by Nora Everly
Rose could keep a secret if I asked, but she had a huge mouth if something was free to share. I was glad I’d told her first, well, second. Ash was first, but he wouldn’t tell anybody anything unless you pried it out of him. Telling Ash didn’t count, he was a vault.
She hugged me and kissed my cheek, then ran off with her phone. “I’m so happy for you. I’ll text everyone,” she said before shutting herself in Violet’s office.
I finished tying my apron and stood in front of the counter. I couldn’t help but wonder why Violet wanted me to work here. Finn and Nick always had everything under control. I watched as they hustled and bustled behind the counter while Violet directed it all with military precision. She winked at me when she caught me staring with my mouth open.
“Want a coffee, Aunt Lily?” Finn asked between customers then passed me a scone. I took a bite. Ooh, peach.
“Sure, but I can make it.” I started to go behind the counter, but Nick passed me an iced coffee.
“Vanilla, decaf, iced, right? Take a break, Aunt Lily, we got it,” he said. Wow. I had the best nephews.
“Thanks,” I said and took a sip. “I feel like all I do here is drink coffee and take breaks,” I muttered.
They looked at each other and laughed.
At the end of my shift—on which I did very little actual work—Luke walked in. “Lily, can we pick up the kids together? I’m done for the day,” he said as he lifted me by the waist and kissed me. My brain turned to mush once he touched me. All thoughts of “slow” darted out of my head as I enjoyed the rush his touch gave me.
“Yes, Dylan will love that.” I beamed up at him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He reached into my hair and undid the clip that was holding my bun up. My crazy curls came tumbling down. “Hey, my hair is too wild to have down while I work,” I said.
“You have beautiful hair,” he said as he put me down, then tugged softly on a curl. “I want to see it. And you’re off now anyway.”
I had been in mommy mode for so long that I’d forgotten what it felt like to be wanted for something other than snacks and stories and kid cuddles. Luke wanted me. This felt different from how my kids loved me. Luke made me feel feminine and desired. I felt turned on, electric, alive. I hardly remembered this Lily, the Lily who wore high heels, so she could reach up for kisses, the Lily who wore her hair down and wild, and who loved with her whole heart because she was unafraid of having it break. I loved my kids with my whole heart, always. But with everyone else in my life, I was only half present. I had been walking through heavy clouds for too many years. Luke was like sunshine—he burned the clouds away, and I was finally allowing the light to shine on me.
“Luke,” I whispered as I stared at him. I was lucky I caught myself before I jumped him. We used to be so tactile and affectionate. It was so easy, effortless, and natural between us that I used to take it for granted. When he left, I shut a lot of myself down. He gave me the half-grin, and I almost swooned. I took his hand and started for the door. We needed to get out of here before I gave Finn, Nick, and Violet’s customers a show.
In my life as a mother, I had never not wanted to go get my kids. I always wanted to be around them. But right now, I was greedy for Luke. I wanted him to myself, wanted to explore all the changes in him, and I wanted to do it naked and for a long time. I sighed. We had time. I was the idiot who wanted to take things slow.
“We should take your car. I don’t have car seats for the kids yet.” He winked as I handed him my keys.
Mom, Gram, and Calla were sitting on one of Gram’s old quilts spread out on the sprawling front lawn when Luke and I pulled up to my parents’ house. My mother did a double take when she noticed me get out of the passenger side. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands when Luke exited on the driver’s side.
Gram hollered at Luke, “Oh, thank God, I need a strong arm to hold on to, so I can get up off this dang diggity grass. Lily, I told your mama I needed a chair. My legs don’t work the way they used to. Come over here and give me hugs and help me up. I have to piddle. Pretty soon, Calla won’t be the only one around here wearing diapers,” she muttered the last part. Luke leaned over and helped her up. Once she was on her feet, she gave us both a hug. “I keep missing you, Lily. You have to stop coming over here when I’m asleep.”
“Or watching Jeopardy,” I teased, and she smiled sheepishly.
Gram was about an inch taller than Rose and me. She’d always told us we got our height from her, then she would say, “You’re welcome.” She was tiny, with short, curly white hair that used to be red—we got that from her too. And a big attitude. Rose got the attitude. I did not. Gram was larger than life.
“I’ll be right back. Don’t leave yet.” She rushed off toward the garage apartment.
Luke and Dylan had run off together. I laughed as he swept Dylan up to sit on his shoulders. Dylan held a bottle of bubbles, it dripped all over Luke’s head every time put the wand in for a reload. I shook my head and sat down next to my mother and Calla. I cuddled Calla into my lap and looked at my mother out of the corner of my eye.
“Please don’t freak out and make a big deal of this. We’re taking it slow.”
She sighed and wiped away a tear. “Lily, I’m so happy. And Diana would be beside herself. I wish she were here to see this. Though, if she were here, he never would have left in the first place …”
We shared a sad smile. Luke had been close to his mom. His main reason for joining the Army was to get away from his father. Luke’s mom had been an angel on earth, and we all still missed her.
“Yeah, then we wouldn’t have lost all this time.”
Calla put her hands into my hair and tugged it. She wasn’t used to seeing it down. She pulled my face to hers and kissed my nose, well, more like put my nose in her mouth. I pulled back and kissed her forehead.
“Things have a way of working out.” Mom stroked Calla’s hair. “We wouldn’t have this little darling if you hadn’t been with Will.”
She was right. There was no point in dwelling on what could have been. “I hope Jane will be okay with all of this,” I said.
“She loves you. She’ll understand. She’ll always be a part of this family.”
I nodded. “I think she’s coming up on Sunday.”
“Good, we’ll have a barbeque. I already invited Luke and that adorable Liam. Too bad Asher won’t be here. He’s taking the kids camping.”
“Don’t try to matchmake Jane and Asher again, please. She was humiliated last time.”
Mom scrunched up her face and shook her head. “I feel so bad about that. She’s had a crush on him for so long, and I just love her so much, and Asher needs a sweet woman like her. I mean, she’s a doctor, for goodness’ sake. Why wouldn’t he want a sweet, beautiful doctor to be a stepmother to his kids? Plus, his kids already love her. Everybody loves her. That boy is stubborn. He should listen to his mother.” She raised her eyebrows at me.
I shrugged. I wasn’t getting into their business, at least not with my mother. She was about as subtle as a sledgehammer.
“Mommy, Mommy! Look at me!” I looked up over to the trees on the other side of the driveway. Dylan was on Luke’s shoulders, touching the high branches and picking leaves. “I can touch the trees. When she’s big enough, Calla can too,” he shouted, and Luke smiled over at us. My two lives had intersected again. What might have been was now real, and it eclipsed what used to be. It blazed a trail of beautiful pain, and I shut my eyes as a tear fell.
“Oh, honey …” Mom put her arm around me. We both remembered a few years ago when Will had done the same thing with Dylan. “There will always be moments like this one, when we will remember him. Sometimes, the happy memories are what hurt the most.”
I leaned my head against her shoulder, and we watched Luke and Dylan together. Calla broke our bittersweet reverie by saying “Mama” for the first time. We looked at each other, and Mom squeezed me tighter.
“New memories are being m
ade every second, sweetheart. Don’t miss them. Don’t be afraid.”
“I won’t be afraid,” I promised.
We stopped and said goodbye to Gram, then we loaded up my car and headed home. The drive was uneventful until we pulled into the driveway. We noticed a foul stench originating from the back seat, specifically from Calla’s side of the back seat. Dylan’s exclamation of “Ew, Calla pooped, and her onesie is brown now” confirmed the direct location of the smell: blowout diaper. Shit just got real, and Luke was about to get a lesson in parenting that he’d missed with Dylan. It seemed like Calla’s scheduled bath time was moved into dinner prep time.
“I have to give Calla a bath, Dylan. Judging by the smell, it will take a while. I’ll make spaghetti tomorrow, and we can have something fast tonight, okay?”
“Aw, man. She needs to poop in the toilet. When’s that gonna be?” Dylan grumbled from the back seat.
I felt bad. I’d promised his favorite spaghetti tonight. “Well, first she has to finish learning to crawl, then walk, then start talking … I’m thinking maybe next year sometime. Sorry, bud.”
“It’s okay. I hope I never pooped like that. Yuck.”
I turned around to peek at him in the back and informed him, “You totally did poop like that.”
He scrunched up his face, then laughed. “Sorry, Mommy.”
“It’s all part of being a baby. We’ve all done it.”
He laughed harder at that thought. Why did kids find poop so funny? And butts. What was funny about butts?
There was nothing funny about Luke’s butt. Luke’s butt is fiiiine. I found my line of thinking bizarre. My mind wandering from blowout diapers to how hot Luke’s ass was. I shrugged and decided to just go with it.
“I can make spaghetti,” Luke volunteered with a smile.
I grinned back at him over the console and he tugged one of my curls.
“Yay! Can I help you?” Dylan asked.
Dylan never wanted to help me in the kitchen, unless it was tasting cookie dough or putting sprinkles on top of cupcakes. “Thank you, Luke.” I hopped out of the car to get the kids out. Luke beat me to Dylan’s side and helped him out of his booster seat, and I got a small blanket from Calla’s diaper bag, so I could wrap her up and avoid making a mess of myself when I picked her up. “My gosh, little girl. You sure are stinky.”
“How can something so foul come out of something so tiny and cute?” Luke asked as he looked over my shoulder at Calla. “Don’t worry about dinner, Lily. I’ll take care of it. I’ll take care of Dylan too. You just rid us of that stench.” He pushed my hair aside and bent down to kiss the side of my neck before heading to the front door to let us all inside.
I shivered. I could get used to this.
“Grandma fed her smashed-up avocados today. Calla gobbled them up like crazy. I wonder what she’ll poo out if you give her spaghetti?” Dylan asked.
I turned away from the car and shut the door. As I faced Dylan with Calla in my arms, he recoiled at the smell. So, I did what any responsible parent would do. I chased him up the driveway, brandishing his stinky little sister as a weapon.
Luke cracked up at our antics, then stepped aside, holding the door open for us to pass.
After we stuffed our faces, I went upstairs and filled the tub for Dylan to take a bath. Upon reentering the kitchen, I found Luke washing pots and pans at the sink. Calla sat in her high chair next to him, banging toys on the tray and giggling as Luke narrated what he was doing in a silly pirate voice to entertain her.
This was a fantasy come to life. I ate a dinner I did not have to cook, someone else was cleaning my kitchen, and the cherry on top was the smoking-hot man who I loved so much entertaining my daughter and making her laugh. I watched his fine behind in his jeans, and the muscles bunching and un-bunching across his back as he scrubbed the pots and wondered if it could get any better. If I had the guts to invite him into my bed tonight, that might make it better. Were we in that place yet? As I stood there watching, my hope started blossoming out of control. We would be in that place soon, every minute spent with him made me more certain. I leaned a side against the frame of the entrance to the kitchen and closed my eyes. My heart burst with fierce longing.
He heard me sigh and turned around with a grin. “I’m all done. I’m going to go pick up Rocky from Jed and come back. Is that okay? I want to help tuck the kids into bed.”
I nodded at him. I was in another Luke love haze. This one was worse than when we’d turned twelve and I’d realized that boys were not yucky, especially Luke. He was the least yucky boy in all the land, and I’d wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him now. I wanted to do a lot of things to him now. I sighed again as he gently lifted Calla from her high chair.
“Who’s a little princess?” he asked her. She slapped his cheeks and gave him a slobbery kiss on his chin. He laughed and crossed the four steps to get to me and handed her off. “Baby, I’ll be right back. Don’t start bedtime without me. I’ll have to take your car, mine is still at the office.” I nodded again. He smiled and leaned down to kiss my lips, then he took off. Calla sighed and watched him leave.
“Oh Calla, we’re in big trouble, aren’t we?” She blew out a raspberry, then put her hands on my cheeks and said, “Mama.”
“Let’s go check on Dylan.”
When Luke returned, I was curled up under Gram’s quilt on the couch nursing Calla, and Dylan was sitting on the floor playing Minecraft on the new Xbox One that Jude and Levi had bought and installed. Rocky made a beeline for Dylan and curled up next to his side.
“Dad, check out my village.” Luke smiled at me, then sat next to Dylan on the floor. Gram’s phone rang, and I jumped in my seat. Luckily, Calla didn’t wake up.
“Hello?” No one answered me—again. I was sick of this. It freaked me out, and I was tired of all the weirdness going on. I hung it up with a slam. A soft slam. I did have a sleeping baby on me, it was very unsatisfying. Not as unsatisfying as trying to end a call on a smartphone when you’re pissed though. “No one there.” Luke looked back at me with concern. I held up a finger hoping he wouldn’t voice his worry in front of Dylan. “Thirty more minutes, then it’s bedtime, Dylan,” I reminded. He grumbled.
“But Luke is here, and Rocky.” He turned to Luke. “You should spend the night. Can Luke spend the night?” He shut down the Xbox and sat next to me. Luke sat in a wing chair by the fireplace. Rocky sat at my feet and stared up at me with the same puppy dog eyes Dylan was giving me.
Luke laughed and said, “I’m staying. I’ll sleep on the couch. I’ll get donuts in the morning.”
Dylan was doing his fist-pumping happy dance, shaking his butt and wiggling hips as he danced around the coffee table with Rocky bopping around at his side. Luke reached over and ruffled Dylan’s hair with a grin.
“Text Violet. You’ll be late tomorrow.” He looked at me with that stony face, the one that said he was going to push, and I was going to let him. I fully intended to let him push. I didn’t want to be alone tonight. Too many things were freaking me out, and Gram’s baseball bat was not enough to make me feel safe. I nodded. Luke raised an eyebrow in surprise. I guess he was expecting an argument. I wasn’t stupid. I wanted safety for my kids. If he hadn’t offered to stay here, I would have called one of my brothers to stay with me. Or Rose. She could get hostile sometimes. I wouldn’t cross her.
Luke relaxed and smiled. “So, what do we do around here for bedtime? Read stories? Check the basement for zombies? Meditate?”
Dylan laughed. I rolled my eyes and smiled.
“Stories! I have all my favorites by my bed. Mommy, can Luke read to me tonight?”
I nodded. I used to dream of having nights like this with Luke, and now that it was real, I could hardly believe it.
Dylan raced for the stairs with Rocky right behind him.
“He already had a bath. He just needs to brush his teeth, then you can read to him, Luke.” Luke looked at me. It was the same look as the night wh
en he’d watched me nurse Calla. But there was hope mixed in with the anguish this time. He caressed my cheek as he passed me to follow Dylan up the stairs.
12
Lily
I finished tucking Calla into her pink blanket sleeper, turned on the baby monitor, and left her room, leaving her door open a crack. I peered in at Dylan, Rocky slept, curled up at his feet. Tucking the covers around him, I kissed his cheek then patted Rocky’s head. This time when I entered the creaky hallway it didn’t freak me out, I wasn’t alone.
My kids were asleep, and I had a sexy man in my house. Go me. What would I do about this lucky scenario? I jogged down the hall and quickly descended the stairs because I was dying to find out.
Luke was in the kitchen putting the pots and pans he’d washed earlier away. If men wanted to get lucky more often, they should take a note from Luke and do the freaking dishes. Watching Luke scrub my pots pushed all my sexy buttons. Watching him be sweet to my babies made me want to fall on the floor and let him have his way with me. It really was that simple. Flowers? Eh. Love letters? Meh. Chocolates? Okay, yes to the chocolates. But in all seriousness, help a mother out, and you are going to get all kinds of action. I snuck up behind him and hugged him around the waist.
He laughed and turned around in my arms. “Kids asleep?” he asked.
“Yep.” I stared up into his eyes, then down at his mouth. I wasn’t in the mood to be subtle. “Kiss me,” I ordered.
He grinned and bent low to touch his mouth to mine. I groaned and turned sideways so the counter was behind me and hopped up. Curse my shortness. I couldn’t reach what I wanted, and what I wanted was more than a lip touch. I needed a boost. Once I was on the counter, I grabbed his shirt and pulled him close, threaded my fingers into his luscious hair, and kissed him hard. I wrapped my legs around his waist, so he couldn’t get away, not that he was trying—and I took. I took the kisses I wanted, the kisses I had been longing for, the kisses I had missed from him over all these years. He dug his fingers into my hips and pulled me forward, grinding himself against me. After a moment, I wasn’t doing the kissing anymore—he was. I was now the one along for the ride, kissing him back, letting him in. His lips moved over mine, thoroughly—soft, hard, licking, biting, all of it. His tongue traced my lips and demanded entrance. I opened for him.