by Nora Everly
“I won’t stop. I am in love with you. I have loved you since we were kids. I’ve loved you every second of the time I was gone. I was wrong to stay away. Let me show you how good it could be. Let me love you again.”
I felt him standing behind me, so close. If I turned around, I could have it all back.
“Please, stop pushing me.”
“I came back once,” he announced.
I whirled from the window. “When?” I demanded. Fear surged out to be replaced by anger as I glared at him.
His eyes burned into mine. “It was a few months after what happened in the hospital. I wasn’t planning to talk to you. I just wanted to check, to see that you were okay.”
“It was right after Christmas, wasn’t it?” I remembered that day. All day long, I’d felt that I would see him, that he was close. I’d anticipated it, waited for it, hoped and prayed for it—but it never happened. I never saw him. It was bitterly disappointing, and I’d cried myself to sleep that night. It was a setback that shook me.
“Yes. You were with Jane, walking up the path to your apartment. Will ran up to you and hugged you. He was in love with you. I always knew that …” He looked past me to the window. “I figured, eventually, you would let him take care of you.”
I felt the pain again, the loss of him. The sorrow I’d felt back then came at me like a slap in the face. It didn’t have to be that way. He’d been there.
“Damn it, Luke, you stubborn ass.” His eyes darted to mine. “You should have talked to me. Why didn’t you just come to me? All these years …” Tears filled my eyes, but this time I didn’t fight them. I couldn’t, there were too many to stop the flow, the drops hit my chest at the vee of my shirt. I let out a harsh laugh as I brushed them away.
He reached a hand out and I stepped away to avoid it. My anger trembled through my body leaving a cold numbness in its place.
“Let it out, Lily. I ran away from you all those years ago. I thought you would be better without me. I didn’t want to hurt you ever again.”
“I was not better without you!” I shouted, my voice harsh and broken. “And if you thought I was with Will—I wasn’t with him. He took care of me. I was so—” I flinched at the terrible memories invading my thoughts. “I didn’t get out of bed. I wouldn’t listen to anyone, not Rose, not even Jane. My family stayed away because I demanded it, and I was in such a state that they were afraid of not doing what I asked. But Will would not stay away. He brought me food, made me eat it. He dragged me out on walks. ‘Fresh air would do me good,’ he told me. Later, I started to get sick, nauseated for no reason, dizzy spells, insomnia. I stopped getting my period.” I laughed, shaky and bitter. “Will was the one who figured out I was pregnant. He brought a bunch of tests home—positive—every single one.” My voice broke and I took a deep shuddering breath to regain control.
Tears ran openly down Luke’s face. “I’m so sorry, Lily.” He reached out his hand to touch me, then pulled it back.
My knees felt weak as I stood there with my head spinning. I’d never spoken about this with anyone, but I took a deep breath and continued anyway. “Will proposed to me, surrounded by peed-on pregnancy tests in the bathroom—he proposed right then. He told me he loved me and would raise my baby with me and treat it like his own child. I believed him, but I told him no. I loved you. I wanted you, Luke. I told him that, and he said he didn’t care. He said he had loved me for years and—” A strangled sob escaped my throat, and I couldn’t say any more.
“He was a good man.” Luke sighed, defeat coloring his features.
“Luke, he was my best friend, I loved him. We didn’t get together until Dylan was almost two. But he—even though I was still writing all those letters to you, trying to get you to come back, making endless calls to try to find where you were—he refused to give up on me. He was there for Dylan like a father would be. He was there for me like a husband would be. And all that time as I leaned on him, I felt so much guilt. I told him that he should find someone else to love him like he deserved, but he always said no. Then I got a box in the mail.” I paused and studied his face. This would hurt but keeping it from him would be like a lie. “It was full of every letter I had ever sent to you. All were unopened.” I grabbed on to Luke’s hands and held them tight. “I gave up then. I buried you in my heart and mourned you like you died.”
His hands convulsed in mine as he pulled me closer. I was half a step away from being in his arms. His eyes held mine but this time I didn’t want to look away.
Defeat clouded his eyes. “I should have listened to my heart, not my fears. I should have listened to my soul screaming at me that it belonged with yours, not my fucked-up mind telling me I would hurt you again. I should have listened to you, Lily. Can you ever forgive me? Am I asking the impossible of you?”
As I stood there, for the first time since I had been back home, I got out of my head. My heart demanded that I listen to it, listen to him. His words had shattered my doubts.
“I love you, Luke,” I blurted, and his jaw dropped. “I never stopped loving you, not ever. I loved Will with all my heart. But you—Luke, you are part of my soul. So, yes, I forgive you for everything. I just wish—”
“I know, I wish it too. And I love you. I’ll always love you.” He choked the words out. His body was stiff, like he was holding himself back. “Lily, I can’t stop myself anymore.”
His grip on my hands tightened as he yanked me forward to band an arm around my hips to lift me closer to his mouth for a kiss. Winding a hand into my hair, he held on as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Electricity shot through me at the touch of his lips, the taste of him, the feel of his body finally against mine, the way we used to be. I threaded my fingers into that beautiful hair I’d been dying to touch and pulled him even closer. A low growl rumbled from his chest. I wanted to crawl inside of him, I couldn’t get close enough. Stumbling backward we crashed to the couch, I straddled him as he wrapped me tightly in his arms. All those lost years were no longer between us—nothing was. Our tears had burned it all away—the fears, the doubt, the pain. Nothing had ever felt more right than this.
I pulled back and took his face in my hands. The need I saw in his eyes matched the need in my heart. I kissed him again, tasting the salt from his tears. He gripped my waist as his mouth moved down to my neck, tickling my skin and making me tremble. He caressed up my back and into my hair again to grip lightly as he pulled my face to his. He kissed me deeply, exploring my mouth. Soon, I grew restless and hungry for more.
“Luke,” I whispered on a moan. “Oh, God.” I felt him hard against my body. I moved my hands over his shoulders, down his strong arms, up his chest, then back to his face again. My fingers trembled as I unbuttoned his shirt. All I wanted was his skin on mine. “I can’t get close enough,” I breathed.
He groaned, pushing the straps of my top down to pool around my waist as he trailed his lips down my neck to the lace of my bra. Reaching behind me he unfastened it, then he buried his face between my breasts as I squeezed him with my legs and arched against his mouth. He moaned as his hands dug into my hips, pulling me even closer.
The small part of me that doubted, that made me afraid of succumbing to Luke again whispered in my ear demanding that I stop before I got hurt. I ignored my doubts and ground down against him, relishing his labored breath against my fevered skin. He grabbed my hips and pulled me down as he pushed his pelvis up into mine. I gasped as we rocked together.
“Luke.” The intensity of this moment hit me to my soul, filling me with so much need that it burned. I grasped his shoulders and moved against him as he held me tight and gazed into my eyes.
“Lily.” He gasped. In his eyes was everything. Everything I had ever wanted. Everything I thought I would always have but lost. All we had ever felt for each other boiled over as we moved together. His head fell back against the couch, and I collapsed onto his chest, tucking my head under his chin. He stroked my back and kissed the top of my head.
“I swear I’ll never leave you,” he whispered.
“I believe you.” I felt him relax beneath me as I wrapped myself around him.
“I only want two things in this world, Lily. I want you, and I want those kids.”
I laughed softly. “Luke, that’s everything.”
“I know it is. I want everything with you because you mean everything to me. I’ll never let you go again.”
“I’ll fight you if you try,” I promised.
He laughed softly. “Good.”
I sighed and rested against his chest once more before popping back up with a start. “What now?” I exclaimed.
“What do you mean?” He grinned like he knew what was coming.
“Well, we can’t go slow anymore. We just dry humped each other all over your office couch. Ahh, what have we done?” I started to scurry off his lap but two warm palms on my thighs held me still.
His smile broadened. “Shh. Quit worrying, calm down.” He followed that dangerous order with a chuckle.
Had we just traveled through a time machine? This felt very familiar. “I will not calm down. I didn’t like it back then when you’d say that, and I still don’t.” I looked at the ceiling, then at the wall behind him and tried to forget I was shirtless in his lap.
“Baby, everything will be fine.” He stroked up my back and tilted my head down so he could look at my face. “I know what you’re like, and I love every bit of it. Please never doubt it. It will take time to prove it, but I’ll make you see. I’ll never leave again.”
“I’m scared. Of everything, Luke. I don’t know if I can do this.” I whispered those words filled with doubt, yet I didn’t move from his lap. I needed more reassurance. But I was afraid I wouldn’t believe him even if he gave them. I kissed him softly, on his lips, his cheeks. I looked into his eyes. “I’m scared. I don’t want to go slow but maybe we should.” I pressed myself against him, loving the feel our bare skin pressed together.
“Slow is off the table.” He sighed and nibbled sweet kisses up my neck. I tipped my head back so he could have better access. He groaned, gripped my waist and nipped his way to my mouth.
As good as this felt, we couldn’t stay here forever. I was supposed to be at Violet’s. Plus, did he have a secretary? Coworkers? “Do you have a secretary, anyone else coming in today? Is the door locked?” I whispered against his lips.
He pulled back. “Liam has the other office, he’s not here. I need to hire another secretary. I fired the one I had. She wouldn’t stop coming on to me even after I told her to knock it off.”
My eyes got big as jealousy shot through me. The thought of Luke with another woman upset me, and I felt guilty because I had been married and had a baby with someone else. I didn’t like to think of what Luke had done when we were apart. I sighed and started to climb off his lap, but he held my hips and stopped me.
“What’s wrong? What happened to put that look on your face?” he asked.
“What look?” I tried to evade the question, but he just raised his eyebrows and squeezed my hips. “Oh, all right. I just felt a touch of jealousy when you said your secretary flirted with you, then I thought of you with other women, dating or whatever …” I looked away. “I have no right to feel that way. I’m sorry, Luke.”
“You have every right to feel whatever you want. But I haven’t been with anyone else. I didn’t date, or anything.”
“What do you mean? You haven’t been with anyone? You haven’t even slept with anyone?” He nodded at me. My jaw dropped. “Have you seen you?”
He laughed, then his expression turned serious. “Lily, I love you. I never stopped, didn’t even try. In my heart, I always belonged to you, with you.”
My heart was about to burst at his words, but he continued to give me more. “How could I be with someone else when all I could think about was you? I didn’t want to taint the memories of us together by being with another woman. I couldn’t have my hands on someone else when all I wanted was you. You own my heart. You own every part of me, Lily. I’m yours.”
The tears were back, but these felt different. My heart had lightened and filled with hope. I cradled his face in my hands. “I love you so much, Luke.”
He sat up and kissed me. His hands slid up and down my thighs on either side of his lap, then up my back. He kissed my neck and warned with a grin. “I can kiss you whenever I feel like it now.” The pain was gone from his eyes. The hesitation that had crept into all our interactions had been obliterated.
“Good, because I’m yours too, Luke.”
He leaned back against the couch and reached into his pocket. “I have something for you. I kept one of the envelopes you sent me.”
“My locket,” I breathed. He reached around my neck to fasten it. It fell against my skin to sit right between my breasts.
His eyes blazed into mine as he leaned into me and kissed it. “I have your engagement ring too, but it feels wrong to use that one, like bad luck.”
I inhaled a shaky breath. “Well, it’s too soon for engagement rings. We haven’t even been on our first date yet. You owe me dinner, mister.” I smiled through my happy tears.
His eyes crinkled as he laughed. “It’s like that, is it?”
“Oh yeah. I had a dress all picked out.” My face fell. “I was so messed up over you. I was planning what to wear and at the same time trying to find a way to break the date without hurting your feelings. I’m so sorry, Luke.”
“I understand, Lily. Don’t forget that I’ve known you your whole life. I know what you’re like.” His smile got bigger as he tickled my sides.
I squirmed in his lap. “Hey now.” I poked him in the stomach, then started feeling him up. Ooh, nice abs. Feeling was so much better than seeing. He didn’t have a six-pack anymore, but he had a lot of definition down the sides and at the top. He yanked me forward and kissed me again with a groan. “We should stop,” he whispered between kisses. “Your brother is supposed to meet me here to go over some drafts of some plans or—something.”
I sat up fast, startled. I yanked up my shirt and started looking around for my bra.
Luke reached down to my side and snagged it. He handed it to me with a smirk. “Lily and lace.” He caressed my cheek, rawness in his eyes and a sad smile on his face. “You’re beautiful. Even more so now that I can touch you again.” His smile turned sweet, and he gave me a quick kiss before he shifted me off his lap and onto the couch at his side. “I’m glad I keep clothes here,” he muttered as he stood up, and I giggled.
Our eyes met, and we smiled at each other.
“I love you,” he whispered, then entered the bathroom to change. I put my bra on, thankful that I’d pumped for Calla before I got here. How embarrassing would it be to have a milk incident all over Luke? Yikes, that was something to consider for next time.
“Luke, you here? Liam?” It was Ash’s voice. Wow, that was too close. I stood up and opened the door.
“Hey, Ash,” I called.
He turned to me with a grin. “All made up with Luke? I told everyone to just leave you alone.” That was Asher. He was quiet and serious and always there when I needed him. He was a good brother and a good dad to Mark and Mara. Too bad he’d picked a crap wife; she took off years ago, leaving him with the kids. I walked over and gave him a hug. He kissed the top of my head.
“I think so. At least we’re headed that way.” I grinned up at him. Asher was tall, six feet, three inches, and solid as a rock. His body matched his personality—strong, steady, immovable. He was the only sibling who shared the redhead gene with me and Rose.
“I’m happy for you, then. It was meant to be.”
Luke walked out of the bathroom, and I blew him a kiss goodbye. He shook his head and strode toward me. He bent low and kissed my lips. “That’s how we say goodbye.” He smiled at me, and I tried to keep my knees from buckling.
How could I have forgotten how sweet and romantic Luke could be?
“Bye, Luke,” I whi
spered, then turned to head back to Violet’s.
11
Lily
I walked across the parking lot to Violet’s with my head firmly in the clouds. My smile was goofy, and my mood was a strange mixture of euphoric and nervous. My heart pounded a fast, terrified staccato while my brain swirled with giddy thoughts. A strange voice calling my name knocked me out of my deliriously muddled, confusingly ecstatic stupor.
“Lily Sullivan?”
I stopped with my hand on the doorknob and wrinkled my nose. “Do I know you?”
“I used to work with Will. I am here to pick up his remaining files.”
Fighting the urge to dart inside the shop, I answered. “I don’t have any of Will’s work things. It’s been over a year since he died. I think you’re full of crap. Why are you really here?” I studied his face. I didn’t know him, even though he looked vaguely familiar. If he knew Will, then he knew that Will did not break the rules and store evidence at home.
“I’m looking for a missing flash drive. Are you sure you haven’t seen anything like that?” A phony smile crossed his face as he stood up.
I gripped the door handle tighter. “I’m sure. I’m supposed to be at work. I don’t know anything about Will’s cases.” I looked at him pointedly, studying his face so I would remember it. I was getting more suspicious by the second, and I wanted my dad. I hurried inside the shop shutting the door firmly. I quickly sent texts to my father and Cade, then to Trevor. I watched from the window as he threw his cup away and left. I should have asked his name, damn it.
“Lily!” I jumped a foot after Rose yelled excitedly and hurried out of the kitchen door to bombard me with questions. “Are you and Luke together? What happened over there? Tell me!” I pushed down my bad feelings about the weirdo outside. I didn’t want to worry Rose or involve her in it.
“We’re going to take it slowish, sort of, probably. Tell everyone for me, so I don’t have to answer a million questions,” I only halfway joked.