by Erin R Flynn
“That’s not what I did, Inez,” Darius rasped. “I’m here. I love you and I’m here. I’ll work for you to forgive me.”
She looked at him and said the most painful thing she could without meaning to hurt him at all. “But I don’t want you to. I don’t want you back because then I’ll have to grieve for you all over when you abandon me again. Matilda was right; it’s not worth risking that pain.” She shrugged. “That’s why it’s stupid to rush, but it’s not about love when it’s a princess.
“It’s alliances and getting in the good spots. It’s forever of piling feelings and centuries of not living up to expectations. Even Sebastian, who is completely loyal to Nora, thought she didn’t love him like she did her Night and kept chasing that love. Maybe that’s the reason they really name one. You got the milk and the cow and what do you care if there’s no chase, right?
“Or I won’t give you what you need instead of you being upset I did something you didn’t like, and you could get what you need elsewhere. All you guys told me about oaths and loyalty and nobles can cheat on their princesses. Matters of the heart don’t count in the oaths Aether enforces. So no, I don’t want to give anyone else the cow and milk. And I really won’t give my heart to anyone else.
“Here I thought I was so lucky that my first love worked out, but they were right that first loves hurt the worst and scar you the worst.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and looked down at my abs. “It’s funny.”
“What is?” Darius asked quietly, sounding destroyed.
She shrugged. “How you pulled me from the life of being alone that would have eventually killed me because I didn’t know the truth, and you pushed me into a life that you’ve made me feel lonely in and will probably end up killing my soul, like all the other princesses. That you liked that I was curious and wanted to try new things, and that was what you ended up hating about me and the reason you abandoned me.”
“No, I still love that part of you too, Inez,” he choked out. “Do you really not want me to fight for you?”
“Don’t, she’s drunk,” Jaxon muttered. “She’s in pain, valid, but in pain and not seeing clearly.”
Inez moved off of me and sighed, reaching for her moonshine. “So strippers don’t live up to the hype either. I wanted fun. After what we voted on tonight I just wanted some fun.”
I swallowed loudly as I reached for her. “What did you vote on?”
“Which one of the two would leave me like one of the last two did,” she answered easily before taking another deep swig.
“What was the vote?” Kristof asked, his tone dark like he knew the answer but didn’t want it.
“Mostly you,” she answered. “You’ll come back to your senses and realize I’m a brat you only wanted because Aether pushed you, and you’ll resent me forever that I trapped you and fuck other women again because you can’t have me as you wanted. Though there were several votes for Cerdic as he seems like a guy who’s drawn to a project, and I’m a huge mess, but if he ever fixes me, he won’t want me anymore.”
“What the fuck goes on at a bachelorette party?” someone whispered.
Yeah, I had the same reaction and deep worry that she would never open back up her heart after Darius broke it so badly. That sucked for the rest of us who wanted her too.
10
“Fuck it, cancel it and send everyone home,” Kristof growled as I took another swig of peach moonshine.
“Why?” I asked him, looking over my shoulder and blinking when I saw two of him.
“Because you don’t want to do it,” he snapped, sighing when I flinched. “We get it, you changed your mind, but you should have told us this.”
“Changed my mind on what?” I frowned and pushed to my feet. I picked up a towel and tried to wrap it around me while holding the jar, which didn’t work. Petre got up and helped me, and I thanked him before looking back on Kristof. “What do you mean? I didn’t change my mind.”
“You just said you didn’t want to do this.”
I nodded as I sat back down facing him this time. “Right, but that wasn’t changing my mind.”
“What do you mean, love?” Cerdic asked, waving Kristof off. “You wanted to do this.”
“No, I didn’t,” I argued, glancing between them, wondering how much they’d had to drink too. “Did you ever ask if I wanted to do this? No, you asked if I would. Yes, I’ll do it. No one asked me if I wanted to. Well, Hope, but that was it. Everyone asked if I would, or if I was okay with it, if I agreed to do it. Yes, yes, and yes, but that’s not wanting to.”
“Holy shit,” someone whispered as if they were just realizing there was a difference.
I shrugged. “It’s what I need to do, right? You guys have both said that. Repeatedly. It’s good for the coven. It’s another layer of protection. You both want it and I love you. I don’t want to change any of what we have. I think it’s stupid to do it so fast, and I don’t want to lose what I feel for you or realize you didn’t feel as much for me as I thought.”
“Inez, that’s not…” Cerdic trailed off, swallowing loudly. “Darius messed up but…” He glanced at Darius, and I did as well, before looking back to Cerdic.
“Don’t worry, he won’t stay. He doesn’t love me like that. He got me. That was all that mattered. Just look at Jaxon.”
“What did I do?” Jaxon demanded. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Wrong? No, you’ve kept your oath and you love me, but I don’t want to lose what I have with Cerdic and Kristof like I did you.”
“You didn’t lose anything,” he argued. “Nothing changed after we married.”
“Huh,” I grunted before taking another drink. “Okay.” I shrugged, annoyed my fun was ruined and a bit hurt he could say that. “So we’ve had more hunting and jerky dates? Or we’ve done those massages? No, right, you got me. No more courting after I accept your oath. No more raiding dates. No more picnics. No more asking for the milk when you got the cow.”
“That’s not how—”
“So you taught me to fish like you promised?” I gestured to the other nobles. “They bring me stuff all the time and do anything they can to make me smile, like you used to. I mean I have a line of men waiting, so I guess that’s the answer when you’ve won the prize of the princess and don’t want to worry about courting fun anymore.”
“Inez, you’ve not been open to all of that,” Jaxon defended quietly.
“Oh, okay, so that picnic I brought to the room trying to do just that and you ignored wanting shower sex? I didn’t leave the bins of reward lingerie out so you tripped over them. I didn’t ask you to play Scrabble?” I chuckled darkly when he didn’t answer. “Oh, wait, I did all of that.” I looked at Kristof and Cerdic. “So no, I don’t want to lose that, but I will. I’ll ask someone to take over tai chi.”
“I’m sorry,” Jaxon whispered. “I’m so sorry, Inez.”
I shrugged before finishing the jar. “What’s that stupid phrase I hate? ‘First world problems’ because people misused it, not understanding it was a political distinction. Other people are getting eaten by corrupted or living in hell because it’s the apocalypse, and I’m going to bitch one husband abandoned me and the other didn’t love me as much as I thought?
“Didn’t want me as much as I wanted him and was glad I was just easy? It’s fine, rush and lock me in so the working for it is done. I don’t listen to the promises anymore since they were said in the heat of the moment or whatever. I didn’t know that was a thing and believed them all. Stupid, naïve Inez, right? Clueless baby who turns on the power and is a catch and nothing more.”
I pushed to stand and went for another jar, but it was taken out of my hand by Kristof. He cupped my face and lowered his forehead to mine.
“You are more to me than that, and I do not love you because of Aether’s pushing. I love you in spite of it.” I wasn’t sure what to say that didn’t sound like I was calling him a liar, so I nodded. “You don’t believe me?”
I pulled away from him and went for my clothes, dry enough now to put them back on. I did and hung up the towel, no one saying anything as I did. I went over to Sisay and asked him to take me home.
“Yeah, sure thing, Inez,” he whispered, tucking my wet hair behind my ear. He leaned in and kissed my forehead before picking me up and whisking us back to the castle. I got a kiss on the hair this time when he set me down. “You want help up to your room?”
“Nope, gonna raid the kitchen,” I muttered, giving him a wave. “Thanks, Sisay.”
“Anytime.”
I headed inside, ignoring it was hard to walk a straight line as I made my way to the kitchen. I found Sebastian there building a tray and snorted. “Nora has to tell me her secret. It’s been centuries and you’re still so attentive to her. Under six months and one basically left me, but he can’t, and the other just enjoys that he has the cow.” I sighed, sounding whiny to my own ears and went to the fridge.
“I don’t have an answer,” he said gently. “But I will say we’ve had our ups and downs too, Inez. You’ll get through this.”
I grabbed a platter of sandwiches and a bottle of water before sitting at the table. “I read that most people have a honeymoon phase from three months to two years. I never got one and I married two men, Sebastian. I don’t think that’s something to fix, but that I don’t have the value they thought.”
“That is not true,” Jaxon said from the doorway.
I shrugged yet again. “Trisha says it’s because I spoiled you guys. Maybe the first sign was when you forgot I agreed to let you pick my outfit.” I looked up at him. “When was the last time you asked to do that?”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
I stopped myself from shrugging that time, picking up a sandwich and staring at it before taking a bite. “Nothing to be sorry for if you don’t want to do it. It was probably childish anyways, right?”
I swallowed the rest of what I might have said, realizing my mouth was really getting away from me, and took another bite. I talked too much when I drank which was why I hadn’t been drinking.
At all.
That plan might have backfired.
I gave Sebastian a wave when he said goodnight. Jaxon came in and sat down with me, reaching for a sandwich as well.
“Is that why you stopped making sure I put my blood on your ring every day?” he asked quietly.
I swallowed my next bite loudly, taking a drink of water before nodding. “I felt stupid always having to make it a thing and interrupting you like the kid who wanted attention. Being at my side for you seemed to mean hot shower sex and handling stuff for the coven. I tried, but when you weren’t interested, I didn’t want to push and risk losing another husband.”
“You still love me though, right?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Do you love us like you did?” Darius asked from the doorway.
I thought about that as I finished my sandwich. I put on the cover and stuck it in the fridge again before grabbing my water. “Does it matter?”
“It does to me,” Jaxon said firmly.
“Me too,” Darius agreed.
“No, I don’t.” I shook my head when they went to say something. “There’s a line of men waiting and—”
“I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it,” Darius cut in moving closer, but stopping just short of touching me. “Please, I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did,” I whispered as I pushed my hair over my shoulder, wishing I had a hair tie. “You all do, but you were just the one who said it.”
“What does that mean?” Jaxon demanded as he stood, his sandwich forgotten.
I frowned. “You all act like that. There’s someone else to push me off on for the part you don’t want or will do what you won’t. I mean, you pushed me to Kristof. Then you all push towards Branko. Kristof pushes me towards his friends. Now the other guys. Share the cow, build the court, right? I should have listened because you were saying it from the beginning you felt like that.”
“No, we didn’t and we’ve not communicated that clearly, so that’s on us,” Jaxon argued.
“If you say so.” I didn’t want to fight about it or even talk anymore. I wanted to crash, too much crazy wearing me down and I was thirsty too, but I couldn’t handle that right then or them.
I left, realizing I could handle that and didn’t go to my room, my subconscious not keeping up with my conscious, and then I was knocking on someone’s door.
“Inez?” James asked as he opened it up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “What’s wrong, sexy bite? Trisha said the party took a bad turn.”
“Can I stay with you tonight?”
He didn’t hide his shock well but then nodded, letting me in. He closed the door behind me and locked it. “There are a lot of things I want to be to you, Inez, but a regret isn’t one of them.”
“Didn’t come here for that,” I promised. That wasn’t to say I didn’t want to have sex with him. I did. I liked James way too much. “I was thirsty and your blood won’t set me on fire where I lose my head.” I turned and headed for the bedroom of his suite. “I just don’t want to feel lonely tonight. You agree with me and you won’t ever want the cow.”
“You lost me on that but okay,” he mumbled as he came with me. He groaned when I kicked off my clothes but kept on my undergarments. “How do they sleep with you naked and not touch you?”
“We’re friends,” I answered, getting he meant the other cat shifters.
“Uh-huh,” he grunted and got in bed first. “Come here, Inez.”
I nodded, sliding in next to him. I turned so I was laying on him, but then I realized that was tempting and I was drunk, so my hands might wander. Plus, I could look up at him and that did things to me inside. Instead, I turned on my side and pulled him with me.
“What can I do?” he whispered as he snuggled in to spoon me.
“Nothing,” I rasped. “I can’t change that I’m a princess, no one can.” I closed my eyes as tears formed because that was what I’d been wishing for again. More than that, I kept wishing I was a cat shifter when I looked at James. He might love me then and want to be with me.
Only me. No sharing with friends. No passing me along or trying to add men to my bed. No, shifters were possessive and normally mated one they loved fiercely, even after they got the milk and cow. That sounded so nice, so perfect.
Way better than two husbands with the way things turned out, and two more soon that I doubted would be any different.
“Tell me what you’re thinking, Inez,” James whispered, his lips pressed against my ear.
But I didn’t. I had sobered up enough that my mouth stayed shut and I fell asleep burying my thoughts and desires deep, deep inside.
I woke slowly, easily, and not worried or startled for once. It was nice.
“Shit, Inez, I really like waking up this way,” James murmured in my ear, his stubble scratching my neck as his hands moved a bit. The fingers of his right hand were teasing the waist of my panties and I liked it too.
“Me too,” I admitted, snuggling into the pillow.
“What are you thinking?”
“Something I shouldn’t be and can’t change.”
He flinched before kissing my hair. “Yeah, I’ve thought the same thing.”
Really? Wow, I was shocked he got what I meant too. I sighed. “Life would still be a mess. I mean, there’s Vance and your cousins. It would still be complicated and not fix everything, right?”
“No, it wouldn’t, sexy bite,” he breathed in my ear. “And I like the person you are. Y
ou might not have been the Inez we know if you were something different.”
I nodded, letting out a shaky breath. I hadn’t thought of that. That was a really good point. If I was a shifter, my life would have had a completely different trajectory. “We might never have met then.”
“Or you could have died in one of the cities that got bombed,” he rasped, hugging me to him. “This is better.”
“I—” I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, but I flinched when someone pounded on the door.
James sighed and moved over me to get out of bed. He leaned down and tossed me my clothes. “So there isn’t more drama than there’s about to be.”
I nodded, understanding he knew who was at the door and they were there for me. I yanked on my shirt and shorts, no clue where my shoes were, but didn’t care. Yawning as I slid out of bed, I wished yet again I had a hair tie.
“I want to speak with my wife,” Jaxon said from the door.
“Nothing happened,” James muttered. “She just needed a place that was neutral.”
“You are not neutral,” Jaxon snapped.
“No, but I’m also not one of you idiots,” he threw right back.
I walked right by them, shaking my head that this was a thing when they’d told me to do whatever I wanted with my knights. So sex was fine but not sleeping? And now Jaxon cared when he was throwing me at so many others?
They didn’t even see me leave.
I needed to shower and change for the day, but I was seriously thirsty and dehydrated for blood and water, so I headed to the dining hall. I wanted the kitchen, but I didn’t want to get in their way when we had guests and so much going on with the rehearsal dinner. I had just grabbed a bottle of water when they figured out I was gone and walked into the room.
“You’re not hearing me,” James bitched. “She didn’t whimper or stir, not once.”
“She was plastered and passed out,” Jaxon argued.
“Or it’s hard to settle and relax fully when the person you’re sleeping with changes and she never knows who she’ll be waking up with.”