And here I am now, sitting behind my desk. Having just drank my first cup of coffee, ready to start the day, when my phone rings.
“This is Valérie,” I greet the person on the other end of the line in a friendly tone.
“Can you come to my office immediately? We have something important to discuss.”
Fuck! That’s Julian, my department head. I knew that there would still be a tail attached to that damn press conference. “Do I need to bring anything?”
“No,” he answers abruptly. And before I can even ask another question, the connection is broken.
This is it, the moment I’ll be dismissed. Fired. Thrown out for my mistake. I wish I could go back in time and tape my damn mouth shut. But there’s no time like the present. I won’t be able to escape from this, so I stand up from behind my desk, pull my skirt straight and tuck in my blouse. To try and cover up the stain, I put on my blazer. Before I go out, I cast one last glance into my office. You never know, it may be the last time I’ll see it. With an anxious feeling, I close the door behind me and head for Julian’s office. It feels as if all my colleagues’ eyes are on me. It’s like everyone has received an email this morning with the news about what awaits me and I’m the only one who knows nothing about it. My mouth gets dry, and I try to swallow the lump that forms in my throat.
When I arrive at Julian’s office, I knock on the door and wait until I hear his grumpy voice. “Inside!”
The very tone in which he speaks gives me a prickling feeling. Since the first day I started working here he’s had issues with me. He snarls at me and has threatened to fire me several times. For some reason, Julian always keeps a close eye on what I do. At the slightest error, he makes sure that everyone in our department knows that I am a failure in his eyes. When I disrupted the press conference, I was sure he would seize that opportunity. The fact he didn’t do it the first day but has waited two days is a kind of psychological game he’s playing with me. In any case, I do not intend to be belittled by him. I take another deep breath and lift my chin. If he’s going to fire me, it will be with my head held high.
I open the door, step inside, and carefully close it behind me again. When I turn around, I notice that Julian is not alone. Fanny Williams is also present. Now the sweat of fear starts to break out, because Fanny is the CEO of Hard Beats. She started the magazine from scratch fifteen years ago and is still in charge of the company. I stand still and see how they both look at me. Maybe that spot is still visible on my blouse? I awkwardly tap my fingers on my skirt not knowing what to do with my hands and my nerves and don’t really know what they expect from me. I didn’t think this day could get any worse, but clearly I was wrong.
“Come and sit down, Valérie,” Julian says in a friendly tone.
Usually, he is always very surly toward me, like on the phone just now, and from the very first day that I worked here, he made it clear that he was not the one who had hired me. He was anything but happy when I took on the assignment for Full Moon. But that wasn’t my fault; my best friend Lola, who also works for Hard Beats, had won the assignment. But when she fell ill at the last minute, I took her place. A decision that I blame myself for now, given the position I find myself in. I try to get a handle on myself and politely reach out my hand.
“Good morning, Mrs. Williams.”
We shake hands, and she points to the chair opposite Julian. “Call me Fanny and take a seat, Valérie.”
Julian gives me a sly smirk, but as soon as Fanny turns her back on him, he casts an angry glance at me that makes a shiver run down my spine. I still have no idea what is going on, but I hope they will soon free me from my suffering.
Mrs. Williams sits down at the desk and looks at me with a smile on her face. “You made quite an impression at the press conference for Full Moon.”
I knew it. This is the moment I’ve feared all along.
“I’m very sorry, ma’am. It was never my intention, but you see...”
Fanny raises her hand to interrupt me. “Whatever the reason, the band has contacted us. They regret the way the press conference ended and would like to show the world that Full Moon is still a good band. They are giving us the rights to follow them for a while so that we can do an exclusive about them in our magazine.”
This was not what I expected, and it feels like a significant burden falls off my shoulders. I was convinced that they would fire me. I mean, the person who invented the phrase, there’s no such thing as bad press, never lived in the moment as I did. And if there’s anything I can’t afford at the moment, it’s losing my job.
“Okay, that’s great news. But, um, I don’t want to be rude, what does that have to do with me?”
Fanny smiles wide.
“Full Moon had only one requirement for us, that you be the journalist who followed them to write this piece. Of course, I approved this immediately; you leave tomorrow, to tour with them for three weeks.”
Holy shit!
I should have known. This whole situation has Max’s name written all over it. He was always sneaky when it came to getting what he wanted. He didn’t take anyone else into account back then, and now that he’s a famous rock star, I’m sure that hasn’t changed a bit. He thinks he really is all that, thinks that I will come running to him with open arms and that he can force me to go on tour with him? It may have been a while since he last saw me, but it is clear that he doesn’t remember that I’m not some stupid chick he can play with and then toss out when he’s done with me.
“I’m quite honored that they have chosen me, but I’m not sure if it’s possible for me to arrange this in such a short time. I—”
I don’t finish my sentence, because Julian interrupts me. “I told you she wasn’t the right candidate.” He looks angrily at me and then at Fanny. Gone is the Julian who was just friendly to me. He has made way for the infamous, grumpy Julian. “Let me call someone from the band, and I will take her place.”
Fanny sits quietly on the desk and looks at Julian with a glare that makes sure even he keeps his mouth shut. For a moment I’m glad that that look is not pointed at me until she says, “Julian, can you leave Valérie and me alone for a minute?”
With a grunt of disapproval, Julian pushes his chair back and leaves the office, but not before he casts a vicious glance at me. Fanny glares at him until he has left the room and closes the door with a hard swing. The bang resounds in the office, but Fanny doesn’t seem impressed. It’s a miracle that it is still in the doorframe. Now that I’m alone with Fanny here, my heart suddenly starts beating faster. She turns to me and looks at me seriously.
“Valerie, I don’t know what’s going on between you and the band, but this is a unique opportunity for our magazine.”
“I understand that, I do. But the singer of Full Moon and I... We have a past. He’s only doing this to get back at me.”
“Whatever his reason may be, this is an opportunity for our magazine that I won’t let pass, Valérie, and neither should you; this could be the beginning of a flourishing career for you.”
“I have no idea what to do with this.”
Again she gives me a friendly smile.
“Very simple,” she replies as if it were the most normal thing in the world for you to be invited to follow a band of which your ex is the front man. “You’re going to go home now. I’ll give you until tonight to think about it.” She stands up and is already making her way to the door. Just before she steps outside, she turns around. “Realize that if you choose not to go, it’ll be the end of your job here at Hard Beats. Think about it and send me your answer this evening.”
What on earth just happened? I had my dream job. I had everything I could wish for, and again it’s Max who confuses everything. He did it so many years ago and now again. Since I saw him again two days ago, my whole life has been turned upside down. Defeated, I walk to my desk and pack up my things. What I need now is alcohol, and preferably a large quantity. The only one who can help me with this is my r
oommate.
WHEN I ARRIVE HOME earlier than usual, my roommate is already there. Ines and I have been living together since we graduated. We share the costs for our small apartment. It may not be much, but if the walls could tell what we’ve experienced here, you’d understand why this is our home.
I tell Ines the whole story. She takes a bottle of white wine from the fridge and two wineglasses from the cupboard. She pours a drink for me and one for herself, and takes a big sip before she looks at me again. “So, if I understand correctly, that hot ex of yours has made sure that you first, can go on tour with the most popular band at the moment, and second, you get paid to do so since it is your job?”
With those few words, she puts a smile on my face for the first time today. I knew she would look at it like this. Ines is more of a glass half-full type and I am a glass half-empty type. Entirely the opposite of her, but that is why we get along so well.
“I knew you would say something like that, but believe me, I’m not going.”
Ines puts her glass on the counter and looks at me with her signature look, her eyebrows pulled up, her eyes serious. With her index finger, she points in my direction. “Let’s be real, sweetie. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. You do not want to let it slip through your fingers. Regardless of your situation with Max, you must grab this opportunity with both hands. So right now, put it in that stubborn head of yours, you’re going. Even if that means I have to take you there personally. Just ignore Max; there are other band members you can spend your time with.” She raises and lowers her eyebrows suggestively, and I can only laugh. “It’s about time you got laid anyway before you forget how to do it.” She says the latter with a radiant smile on her face.
I moan. “It’s not that long ago, you know,” I answer defensively. “The last time was with Daniel.”
Ines almost spits her wine over the kitchen island. “You really can’t count that, sweetie. That man had never heard of a clitoris before, and after I tried to explain to him how to find it, you never saw him again. That was just a real waste of your precious time.”
I smile when I think back to that conversation. A few months earlier I had confessed everything to Ines. Daniel was handsome, sweet, and charming... but a disaster in bed. A disaster was even putting it mildly. Every girl experiences her share of bad sex, but sex with Daniel was without a doubt the worst kind I had ever experienced. Usually, the make-out session was over even before it had started. He did not engage in oral sex and had virtually no interest in the female body.
The longer our relationship lasted, the more I got annoyed. At first, I thought it was just a matter of getting to know each other’s preferences... you know, find out what he likes, learn to understand each other’s bodies better. But when it didn’t improve, I told Ines the truth after a drunken night out. Of course, she thought it was her new life mission to teach Daniel all the tricks for an exciting sex life. But it had the opposite effect. That evening he ran off with his tail between his legs without looking back, and I never heard from him again. No text, no phone call, nothing. It seemed as if he had disappeared from the globe.
Oh well, I can’t call it a real loss; I really didn’t grieve about it. But since then I have had no other relationship, and that’s been a few months ago now. I hate to say this, but I have to agree with Ines. I miss sex. I may be a woman, but I don’t hesitate to admit that I love sex when it happens with the right partner. For me that doesn’t have to be in a relationship; sex can also be okay when it occurs between two people who both need the release and nothing else. We are still sitting at the kitchen island when Ines suggests that she make us something to eat. That’s another thing I won the lottery with when it comes to Ines. If there is something I hate, it’s cooking. And honestly, I’m just bad at it. I know what you think now, everyone can at least prepare the basic things. But even the simplest dishes turn into a weird looking, inedible heap when I cook them. Believe me; you don’t want to eat an omelet I’ve prepared. My stomach still turns when I think of my last cooking attempt. I am therefore delighted that Ines likes to do it and is also able to do it well. She always creates the most delicious dishes for us.
While Ines is preparing our dinner, my thoughts wander to Ines’ words. Is she right? I cannot deny that it is indeed a great opportunity and a massive boost for my career if I accept this assignment. But that also means that I have to stay close to Max. The first man to break my heart. The man with whom I first had sex. A man who still looks just as good, if not better after all this time. Even though I may be angry with him, when I saw him walking into the room where the press conference was being held, my heart jumped into my throat. My body has not forgotten him yet, despite the years that have passed.
I am still sitting on the barstool looking at Ines. She is busy grating a carrot but looks up when I address her.
“Do you really think I should do it?”
“Absolutely,” she answers as she swings the grater in my direction. “You’ll regret it forever if you don’t. And in doing so, perhaps you can show him what he has missed all these years.”
“What do you mean by that,” I ask laughingly.
“You put on a sexy outfit every day, flirt a bit with other men when he sees it... Oh, or you hire some ridiculously handsome escort to go with you and tell Max that he is your husband.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Things like that.”
She says it like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Ines may be crazy sometimes, but she is always on my side. I take another sip of my wine and think about what she just said. I’ve worked very hard to get my journalism degree, and Hard Beats has chosen me out of hundreds of candidates, so they believe in me. Max had already made my life hell when he left, so I don’t want to give him the pleasure of taking this away from me now. I like Ines’ ideas.
Before I can overthink this, I put my glass of wine on the kitchen island, fish my cell phone from my handbag and text a message to Fanny.
Me: I’ll do it.
Her answer appears almost immediately.
Fanny: I knew I could count on you.
I’ll handle things with Max in my way. He has no idea what he’s gotten himself into. He may have won this battle, but the war is not over yet. If he thinks I’m just letting him get his way, he’s wrong.
After dinner, I call Lola. She is still at home with the flu, so I haven’t been able to tell her the latest news yet. Of course, she heard the whole story about the press conference; how could she have not? I don’t think there is any news feature that did not address the story, and it is our job to follow them all.
She screams so loudly that I have to keep the phone away from my ear to avoid becoming deaf.
“I leave in two days and I have to follow the band very closely. After that, I have to make a report about it for our magazine.”
“Damn this stupid flu.” She sighs. “Otherwise I could have gone there.”
“I would have loved for you to go, my dear. I have no idea how to deal with Max’s proximity, but I will find a way.”
“I’m sure you’ll find a way, honey.”
“Let’s hope so.”
3
Max
Fanny, the owner of Hard Beats, just phoned to confirm that Valérie will be following us for the next few weeks, on the condition that we guarantee Hard Beats exclusivity on the whole event. Fanny and I have known each other for years, but it has always remained on a business level. Even though I know that Fanny wants more from me. But it never felt like that for me, and given her job, I decided long ago never to give in to her advances. Now I am glad I never did because then I wouldn’t have had this chance with Valérie.
You would think I’d feel guilty because I’m using Fanny to get closer to my goal, but that’s not the case. I knew she was the only way to ensure that Valérie would come here. And I am not afraid to get what I want in this way. That’s how I am.
Although I knew she would go along with my idea at some point, I never expec
ted her to give in so easily. The Valérie I knew would never give in without a struggle if she didn’t want to do something. I remember a lesson in biology class in which we had to dissect a frog. She couldn’t do it as she felt too bad for the frog—never mind that it was dead. But when the biology teacher said she was required to do it, she pretended to faint. That poor teacher looked at us as if he was going to faint, too.
I honestly expected that it would take more to get Valérie here, and my gut feeling tells me that something is going on that I don’t know about.
Immediately after Fanny’s call, I send a message to all the band members asking them to come to the common room. And that’s where I’m heading now. I’m hoping that the band also thinks it’s a good idea to put the group in a good light in the press.
Since Joe’s arrest and everything that happened around him, we haven’t taken the time to find a new manager. I don’t know exactly how it happened, but I’m still acting as our manager. I arrange all our performances, interviews, hotel rooms... In fact, everything to make sure that we can continue to perform.
The band is used to me taking the lead, but I’m curious what they will think of my latest idea. Well, there’s only one way to find out.
“SO WHAT YOU’RE TRYING to tell us is that the journalist will stay with us and follow us backstage for an exclusive report in Hard Beats?” Tim is the first to react to everything I have just told them. From the tone in which he asks, I can see that he’s not immediately jumping to join in. And I can’t blame him entirely. If they had come to me with this idea a few months ago, I would have been the first one who would have said it was a silly plan.
“That’s right; it’s a good publicity stunt for our band that will ensure that the outside world sees that Full Moon is still a close-knit group. After all the negativity, it’s time to show our fans that we’re still close, and this way we get extra advertising for our new album and our new tour.”
Say You Crave Me (Full Moon, #4) Page 3