Fragile Longing

by Reilly, Cora

  “Do you want to go to her?” Ines asked softly.

  “When the song has ended.”

  The moment the last chord played, I excused myself from the dancefloor. From the corner of my eye, I saw Samuel dancing with Anna. I felt the unreasonable urge to cross the dancefloor and punch his stupid face. It was his job to take care of my sister. She was his fiancée, for fuck’s sake, and in only two weeks she’d be his wife. Instead, he was enjoying himself while Emma suffered in silence behind her public mask. She was such a beautiful woman, but all anyone saw was the wheelchair. It made me unreasonably angry.

  I stopped in front of Emma, trying to hide my anger from her. Usually it only embarrassed her.

  “You and Sofia were such a stunning pair on the dancefloor,” she said.

  “Why are you here all alone?” I said in a tone that barely cloaked my emotions. Mom was dancing with one of the Captains and seemed to be enjoying herself immensely. Not that I didn’t want her to be happy; she’d suffered enough after Dad’s death, but she was supposed to keep an eye on Emma.

  Emma frowned. “I like to watch, and I don’t want people to feel obligated to stay with me.”

  I made a dismissive sound. Then I extended my hand. “Will you dance with me?”

  Emma looked almost wounded when I asked. “Danilo—”

  “You always loved to dance.”

  “I did, when I had legs capable of dancing,” she hissed.

  I bent and slid one arm under her legs while the other supported her back before I lifted her out of her wheelchair. Her eyes widened.

  “What are you doing?” Her eyes scanning the crowd—everyone was watching. I didn’t care. If one of them said a single word, I’d make this a bloody wedding.

  “It’s my wedding, and I want a dance with my sister,” I said firmly as I held her against my chest. Her arms finally came around my neck and she gave me a look that suggested I was delusional.

  “You can’t carry me through a dance. I’m too heavy.”

  I carried her toward the dancefloor and people made room for us since we required a bigger space to dance due to the way I was holding Emma. “Are you suggesting I’m not strong enough?”

  Emma smiled gently. “You are the strongest man I know.”

  I began to dance to the music with Emma in my arms, ignoring the curious looks, but scowling at those who dared to direct pity at my sister. She didn’t want their pity. Soon, Emma started laughing as we whirled around to the music. When the dance was over, and I carried her back to her wheelchair, she didn’t release me immediately but clung to my neck for a few seconds.

  “Thank you so much. You’re the best brother I could ever wish for.”

  I kissed her temple then straightened.

  Sofia approached us. For the first time since the party, she looked at me like she’d looked at me in the past, as if I was a man beyond his sins. It hadn’t been my intention, but seeing it gave me hope that Sofia would forget what had happened. Of course, it was hypocritical of me to expect her to lay the past to rest so quickly when I still clung to it. She lightly touched my shoulder, a silent praise. “Your dance was beautiful,” she said to Emma’s obvious embarrassment. Then she sank down beside Emma with an audible sigh and slipped off her high heels.

  “You need to dance with Mom now,” Emma reminded me. My life organizer. Mom was indeed heading my way, determined to follow etiquette. I, however, was reluctant to leave Emma.

  “Is it okay if I sit beside you for a bit?” Sofia asked Emma, who bit her lip. “You should dance. You don’t have to spend time with me. It’s okay. I don’t mind watching.”

  Sofia leaned closer to Emma and began massaging her feet. “To be honest, my feet need some rest. My high heels are killing me.”

  Emma’s smile brightened.

  I could have kissed Sofia. Her kindness was impressive and made my own selfish acts of the past all the more despicable.

  After a few more dances, I managed to escape the dancefloor and went in search of Samuel. I found him in the courtyard of the hotel, typing on his phone. He tensed and looked up at my approach.

  “We need to talk,” I muttered, my voice clipped.

  One of his eyebrows darted up in that annoying way he had. His cellphone flashed with a message. I didn’t see the words but didn’t miss the kiss emojis. I got right in his face. “I hope that isn’t what I think it is.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me and slid his phone into his pocket. “How about you mind your own fucking business, Danilo?”

  “You’re marrying my sister in two weeks. I won’t let you disrespect her by messing with other women, understood?”

  He sneered. “I don’t give a fuck what you want. I’m not married to your sister yet, so what I do in the next two weeks is my fucking business. And if I remember correctly, you fucked quite a few blondes in a very media-effective way over the years. What do you call that, if not disrespecting Sofia?”

  He had a point, but I would not admit it. “That was a long time before the wedding, not to mention that I didn’t intend for anything to get to the press.”

  “At least I keep my fucking private,” Samuel snapped.

  I ignored his comment. “And what the fuck were you thinking letting Emma sit all by herself while everyone danced? As her fiancé, it’s your duty to keep her company. She’ll realize you don’t want her if you keep it up.”

  “I went over to her and asked her if she wanted my company, but she told me to go dance. And maybe you should focus on making sure Sofia is happy. She is your wife, and so far, you’ve been a shitty fiancé. I don’t have much hope for your abilities as a husband. It was fucking embarrassing how you kept chasing those blonde girls like a little pussy who can’t get over being dumped.”

  I slammed my elbow against his throat. “Maybe I just like fucking blondes, Samuel. I’m not the one who’s been moping for years now because my sister chose the enemy and not her supposed brotherly soulmate.”

  Samuel shoved me back, and soon we were grappling.

  “What are you doing?” Sofia’s horrified voice made us jump apart.

  I cleared my throat and straightened my suit and tie. Samuel did the same, but not without sending me a death glare. As if that had any effect on me.

  “Why are you fighting like a pair of five-year-olds?” Sofia asked, stepping between us as if she was worried we might be at each other’s throat again if she didn’t.

  “We just had a small dispute. Nothing for you to worry about,” I said.

  She shook her head and glanced at Samuel. “Maybe you should go to Emma.” Her voice was stern, and to my surprise, he left without another word.

  Sofia turned to me. Now that we were alone, some of her confidence waned. She was definitely nervous about being alone with me.

  “This shouldn’t have happened at our wedding,” I said as my version of an apology.

  “You’re right. There are quite a few shouldn’t-have-happeneds in our past. Maybe we should try to minimize them.”

  “Things aren’t always as easy as you might think. The world isn’t black and white.”

  She huffed. “I know what the world is like, don’t worry. I’m not a naïve eleven-year-old anymore.”

  “Remo destroyed more than one life.”

  “Maybe Remo began the process of tearing down my innocent view on the world, but you finished the job five months ago.” Her lips formed a thin line as soon as the words were out, her eyes growing wide.

  I froze. I couldn’t believe she was comparing me to that man. I moved very close to her until she had to tilt her head back. “Don’t compare me to that monster. I’m nothing like him.”

  “I don’t know who you are,” she whispered. “I thought I did but that night I saw a side of you I wished didn’t exist.”

  “I never meant to hurt you. If I’d known it was you under that wig, I would have never laid hand on you.”

  “I know,” she said bitterly. “If you’d known it was me, y
ou would have ignored me like you have all these years.”

  I shook my head. “You were a kid.”

  “I wasn’t Serafina.”

  My pulse spiked as it always did when I heard that name and the familiar wave of fury washed through me. I felt the almost irresistible urge to push Sofia against the wall and kiss her then slide my hand under her skirt and have my fucking way with her.

  Anna appeared in the doorway, glancing between Sofia and me. “Can I have a word with you, Sofia?”

  I stepped back from my wife, shoving my hands into my pockets. Anna slanted me a curious look.

  Sofia nodded almost dazedly. A flicker of unease reflected on her face—a look I’d created. Fuck. I needed to keep myself in check around her. I’d already fucked up majorly once. I needed to stay in control and be the gentleman Sofia expected.

  She disappeared with Anna without another word. It didn’t take a genius to know the girls would be talking about me.

  Of course, Pietro intercepted me on my way back to the party.

  “Can I have a word with you?” There was an edge to his voice.

  I wasn’t in the mood for a worried-father lecture but offending my father-in-law on my wedding day wasn’t on my agenda, either, so I followed him back out into the courtyard. He took out two cigars and held one out to me. “Cuban. The best you can get. One won’t kill you.”

  I took the cigar. Pietro took out his knife and cut off the end of his cigar then off mine. I suppressed a snort at this gesture. I had a feeling taking out his knife was supposed to send a silent warning. We smoked our cigars in silence for a couple of minutes before Pietro finally cut to the chase. “I couldn’t protect one daughter, but I’m determined to protect Sofia.” I didn’t miss his avoidance of Serafina’s name.

  “Sofia’s my wife, and I can assure you, I’ll protect her, and if you worry that you’ll have to protect her from me, I swear you won’t have to. Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?”

  Pietro slowly shook his head. I wondered how this conversation would have gone if I’d admitted to the party incident. I had a feeling Pietro would have had a hard time not using his knife on me. “Samuel mentioned some concerns regarding your conduct with other women in the past.”

  I’d kill him. “There’s a difference between those women and my wife. Not to mention that those women were into it, so even with them, I have nothing to feel guilty for.”

  Pietro sighed and took another deep drag of his cigar. “Sofia is infatuated with you. That’s a consolation. Just don’t fuck it up.”

  A little too late for that warning.

  I nodded.

  It had been there again. That predatory look in Danilo’s eyes. This time it had been directed at me, but was I really the source of his passion? After all, he had turned into this unhinged version of himself the moment I mentioned Serafina, as if only her name could tease emotions out of him that I couldn’t. Anna’s fingers clamped around my wrist as she dragged me toward the restrooms. Once we were inside and alone, she turned to me with a look of concern. “What was going on?”

  “Our first argument as a married couple,” I said with a small shrug, trying to play it down.

  “He looked pissed, and you looked scared.”

  “It’s nothing. He just reminded me of that night for a moment.”

  The door swung open and two girls I was distantly related to came in, giggling. Anna and I pretend to reapply our makeup. The girls gave us shy smiles then quickly rushed back out after they’d gone to the toilet. Anna often had that effect on people.

  Anna propped her hip against the sink and gave me that motherly look she could adopt. “Do I have to worry about you tonight?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Danilo is my husband. Unless I mention Fina, I won’t get his heart rate up, or anything else, don’t worry.”

  Anna narrowed her eyes in contemplation. “That’s what I’m worried about. Listen, Sofia, I know you hoped for fireworks between you and Danilo the moment you married, but arranged marriages aren’t like that. It takes work. It’s a good thing that Danilo treats you with respect because that’s what a husband should do.”

  “I like that he treats me with respect, but does he have to be so . . . detached? It’s like it’s not even difficult for him to be a gentleman because he doesn’t have any indecent thoughts about me.”

  “The way he just looked at you was anything but decent,” Anna said with a laugh.

  “Yeah, because I mentioned Fina.”

  “Maybe you should stop mentioning her.”

  She was right. I was like a broken record when it came to my sister. “I know.”

  Anna checked her watch. “It’s almost nine. The wedding cake will be rolled in soon. You can’t miss it.”

  We headed back to the party. Mom caught my eye the second I stepped in, obviously worried. I’d been gone for a while. She leaned in when I arrived at our table. “Is anything the matter?”

  I smiled. “No, Anna and I just had a chat.”

  A knowing look passed Mom’s face. She probably thought Anna and I had talked about my wedding night, which was technically the truth. “I’m sure Valentina would have a chat with you as well. She’s already married, after all.”

  I quickly shook my head. A sex talk with my aunt was the last thing I needed. Luckily, the lights dimmed. Danilo headed my way. I hadn’t noticed him before. He held out his hand, that polite smile of his back in place. I put my fingers into his and he gently closed his hand around them. It felt good holding hands with him. It always had. I kept glancing up to him as we headed to the center of the room where the cake would be presented. Applause sounded when a few waiters rolled in the table with the four-level wedding cake. At the very top were two small figurines, a bride with brown hair and her groom.

  Danilo and I cut the cake, and then fed each other a piece. The chocolate cream melted on my tongue. This was the last scheduled point for our wedding. After that, we were free to retire to consummate the marriage. My belly flopped with nerves. Danilo must have seen something because he leaned down to whisper in my ear. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “You didn’t,” I said quickly. Too quickly.

  Danilo straightened because our guests had gathered around the table so we could serve them cake. After fifteen minutes, the waiters took over from us and we returned to our table. Our family was eating cake and chatting, looking relaxed and happy. Even Dad and Samuel had lost their vigilant demeanor. The alcohol probably accounted for that.

  We took our seats and Danilo easily fell into the conversation, but my mind was far away. I poked at my cake and jumped when Danilo touched my back. “How about we retire? You look tired.”

  I was exhausted but adrenaline pumped through my veins at his words. Still, I nodded with a small smile. It was ridiculous to postpone the inevitable.

  Danilo turned to our family. “If you’ll excuse us, we’d like to retire.”

  Dad and Samuel stood immediately and the look they sent Danilo made my cheeks flush with heat. Danilo, however, ignored their attempts to kill him with their eyes. Mom hugged me embarrassingly long as if we wouldn’t see each other again in the morning.

  Anna caught my eye. I gave her a firm smile.

  Danilo grazed my back and led me away from our guests. The rest of the room had caught up on our leaving by now and formed a tunnel and clapped as they led us out. Some of the men winked at Danilo or whisper-shouted something at him that I luckily didn’t catch.

  I was relieved when we were out of the ballroom and in the quiet hallway. Danilo led me to the underground garage where he’d parked his car. We wouldn’t spend the night in the hotel suite, even though we’d booked it. Instead we’d drive to the Mancini mansion, my future home.

  Danilo slanted me the occasional look, but I kept my eyes straight ahead, trying to appear composed and poised, trying to be everything I wasn’t. He held the door open for me and I slipped into the seat. It took a couple of minutes for me to gat
her my skirt around me, then Danilo closed the door and took his seat behind the steering wheel.

  When he started the engine, music started playing. It wasn’t anything I was familiar with. I was more of a Top 100s kind of music-listener, but this seemed an older piece.

  “Do you want me to turn it down?” Danilo asked as he steered the car away from the hotel. A few guests, my family and Anna among them, waved us off. I waved back at them with a smile. Anna gave me a thumbs up, which elicited a grin from me.

  She was right. Tonight, was in my control. I didn’t have to accept whatever fate had in store for me like a damsel in distress. I’d actually been looking forward to being with Danilo. I wouldn’t let the party debacle ruin this for me.

  “Sofia?” Danilo’s voice was concerned as he darted me a glance before turning his attention back to traffic.

  “No, I like listening to music,” I said, glad for the deep male voice ringing from the speakers and filling the car. Without it, Danilo and I would have had to talk, and I wasn’t in a state of mind to conduct halfway interesting small talk.

  Danilo nodded.

  The music had a melancholic, almost dreary feel to it. Not the music I would have chosen for my wedding day, but perhaps it reflected Danilo’s feelings.

  “Who is it?” I asked eventually, more to distract myself from my nerve-racking thoughts than anything else.

  “Depeche Mode.”

  I nodded as if I was familiar with the band but I’d actually never heard of them, and judging by the two songs I’d heard, they weren’t the type of musicians I’d listen to by choice.

  “They sound depressed.” The moment the words were out of my mouth, I could have kicked myself. I didn’t want to know why Danilo listened to this kind of music.

  He considered that as if he hadn’t noticed. “I never saw it that way.”

  After that, silence fell over us again and I chose to focus on the street and not my husband.