The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations

by Mary Schaller

  Parents can identify with this phenomenon. When they simply ask, “Can someone clear the dishes from the table?” all of the children will slowly slink away, with none of them thinking that it is their responsibility. Everyone assumes that someone else will do it.

  Jesus sent you on a mission in the world. His commission to make new disciples has your name all over it. And he has shown you how to walk the way, modeling how simple it is. As simple as giving someone a cold cup of water.

  Let’s look again at The Message’s version of Matthew 10:42, which we referenced in chapter 2. Jesus sent his disciples out into ministry with these words:

  This is a large work I’ve called you into, but don’t be overwhelmed by it. It’s best to start small. Give a cool cup of water to someone who is thirsty, for instance. The smallest act of giving or receiving makes you a true apprentice. You won’t lose out on a thing.

  We all have a chance to bring the Kingdom of God to this sinful world. It is a Kingdom of love, and we’re part of it through our relationship with Christ and through his life in us. We’ll be able to share it a little bit at a time by noticing, praying, listening, asking questions, loving, and welcoming. But we have to start doing something. As Matthew West’s song “Do Something” reminds us, “If not us, then who? . . . If not now, then when?”[103]

  We can do something! Within the covers of this book, you have seen nine simple practices that get Christians off the bleachers and into the action. At the same time, followers of Jesus have an ongoing “ringside seat” for what God is doing all around them in people’s lives. This fuels their own faith journeys and points other people directly to the love of Jesus. Giving people continual, steady sips of grace and truth builds a solid foundation of faith in the lives of those unreached by the institutional church. With The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations, churches have the opportunity to equip almost everyone in their congregations for vibrant, vital outreach.

  Gabe Lyons, a young evangelical leader and the author of The Next Christians, says:

  I believe this moment is unlike any other time in history. Its uniqueness demands an original response. If we fail to offer a different way forward, we risk losing entire generations to apathy and cynicism. Our friends will continue to drift away, meeting their need for spiritual transcendence through other forms of worship and communities of faith that may be less true but more authentic and appealing.[104]

  Streams of Living Water

  The apostle John records an event that happened at the Temple courts in Jerusalem while Jesus and his disciples were there for the Jewish Festival of Tabernacles:

  Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.” By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive. Up to that time the Spirit had not been given, since Jesus had not yet been glorified.

  JOHN 7:37-39

  It seems from these verses that anyone seeking God is invited to come to Jesus for a satisfying drink. And those who believe in Jesus will be astonished by the rivers of water that will flow out from within them, naturally pointing those who are seeking God to Jesus. I can’t help but picture millions of followers of Jesus with living water flowing from their lives—rushing, transformative water that started as a simple drink.

  In Ezekiel 47:1-12, the prophet Ezekiel recounts a vision of water bubbling up from the altar in the yet-to-be-built Temple. The stream of water heads eastward through the inner court, then through the outer court, and out the Temple complex along the southern side of the outer eastern gate.

  A man with a tape measure takes Ezekiel eastward, measuring off the equivalent of seventeen hundred feet, and then leads him through water that is ankle-deep. The depth increases at each interval: from his ankle, to his knee, to his waist, and finally to such depth that it cannot be crossed. This river continues to run southeasterly toward the Jordan Valley and then flows into the Dead Sea.

  The Dead Sea got that name because nothing can live in it. You certainly would never want to drink its water. From Hebrew, the name is often translated as “the Sea of Death.” With 34.8 percent salinity, the Dead Sea is 9.6 times as salty as the ocean. It is 47 miles long, 11 miles wide at its widest point, and 1,300 feet deep—the deepest salt lake in the world. The water is so salty that it cannot sustain any life.

  In Ezekiel’s vision, the expanding, abundant freshwater stream causes the Dead Sea—this well-known body of lifelessness—to become alive with sea life! The man takes Ezekiel back to the riverbank, where he sees a great number of trees on each side. The man, who seems to be an angel, tells Ezekiel that wherever the river flows there will be fish of many kinds and fishermen spreading their nets. The fruit trees will bear fruit every month, and the leaves not only will never fall off the trees but also will be used for healing. Wherever it flows, this divine river brings life.

  The water here comes from God’s residence, the Temple, beginning as a trickle at the altar. This river seems similar to the one that John sees in his vision of heaven, a river that flows down the city’s street from the throne of God (see Revelation 22). Both rivers are similar in purpose and indicate that fruitfulness and healing come from God and his throne.

  I find it intriguing that water is sometimes a barrier in Scripture (such as in Exodus, when the Jewish people are trying to leave Egypt and the Red Sea is in their way) or a source of destruction (such as during the plagues when God turned the Nile River to blood, killing the fish and removing the Egyptians’ source of drinking water). But at other times Scripture mentions that God is the source of water, and it is life giving and healing:

  This is what the LORD says—

  he who made a way through the sea,

  a path through the mighty waters,

  who drew out the chariots and horses,

  the army and reinforcements together,

  and they lay there, never to rise again,

  extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:

  “Forget the former things;

  do not dwell on the past.

  See, I am doing a new thing!

  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

  I am making a way in the wilderness

  and streams in the wasteland.”

  ISAIAH 43:16-19

  What if God is doing a new thing right now, mobilizing and equipping all of us who are followers of Jesus to be rivers of living water in the wastelands of our neighborhoods, communities, and workplaces? What if we knew how to bring Jesus to a hurting world right where we are, without all of the answers but with a willingness to engage the questions people are asking? Our purpose is to bring life to the dead sea of humanity living each day without Christ.

  Hugh Halter reminds us of “four incarnational nuances of speaking of Jesus” that are worth sharing as we encourage you to have ongoing spiritual conversations with the people God has placed around you. He says, “Keep a running conversation. Talk when they ask you to. Talk about the kingdom. Talk about the King.”[105]

  Many people are harassed and helpless, living in quiet desperation, thirsty for a taste of a better life. Within us, we have a never-ending supply of living water to share. But making disciples is not easy. It requires staying close to the source of the water, living in complete dependence on Jesus.

  In his book on the great evangelical recession, John Dickerson concludes:

  We stand at the hinge of a great moving in Christ’s church. God, in His plan, placed us at this time of historic opportunity. His most valuable possession—His bride—is ours to guide gently and boldly through the 21st century. She will either draw closer to His heart and plan, or drift further from it. Her spiritual decay or restoration depends, in your sphere, on you and your leadership.[106]

  It will take all of us walking the way of Jesus to change the trajectory of the church. By noticing, praying, listening, asking questions, loving, welcoming, facilit
ating, serving together, and sharing the Good News, we give people tangible expressions of the fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives, expressed as nine compelling qualities in Galatians 5:22-23: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, [and] self-control” (NASB).

  The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations are cups of cool water that will open the floodgates of curiosity and draw people—your own friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers—to become engaged in ongoing conversations about God. Walking the way of Jesus means that we create small-group communities where it is safe to explore what we believe, just as Jesus provided for his twelve disciples when he was on earth. When we actively walk the way of Jesus, we will grow spiritually and in fellowship with other believers. Churches will spring to new life. Inviting people we know to come to church will be more natural, and the result will be more satisfying.

  As people taste the cups of cool water for themselves, discover Jesus’ offer to them, and believe in him, they will experience for themselves the transformation, life, and healing of those abundant rivers of living water.

  Discover

  Which people in your life might be “thirsty” for God?

  What would be a good next step or “cup of cold water” that you could give to each of them?

  Practice

  Ask God to show you what he wants you to do as a result of reading this book to get you on a new path of making disciples as Jesus did?

  Aim to begin incorporating The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations into your life every day. Pick one a week and focus on improvement.

  Keep praying for the list of people you developed in an earlier chapter—the people you believe God may be calling you to engage in spiritual conversations. Consider putting copies of the list where you’ll see it each day, such as in your car, on your bathroom mirror, or at your desk. As new relationships form or existing relationships deepen, keep praying about next steps with each of them.

  Acknowledgments

  Mary Schaller:

  When I was introduced to “the art of noticing” back in 2010 at a Q Place event, I was intrigued but concerned it was too elementary. How wrong I was! In our busy, self-focused culture, we are hungry for simple practices that enable us to live more like Jesus in our conversations and relationships with others. Jesus was the ultimate noticer, prayer, listener, question asker, welcomer, and lover of people.

  Slowly, over time, we identified nine common behaviors that Jesus regularly exhibited when engaging people in meaningful conversations about God and the Scriptures. Hence, the foundational principles for The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations were born. Colleagues Judson Polling, Doug Pollock, and Jeff Klein were tremendous partners in creating the thirty-six inductive learning modules that eventually made up the Q Place 9 Arts curriculum in the subsequent three years.

  I am deeply grateful to John Crilly for his outstanding contribution to this content, and to the rest of the team for your creativity, insights, and hard work on this important project. Special thanks to Karen Schleicher, our Q Place publishing leader, who worked diligently behind the scenes in all aspects of its creation and refinement; and to Kristin Thompson, my beloved daughter and the mother of three of my precious grandchildren, who stayed up long after her bedtime to read and edit my writing.

  We are truly grateful to Tyndale House for publishing our discussion guides back in the 1970s and ’80s, and now for publishing this important book. We have thoroughly enjoyed working with your entire talented team once again.

  This book’s evolution goes back to 2001, when my dear friends Judy Squier and Kristin Day unwittingly accepted my invitation to start a spiritual conversation group for women with diverse beliefs about God in a small San Francisco Bay–area town called Portola Valley. I would have neither story to tell nor wisdom to share if not for that group. They changed my perspective on how ordinary Christians can talk about God with people who believe differently. Though I can’t list each of the dozens of people who came into my living room over those years, you know who you are. I hope you know how grateful I am for what you taught me about God, this fascinating relational process, and myself. We had a lot of fun, too.

  I’m grateful for my dear friends Caron Heimbuck, Barby Farmer, Eloise Pollock, Ethel Newell, LJ Anderson, and others who helped me grow in my relationship with Jesus. Many thanks to pastors Ben Pierce, Tim Sandquist, and Eric Rust, who walked alongside me as encouragers during those formative years, helping me to understand the theological meaning of these group encounters and their relevance to the church. It was during those years that Lee Strobel, Mark Mittelberg, and Garry Poole were helpful to me as mentors while my vocational call came into focus. I’m thankful that I met Fran Goodrich, who introduced me to Neighborhood Bible Studies (now known as Q Place) and the board that ended up hiring me as president of this remarkable ministry.

  Thank you, Colin Moody and Krissy Rosedale, for helping me better understand triads and how they provide such a solid foundation for Q Place facilitation and launching groups. Our own Q Place in Sandpoint, Idaho, taught me so much and kept my internal fire red-hot for this form of relational, conversational discipleship while I led the ministry during those years.

  Thank you, Rich Berg, for your unconditional support of my leadership and the ministry of Q Place over the past several years. You are a tremendous reminder to me of God’s provision and faithfulness! How can I ever thank you enough?

  I am so grateful to my dad for loving and believing in me always, providing a perfect illustration of our heavenly Father’s love for me. I wish you were still alive today, Dad, to see this book come out and read how it talks about our spiritual conversations and how much impact they had on both of us. Terry and Tom, my two wonderful siblings, thanks for all of our conversations about God and how you’ve been so supportive of my own spiritual journey.

  The most gracious gift God has given me in this lifetime (next to Jesus, of course) is my amazing husband, Paul. You have always been my biggest cheerleader and life partner. Your family of origin’s nickname for you, Gibraltar, still fits you well today, as you have been a foundational rock in our family, enabling us to grow and flourish. I love you with all of my heart. Thank you! And thank you to my three adult children—Kristin, Mike, and David—and your wonderful families, who give our lives such meaning and joy.

  Jesus, thank you for your amazing grace that has saved a wretch like me. It’s that saving grace, which changed my life, that I want to share with everyone I meet. Your love and forgiveness give true hope to this broken world. This verse in Acts 20:24 is increasingly true for me: “I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” Let it be so.

  John Crilly:

  There are so many books—so many good books. So why write another one? We felt compelled to write this book as our contribution to the conversation—as an encouragement to ordinary Christians, inviting them into the adventure of having conversations about God with people who believe differently, and giving them a natural on-ramp to greater love and understanding using Jesus’ behavioral practices. Our crazy dream is that more Christians would rise up in love and engage their cultures with the alluring, dynamic truth and beauty of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

  But a book can never be born in the absence of ideas. So I want to thank the many people who influenced the creation and content of this book. First, I want to thank my cousin Andy, who chose to engage with me when I was very far from God. Andy was a safe place for me to begin my spiritual journey toward Jesus. Thank you, God-of-the-Second-Chance, for pursuing me, transforming my life, making me into a “new creation,” and leading me to an amazing church home. I want to thank my pastors at Willow Creek Community Church throughout the years, whose incredible teaching, leadership, insight, and wisdom informed my worldview and taught me about God’s immense heart for people. Thanks especially to Bill Hybels, John
Ortberg, and Lee Strobel. You have mentored me from a distance.

  I am grateful to Randy Siever and Jim Henderson for introducing us to the simple but profound concept of noticing (“the cultural equivalent of a cold cup of water”) and for continuing to be supportive friends. Thanks to great friends and core volunteers Jack Armbruster and Dave Demas, who wrestled with these ideas in their early stages, including countless discussions on everything from sabermetrics to the four stages of learning. Your sacrificial investment of time and thought helped form and advance these ideas. And, of course, I am thankful to my coauthor, Mary Schaller, for her significant contribution to this material, for collaborating with me on the content, and for striving for excellence, simplicity, and clarity throughout the entire process.

  I am thankful for the great people I have known through the years who have provided me with real-life opportunities to test and live out these behavioral “arts” as I have tried to walk the way of Jesus—in the day-to-day moments with my colleagues over twenty-three years; in the marketplace crucible of dissatisfied customers, difficult coworkers, deadlines, mistakes, and stress; in the week-to-week moments around my neighborhood; and in the year-by-year friendships that have the history and hidden knowledge of seeing me fail, succeed, and grow in Christ over time and with many apologies. In all these times, I was able to see Jesus show up in their lives and mine.

  Once the ideas were hatched, they needed to be developed. I am thankful to the team that helped support us in developing the content for the training curriculum that eventually formed the basis of this book, including Karen Schleicher, Jeff Klein, Doug Pollock, and especially Judson Poling. Judson, your contributions were incredibly valuable. Also, a big thank-you to Doug Knox and his team at Tyndale House Publishers for seeing the value in these concepts and believing in the project.