Fearless in Love

by Bella Andre

  Kiddo. That's what Gideon had always called her. Hearing Zach say it brought tears welling up again.

  "I know he would have come home for me. I'm just not sure he would have found me." After all, she'd been searching for three years and gotten nowhere. "The only thing I know is that he got out about nine years ago."

  Zach nodded. "We both did. It was a fu--" He cut himself off. "Sorry, kiddo." He gave her a sheepish grin. "My wife gets on my case about the language 'cause of the kids. Anyway, it was a mess over there."

  "And there was something about Gideon losing some guys?" After nine years of a total black hole of information about her brother, she had to know everything.

  "IED. Lost his team. Three of his people. Damn near broke him in two. It wasn't his fault, but I'd'a felt the same if it were my guys. That's what got him in the end. The guilt, ya know."

  "And what about you? Why did you leave?"

  He swore softly, then just as quickly added, "Sorry. But hell, we couldn't have Alias Smith all by himself. It was Alias Smith and Jones or nothing." He drifted deep inside himself again. "It was time, ya know. The longer you're there, the higher the risk. I figured, without Gideon, my number just might be up."

  "When did you last see him?" Matt's voice was low.

  "I only saw him once after we got stateside."

  Outside, children laughed. The sun was still shining. Yet inside, Ari felt as though darkness had fallen.

  "He just vanished?" she asked.

  "He didn't want to see me." Zach's expression was tight, but not with anger. With understanding. "I made him remember. And remembering tore him up."

  For a moment, her hopes plummeted. Zach had said in the beginning that they'd lost touch, but it went deeper than that. And she'd been so hopeful there'd be more clues to follow after they talked with him.

  "What did Gideon say the last time you saw him?" she asked, absolutely refusing to give up now. She'd made it this far--surely Zach had to know more than he thought he did. "Was there any indication where he thought he'd go?"

  Zach sighed deeply, sadly. "He wanted to see the families. Of his team. Like he had to explain what happened or something. Like he needed to shoulder the blame and let them take it out on him. Even though he already took it out on himself plenty."

  Her heart contracted for her brother, made it hard for her to remember her other questions.

  "I'm sure we can find the names," Matt stepped in to say. "But if you remember any of them, that would be a huge help."

  "Sure, I remember. Gideon used to say their names like he was praying over their souls. Ralph Esterhausen. He had a wife and a couple of kids. Then there was Jonny Danzi and Hank Garrett." He pressed his lips together, drawing in a deep breath. "And Karmen Sanchez."

  "Karmen?" Ari asked. "That's four. I thought there were three."

  "Yeah. He had a thing for her. I could see it. She was on base with us, but she wasn't actually part of his team. She was a combat medic. We always had a medic with us when we were outside the wire." He glanced at Ari. "On a mission, I mean. Sniper got her when she ran to help the guys." He drummed his fingers on his knees for a couple of seconds, then finally said, "I told him not to go see the families. I knew it'd be bad. But he wouldn't listen to me." After another great sigh, he added, "I wouldn't say we fought about it, but he didn't like what I had to say. I just didn't think he should do that to himself. Let sleeping dogs lie and all." He leaned back in the chair. "That's all, kiddo. I wish I could tell you more, but I hope you find him. He'd wanna know you forgive him for leaving you with your mom."

  "Forgive him?" Ari shook her head. "I never needed to forgive him for that."

  "That's just the kinda guy he is. Always responsible for everyone else. That's why he pulled all those pranks. 'Cause he didn't want people to think too hard about where they were and what their families were doing without them."

  *

  They left Zach Smith when his wife got home. Matt had found him to be a really good guy. It was obviously difficult to revisit his painful past, but he'd given them everything he could, even if it wasn't nearly enough.

  After they'd said their thanks, Zach had wrapped Ari in a bear hug on the sidewalk, telling her it was from Gideon. She'd cried, but her tears hadn't all been sad this time. In addition to soaking up Zach's stories about her brother, she glowed with renewed hope.

  "We'll find the families of the servicemen and see if they know anything more. I'm sorry we didn't learn where your brother is."

  "Don't be sorry," she said softly. "It was so good to hear about him after so many years of knowing nothing at all. Hopefully, one of the people Zach told us about will know where Gideon is." She curled into her corner of the car as they headed out to the freeway and to the Regent Hotel, clearly exhausted by the day's revelations.

  When they checked in to their adjoining--but separate--rooms a short while later, they found a huge fruit platter loaded with chocolate and champagne, along with sweet-smelling bath products in a gift basket. The digs were sumptuous, as was everything in any of Walter Braedon's hotels. The manager had tripped all over himself to make sure they were comfortable, and Matt had reserved the best table in the restaurant for dinner.

  Ari looked as though she hadn't been sleeping well, and Matt wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her everything would be okay. That he'd make absolutely sure of it.

  Instead, he said, "It's been a tiring day. You must be overwhelmed." Gideon wasn't even his brother, and Matt had still been swept into the high emotions between Ari and Zach as they spoke of him. "Maybe you should relax in the tub before dinner," he said, pointing to the basket of bath salts.

  She blinked up at him, but he couldn't quite read her expression. Finally, she nodded. "A few minutes to decompress is a good plan."

  The little smile she gave him made his heart flip over. She had a way of turning him inside out with the smallest, sweetest things.

  "This might help too." Picking up the champagne bottle, he poured her a glass. Then she swiped a couple of strawberries and headed to the door of her adjoining room.

  "Thank you," she said before closing him out.

  He'd never felt so close to happiness--and yet so far. She was getting naked right on the other side of that door. He imagined steam rolling out, begging him to follow like a trail of breadcrumbs. It drove him crazy knowing how much she loved soaking in the tub, the sweet-smelling steam, her soft skin...

  But damn it, making love to her was not why he'd brought her on this trip. Nor had he asked for adjoining rooms. The hotel staff had simply assigned them, without realizing it would drive him absolutely bonkers.

  Burying himself in work was the only remedy. Not on his company or the new product launch, but on tackling the next lead that could help locate Ari's brother. Picking up his cell, he called his PI again and put Rafe to work on the next of kin for the slain soldiers on Gideon's team.

  Ari had told him more today about the friends she made in foster care, her band of sisters, just like the Mavericks were his brothers. Being a foster kid wasn't war, but bad things happened. It didn't have to be physical abuse--the verbal kind was just as bad. His father had proved that time and again. And Matt saw how Evan's wife, Whitney, could slice his friend to the bone with a few well-aimed words. At least, that seemed to be her goal, whether her aim hit the mark with Evan or not. But where Matt couldn't find a way to help his friend with his bad marriage, at least he could help Ari.

  She'd not only dealt with losing her family and ending up in the foster system, but she'd survived with a joy for life he could never have imagined from someone in her circumstances. Finding her brother would make her life complete.

  If he failed her...

  Damn it, he wouldn't let himself think that way.

  When his phone rang a moment later, he picked up, saying, "Hey, Will, I was just about to call and check on Noah."

  "Noah's great. He and Harper and Jeremy are playing Chutes and Ladders right now. She's a
s crazy about your kid as the rest of us. And Jeremy never wants him to leave."

  Harper was the mothering type. It wouldn't be too long after the wedding before he'd be buying baby booties for them. Will's childhood had been as bad as Matt's--but he'd come a long way since then. Matt knew his friend and fellow Maverick was going to be a hell of a dad.

  "Thanks for taking such good care of him."

  "Always. How are things going down your way?"

  Matt had explained the situation when he'd asked Will to take Noah. "Not as much luck as I'd like. Zach Smith was a great guy and filled Ari in on some of the past years, but he hasn't seen Gideon since they got back."

  "Anything you need from me, just let me know." Will didn't know Ari well, but from the tone of his voice, Matt could tell he wished there'd been better news. "How's Ari taking it?"

  "She's putting up a good front. We've got a couple of leads on where he intended to go after he got out, so hopefully those will turn up something positive. Can you keep Noah another night or two?"

  "No problem. Mrs. Taylor made a huge batch of chocolate-chip cookies to keep him going. Here's the little guy now."

  After Will handed Noah the phone, Matt said, "Hey, buddy, I hear you're having lots of fun with everyone. I miss you so much."

  "I miss you too, Daddy. And Ari. She would have so much fun playing our game."

  "I know she would. She's taking a bath, otherwise she'd be here to say hi too. She misses you--she told me that lots of times today."

  "Can you give her a good-night kiss for me?"

  Matt swallowed past a lump in his throat. "Of course I can. She'll love that."

  "Love you, Daddy! I gotta go, it's my turn now."

  "A good-night kiss for your nanny, huh?" Will said when he picked up the phone.

  Matt laughed as if Will was crazy for insinuating that he'd made anything sexual out of his kid's sweet request. But even to his ears, that laughter sounded hollow.

  Because he wanted nothing more than to give Ari a good-night kiss.

  One that lasted all night long.

  Chapter Eighteen

  "What would you like to eat?" Matt asked over champagne. Their corner of the restaurant was out of the way, the lights low, candlelight flickering.

  Ari fluttered the menu in front of her, setting off a breeze of the floral salts she'd bathed in. When he'd knocked on her door, the room had been awash in fragrance. And his mind had been awash in her.

  Her lilac jacket made her cheeks bloom, and beneath her white T-shirt, the matching lilac bra was a tinge of color that shouldn't have gotten his motor going. Yet the evidence of her lingerie revved him up, reminding him of the night he'd undressed her, the craziness of his need. Even now, he could remember how good--how sweet--she'd tasted.

  "There are so many great choices, but the chicken Marsala looks good for tonight."

  "Are you ordering that because you really want it? Or because it's the cheapest thing on the menu?" It was a five-star hotel with a five-star restaurant, white tablecloths, bone china, crystal glasses, and prices to match. "You can have anything you want, Ari."

  The heated look in her eyes sent electricity shooting through him. He wouldn't pretend he didn't know what she wanted. The same thing he wanted--and it had nothing to do with dinner. It was all he could do not to throw down his menu and drag her upstairs.

  But he had to walk the straight and narrow, because nothing had changed since that steamy kiss in the pantry. She was still the best nanny Noah had ever had. Matt was still her boss. And blurring those lines could screw everything up. She'd had enough darkness in her life. He wouldn't add to it by saddling her with his past or his failures.

  Tamping down his desire with a Herculean effort, he asked, "Is there anything you haven't tried?" Damn if that question didn't make it worse when he thought of all the untried pleasures he could bring her.

  Ari rescued him by saying, "Rack of lamb."

  He grabbed the conversational straw she offered. "You've never had lamb?"

  "I had lamb chops once. My third foster family. There were six kids, and we each got a teeny-tiny one." She demonstrated the size with her thumb and forefinger. "It wasn't enough to decide if I liked them."

  "Then rack of lamb it is." He wanted to give her all the things she'd never had enough of.

  As soon as they'd ordered, he said, "I know how hard it was not getting the news you needed from Zach. I'm really sorry about that."

  "Why do you keep apologizing?" The waiter chose that moment to bring their salads. "Let me rephrase," she said once the man walked away. "Please stop apologizing. I learned more about my brother today than I've heard in sixteen years. Alias Smith and Jones." She smiled. "And a prankster. I loved learning that about him." She twirled her fork in her fingers, clearly lost in her thoughts. "Gideon was always looking out for everyone. When I was a kid and things were bad, he always tried to make me smile. He must have done the same thing over there. That's what you did for me today," she said, a soft shimmer in her eyes. "You gave me pieces of my brother I wouldn't have had otherwise. I don't know how to thank you for that."

  "You don't need to thank me."

  He didn't point out that while they'd been able to find Zach Smith, finding her brother was still a very difficult proposition. He didn't want to destroy her hope or her joy in the things she'd learned today. Matt loved how she always saw the bright side. Living with a mother who'd abandoned her for her next fix and then to foster care, Ari was a remarkably glass-half-full kind of woman.

  She pushed the spring greens around on her plate. "I searched for three years," she emphasized, leaning forward, dropping her voice to a near whisper that was raw with emotion. "I got nothing. But you make things happen just like that." She snapped her fingers in the air. "You found Gideon's friend. Someone who made him come alive in his words. So yes, I need to thank you."

  She made Matt feel like a hero, when really it was a matter of money and having contacts in the right places. But he wanted to be her hero. And he wouldn't rest until he found her brother.

  "I will find him for you."

  "I know." She was so sweet in her faith in him. In the next moment, as their meals were laid in front of them, she burst out with, "Oh my God, will you look at that rack?"

  Matt let go of a laugh that came straight from his belly, and the waiter dipped his head to hide his smile. If Ari had any idea of the double meaning, she didn't give a hint.

  She ate the way she did everything, with enthusiasm, moaning around a mouthful. The erotic sound kicked his pulse even higher.

  "You've got to try some." She held out a forkful she'd just cut.

  He wanted nothing more than for her to feed him, so he cupped her hand to pull her closer as he let himself take what she was offering.

  "To die for, right?"

  Jesus, she didn't know the half of it. Had no idea what was happening to him under the tablecloth or that his heart had powered up into heavy metal drumming mode.

  "Try mine." He dredged a hunk of lobster tail in butter.

  She put her hand under the fork to catch a drop as her mouth closed around the tines. She slowly drew away, driving him a little mad. A lot mad. Eyes closed, her lashes long and lush, she moaned her appreciation. Then she licked the drop of butter from her palm.

  When she opened her eyes, they shone with the knowledge of what she was doing to him. Sweet and seductive was one hell of a combination. One he wasn't sure he'd be able to resist forever--even though he gave self-control his damned level best.

  "Ever had lobster before?"

  She shook her head, her smile half-cocked. "Like I said, SpaghettiOs were gourmet in my house."

  "Canned stew in mine." He wanted her to know he'd been there too. They shared common beginnings, making them alike in so many ways, yet different in how they'd each reacted. "Watered down so it would stretch further." Although his dad's portion never got the extra water.

  "Sometimes we'd fry just bread because there
was no cheese for grilled cheese sandwiches." She made another mmm sound that tightened every muscle in his body. "Isn't it amazing how you can invent really good stuff when you don't have enough?"

  He had never thought of the deprivation of his youth that way, yet he remembered how Susan and Bob had always brought joy into their house without much of anything. "At Christmas with the Mavericks and Susan and Bob, we had hot chocolate and made garlands out of paper and popcorn and hung it all on a fake ficus tree Bob rescued from the dump. Nobody cared it was made out of plastic. It was about being together." Matt's own home had been bare of decoration because his dad wouldn't waste the money. With Bob and Susan, it had only been about the joy. The way Ari was all about hope.

  "Gideon always found the perfect gift," she told him. "It never cost a lot of money, but he never let us forget it was Christmas."

  "And after your brother left?"

  Anyone else with her rough childhood would have gone down the rabbit hole at his question. Ari simply shrugged. "I was never as good at finding stuff. Gideon had a knack. He just cared so much."

  She was resilient, pulling the love she'd felt for her brother around herself like a warm coat, even after all these years apart. A lot of people would have been permanently beaten down by now. Not Ari. She'd triumphed.

  No doubt about it, she was definitely Maverick material.

  *

  Matt refilled her champagne glass. Ari didn't know how much she'd had, but she felt light and airy rather than drunk. Exchanging the lamb for lobster had been almost sexual, and the attraction between them sizzled barely beneath the surface. But the night was about so much more than just attraction.

  They'd talked for hours, and it turned out that they shared so many common experiences from childhood. Of course, they also talked about all the things Noah did and said that cracked them both up. She adored hearing about the other Mavericks and Matt's foster parents. She didn't want dinner to end.

  Just when they were about to get up from the table, his phone buzzed. Reading the screen, his expression grew serious. "Rafe just texted to let me know that Karmen Sanchez's mother lives the closest, in Bakersfield. He also found her phone number."