The Interstellar Police Force, Book One: The Historic Mission

by Raymond F. Klein

  Jeff Trent and Genghis Khan were slowly driving up Third Avenue. There were no more surveillance cameras in this particular area of Old Town, so they were hoping Colus was close. Trent slowed even more and almost came to a complete stop when they crossed over the intersection of Seventh Street. They both looked right, then left. There were pedestrians on both sides of the street, but no one resembled Colus Valda. They continued up Third Avenue and made a left on Sixth Street.

  Colus Valda loved ice cream. On his way back to Chloe’s, he stopped in at Scoop’s Ice Cream Parlor. He thought to himself how this planet has the best stuff to eat. He got two scoops of Moose Tracks ice cream in a waffle cone with sprinkles. He exited the parlor licking the cone and dribbling ice cream over his hand and down the front of his shirt. Things like this always put him in a good mood. He had a little skip in his step while he licked his ice cream cone like a five-year-old boy. He knew Chloe was waiting for him at her house and was hoping that she was in a good mood also.

  Jeff and Genghis were slowly traveling along Sixth Street, where the retro gaslight-style electric streetlights illuminated the sidewalks. They were looking at everyone. The street was busy with people coming in and out of antique and consignment shops. The deli was crowded, and so was the ice cream shop. They slowly drove by these shops looking intently in every shop window hoping to catch a glimpse of Valda. Genghis looked half a block up the road and saw a short pudgy man jaywalking across the street. “Jeff! Fat ass at eleven o’clock.”

  Jeff looked in the direction Genghis told him and stared for a few seconds. He wanted to be sure it was Colus Valda before they spent the time tracking and following. He noted how this fat man walked; it was the same gait he witnessed on the surveillance cameras. “That’s him!” Trent said. “That’s Valda!”

  Jennifer said her goodbyes to Trisha and Pimples and watched them as they walked into the park toward the Compton Square district of Old Town. She never really thought about it before, but she was feeling a little sorry for them. Maybe it was because her own situation had changed so much since she'd been living with Jeff. As she started to walk away, she thought about how she really didn’t know Trisha and Pimples. She’d known them for sometime now, ever since she got off the bus so many years ago. But she really knew nothing about them. She stopped, turned toward the park, and watched as the two of them slowly vanished into a small fog bank that was coming off the park's lake. She didn’t even know their last names. She was, for once in her life, happy. And hoped that one day Trisha and Pimples would be too.

  She thought how much she enjoyed pulling her weight around the apartment and was happy doing her share. She liked cooking because Jeff seemed to really appreciate it and she liked taking care of his Doberman. It was nice having a dog in her life again. She was even thinking of getting a legal job so she could help out with the bills.

  Just then, she noticed a man coming out of the fog over a small rise in Grant Park. Her eyes grew big and her heart started pounding in her chest. He walked up onto the sidewalk and started toward her. She recognized him. It was the tall man she saw talking to the little fat guy at Ray’s. The guy Jeff was looking for.

  Jeff Trent and Genghis Khan kept their distance. There were too many people on the street, so they couldn’t make the apprehension without drawing a lot of attention. Trent pulled the Thunderbird to the curb and let Colus walk a block further. Nothing was said between Trent and Genghis. They just observed. Valda didn’t know he was being followed. He was more concerned with finishing his ice cream cone. When Valda turned down Seventh Avenue, Jeff waited just for a few seconds to give him a little more of a lead, then looked over his shoulder and slowly pulled from the curb to follow.

  The tall man got closer and it seemed that Jennifer was frozen where she stood. She knew how dangerous he was. As he walked past her he made eye contact and she could not stop staring. He gave her an odd look and said, “Good evening, Miss.” All Jennifer could muster was a weak “Hello.” She couldn’t take her eyes off of him and watched as he passed. He glanced over his shoulder and thought to himself, “What's with that kid? Probably high on goof-balls.” He drew his coat in tightly around himself to ward off the cold night and didn’t give the kid a second thought.

  Jeff and Genghis turned left on Seventh Avenue. Colus Valda was half a block down, walking the sidewalk. He was almost finished with his ice cream cone. “Jeff?” Genghis said, while looking around, “This street is deserted!”

  Jeff quickly looked around, then said, “Let’s go get him.” Trent smashed his foot on the accelerator. The 460 cubic inch replicated V-8 combustion engine lurched the Thunderbird forward. Colus Valda was startled and jumped back when the white vehicle roared past him, almost causing him to drop his ice cream. Trent slammed on the brakes and spun the wheel to the left, swinging the rear end of the cruiser around. The tires squealed as the Thunderbird came to a stop parallel to the curb facing Colus Valda, not twenty feet away from him. It happened so fast Colus just stood there gawking in the headlights of white vintage automobile as the IPF agent opened the door and stepped out.

  Jennifer didn’t know what to do as she watched the bank robber walk further away from her. She wanted to call Jeff, but didn’t have a cell phone, and there were no pay phones in the area. “Oh, no! He’s getting away.” She stood there helpless. Then she decided the best thing to do was to follow him.

  Jeff reached into his trench coat and retrieved his PK30A. Genghis jumped over the cruiser's door and walked over to Trent’s side. Valda just stared dumbfounded. “Colus Valda,” Trent called out. “I am an agent with the Interstellar Police Force. You are hereby ordered to stand down. You are . . .” Colus Valda dropped his ice cream cone, turned with a whimper and started running away the best he could. “Hey!” Trent wasn’t finished with the IPF version of Valda's Miranda rights.

  They were surprised that Valda chose to run. They both stood there and watched Valda’s massive bulk amble down the sidewalk, his feet slapping hard against the sidewalk. Jeff and Genghis shared a glance with each other, then they looked back at Valda. He was only about thirty feet from them and was not making very good progress. He was huffing and puffing and waddling back and forth like a penguin. They watched Valda’s fat form attempt to run seemingly in slow motion, fat rolls rhythmically pulsating with every footfall.

  As they watched Colus Valda try his very best to escape they both started to think back to several weeks ago. Back to a fiery, smokey night. Back to panicked and hurt people. Back to a single ambulance driving down the road and disappearing over a rise, flashing lights slowly fading into the darkness. It was time to finish this.

  “Mister Khan?”

  “Yes, Mister Trent?”

  “What were you telling me about the bite force pressure of human canines?” Jeff looked down at the big Doberman. “How much again? Per square inch?”

  “Fourteen hundred and fifty pounds per square inch.” Genghis said, not taken his eyes off of Colus. “This son of a bitch is mine.”

  “I’m right behind you, partner.”

  Jennifer was staying in the shadows, walking about one block down from the tall man. If she could just find out where he was going or where he lived she could tell Jeff and he could arrest him. Maybe there would even be a reward. He turned on Main Street and disappeared behind a building. She quickly ran up and peeked around the corner. He was still walking. He then turned up Fifth Avenue.

  Genghis didn’t really have to run when he left Trent’s side, it was more of a fast trot. His claws tapped rapidly on the sidewalk as he approached Valda. Valda wasn’t making much headway, his cheeks were puffy and red, and he looked about to pass out. When Genghis got within ten feet he started moving a little faster. Pushing off with his hind legs Genghis hopped up and clapped his jaws down on Colus Valda’s right buttock.

  “Ahhh! OW!” Valda lifted his right leg in the air and started hopping on his left. “Get off me!” He stumbled and fell to his knees, then to his stoma
ch. Genghis released his grip and Colus turned his head and looked at the human canine that just attacked him. Then, to his amazement. “Colus Valda,” the animal said to him. “I am an agent with the Interstellar Police Force. You are hereby ordered to stand down. You are under arrest.” Valda stared with his mouth open then . . .

  “Ha, ha, ha! What the hell,” Valda said. “You gotta be kidding me!” Trent came up and stood by Genghis. “Oh! This is rich!” Valda looked up at Trent. “I was wondering why you were with a humane canine, but this is hilarious!” He started laughing even harder.

  “On your feet, Valda,” Genghis growled. But this only put Valda into hysterics.

  “Ba, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! You were replicated into a human canine,” he started pounding his fist on the ground. “Ha, ha, ha! Oh! This is priceless.”

  “Yeah! Well, shut the hell up, or I’ll bite your ass again.”

  “Hey! Shouldn’t you be going woof, woof and bark, bark? You're just like a Codas canine except your eyes are looking in the same direction!” Another volley of laughter.

  “Mister Trent?”

  “Yes, Mister Khan.”

  “Can I shoot him?”

  “Wouldn’t you need opposable thumbs for that? Haaa! Haaaaa! Haa!” He rolled on his back, kicking his legs in the air.

  Genghis removed the Immobilizer from his collar with his mouth, then pushed it against Valda’s left thigh and bit down on the trigger. “Ha, ha, ha . . . Whaaaaaa!” Valda’s body flopped around for a second on the ground like a fish out of water. Genghis had the Immobilizer set for a mild stun. It didn’t knock Colus out, it just gave him a good jolt. “That shut him up,” Genghis said.

  Colus Valda was breathing heavily and still chuckling, “Oh, I liked that. Do it again!” He grinned and pointed to his crotch. “Funny thing, it made my . . .”

  Trent had had enough and roughly grabbed Colus under the arms and, with difficulty, lifted him to his feet. “Hey! Hey! Watch it, copper!”

  Trent looked around then said, “Let’s get off the street and get him in that alley over there.” Jeff grabbed Valda by the elbow and forcibly led him into the alley. It was a very wide, dead-end alley in between two large brick buildings, one of which was a meat packing plant. The ground was uneven and there was a large green dumpster against the right wall, full of smelly garbage. Trent pushed Colus’s back hard against the dumpster and started going through his pockets.

  Jennifer ran quickly to the corner of Fifth Avenue and poked her head around the building and saw nothing. She scanned up the sidewalk and across the street. The block was empty. She stepped out and slowly started to walk up the street. She was mad at herself for letting him get away. She looked into closed store windows, into dark alleys. Where the hell did he go, she thought to herself.

  “Why are you following me?” Came a voice from behind her. She cringed and silently swore to herself and turned around. He had stepped out of a dark recessed store entrance, she walked right by without even seeing him. He stood there with hands on his hips like a school teacher waiting for an answer.

  Jennifer smiled and said, “It’s been slow tonight and you kind of looked lonely.” She put her hands behind her, and swayed back and forth. “Just thought you might need some company.”

  Bollar looked at this human girl who stood in front of him. He looked her up and down. He noted the long hair, the red sweater, the shapely figure. He glanced down to her tight Levis jeans, then back up and met her eyes. But, Bollar’s race was asexual and, even though he was in human form, he still had no interest in copulating with a human female, or anyone else for that matter, “I’m sorry. But I’m not interested,” he said. “Why don’t you just run along, little one.” He stood staring at her.

  Jennifer straightened up and rolled her eyes, “Okay, fine. I’ll just find someone else.” She turned and started to walk away, but looked over her shoulder. “But if you change your mind,” she . “I’ll be on the bench in Grant Park by the statue.” She gave him a wink and turned and continued to walk away. That’s when she realized how hard her heart was pounding.

  Chapter Forty

  Trent was throwing items from Colus Valda’s pockets onto the ground. An empty jar of Motts Apple Sauce, round cardboard coasters from Ray’s, an empty juice box with a bent and yellow-stained straw. Trent reached in further and all of a sudden wished he was wearing gloves. “Ah! Disgusting.” He pulled out a three-day-old banana peel, black and slimy.

  “It wasn’t bad a couple of days ago.”

  “Shut the hell up, Valda,” Genghis responded. Which only made Colus giggle.

  “I can’t get over that,” he smirked. “I mean, come on! How did that happen to you, anyway?”

  “Yeah well, they're running diagnostic tests to . . . Shut the hell up, Valda, or I’ll zap you again!”

  Trent shook residue banana slime from his hand, then wiped the rest on Valda’s coat. He continued to search Valda and found a half-eaten bag of Doritos. “Ooh, crunchy goodness! Can I finish those?” Colus said, reaching for the bag.

  “Keep your hands where I can see them, Valda,” Trent said, then roughly spun Colus around and pushed him against the dumpster to go through his back pockets. He found his wallet. Inside were five, twenty-dollar bills. “We know you’ve been working with Bollar. Is that where you got the currency?” Trent spun him around again to face him. “When was the last time you saw Bollar? Where does he live?”

  “Wait a minute . . . Who?”

  “Keep it up, Valda,” Genghis said. “We got a deep freeze waiting for you, you might as well cooperate.”

  “Oh, come on! Can’t you just put me in a holding cell? I don’t know anything. He would contact me and we would just meet up somewhere. I don’t know where he lives.”

  “What’s his next job?” Trent asked, while going through the wallet.

  “Hell if I know! He never told me anything like that. He just wanted the Interrupter so he could pull off his heists. Honest! I was supposed to meet him today and get it back.”

  “You mean, you don’t have the Interrupter on you?” Genghis asked, glancing up at Trent. “Hey, Valda? Guess how we found you.” He waited until Valda made eye contact with him. “It was turned off . . . intentionally! We’ve been tracking you on the town’s cameras.”

  “That double-crossing son of a bitch,” Colus Valda said, to no one in particular.

  “Yeah, honor among thieves, huh Valda?” Trent said, while pulling Colus’s I.D. from his wallet. He then discarded the wallet to the pile of items he'd pulled from Valda’s pockets. Trent looked at the I.D. It was similar to the one the replicator made for him.

  “Doctor Alfred Carroll?” Jeff looked at Valda, “Doctor?”

  “Yeah, what can I say?” Colus shrugging. “It’s what the replicator gave me.”

  “You’re a doctor?” Genghis asked. “A doctor of what?”

  “Hell if I know,” Valda reached for his I.D. “Does that little card say?”

  Treat pulled the card from Valda’s reach, took the palm of his other hand and shoved it in Colus's face, pushing him back against the dumpster. “Hey! Watch it you damn screw, I’m a doctor.”

  Trent was searching his mind. The name was familiar. He thought back to the one and only file they had on the human race, ever since The Great Fire of 4045. “That’s it!” Jeff remembered. “It’s from the human film Tell Your Children. Doctor Carroll is a high school principal . . .”

  “Yeah, but a doctor of what?” Valda interrupted.

  Trent ignored him and continued on. “He was a high school principal warning parents of the dangers that smoking marijuana cigarettes posed to their children.”

  “Mari-what-ies?” Valda asked.

  “It was also released under the title of Reefer Madness,” Trent finished.

  “Yes, okay, but what is he a doctor of ?” Valda insisted.

  “Shut the hell up! So, Valda,” Genghis said, thinking back to the movie he and Trent both studied. “Burning down
buildings and making people play musical instruments incredibly fast, huh!”

  “What? No! Well, the buildings, yeah maybe, but the musical in . . . nooo.” Valda then got frustrated. “Can we please stick to one thing at a time? A doctor of what?”

  Chapter Forty-One

  Genghis kept an eye on Colus Valda while Trent brought the cruiser to the front of the alley. The moon was full, low in the sky, and behind the Thunderbird as he put it in park. It gave the vehicle an eerie grayish silhouette that seemed to stretch into the alley. Jeff climbed out from the driver's seat and reentered the alley carrying the duffle bag. His elongated shadow reached out and touched Genghis and Colus before he got to them.

  Trent placed the duffle bag on the ground and started to go through it. “Hey, what yah got there, copper?” Valda asked, trying to peer into the duffle bag.

  “We have to change you back, Colus,” Trent said, while setting up a portable replicator. “Can’t send you to cryogenics in human form. Could cause the life support system to malfunction.”

  “Yeah,” Genghis added, “wouldn’t that be a shame?”

  “Oh, thank goodness! I hate this body I have. I can’t do anything without getting short of breath. I honestly don’t know how these humans can go about their business without stopping every five minutes to rest up.”

  “Yes, well, you won’t have to worry about that anymore, will you, Colus?” Trent activated the replicator. A thin red laser emitted from the device and struck Colus Valda harmlessly in the head. It then started to horizontally fan out the width of his large body and began to oscillate up and down. Shadows danced off the walls in a strobe light-like fashion as the oscillations continued. Valda’s body started to change. He became thinner and shorter. His clothing began to hang loosely. The replicator shut off. The transformation was complete.

  Standing only five feet three inches tall in front of Jeff Trent and Genghis Khan was Colus Valda as they knew him. Valda was of a race of short and lanky humanoids. Draping off his thin frame were his oversized human clothes. Long arms extending beyond his coat shelves, stretching down below knobby knees.