I would do the first thing she suggested, but I wasn’t too sure about going to talk to Jay. There were so many things I was feeling when it came to him, and one of those things I wasn’t ready to face yet.
Maybe in time, I could accept what I was feeling, but right now, it was too much to handle.
*
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jay
Two bouquets of roses.
Six jars of queso.
Three bags of soft pretzels.
Four gallons of ice cream.
Delaney’s freezer and pantry were stocked with all of her favorites, but I wasn’t any closer to getting her to talk to me.
It had been a week since that night in the hospital, and I was packing up to head out to Colorado for the Mile High race.
I had stopped by the house before heading to the shop today, and I just caught Delaney as she was getting into her car. I had asked her if the SUV was running good, and she had just nodded. A few sentences of small talk and then she was in the car and backing out of the driveway. I had mentioned I would be out of town all weekend and all she had done was tell me to have a good trip.
Delaney was driving me insane.
I didn’t know how to get to her. She was standing in front of me, looking like she always did, but she had built up a wall around her that kept me at arm's length. Hell, I couldn’t even get within arm’s reach of her.
“Trailer ready?” Roc hollered.
I finished closing the doors of the trailer and gave Roc a thumbs up.
“Good. Now get in my office.”
Oh hell. What had I done now? I really didn’t want to deal with Roc chewing my ass about something that didn’t really matter.
I trudged into the office, wiping my hands on a shop towel.
“Hey, Jay,” Harlyn called. “All ready for the weekend?” she asked.
I plastered a smile on my face. “Ready to win.” It was easier to act like I was okay then have to tell everyone I felt like I was dying inside.
“Shut the door behind you,” Roc grunted when I walked into his office.
I closed the door and sat down in the chair in front of his office.
“What the hell are you doing?” he asked.
I looked around. “Uh, not really sure what you mean, Roc?” Normally, when I got called into Roc’s office, I knew what I was going to get my ass handed to me for, but right now, I didn’t know what the hell was going on.
“Why in the hell are you here, son?” he barked.
“Uh, because I need a job and a paycheck?” Roc could be random as hell sometimes—his pep talks at the beginning of races were proof of that—but normally, you could tell where he was coming from. I was completely lost.
“I mean why the hell are you coming to the race this weekend?”
Because there wasn’t anywhere else for me to be. Delaney never told me to leave, but I could tell she was relieved when I walked out the door. I had somehow become a burden to her. “Because it’s my job, sir.”
“I’m gonna be blunt here with you, kid, because I don’t think you have a clue in the world what you’re doing right now.” Roc rested his hand on his desk. “You have a woman you should be with right now and not this race team.”
“I’ve been with her the past week, Roc. She doesn’t want me. I think I’m a reminder of the baby.” That was the only thing I could come up with when I tried to figure out why Delaney didn’t want to talk to me or even seem to want me around.
“She tell you that?” he asked.
I shook my head. “She doesn’t talk to me, sir, about more than the weather, her mom, or her car.” I had tried plenty times to get her to say something to me about what had happened but she would shut down and change the subject.
“Me and Harlyn’s mama never talked. I was gone more than I was around.”
Those rumors had floated around the shop when Harlyn came to work for Cummings Racing. “Yes, sir.”
“I could have saved my marriage if I would have just talked to the woman and been around more.”
I cleared my throat. “Uh, I don’t even know if you could say Delaney and I were dating. We were just...” I didn’t even know what to say Del and I were. My feeling for her had grown so quickly that I didn’t even realize what I felt ‘til it was too late.
“You love her, son. A blind man could see it.”
I cleared my throat. “I may love her, but that doesn’t mean she loves me.”
“She loves you,” Roc stated.
It was weird as hell to be sitting in Roc’s office talking about Delaney and whether or not we loved each other. “If you say so.”
“Ask her if she wants you to stay home this weekend. We’re not leaving out for two hours. If she tells you she wants you at home, you’re not coming with.”
“Uh, sir?”
Roc stood up. “You heard me, kid. I’m not gonna let you mess up your relationship like I did. Get your ass out of here and call your woman. If she tells you to stay, you stay. If she tells you to go, then you come with us and then you try again when you get back.”
I sat there trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
“Get out, kid. My sappy speech is over.”
Sappy? More like weird as hell. “Yes, sir,” I mumbled. I walked out of his office, and he slammed the door shut behind me.
“I think he might be on drugs, Harlyn. I’m not sure what the hell just happened.”
She laughed and typed away on her computer. “He asked me if I thought he should talk to you. I tried to coach him on what to say but I’m sure he veered way off of what I suggested.”
“I...uh...I can’t even tell you what he said because it was just weird as hell.”
Remy walked into the office and laughed. “Roc talk to you?”
“Sure did.”
“I wish there was a camera in Roc’s office. I would have loved to have heard what he said,” Harlyn laughed.
“Did you both know Roc was going to talk to me?”
They nodded.
“Sure did,” Remy laughed.
“So, I gotta go call Delaney because Roc didn’t talk to your mom enough, Harlyn.”
Harlyn stopped talking and closed her eyes. “He forgot so much of what I told him,” she giggled.
“Well, he at least got the main point.” Remy pointed his finger at me. “Don’t leave town if Delaney wants you here even a little bit.”
I rolled my eyes and pulled my phone out of my pocket. “I already talked to her today, and she didn’t seem to care I was leaving.”
“Talk to her again,” Harlyn called.
I waved them both off and walked out the front door of the office. I connected the call to her phone. It rang three times before she answered.
“Hello?”
“Del?”
The phone was silent.
“Del, you there?”
“Uh, yeah, I’m here. I just didn’t expect you to call me.”
Hell. She didn’t even expect me to call her anymore. “Del, what the hell is going on with us?” I demanded. This wasn’t the conversation we were supposed to have, but I couldn’t help but get straight to the point.
“I...I’m not sure what you mean.”
I closed my eyes and tried to gather my thoughts so everything didn’t come out in verbal diarrhea. “I gotta talk to you, Delaney. We can’t keep going on like this.”
“I’m at the hospital right now and then I have to work a couple of hours at the restaurant. And you’re at work, Jay,” she pointed out.
“I know, I know,” I muttered. “I mean we need to get together and talk.”
“You’re going to Colorado this weekend, Jay, and I have work and clinicals to make up for from last week.”
“But do you want me to leave, Delaney? Do you want me not here?”
“Jay, I just...It’s hard to...”
“Answer the question, Del. Do you want me to leave?” I demanded.
“No,”
she hissed. “I don’t want you to leave. I just don’t know what the hell I actually do want.”
“Then I’m not leaving. What are you doing tonight?” If she would agree to talk to me tonight, I would skip out on lunch with God.
“You need to work, Jay,” she insisted.
“Right now, the only thing that matters is if you want to talk to me or not tonight.” I closed my eyes and prayed to God she said yes.
“Fine, fine. We can talk tonight if you don’t need to go out of town.”
I pumped my fist in the air. “I don’t. I’m yours whenever you want me.” Those were words I didn’t want to say yet, but they were true as hell.
“I have to work until seven. Do you just want to meet me here?”
“Whatever you want, Del.”
She rattled off the address to the restaurant she worked at. “I’ll have a table for us when you get here.”
“I’ll see you tonight, Del.”
She ended the call, and I dropped my chin to my chest.
She had said yes to talking to me.
Step one to getting Delaney back.
Talk.
*
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Delaney
“Mama?”
“Upstairs.”
I dropped my keys on the counter and sprinted up the stairs. “I thought I brought my clothes with me to change into, but I must have left them on my bed.” I literally had five minutes to get changed and back in my car so I would make it to work on time. This was why I brought my clothes with me so I wasn’t rushed having to drive ten minutes out of my way back home.
“You should have called me, girl. I could have brought you the bag.” Mom walked into my room and leaned against the doorframe. “Christy’s sister is still in town for one more day so I left them alone for the rest of the day.”
I twirled my finger at mom. “Spin so I can change.”
She slapped her hand over her eyes and turned around. “I brought you into this world naked as a jaybird, girl.”
“I know, I know,” I muttered. Still didn’t mean I wanted anyone watching me while I changed. “Uh, Jay called me.”
“About damn time.”
“Mom, he comes to the house every day. It’s not like he disappeared.”
She scoffed. “From the way you talk, you’re just waiting for that to happen.”
I pulled off my scrub top and tossed it in the laundry basket. “Because I’m scared, Mama.”
“Scared of a man who loves you. I’ve never heard anything more ridiculous,” she muttered.
“You don’t know that, Mama.” I pulled my black, form-fitting polo shirt on then dropped my pale blue pants in a puddle on the floor. “He could be wanting to talk to me to just end this all. I mean, this isn’t really an ideal situation.”
“Losing a baby never is, honey.” That right there is what Mama was doing to help me heal. She wasn’t tiptoeing around the miscarriage. She wasn’t dismissing it either.
“I know.”
“He say what he wanted talk about?” she asked.
I grabbed my black skirt and pulled it on. “He asked what the hell was going on with us. I’m assuming that is what we’re going to talk about.” I smoothed my shirt down. “Done.”
Mama turned back around, and I grabbed a hair tie.
“And are you actually going to talk?” she asked.
That was the million dollar question. I had gotten a better hold on what I was feeling and what I wanted to happen between Jay and me, but what I wanted might not be the same as what Jay wanted. “Yes. I need to.”
“That’s my girl.”
I twisted my hair on top of my head and dropped my arms to my side. “And now, I gotta go.”
“You guys coming here to talk?”
I shook my head and grabbed my flats out of the bag. “No. I figured we would talk somewhere neutral. He’s meeting me at the restaurant after my shift.”
“Well, go get ‘em, honey, and make sure you tell him exactly what you’re feeling.” Mama gave me a quick huge and a peck on the cheek. “I want a full report if you make it home tonight.”
“Mama,” I gasped.
She rolled her eyes and shooed me down the stairs. “The delusion that you’re a virgin is gone, Delaney,” she reminded me.
“Yeah, yeah. But I’ll call you if I’m not coming home.” I jogged down the stairs and turned to look back up at her.
“Be true to your heart, Delaney, even if you might get hurt.”
That was exactly what I was terrified of, but I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.
Jay was going to hear exactly what I was feeling, and I prayed to God he didn’t go running for the hills.
*
Chapter Thirty
Jay
I looked down at my ripped jeans and black t-shirt.
Delaney could have told me she worked at a dressier restaurant.
The few people I had seen walk out were wearing dress shirts and dresses. I was going to stick out like a sore thumb in this place.
I had planned to get here a little early to watch Delaney while she worked but now I was wondering if I had enough time to run to the store to get some better clothes.
My phone buzzed, and I saw Delaney had texted me. I’m done early. Just tell the hostess you’re with me.
Got it. Be there in a second. Well, there went my idea of going to change.
I pushed open my door and stepped out. I had parked next to Delaney’s SUV, and I smiled knowing she was still driving it. Even if this night didn’t end well, the car was going to be hers no matter what.
I walked into the restaurant and noted the classy ambiance and ritzy interior. I was going to be surprised if they actually let me sit down.
“Uh, I’m meeting Delaney.”
The hostess looked me up and down. “Are you sure?”
What in the hell type of question was that? “Uh, yeah. She just texted me that she had a table for us.” I was ready to pull my phone out and shove it in this chick’s face if she didn't’ take me to Delaney.
“Delaney did say she was staying to meet someone,” she muttered.
“If you just want to tell me in what direction she is, I’ll find her myself.”
She huffed and hitched her thumb over her shoulder. “She grabbed one of the tables to the side of the bar.”
I took off into the restaurant without another word to the chick. I spotted Delaney in the corner of the restaurant sitting around a round table. She had her hands clutched in front of her, and she was staring at the tablecloth.
“Don’t look so scared, Del,” I said as I pulled out the chair next to her and sat down.
“Is it weird I thought you weren't going to show?” she laughed nervously.
“I texted you two minutes ago, Del. I was going to be here.”
A waiter walked up to our table and filled our water glasses. “Anything else I can get for you guys?” he asked.
“Calamari and stuffed mushrooms, Kel,” Delaney said without opening the menu.
The guy nodded at Del then moved to the table next to us.
“I hope that was okay. I know all of the good stuff on the menu.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. “Never had calamari before but I’m good with mushrooms.” I’d have eaten dirt if she would have ordered it.
She fidgeted with her hands and looked around. “Did Lane give you trouble up front?” she asked.
“That the chick with the eat shit look on her face?”
Delaney laughed and nodded. “That would be Lane. I’m sure she had a problem with what you were wearing. It’s a semi-dressy place but she thinks she’s the dress code police when she’s hostessing.”
“She was sure charming,” I mumbled.
I watched her take a sip of her water and look around at anything but me. “She came in early so I was able to snag a table before things picked up.”
“You normally do her job?” I asked,
Del finally looked at me. “Yeah. I’ve worked her for three years. Helps keep gas in my tank.”
“You’re pretty damn busy.”
She shrugged and grabbed her napkin and laid it in her lap. “Are we really gonna go through all of this small talk?”
I chuckled and shook my head. “I sure the hell hope not, Del. I was kind of confused why straight to the point Delaney was making small talk.”
She hung her head and sighed. “Because I’m absolutely terrified this is going to be the last time I see you.”
The waiter approached the table and set a basket of bread and butter in front of us. “Your appetizers should be out in a few minutes.”
Delaney smiled at him, but I just glared at the dude. I was trying to make headway here, and if he kept coming over to interrupt us, nothing was going to happen.
I waited ‘til the guy had moved onto another table then dove right back in. “Why do you think I’m going to leave, Del?”
“Uh...” She grabbed a roll and ripped it open. “Well, I mean...” She slathered roll with butter and took a huge bite. She pointed to her full mouth as if to say she couldn’t talk.
I grabbed the bread basket and set it away from her. “I can wait ‘til you’re done chewing.”
Her jaw stopped moving, and her eyes bugged out.
“That’s right, Del. I can wait ‘til you’re done. I don’t have anywhere else I’d rather be right now.”
She chewed a few more times than swallowed. “I’m not sure why I’m the one who has to be answering all of the questions.”
“Ask me anything you want, Del. I’ll tell you anything you want.”
She looked down at her roll.
“Nope, not gonna happen.” I snatched the half eaten bun from her hand and set it back in the basket.
“Hey, you can’t take away a girl’s carbs,” she protested.
“Just did.” I pointed at the bread. “We talk and then you can have that back.”
“I’m not sure I like you much right now.”
It probably wasn’t the wisest idea to take her food away but she wasn’t going to talk if she had something that she could hide behind. “Tell me why you think I’m going to leave,” I insisted.
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