Protected by the Wolves: Paranormal Biker Reverse Harem Romance

by Lilly Wilder

  “Maybe,” he growled. I figured it was a sign of progress at least and rather than being turned away by his rough manner and his curt tone, my heart opened up to him. I wanted to help him. This was a man who had been betrayed by his family, who had discovered that his father didn’t abide by the values that he had taught to Buck, and now the pack was all that Buck had. He claimed to not care about anything else, but I knew that wasn’t true. He just didn’t let himself care. I had a sense of what the underlying issue was because I had been through the same thing, although I didn’t voice it at the time because he wasn’t ready to hear it and he’d only have denied it anyway. Perhaps in time I would share it with him, when we had a deeper connection. But the issue was that he was afraid of turning into his father, afraid that if he had a family he might leave the pack he claimed to love so much. He came here to fix his father’s mistake, but he was paralyzed by the fear of repeating that mistake. I was exactly the same; always so afraid that I would end up like my mother and expect my children to follow a path that had been denied to me.

  I pressed a hand to his arm and squeezed it gently, deciding that now was the best time to leave.

  “Thank you again Buck,” I said, and leaned forward to offer him an affectionate kiss. The gesture took him by surprise and he mumbled something in reply, before he turned away from me and continued to rest. I took a last look at him before I left the room, confused by the swirl of emotions that ran through my mind.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I left Buck and despite being in there for a little while, Jack and the other wolves had not yet returned. Although it was awkward I knew I had to find Matt and talk to him, not just about Buck, but about what had happened between us. I walked back into the bar and found him cleaning up. He had taken the dead wolves away and was in the process of sweeping up glass and righting the tables and chairs. I walked up and helped him. When he saw me he stiffened and averted his gaze. He didn’t make any attempt to speak to me.

  “Buck’s awake,” I said.

  “That’s good,” he replied. I bent down to pick up a chair and watched Matt. I wasn’t entirely sure how to broach the subject with him. I wanted to try and reassure him, but there was so much uncertainty in my mind I had no idea where to really begin. When I thought of the three men, I had so much affection for all three of them, and in such different ways as well. My feelings towards them were all different, but had the same intensity.

  “Shouldn’t the others have been back by now?” I asked.

  “I suppose so, but you never know with the Hunters. I just hope they all end up coming back. If they don’t then this is all over.” His words dripped with despair and his eyes were haunted. Matt was the one that had seemed to be upbeat and chipper, but his mood had darkened. I wasn’t sure how much my rejection had played a part in that. Perhaps it was being egotistical of me to even imagine that I was important enough to have played a part, but I couldn’t help it.

  “Don’t speak like that Matt. We can’t think like that. It’ll be okay. Jack will bring them back.”

  Matt winced as I mentioned Jack’s name, although he didn’t respond.

  “Matt, about earlier,” I continued, “I’m sorry-”

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry. This is just the way it goes. Jack is the leader after all. It makes sense.”

  “No I-”

  “Honestly Trish it’s okay,” he had a mean look on his face as he shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, pretending that he didn’t care. “This is just the way it goes. I should have expected it really. When Jack said he wanted to make the pack strong I figured that what he really meant was that he wanted a mate. I tried not to fall for you at the start, but I couldn’t help myself. I could tell you were different and that day when we went walking in the meadow…I feel pathetic for saying it, but it might well have been the happiest day of my life. All I want is to protect people and keep them safe. I’m just a healer and I suppose I’ll have to find my happiness elsewhere. I’ll be able to stop caring about you like this in a while. I just need to let the pain subside first. I’ll need some space, but I’ll be okay. You don’t have to feel guilty about being with Jack or being the mother this pack needs.”

  The way he said those last few words struck a chord with me. Being the mother to the pack was a role of which I had not fully grasped the magnitude. I wasn’t just here for breeding, I was here to take care of them, to love them and help guide them to a new beginning, a new future. And I knew in that moment that I couldn’t limit my heart to Jack. As much as I felt a deep attraction and connection to him it was a crime against my own soul to ignore my desires. Jack had brought me here to save the pack and take care of the pack. I couldn’t stand by while Matt felt this way and not share some of my feelings with him.

  I moved closer and tugged at his shirt to get him to turn around. When he did, I saw the redness of his eyes. His voice had been raw with emotion when he had spoken. I made sure my voice was gentle and caring.

  “Matt, I care about you deeply and you have meant so much to me. You’re the one who first showed me kindness, who trusted me even though it went against your better judgment. This place, this pack…it has become obsessed with the past and it is a place of fear and darkness. They need you perhaps more than anyone to show them that there is a better way. We can both heal them, together. What’s more is that you allowed me to speak with my parents. You helped me break the laws of the world. You helped me do the impossible and I couldn’t ever deny that this means so much to me.”

  I lifted my hand and placed it against his cheek. He leaned into me instinctively and I was overwhelmed with a warm feeling that swelled in the pit of my stomach and ran through every part of my body. I felt a pull towards him, the same kind of pull that I felt to Jack, although it was slightly different too. The nuances were difficult to explain and in the moment I wasn’t thinking anything about that, I just knew that I wanted to make Matt happy and for him to feel like he could trust me again, especially to trust me with his heart. I moved my hand to where it rested against the back of his head and pulled him down towards me. His thick hair was soft against my fingers and his hands came around my waist, lifting me onto my tiptoes. When our lips met, the kiss was tender and deep, and I could feel the longing that had been within him from the first moment we met. My eyes closed and I drowned in his embrace, wrapping my arms around his neck, feeling the tingling sensations rushing through my body.

  I knew it was the right decision from the moment our lips met because I wasn’t filled with a sense of guilt or that this was wrong. It felt natural to kiss Matt, just as it had felt natural to be with Jack and I was intrigued by the possibilities. I thought it was no wonder that I had never been able to fit into the normal world if deep down I had always wanted a life like this. It was clear to me now that I had just been treading water until my real life had begun.

  The kiss grew deeper and his hold on me became tighter. It may well have led to more had that not been the moment when the other wolves returned.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The roar of motorcycles came thundering down the road. We had been so lost in our kiss that neither Matt nor I broke away until we saw them pulling up outside the bar, the smoke rising from the engines in a thick cloud, momentarily covering the landscape. The doors burst open and Jack walked in, his face like thunder. As soon as he saw Matt and I standing so close together with our arms around each other he stormed into the middle of the room, fists clenched by his sides. My hands fell away from Matt, and he stepped back slowly. The warmth of his touch slipped away from my waist and I was cold again.

  Although I didn’t feel any guilt there was a part of me that was shocked by the sense of being caught and panic flared inside me, not because I thought I was doing anything wrong, but because I wasn’t sure how Jack would react.

  “What’s going on here?” he asked, his voice terse, his body tense. The other members of the pack started filtering
in through the door and their voices hushed as they realized that something was afoot.

  “There was an attack,” Matt said in a wavering voice. “The Hunters came while you were gone. Buck and I managed to fight them off, but Buck’s in a pretty bad way. He’s recovering now.” We both knew that wasn’t what Jack had meant. His eye twitched and he glanced back at the rest of the pack. I got the feeling that he wanted to confront us about what had been going on, but he couldn’t risk being so petty in front of the pack, not when the clubhouse had been attacked. Jack shifted his glance between Matt and me, and then barked an order for the others to help clean up before he marched out of the room. I glanced at Matt, who offered me a shrug, and suddenly the future was clouded again. The thought of loving three men came easily to me, but juggling the emotions of all of them was going to be difficult.

  “I’ll talk to him,” I whispered, and followed Jack’s path to his room.

  *

  “I’m not sure you should be here right now. I might say something I will regret,” he said as soon as I entered, even though he had his back to the door. Sometimes their enhanced senses really annoyed me.

  “I think we need to talk.”

  “Do you? About what?”

  “Well, first about why you left me this morning without saying anything. I woke up and you were gone, only to find out that you had gone to speak with the Hunters. You might have died Jack. What if you had left without saying goodbye?”

  “I thought you’d understand. I didn’t want to worry you unduly,” Jack said.

  “It doesn’t work like that. You have to be open and honest with me. You can’t spend the night with someone and then just leave without saying anything.”

  “Is that why you feel justified in kissing Matt? I can still smell him on you, you know.”

  Those damned wolf senses. I clenched my jaw and tried to quell the anger that was rising within me as I didn’t want it to overwhelm me. I didn’t want to lose control. I was confused and tired, and all I wanted was to know where I stood.

  “What do you want from me Jack? What did you expect to happen? You said you wanted me to help bring the pack back to greatness, to use my lineage to make the pack strong again. If that’s the case then I’m going to need to be with more than you. That’s just the nature of the bargain.”

  “But it doesn’t mean you have to love all of them,” Jack hissed. I was stunned for a moment by the intensity imbued in his voice, but I was also shaken by his vulnerability. For a man who was so strong and so authoritative, so confident and commanding, his emotional state was shaky and he felt things deeply. The anger evaporated as I saw him in a new light, and love flowed through me instead, making my voice gentle. The atmosphere in the room shifted and the tension began to dissipate, but it was clear that we had some talking to do. We had rushed into sleeping together, into surrendering to our desires and passion, without thinking about the ramifications. I wondered if the same thing had happened with my parents, if my father had ever thought twice about falling in love with Mom because of what he was and because of what loving him meant for her. Some things were just inexorable though.

  “Jack…you can’t expect me not to love them. I’m not going to be able to give my heart to you and my body to everyone else, that’s not how I work. I need to be free to love who I want, and if I am going to bear children then I want to be able to choose the fathers myself. I know now that my place is here. I have accepted that fully and I will not fight it, but there are certain conditions. I have deep feelings for you Jack and I cannot fight the attraction, but I know I am meant for more than simply being the mate of the alpha. This pack…it is hurting. The wolves in it are hurting and I have come to try and soothe them. I’m sure with your senses you can see the pain that surrounds each of you. I want to help, but if we are to breed a new generation of wolves then they are going to need different qualities. This pack needs your leadership skills, but it also needs Buck’s strength, and Matt’s compassion. Don’t you see that you are all the sum parts that make a great whole, and with me in the middle of it we can breed strong wolves, but it needs everyone to be happy with the way things work out. There can be no room for jealousy or envy, or for feelings of possession.”

  As I said this Jack’s head twisted around and he glared at me. I knew I had struck a nerve but now was not the time to be coy with my words. My place in this world was becoming clearer to me with every passing moment and the clarity was welcomed within my soul. I braced myself for a barrage of emotional words, a torrent of jealousy that he needed to get out of his system but, thankfully, he calmed himself before he spoke.

  “Such a thing has been known to happen in the past,” he said. “The wolves lost their way as the world moved on. We fooled ourselves into thinking we were like the other humans and suffered from the same trappings. We lived like them, one mate, one family, but we have always been a pack. You are right. I…I apologize for my outburst. I suppose there are lingering feelings of resentment because of what happened before. I already had one woman I loved taken from me and when I saw you and Matt I had the distinct feeling it was happening again.”

  I smiled at him. “I wasn’t being taken from you Jack. Just because I have feelings for Matt does not change my feelings for you. It is like children or parents, we can love more than one of them. Romantic love should be no different, it is no different, at least not for me. I understand that now and I understand my role in the pack. But it is not only me you should apologize to. Matt did not deserve your ire.”

  Jack glowered as I said this, but he nodded in numb acceptance. “I will make it right with him. This is the best way to make the pack stronger,” he said, as though he was talking himself into accepting the way I wanted things to be. Relief washed over me as I felt the pieces falling into place and I couldn’t stop my mouth from curling into a smile.

  “So are Matt and Buck the others you have chosen?” he asked. Hearing the question put like that was striking and I almost deferred my answer, but I realized I needed no more time to decide. My feelings for Jack and Matt were deep, and Buck…well, there was something about him that made my heart cry out in pity and I wanted to show him that it was possible to love something other than the pack. I dipped my head as I nodded and replied in the affirmative, sealing my fate, promising myself to these three men, these wolves. Excitement and anticipation flickered within like a burning flame. I didn’t know where this decision was going to take me, but I was certain it was the correct one. The wolves held a special place in my heart and I knew I belonged here. Like my father before me I would lead these wolves into a new era, I would protect them as best I could and I would fill their lives with love.

  I had never made a positive decision like this before, not one that would define the course of my life. The only other major decision I had made was a negative one, to not go into the same career as my mother wanted. A flood of pure joy filled me as I welcomed this sensation of love into my heart, as I welcomed these three men into my soul. I knew I would never be in command of them and I would never ever direct the journey of the pack, but to have them be a part of me and to play a part in their lives, to offer them love and strong children filled me with a sense of purpose and I knew that I was at home.

  “We should all talk about this,” Jack said, “but first there is something that must be taken care of.”

  My heart sank instantly as it felt as though he had ripped away my idea of paradise. But a chill crept down my spine at the tone of his voice. His body took on a defensive posture and I realized that with all this talk of emotion there was still one thing that I hadn’t asked him, and that was how his meeting with the Hunters went. With them still lurking I knew there wasn’t any way for us to be happy because they would always be there, trying to tear us down and ruin our happiness, to try and stop us from living our best lives. I had seen how determined they were to get to me and to stop us from being strong, and pure, unadulterated hatred ran through my
mind.

  “We need to stop them,” I said.

  “That’s what I’m planning to do,” Jack said.

  *

  Jack and I emerged from his room and returned to the bar, where everyone apart from Buck was tidying up the mess that the Hunters had made. The men were in good spirits as Matt had evidently shared with them the story of what had happened in their absence and they reveled in the glory of battle. I could see that they had drinks in their hands and were toasting the resolve of Buck and Matt. When we entered there was a great cheer that erupted, one I assumed was for Jack, but actually it was for me.

  “I told them about the way you fended off the wolf,” Matt said.

  I blushed and nodded. Frankly I didn’t think I had done anything heroic since I had just cowered behind the bar and surviving had been a matter of fortune more than anything else, but I took their congratulations in my stride and was glad that they didn’t just see me as a weak female. Matt glanced with tension at Jack, and Jack betrayed no emotion. I offered Matt a warm smile to say that everything was going to be okay, although I didn’t know if he believed me at that moment. Jack strode into the middle of the room and was handed a glass of whiskey, which he took and slugged back, before slamming the glass down on a table. The bubble of chatter died down as all attention was focused on him. I shifted beside Matt, who looked uncomfortable, no doubt worried that Jack would look at him in enmity again.

  “It’s okay,” I whispered to Matt, “I need to talk with you after all this. I know why I’m here. I know what I want to do with this pack,” I said. I wished that I could have been more specific or at least hinted to more of an idea of what would happen in the future. I still had to see if Matt and Buck would even be happy sharing my affection and had to tell myself that the future had not been written yet, even if it made so much sense in my mind. There had been so much talk of destiny and I was not yet ready to accept that everything was laid out in a set sequence. Just because I wanted something badly, because I could foresee something working in my mind, didn’t mean that it was going to happen without any difficulty. There was a chance that neither Matt nor Buck would be interested in the kind of arrangement that I wanted. If that was the case then I would have to adjust my plans fully. It might be the case that I ended up with Jack and only Jack, and although I loved the man, that prospect did not seem as wonderful as the alternative.