking God, (7) building relationships, and (8) being unashamed and transparent. They found that Bible engagement was the top attribute that affects one’s spiritual maturity—more than the rest of the seven discipleship attributes combi
ned! Not only that, but growth in Bible engagement is correlated with growth in all seven of the other attributes.[96]

  One thing is clear: As God leads, he will also use his Word in the lives of everyone in the group. In Isaiah 55:10-11 God declares:

  As the rain and the snow

  come down from heaven,

  and do not return to it

  without watering the earth

  and making it bud and flourish,

  so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

  so is my word that goes out from my mouth:

  It will not return to me empty,

  but will accomplish what I desire

  and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

  Doubting and Drop-Off Is Normal

  People living far from God may not be predictable when it comes to regular attendance and preparation for a group. That’s another reason prayer is so important; it protects participants from some of the normal distractions that could keep them from coming, and it protects initiators from discouragement.

  In one of the final scenes the Bible shows us of Jesus with his disciples, we see them gathered on a mountain just before he ascends to heaven. Over the previous three years, Jesus had spent the majority of his time with these men. One of the Twelve had betrayed him. The remaining eleven had seen him die and then experienced the miracle of his resurrection. Yet in Matthew 28:17, we read astonishing words about these remaining eleven: “When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted.”