Fragile Longing

by Reilly, Cora

  Sofia gave me a curious look.

  I kissed her. “Just wait. I’ll have to get something first.”

  The next evening after we’d gotten ready for bed, I set a pink package on the bed beside Sofia.

  “What’s that?” she asked curiously.

  I pulled the device out of its packaging. I’d found it online when I’d researched toys for couples. It was a small, curved vibrator with a pad that pressed against the clit.

  “It’s a toy recommended for women who have trouble relaxing.” The ad promised every woman an orgasm.

  “It looks like a mini pink banana,” Sofia said horrified.

  “The penetration is shallow. I thought that’s what you’d prefer until we’ve slept with each other, but the vibration stimulates your G-spot and the small suction cup will imitate the feel of my lips around your clit.”

  Sofia studied the device, her face turning increasingly red. “Is that a Satisfyer?”

  I raised my eyebrows. “I think that’s what it’s called, yes.”

  She shook her head and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like Anna. I didn’t ask why the girls had discussed sex toys.

  I held up the remote control. “And this is for me so I can control the vibration of both ends.”

  Sofia’s cheeks became scarlet. “Oh god.”

  “I think this might help you relax and get off. It’s worth a try, don’t you think?” The mere idea of controlling the dildo in Sofia’s pussy tightened my groin. I wanted to give her as much pleasure as possible, and if she couldn’t relax under my touch or her own touch, we needed to figure out new ways.

  “Will you try it?” I murmured as I kissed her.

  She nodded, but still looked vaguely horrified. I handed her the vibrator and a small bottle of lube. She stared at it, then pushed to her feet and hurried to the bathroom. I’d hoped she’d slide it into her pussy with me present, but I’d give her all the time she needed. I’d chosen the smallest vibrator I could find, unsure about Sofia’s level of comfort with penetration. She’d felt very tight at the party, but that had been mostly my fault.

  After a couple of minutes, I called, “Are you okay?”

  “Yes,” she called out. The door opened, and she stepped out. She was walking stiffly, and blood rushed to my cock when I realized it was because of the dildo in her pussy. With her nightgown covering her, I couldn’t see anything, but just imagining the device was enough to drive me insane.

  She took a seat next to me, biting her lip.

  “And?”

  “It feels strange, but not in a bad way. A bit uncomfortable at first, but it’s getting better.”

  I took the remote control and turned the clit stimulator on low. Sofia sucked in a sharp breath, her thighs twitching. “How do you like it?”

  “It’s nice,” she breathed out, looking down into her lap.

  I turned the vibrator on low as well, and the soft buzzing started. Fuck, if this wasn’t the sexiest thing I could imagine.

  “Oh,” she whispered, pressing her thighs together. Her eyelids drooped as the device pleasured her.

  My boxers became uncomfortably tight. I might come in my clothes like a teenager. A brief smile flickered across Sofia’s face when she saw my predicament, so I turned the clit stimulator higher, making her gasp.

  I wanted nothing more than to take out my cock and tell Sofia to suck me off. She surprised me when she reached out and cupped me through my boxers. My cock twitched eagerly. “Sofia,” I groaned. “I’ll have to take my cock out and jack off if you don’t want to take care of it.”

  It wasn’t a romantic thing to say, but screw it, I hadn’t been with a woman in more than six months. I was ready to explode.

  A coy smile formed on Sofia’s lips. I turned her vibrator on medium.

  Her hold on my cock tightened. “Show me,” she whispered.

  I didn’t need to be told twice. I shoved my boxers down and curled my free hand around my cock, stroking myself and spreading my pre-cum over my tip. Sofia watched me almost eagerly.

  Lust flared in Sofia’s gorgeous eyes as she reached for me. I pulled my hand back, allowing her to touch me. She started to rub me carefully, but soon her ministrations became more eager. Her eyelids drooped and her breathing became heavier. I upped the clit suction. Sofia’s head fell back, her mouth falling open, her thighs clamping together.

  It took all of my self-control not to shoot my load right away, just knowing Sofia had a vibrator in her pussy and enjoyed it. I turned the vibration even higher, needing to see her get off. Sofia’s lips parted in a loud moan, her eyes fluttering shut. My fingers tightened on the remote. Desperate for her to come, I pushed the clit stimulator on high as well.

  Sofia squeezed my cock hard in her fist, her eyes flying open, her thighs clenching together. She cried out hoarsely as she came. I couldn’t hold back anymore. With a shudder, I released all over her hand. She shook under the force of her own orgasm, milking me almost painfully, but I relished the thrilling pain.

  “Too much,” she gasped, loosening her hold on my cock.

  I lowered the stimulation to low. Sofia fell back on the bed, looking stunned and spent. I stretched out beside her, careful not to get cum on the covers. Bending over her face, I ran my thumb across her plump lower lip. It was red. She must have bitten down on it during her release. “You drive me completely crazy, Sofia.”

  She grinned, then bit her lip and covered her face with her hands. A giggle burst from her lips. “I can’t believe we just did that.”

  I tugged her hands down, amused by her mortification. “Don’t be embarrassed. Seeing you let loose was sexy.”

  She cleared her throat. “I should remove the . . . toy,” she said and got up to disappear in the bathroom. I used the time to clean myself with a tissue. I needed to shower. I followed Sofia, who stood at the sink, washing the vibrator.

  “I’m going to shower. Do you want to join me?”

  Sofia pursed her lips, then shook her head. “Go ahead. I’ll lie down.”

  I walked up to her and touched her hips, meeting her gaze in the mirror. “Are you okay?”

  She smiled. “I am. I just need to process.” She put her hand over mine. “Don’t worry.”

  I nodded and watched as she walked back to the bedroom. When I was done, Sofia was sitting up in bed, reading something in a notebook.

  I slipped under the covers and wrapped an arm around her. She held out the notebook for me.

  I raised an eyebrow.

  “It’s something I wrote. It’s embarrassing, but I want to share it with you.”

  I began to read what I discovered was Sofia’s fantasy for our first sexual encounter. Surprise washed over me as I read her story, especially how she saw me—her ideal version of me. She didn’t go into every detail, but she didn’t shy back from describing how I touched her and made love to her. That’s how she put it, and it was probably what she longed for. Lovemaking was something I’d always wondered about but never experienced. I cared deeply about Sofia and couldn’t deny that I was falling for her. Her smiles and kindness and her stubborn streak that came through occasionally, but love wasn’t something that happened in the course of a few weeks. It took time. That was something I believed firmly.

  When I was finished reading, I looked up. Trepidation shone in Sofia’s eyes as if she feared my reaction. “That’s how you want our first time to be? In front of a fireplace on the floor?”

  She flushed. “It’s how I imagined it. It’s not supposed to be instructions for you.” She closed her eyes, turning even redder though I hadn’t thought it possible. “I just wanted you to know that I’ve been imagining our first time, and that even if my body is being difficult, I eventually want to be with you.”

  I set the notebook aside and pulled her against me. “There’s a beautiful fireplace in the living area of my lodge with a view over the lake.” I fell silent. Bringing up the lodge probably wasn’t the best idea, but Sofia only smiled.
“We’d have to wait for the temperature to drop for a fire to make sense.”

  I had no intention of waiting until fall to sleep with my gorgeous wife. The five weeks since our wedding had already proved impossibly difficult.

  Sofia must have read my thoughts because she rolled her eyes. “I don’t want to wait that long, either.”

  “Good. I don’t mind dying of heatstroke in front of a roaring fire in summer if it means I get to claim your beautiful body.”

  Sofia pressed her face into my neck and chuckled, but she didn’t say a word about when she’d be ready. I’d just have to practice some more patience.

  In addition to aerobics in the local Outfit gym where I’d met Marco’s wife Bria by chance and hit it off, I started yoga on her recommendation. Before our accidental meeting, I’d only seen her at the wedding. For some reason, we’d never had a double date. Danilo always met Marco alone, mostly to deal with business.

  It was a beautiful, mild July morning when I rolled out my yoga mat beside the Koi pond. In the six weeks since I’d moved into the mansion, I’d started to feel more and more at home. I still talked to my mother every other day, but I didn’t feel homesick for Minneapolis anymore. Now that I had a friend in Bria, things were looking up on that front as well. The distance between Anna and me made regular meetings difficult, even if we texted daily.

  I was in the downward-dog position when I spotted Danilo coming down the path in his usual dark suit.

  He watched me as I moved out of downward-dog into cobra. It was only the second time that I’d done yoga in our garden next to the Koi pond, but I knew it would remain my favorite spot for as long as the weather allowed it. I loved watching the fish occasionally peek out of the surface as if they were checking on me. I didn’t even feel self-conscious as Danilo watched me. Yoga helped me forget all my troubles and lingering insecurities. I’d even considered finally calling Fina. She hadn’t tried to call me in two weeks, giving up after I never picked up. Now that my relationship with Danilo grew every day, I felt guilty for refusing to talk to her.

  I sank down on my ass, my legs crossed. “Hey.”

  He strolled over to me. Despite the early morning hour, he was already impeccably dressed, ready to start work early. I admired his work ethic, even if it meant we didn’t have as much time together as I might have liked sometimes. But Indianapolis was an important city, and Danilo was still a young Underboss in the Outfit. He needed to show he was a hard worker so his men and especially the Captains and other Underbosses respected him. Making bloody statements had its limits after all. They mostly only brought you fear, not admiration.

  “I want to spend a few days in our lake lodge. It would be good to have time for each other without any distractions, like a mini-vacation.”

  Surprised, I pushed to my feet and wiped my face with a towel. “That sounds great.” Remembering Danilo’s comment about the fireplace in the lodge, my belly filled with butterflies.

  Danilo stepped close to me and cupped my face. “Just you and me, nothing else.”

  I nodded against his mouth and sank into the kiss. His tongue parted my lips, eagerly tasting me. I loved kissing Danilo. It always awakened every nerve in my body. Since he’d gifted me the sex toy—something I hadn’t mentioned to Anna yet—I’d relaxed more and more, and I came every time we used it. While I loved it, I wanted to be physical with Danilo without the help of a device. Maybe the lodge would give us the opportunity.

  “Aren’t you too busy?” I whispered when he pulled back.

  Danilo hated leaving Indianapolis even for a day. Being the Underboss of one of the most important cities of the Outfit came with many responsibilities, and he took his responsibilities very seriously. That he’d leave his city for several days to spend time with me showed me that he really wanted our marriage to work.

  “Our marriage is more important. We could use some time to enjoy each other’s company.”

  A pleasant shiver mixed with nerves in my body. Would we finally have sex? I wasn’t as worried about the prospect as I used to be. In the last few days, Danilo had made sure to give me plenty of pleasure to make up for our botched-up first encounter, and I was certain he’d keep doing so.

  “I can’t wait,” I murmured, hoping he understood what I meant.

  He pulled me even tighter against him and kissed me until my clothes felt uncomfortably warm and my body pulsed with need.

  “I need to get to a meeting with Marco,” Danilo murmured regretfully.

  “I met his wife in the gym twice now. We really like each other. I thought we could have dinner together some time?”

  Danilo looked surprised. “Marco didn’t mention anything.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe Bria didn’t tell him.”

  The look on his face told me that didn’t surprise him. I hadn’t talked to Bria about her marriage with Marco, so I wasn’t sure if they had problems. The only thing I knew was that they’d gotten married a few weeks before us.

  “I’ll talk to Marco about it, but we’ll have our vacation first.” He kissed me again before he turned around. I watched him walk away and let out a small sigh, trying to ignore the pulsating need in my body.

  I was more than ready to try again, and I knew this time would be perfect.

  A week later, we finally made time for our getaway. It was the first time we’d returned to the Mancini lake lodge after Danilo’s birthday party. In the daylight, I could fully appreciate the beautiful landscape surrounding the lodge and the lake.

  I peered curiously out of the window. A small flicker of nerves kindled in my belly as we drove up the driveway. I didn’t want to link this place with my bad memories. After all, a place couldn’t really harbor bad feelings, and I didn’t want to be shackled to the past.

  Danilo put a hand on my knee and squeezed. “Are you all right?”

  I glanced over to him and curled my fingers around his. “Yeah, just enjoying the landscape.”

  “I hope you can enjoy the trip. I know your only experience here was horrible, but I really love spending time at the lodge, and I hope you will eventually as well.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll just focus on the here and now.”

  Danilo pulled up in front of the lodge, a two-story timber building with a large patio overlooking the tree-lined lake.

  I got out and breathed in the fresh forest air. The late July heat dominating Indianapolis wasn’t present here. It was warm and humid, but not hot. Perhaps we could really light a fire in the fireplace.

  Danilo grabbed our luggage from the trunk and carried it into the lodge. Now, without dozens of guests and flashing lights, the cozy vibe the inside of the house gave off surprised me. Everything was timber, sheep skin, cow hide rugs, and soft, cognac-colored leather sofas. Huge windows allowed the sun to penetrate the big rooms with their high ceilings. A magnificent stone fireplace dominated the center of the living area as was standard in most lodges in the area. Danilo set down the luggage in the lobby and showed me around. When we stepped out onto the patio, I had a brief flashback, remembering how I’d first spotted Danilo on the lower deck and how we’d danced together. Goosebumps sprang up on my skin, but the onslaught of memories didn’t come.

  Danilo touched my hip, his eyes searching mine. “Are you sure you’re fine?”

  “Definitely,” I said. “How about you show me the rest of the lodge?”

  Danilo led me to a jacuzzi off to the side of the patio that overlooked the lake and the surrounding forest. I hadn’t noticed the sauna off to the side of the patio the last time.

  It took my breath away.

  I remembered briefly seeing the jacuzzi at the party, crowded with half-naked, drunk people. Suddenly curious, I narrowed my eyes at Danilo. “How often did you have parties like that?”

  Danilo chuckled. “To be honest, I wouldn’t even have organized that party at all if it weren’t for Marco. He was determined to have a last hurrah for us before we got married.”

  I huffed. “A
last hurrah it was.”

  Danilo stroked my hip, tugging me against him. “One of my least favorite birthday memories, if I’m being honest. I hope we can create many more far better memories in the future.”

  “We will,” I said.

  Danilo had been attentive and loving these last few weeks. He’d really been trying as much as I had. Finally, I wasn’t the only one who seemed invested in our relationship. Apart from that, the way Danilo looked at me often made me think he might have feelings for me. I doubted those feelings were love. I didn’t want to lose myself in foolish hope again, but there was definitely something there.

  “Why don’t we have a spa evening?” Danilo suggested. “We’ll soak in the hot tub for a bit, then go into the sauna. We can cool off in the lake.”

  The temperatures in this part of the state were still moderately warm, but it usually cooled down in the evening. An evening in the hot tub and sauna sounded amazing.

  I smiled. “Sounds wonderful.”

  “Let’s unpack and drive to the grocer to grab food for the next few days. There’s still game in the freezer from my last couple of hunting trips with Marco, so we should have enough meat for our trip. But we can’t defrost it until tonight.”

  “We could cook something together. Maybe involtini or saltimbocca?”

  Danilo nodded. “Let’s see what the small grocer has. They mostly have game and fresh fish.”

  “We’ll make it work.”

  After unpacking, which took far longer than usual because I was stunned by the breathtaking view through the panorama windows over the lake in our bedroom, we finally set out for the grocer.

  After a quick dinner of grilled fish and corn followed by grilled watermelon, something I’d never considered a possibility but was incredibly delicious, we went up to the bedroom to undress.

  Danilo followed my every move as I stripped and stood before him completely naked. He was naked as well, and I admired his body. My lips twitched into a smile as I watched his cock grow. His returning smile was dark and hungry. He reached for something I hadn’t noticed on the nightstand before—my small bullet vibrator. It was another toy Danilo had bought for me, one that could be inserted fully without any clit stimulation.