“What’s going on?”
She opens the door, and I follow her inside. She walks to the brown couch and sits on it with a sigh. She places her elbows on her knees and leans her head in her hands. With her fingers, she massages small circles on the side of her head. I sit next to her and carefully lay my hand on her thigh. When she looks up to me, she looks defeated.
“When I came home from school this afternoon, Mom was already home. She drank too much again. She went after me in a furious rage when I emptied her bottle into the sink.” A new sob escapes her, and I pull her against me. I stroke her hair with my hand and try to calm her down. “She said I’m the worst daughter ever.”
“You’re not a bad daughter, Valérie. You know your mother doesn’t know what she’s doing when she’s drunk.”
She shrugs her shoulders indifferently. She always tries to pretend that she doesn’t care, but luckily she can be herself with me. When we’re together she doesn’t feel like she should pretend to be someone she isn’t.
“I only do it to protect her; I’m afraid something will happen to her.”
I put my hands around her face and make sure she looks at me. I rest my forehead against hers and wait until the sobs stop a little.
“You.” I kiss her forehead. “Are.” I kiss her nose. “The sweetest.” I kiss her mouth. “Person I know, Valérie. You can’t just hide from your mother. She is a grown woman and should be taking care of you. Not the other way around.”
She looks up at me, and the atmosphere between us changes. I bend forward and kiss her again, but slower this time. With one hand in her hair and the other on her hip, I deepen the kiss. She willingly opens her mouth, and I let my tongue slide into it. I taste her sweet, unique taste. Valérie is the first to break the kiss. Before I realize what she is doing, she pulls her sweater over her head and sits on my lap, straddling me. Now she’s only wearing her bra and shorts. With her legs on both sides of me, she pushes her hips against my erection. “I want you,” she moans.
In the few months that we have been together, we have, of course, already done some stuff. I am not a saint. But Valérie is still a virgin, so I don’t want to let this go too far. She’s too vulnerable now, and I didn’t come here to take advantage of her. We have important things to discuss, like my leaving.
I stroke a lock of hair behind her ear. “I don’t want to take advantage of this situation, Valérie. I need to discuss something with you.”
She puts her finger on my lips to silence me. She bends forward and kisses my neck and continues her path with little kisses up to my ear. “I want this,” she whispers.
When her lips touch mine again, I know I am lost. I am just a man of flesh and blood. Her body this close to mine makes me forget everything, even the reason why I came here. I no longer fight against temptation and put my arms around her. With her in my arms, I stand up. She wraps her legs around me, and I walk us to her bedroom.
When I enter her room, I lay her down on the bed. I tug my shirt over my head and kick off my shoes, and before discarding my jeans, I grab a condom from my wallet and toss it on the bedside table. In that respect, I’m like a boy scout; always prepared. By the time I’m stripped to my boxer briefs, Valérie has taken off her shorts. Lying there in a white lace bra and matching panties, she’s stunning. Her hair frames her narrow face, and she looks at me longingly from under her dark lashes.
I take a step forward and cross the small distance between us. My body is overwhelmed with the warmth of her almost-naked body against me. When I stroke her belly, she shivers under my hand. Her reaction tells me she wants this, but I need to hear it from her. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely,” she assures me. I gently push her down on the matress and then cover her body with mine. I gently slide my hands behind her back and open the closure of her bra. I slide it off and throw it on the floor. She starts to wiggle under me trying to take off her panties, but I hold her back. “We’re not in a hurry,” I whisper in her ear.
“Okay,” she says shyly. She tries to swallow her nerves. The last thing I want is to hurt her, so it’s crucial she relaxes. I kiss her neck and continue a path down. When I get to her breasts, I angle my gaze to her face. She keeps a close eye on me, and a beautiful red blush appears on her cheeks. With my tongue, I lick one nipple and then the other. She lifts her hips, looking for the friction she needs. I brush my lips to her belly then farther down until I reach her panties. I hook my fingers under the elastic and pull them down in one smooth movement. The smell of her arousal invading my senses. If I still doubted whether she wanted this, that is my confirmation.
Very gently, I let my hands slide up her legs, starting at her ankles going farther up, slowly parting them as I go. I glance at her face, and I can see she’s nervous, but also excited. I lower my body between her open legs an kiss her inner thigh. It’s the first time I’ve had the chance to admire her this way. Her chest moves up and down rapidly, waiting for what’s coming. With my tongue, I lick from her slit to her clit.
“Oooooooo...”
I enjoy every moan she makes and let myself be guided by the sound to see what she likes best. When she starts panting faster and faster, I know she’s almost there. I’m not gonna let her come that easily, so I remove my mouth from her. She moans at the loss of contact. I chuckle at her eagerness. “Hush, I’ll give you what you need, I’m just gonna take my time with you.”
When I look at her, I see the most vibrant smile I’ve ever seen on her lips. Without breaking eye contact, I slowly push one, then two fingers inside of her. My God, how tight she feels. I keep watching her, loving the way she reacts. Once my fingers are completely in her, I curl them, looking for her G-spot. I know when I hit it because her hips shoot up from the bed.
“Oh my God,” she moans, and starts riding my hand with her hips. Slowly at first but then faster. She fists the sheets beside her and shakes her head from side to side. She pushes her feet into the matress and lifts her hips even higher.
“Come for me, Valérie.”
I bring my head down and suck hard on her clit, and that’s when her orgasm erupts. She screams and pulls my hair, but I keep licking and caressing her gently until the last tremor of her orgasm is over. When her breathing returns to normal, I slowly crawl up until my body completely covers hers. She opens her legs even more to give me more space, and I kiss her slowly but deeply.
Valérie tries to stroke my erection through my boxers, but I stop her before she can reach it. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Um, don’t you think I should help you?”
I chuckle. She is so cute. “Baby, this is not a contest. And by the way, that’s a game that I would love to lose.”
She laughs and looks at me with those deep green eyes of hers. “Well, if you look at it that way, I’d love to let you win.”
That’s what I love about Valérie—she has no filter. It’s something that often gets her into trouble. But not with me, I want her to always be herself with me. I kiss her again, taking the time to kiss her thoroughly. I push my erection against her.
“Are you still sure that this is what you want?”
I look at her face, for any sign of doubt, but I find nothing. She places her hand on my jaw and looks at me intensely. “This is what I want, with you.”
I quickly kiss her on her nose, before I take the condom from the night table. I roll it on, aware that her gaze never leaves me, and nestle between her legs again. I position my dick between her wet lips. With my arms on either side of her head, I make sure I don’t crush her. I look her deep into her beautiful eyes as I push myself in inch by delicious inch. Her wet, warm heat envelops me like a tight fist, and I stop when I feel a barrier. I stroke the hair from her face. “This is going to hurt just a little, but I promise you that after that it will get better.”
She looks up at me and says, “I trust you.”
I place my mouth against her lips and push myself completely inside of her with one
thrust. She tightens, around my shaft and I try to reassure her by continuing to kiss her to distract from the pain. I remain motionless, giving her time to adjust to the feeling. “Are you okay?” I ask.
She squirms under me, and it takes all of my self-control not to pump in and out of her like a madman. “Can you... move,” she asks shyly. A little surprised by her question, I do what she asks and pull out of her a little, and then slide back inside again. A little moan escapes her lips.
“How does that feel?”
“Good,” she pants.
“It’s going to get much better. Hold on tight.”
She does what I ask and grabs my upper arms. First slowly, but then faster and faster I start moving in and out of her. I feel the familiar tingling and know that I am getting close. But not without her. I lift myself a little so that I can slide my hand in between us. With my thumb I stroke her clit. “Let go, beautiful.”
With a moan, she comes, and I feel her pussy clamp around my shaft. With that, I can no longer hold myself back and I let myself fall over the edge with her. This is without a doubt one of the most intense moments I have ever shared with someone. When my breathing evens out a little, I gently slip out of her.
I roll away from her and go to the bathroom to take care of the condom. I bring a washcloth to clean her and then throw it back in the direction of the bathroom. When I lie back down in bed next to her, Valérie nestles against me. With her fingertip, she draws small circles on my chest.
“That was fantastic.” I kiss her forehead and pull her close to me. For a while, we lie there together in silence, just enjoying each other’s company, until my phone rings. The shrill sound of the ringtone resounds through the room. I crawl out of bed and fish my cell phone out of my pocket. On the screen flashes Jonathan’s name.
“Hey, buddy.” I listen to Jonathan as he tells me how his father has just kicked him out of the house because he chose to become a drummer instead of a doctor. “What the fuck? That’s so unfair.”
“I know. Can I sleep on your couch tonight? It’s only temporary; we leave in a few days.”
“Absolutely,” I answer, after which I look at my watch. “I’ll be home in fifteen minutes.”
Valérie is now sitting upright in bed with the sheet pulled up under her chin. “What was that all about?” she asks as soon as I have finished the conversation.
“Jonathan needs a place to sleep; his dad just threw him out.”
“Really, why?”
“Jonathan didn’t take the entrance examination for med school, he chose his music. His dad was not happy with it.”
“Oh my, now what?”
I put on my boxers, my jeans, and pull my T-shirt over my head. “I’m going home now to let him in; he can sleep at my place on the couch for a few days. After that, we leave with the band.”
Valérie raises her eyebrows and looks at me with a questioning expression. “In a few days, you’ll be leaving with the band?”
Oh, fuck, I’d totally forgotten that that was the reason I came here. I run my hand through my hair. “That’s why I came here, to speak to you. We found a manager, and in a few days we’ll leave to go on tour. He’s mapped out a whole promotional tour for the band.”
I see the pain sliding over her face. “So, what we just shared didn’t mean anything to you? It wasn’t more than a quick fuck?”
“Valérie, it wasn’t like that.”
Her palm slaps my cheek before I can say more. “Get out,” she screams.
“Valérie...”
“I never want to see you again.” She pushes me out of her room, and the last thing I see before she closes the door with a bang, is her pale face, etched with pain. I lift my hand to knock on the door but lower it again. There’s nothing I can say that will make this better. I turn around and walk to the front door. Before I step outside, I look over my shoulder again. The door of her room is still closed and the house is quiet, except for the heartbreaking sounds of a sobbing Valérie.
Everything in me screams to go to her, but what future can I offer her? Her life is here, and I leave with the band in a few days. I cannot even give her the guarantee that I will succeed; I’m not sure that I will be able to take care of her as I should. So I do all I can do; I leave without her. It hurts now, but I’m sure she’ll find someone who will make her very happy.
I close the front door behind me and walk into the cold night. Now I can only hope that the band will be a success; otherwise, I gave up everything I had going on in my life. A girl who is not only my true love, but also my best friend.
THAT NIGHT WAS WITHOUT a doubt one of the most difficult of my whole life. But however difficult that decision was at the time, I am happy with everything I and Full Moon have achieved. I am happy to hear that she, too, has reached her goal and has become a journalist. But now that I know where she works, I can use that info to make sure I can see her again. I happen to know the CEO of Hard Beats magazine, Fanny, very well. There is no question wheter or not I will see her again, because I will do wathever it takes to make sure I do. So I can win her back. Seeing her again was a shock. The feelings I had for her then, came back full force as if I were struck by lightning.
The band has succeeded, and I am now abler than I was back then to take care of her. And that is exactly what I want to do; to have her close to me and never let her go again. To make up for our lost time. These past eight years that I have been in the industry I have made contacts here and there. Fanny is one of them, and let’s say she has ways she can help me. Never before have I abused my position with the band, but as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures. It is the only way to get Valérie where I want her to be. I want her by my side, in my life, forever. I let her go once, I’m not letting her go again. I’ll do whatever is necessary to get her here. I dial the phone number on my cell phone and wait for it to ring on the other side.
2
Valérie
The press conference was two days ago. The first morning after the event, I left for work with a mixture of nerves running through my veins. I knew my unfortunate meeting with Max didn’t go unnoticed. I’ve been working at Hard Beats for two months now, and it’s my dream job. Hundreds of candidates had applied for the position, and sometimes I can hardly understand how they chose me out of all of them.
After my reaction during the press conference and the whole media event that followed, I was convinced that my boss would fire me. But the first day I returned, no one even spoke to me about it. It was a very bizarre situation. As if I had ended up in a parallel universe or something like that, where the whole press conference had never taken place. But I thought that if nobody asked about it, I wouldn’t talk about it—pretend it never happened.
This morning, I’m back at the office, but I’m already having the worst day. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never been a morning person, but today is the worst one I’ve had in a long time. I just couldn’t drag myself out of bed, and when I finally got up, everything that could go wrong really went wrong.
It started when I wanted to take a shower. I had already turned on the tap so that the water could warm up while I went to the bathroom. Without checking the temperature first, I stepped into the shower and discovered unpleasantly that there was no hot water. For the third time this month the boiler had broken, and that would force me again to make several angry phone calls to the landlord before that problem was solved.
I think that man has installed a separate ringtone for me on his cell phone so he can avoid answering when I call. And that wouldn’t even be necessary if he just made sure that everything in the apartment worked properly. But he didn’t understand that it was a necessity to have a working boiler; or that the lighting in the corridor works when I come home in the dark at night. It’s clear that the other neighbors have already resigned themselves to it, but I am not like that. I fight for what I find necessary. My roommate is always amused when the landlord comes by and listens to my lamentations.
> After having washed with cold water, I quickly dressed and had just enough time to make a sandwich with cheese before I walked to the garage. However, when I wanted to start my old faithful car, there was no life to it. Betsy—the name I gave my car years ago—refused to start this morning. I turned the ignition key, but nothing happened; not even a click. A look at my watch made it clear that I didn’t have the time to call for roadside assistance.
If I still wanted to arrive on time—which would require a miracle—there was no other option than to take the bus. I walked, as fast as my high heels could carry me, to the bus stop at the end of my street. High heels have always been a weakness of mine, but at times like this I cursed them. If there is one thing I blame myself for most, it is that I can’t wear my favorite pair of silver pumps anymore as one remained on the pavement in front of the hotel where the press conference was held. But it was either leave the shoe behind or face Max, and I wasn’t ready for that yet—I don’t think I will ever be.
When the bus arrived, it seemed as if everyone that day had the bright idea to travel this way, because it stopped at every stop. Thirteen stops later and I finally arrive at the front of the building where Hard Beats offices are. I was a little over fifteen minutes late when I swung open the door of my office, out of breath.
To make sure I could make it through my day, I decide to have a cup of coffee first. I throw my handbag on my desk and walk to the break room. I stand with my back to the entrance while pouring a cup of coffee for myself. When I turn around, Michael from the cover design department suddenly steps in front of me, and we collide, knocking my cup of coffee and spilling it all over me. Just what my day needs, my white blouse is ruined and there’s probably a burn spot just below my left breast. In the bathroom, I try to wash the stain out of my blouse as much as possible, but it’s no use.
Say You Crave Me (Full Moon, #4) Page 2