“Because why would you stay?” she blurted out. “I don’t have anything you want.”
I jerked back at her blunt words. “You don’t have anything I want? What was it before you had that was keeping me?”
“The baby,” she hissed. “You were only there because you were trying to make things work for the baby.”
“I was?” I didn’t expect that to be her answer. “So now that you’re not pregnant, you don’t think we can be together.”
She shook her head. “I never said that.”
“Uh, yeah, Del, that is exactly what you said.”
She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table. “You can really sit there and tell me that you didn’t start coming over because of the baby? That if I hadn’t found you to tell you about the baby that I would have had a shot with you?”
I didn’t know if she would or wouldn't have had a shot. I had been an idiot before Delaney had flipped my world upside down, thinking I was a one-and-done guy. Which I had been until Delaney. “That’s the thing, Del, I can’t tell you what would have happened if you wouldn't have gotten pregnant. I don’t care what would have happened because I know what did happen.”
“And what happened was I lost the baby.” She moved to stand up, and I grabbed her hand.
“You’re not running from me, Del,” I growled. I was done with the running and not talking.
“This is hard for me, Jay,” she choked out.
“And you think all of this was easy on me?”
She shook her head. “No, I never said that.”
I threaded my fingers through hers. “Then don’t act like you were the only one who lost something.” I let go of her hand and sat back in my chair.
“Jay, I’m sorry I didn’t...I just couldn’t..."
“I don’t want an apology, Delaney. All I want is for you to realize I lost something too that night. I imagined a future with you and our baby. I pictured you holding our baby in your arms, rocking him to sleep while I sat next to you. The three am diaper changes. The crying at all hours of the night. I wanted those too. I wanted that baby just as much as you did, and I can’t stand losing the baby and you. I won’t lose you both.”
There it was.
I wasn’t going to give Delaney up.
*
Delaney
I think Jay had just blown straight to the point faster than I ever had before.
“Okay.” Yeah, that was all I had to say.
Mave and Mom had both touched on me not thinking about what Jay was going through. And to be honest, I hadn’t really thought about it.
“Okay, Del? That’s all you’ve got for me?”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I killed our baby, Jay. I was the one who was supposed to keep him safe, and I couldn’t do it.” I opened my eyes, and Jay’s handsome face was fuzzy and blurred from my tears. “I don’t want to be around you because I don’t want you to hate me like I hate myself.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me from my chair. He weaved in and out of the tables of the restaurant and straight out the front door. “Jay,” I gasped.
“Quiet, Delaney,” he growled.
“But where are we going?” I asked.
“We’re not going to have this conversation in a restaurant.” The headlights of his car flashed, and the car roared to life. “Lock your car,” he ordered.
“Uh, I left my keys in my cubby in back and I’m pretty sure it’s locked.” I hadn’t thought Jay would drag me out of the restaurant without giving me the chance to get my things.
The lights on my SUV blinked and the horn hooked once. “Never mind,” he muttered.
“You have a key to my car?” I don’t know why I never thought that he would have a key to it. He was the one who had bought it after all.
“Only for emergencies if you lock yourself out or lose your keys.”
“Oh,” I whispered. I guess that came in handy tonight.
“We’re in a good neighborhood. Your car will be fine overnight.” He opened the passenger door of his car and pulled me inside.
“Jay,” I said firmly. “What is going on?”
He slammed the door and jogged around the front of the car. He slid into the driver’s seat and fastened his seat. “Buckle up,” he ordered.
I quickly grabbed the seat belt and pulled it across me. “Got it.” I had never seen Jay like this before. His normal suave, nice guy attitude was gone and was replaced with a guy who seemed pretty ticked off.
He drove fast, coasting through stop signs and taking turns faster than I ever could. “Jay, I’m sorry.” I didn’t mean to upset him. I just wanted him to understand what I was feeling.
He pulled up to his house and killed the engine. He was out of the car and rounding the frontend before I could even get my seat belt off.
Jay yanked open the door, reached across me, hit the button on the seat belt, and pulled me from the car. We were across the sidewalk and up the steps of the porch with my hand in his as he pulled me behind him.
“Jay, honey. What are we doing?”
He twisted the key on the lock and pushed the door open.
The house looked the same as it did when I had taken him home from the party three weeks ago. “You hungry?” he asked.
I was actually starving. “Yeah, you got calamari or stuffed mushrooms?”
“No. But we can have onion and pepperoni pizza in half an hour.” He pulled out his phone, swiped a few times, and put it to his ear. “You want a drink?”
“Water. Milk when the pizza gets here.”
Jay wandered into the kitchen. “Good thing Frankie just went shopping, otherwise you would be shit out of luck on the milk, Del.”
“Lucky me,” I mumbled.
Jay placed the order for the pizza and brought me a glass of water. He sat down on the couch with a beer in his hand. “Back to what you said at the restaurant.”
I would prefer not to go back to it but that obviously wasn’t an option. “Yeah.”
“You didn’t kill our baby. No one did.”
The glass in my hand slipped, and I grasped it tightly. “Something must have happened, Jay.”
“What happened was the baby wasn’t meant to be, Del. I was with you all of the time. You didn’t drink. You didn’t smoke. You didn’t go on roller coasters or crazy rides. You did nothing, and the baby didn’t make it because it wasn’t our time yet.”
“But why?” I whispered. “Why did it happen, then?”
“Because it wasn’t meant to be, Delaney. I wanted that baby as much as you. I wanted it but that doesn’t mean I was meant to have it.”
His words sunk in, and I hung my head. “Then why are we here?” I whispered.
I heard him move from the couch and then his feet appeared by mine. “Because I may not have been able to will our baby to live, but I know I can do everything in my power to make sure you and I make it.”
“Jay...I just..." I sighed and tried to figure out what I was trying to say. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want. Please don’t feel like I’m a burden you need to take care of. I know I’m a complete mess right now and it seems to get a bit better each day, but it’s still hard.”
He delved his fingers into my hair and tipped my head back to look at him. “I’m trying to be gentle with you right now, Delaney. I know I shouldn’t have dragged you from that restaurant like I did, but to hear you say you think I hate you because of the miscarriage was too much for me. Hate is the furthest thing I feel for you.”
“Then what is it that you feel?” I whispered.
“Love, Del. I fucking love you. I may not have fallen in love with you that first night, but I knew the second you told me you were pregnant, you were different. Different than any woman I had ever met.”
“Jay, you can’t. I mean...” How in the heck could he say he loved me?
“You wanna know how I love you? I love you because the past twenty-seven years of my life, I have been waiting f
or something. I was searching for the thing that was going to make me grow up and realize there was something more in this world than me.” He shook his head. “I know we haven’t known each other that long. I know everyone in the world would think I’m crazy for falling in love after three weeks of knowing you, but I know what I feel. I know this past week where you were pulling away and not talking to me was complete torture. I knew without you, living in this world wasn’t worth it. I knew that if I let you push me away, I wouldn’t have anything to live for anymore.”
His words surrounded me. Filling and annihilating every doubt, fear, and uncertainty I had about being with him. “I wanted that baby, Jay, but more than anything, I wanted you. I wanted you to be there for not only the baby, but for me too. And now that the baby is gone I was terrified you wouldn’t want me anymore.”
The words that were beating around in my head were spoken, and I couldn’t take them back. What if I had just told him something he hadn’t thought of before. What if he realized he didn’t have to stay with me? What if he—
My thoughts were cutoff and severed by the brute, hungry kiss Jay pressed against my lips. His lips molded to mine, making me yield to his touch.
“I want you, Del. I want you more than my next breath,” he whispered against my lips.
“I love you. I fell in love with you when you didn’t even know my name.” That first night, he had claimed me. The next day, I was his and he didn’t even know it.
“But I know it now, Delaney. It’s the only name I ever want to know.”
I pressed my lips against his and waited half a second before he took over the kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his hand went to my hips. He lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around him. “Bedroom,” I gasped. It had been too long since I had felt Jay against me.
He stalked up the stairs, my arms roaming over his back, and I pressed kisses all over his face. “I missed you so much but I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“I was always there, Del. I wasn’t going to go anywhere.” He made it to the top of the steps and kicked open the third door. He tossed me on the bed, and I bounced up into the air. “You may have been driving me crazy, but I wasn’t going to go anywhere.”
“You were going to Colorado,” I pointed out.
He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor. “I was until Roc pulled me into his office and basically told me to man up.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I have to say, that was the weirdest conversation I have ever had.”
“Seriously?” Why the heck did Roc care about Jay and me? “I didn’t know the two of you were that close.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t know we were either, but I guess he felt like we were similar. He told me about his wife and always being away and not talking to her. He told me I shouldn’t make the same mistakes that he did,” he explained.
“So he forced you to call me?” I laughed.
“No...well, sort of. He said if I called you and you told me to leave, I was going to Colorado, but if you said you wanted to talk or wanted me to stay, then I wasn’t going.”
“I had a choice?” This whole day was sort of a blur because I was so worried about meeting with Jay, but I’m pretty sure Jay sort of said we were talking.
His hands went to the button of his jeans. “You always have a choice with me, Del.” He popped open the button and tugged down the zipper. “Like right now, it’s your choice to take off your own clothes or have me do it.” He pulled his pants over his hips and let them drop to his feet.
I sat up, tugged my shirt over my head, and tossed it on the floor. “You’re going to have to help with my skirt.” He really didn’t need to, but I already missed his hands on me.
I unhooked the clasp in the back, and Jay grabbed the hem. “You know, I think I might have you keep this on sometimes.”
My hips lifted, and I rolled my eyes. “Not today, boy toy. Pull,” I ordered.
He yanked the fabric down my legs and then his hands were on my underwear. “You sure you’re okay with this? I don’t want to hurt you or anything.”
I nodded and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I promise. I’m fine.” Mave had examined me yesterday to make sure I was healing well. She had said I was free to resume normal activities.
He pulled my panties off and tossed them over his shoulder.
“You forgot something.” I pointed to his underwear. “Those need to come off.”
He pulled them off and planted a knee on the bed. He climbed on top, pushing me onto my back, and caged me in with his arms. “I’ve missed you, Del,” he whispered.
“I missed you, too.”
Our hands roamed over each other bodies. Trying to touch and feel everything at once. Jay entered me slowly—careful and gentle.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Del,” he said between clenched teeth.
I reached up and brushed my fingers down his cheek. “You won’t,” I whispered. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. “Do it, Jay. Make love to me.”
He pressed a hungry kiss to my lips. Everything he felt for me was poured into that kiss. He sunk into me, my body rejoicing at the fact that Jay was back.
I had missed this man more than I knew I was capable of.
While I was Jay’s breath, he was my home.
With Jay, I knew I would forever be safe.
*
Chapter Thirty-One
Jay
“What is that noise?”
I lifted my head from my pillow and cracked open one eye. “I don’t know what the hell that is.”
“Oh, shit,” Delaney yelped. “That’s my phone.” She sprung out of bed and dove on the floor. “I was supposed to call my mom if I wasn't coming home.”
“Twenty-seven and she’s still has to let her mama know where she is,” I chuckled.
She found the phone and flipped me off. “Mama?” she said.
Delaney was standing naked in my room talking on the phone to her mom. This was a situation I never thought I would be in.
“Uh, I’m with Jay. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I lost track of time and then fell asleep.”
“Right, lost track of time,” I mumbled. More like we were too busy making up for a week of not having sex.
“Yes, I actually slept, Mama.”
I chuckled and swung out of bed. “Your mama ain’t eating your line of crap, Del.”
“Shut it, Jay,” she hissed. “Yes, I’m still here, Mama,” she said in the same breath. “Jay was just being a butt.”
“I thought you liked my butt,” I whispered.
Delaney pinched her lips together and motioned for me to zip it.
I wandered into the bathroom and started the shower. It was half past seven, and I had to get to the shop. I knew when Roc had told me to stay behind, there was a reason. The asshole wanted me to clean up the shop and be there for the lift guy who was coming in to do monthly maintenance. Harlyn went to the race with Remy, so that left me to be the one to let the guy in.
I had just finished rinsing my hair when Delaney pulled the shower curtain back and butted her way in. She pushed me to the back and stood under the hot water. “My mama thinks I’m a hoochie, and she said hello.”
I watched the water flow over her skin and cringed. “Uh, can we please not talk about your mom when my balls are this close to you.”
She looked over her shoulder at me. “Then just what are we supposed to talk about?” she asked.
I wrapped my arms around her and pressed her against the shower wall. “I got a few things you and I could discuss.”
The water turned cold by the time we were done talking, but you can bet your ass that was the best shower I had ever had in my life.
*
Delaney
“Girl. You are late.”
I waved at Mave and hightailed it to the locker room.
I was very much late.
Mave walked into the locker room behind me with a huge grin on
her face. “You are late and the reason is because you were busy getting it on,” she cheered.
“Mave,” I hissed. “Could you not?” I grabbed my white overcoat from my locker and pulled it on.
She sat down on the bench and patted the spot next to her.
“I don’t have time to sit down, Mave. You just announced to the whole floor I’m late, and I’m sure Dr. Clark is on the rampage looking for me.”
Mave rolled her eyes. “Dr. Clark isn’t in today. He took the day off for personal reasons.”
“Wait, what?” I had been rushing for no reason. “So I don’t work today?” Normally, if the doctor you were shadowing had off, you did too.
Mave shook her head. “You got me today, and we’re going up to peds. Today, we’re setting up my office and maybe seeing a couple of patients.”
“Say what?” That was awesome news, but I felt she could have led with that first instead of yelling that I was late. I plopped down on the bench next to her and finally took a breath.
“You’re stuck with me today. But first, I need to hear the details on why you were late today.”
“You want the long or condensed version?”
She tapped her finger to her chin. “Let’s go with the condensed version for now. You can spill all of the juicy details when we get up to my office.”
I could do that. “Jay and I talked late last night. He doesn’t hate me for losing the baby. He loves me. We had hot monkey sex twice last night and once in the shower this morning.” I folded my hands and crossed my legs. “And how was your night?”
Her jaw dropped. “I hate you. I seriously hate you.”
“Why?” I laughed.
“Because last night I broke down and joined one of those online dating apps. I swiped left so many times, I swear to God, I sprained my finger.”
“Uh, is swiping left good?” I asked. Thankfully, I had never had to join a dating app. I wasn’t sure exactly what they all did, and I didn’t think Mave knew either.
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