Golden Glories

by Gerald Lopez

  “You guys haven’t been to the beach area in front of the key yet,” Jorri said. “There are already boats there just waiting for the midnight hour.”

  “Then folks know the basic area where the treasure and this guiding tree are supposed to be,” I said.

  “Yes,” Nikki said. “But there are a whole bunch of trees there—that’s assuming the tree in question hasn’t been felled by some natural occurrence. See, a ray of moonlight is supposed to go between some branches, then act as almost a beam onto the treasure’s location.”

  “How in the hell is anyone supposed to catch that?” I said. “It’s so easy to miss if there are a multitude of trees.”

  “It is and it isn’t,” Nikki said. “One has to take the lay of the land into consideration. Not just how it is now, but also how it was back in the day.”

  “Some erosion has definitely taken place,” Forrest said. “Landmarks have probably changed too.”

  “Erosion—yes,” Nikki said. “Landmarks—not as much as you would think.”

  We were at the top of the hill now and I saw the iron fence surrounding the cemetery. Bicyclists passed us on their way into the cemetery.

  “They’d better not be messing around in the cemetery too much!” Jorri said.

  “Don’t go getting excited,” Nikki said. “Everyone’s coming here for the same reason we are—to look over the town and see what they might see.”

  “What’s the trail in front of the cemetery going along the water?” I said.

  “Just that,” Jorri said, “a nature trail that goes all around the cemetery.”

  “Then there’s the business about the ghost pirates,” Nikki said.

  “Ghost pirates?” Alex said. “They protect the treasure, I assume.”

  “And not just them,” Jorri said. “I’ve seen some of them too, that’s why my man wants me to be careful tonight.”

  “He’s right to tell you that,” Nikki said. “The ghosts that show up can be downright scary sometimes.”

  “How often do they appear?” Alex said. “And do they like having their picture taken?”

  “It doesn’t do to mess with the dead,” Jorri said.

  “That’s for damn sure,” I said. “I’ve had an experience with a ghost myself.”

  “They only show up on anniversary years like tonight, when the moon is in just the right position,” Nikki said.

  Jorri drove through the entrance to the cemetery, and under some large trees with curving branches.

  “Wow!” Alex said. “These old trees are huge. Their branches are like a trellis above us. There are even iron fences around some of the graves.”

  “Those denote family plots,” Jorri said. “You guys can hop out here or come with me. I need to stop and show my respect to my soldier boy’s grave.”

  “We’ll go with you and show our respect too,” I said, answering for all of us.

  “Thank you,” Jorri said.

  The golf cart went along the winding road, passing folks taking pictures or standing beside bicycles. Forrest had been silent a while but I could tell his eyes were scanning everything in case of trouble. He would’ve made a great soldier. In a hidden away corner, we spotted a straight couple screwing on top of a raised vault.

  “Hey, show some respect!” Jorri said.

  “This is my momma’s vault,” the man said. “She said my sorry ass would never be able to get a woman, and I’m proving her wrong.”

  “Well then continue on with my blessing,” Jorri said, then saluted the couple and drove onward.

  “His momma was wrong about him having a sorry ass too,” Alex said. “It looked damn near perfect to me.”

  “And here I thought of you as the sweet angel of our group,” Forrest said.

  “He ain’t wrong though,” Nikki said. “If I wasn’t taken I could make breakfast, lunch, and dinner outta that boy’s ass.”

  “Your man’s not bad himself,” Alex said. “I’d love to take some pics of him.”

  “He’s been wanting to do some modeling,” Nikki said. “I’ll talk to him about it when we get back. He would look fine under these trees, wouldn’t he?”

  “Yes, Ma’am,” Alex said.

  His response caused Forrest and me to chuckle. While I’d been taking in the lay of the land, Alex had been taking in other sights—of the hunky kind.

  Jorri parked the golf cart under a large tree beside which there was a nicely maintained family burial site.

  “My daddy was a decorated military man too,” Jorri said. “Like my boy.”

  We all got out of the golf cart and followed Jorri. When he stopped in front of the largest headstone he saluted it, then moved onto a smaller one and did the same. We all followed his lead. I put my hand on Jorri’s shoulder as he looked down at his son’s grave.

  “I’m impressed,” I said. “Your dad and son were high ranking officers.”

  “Yes, Sir,” Jorri said. “Like you musta been. There’s a way about you all that’s a step above a mere foot soldier—God bless the foot soldiers.”

  “Amen to that,” I said. ‘Where would be without the foot soldiers, God only knows?” In the distance, I spotted two familiar figures looking toward downtown. “I’ll be right back.”

  Walking past numerous graves, fallen branches, and rocks, I made my way to the familiar and now recognizable figure.

  “I was worried I might see some ghosts or goblins here but looks like I only had to worry about gingers and ghouls,” I said.

  “You better watch who you’re calling a ghoul, boy,” Miss Lucy, now out of disguise and wearing shorts, sneakers, and a T-shirt, said.

  “Hi,” Ginger said.

  “Where’s the rest of your group?” I said.

  “Uugh, that Buck would’ve fallen on his face trying to walk around here,” Miss Lucy said.

  Ginger laughed. “Funny but true. He is a nice guy though, and as lucky as anyone I’ve ever met.”

  “What brings you two here?” I said.

  “Just trying to get a look from a high point,” Miss Lucy said. “Buck’s clumsy sometimes, but a damn sight prettier than a lot of men out there. That can be an advantage, as you well know—being attractive yourself.”

  “As much as I love hearing all them pretty words,” I said, then chuckled, “what I really want to know is if there will be an army of nuns to contend with here?”

  “Huh?” Ginger said.

  “What are you talking about, boy?” Miss Lucy said. “No one’s gotten word to me about any of our nuns being here.”

  “It can’t be mere coincidence that we passed a small group of nuns on the way up here,” I said.

  “No, it can’t,” Miss Lucy said. “Get to talking.”

  “There’s nothing much to say,” I said. “I spotted six nuns walking, only—”

  “Only what?” Miss Lucy said.

  “One of the nuns looked me in the eyes and she… she,” I said, “well, for a moment I didn’t think she had any eyes just silver—I don’t know—slits or slivers.”

  “Why don’t I enlighten you all just a bit?” someone from behind us said.

  Chapter 8

  New Revelations

  “AND JUST WHO the hell are you?” Miss Lucy said to the newcomer.

  “Nice way to say hello there, Miss Lucy,” Ginger said, sarcastically.

  “That’s Nikki,” I said. “A friend of your favorite person, Charity.”

  “Shee-it!” Miss Lucy said. “Nikki, do you live off bean sprouts and diarrhea-inducing foods like your friend Charity?”

  “Just by looking at me, you can tell I don’t,” Nikki said, and chuckled. “I’m here because your little secret organization—The Organization—asked me to help y’all out while you’re on the key.”

  “What the hell is going on now?” Miss Lucy said. “They didn’t tell me they were sending me a fat drag queen to help, along with the other dingbats on my team—no offense, Ginger. I don’t count you as one of the dingbats.”
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br />   “Thanks,” Ginger said.

  “Honey,” Nikki said, while staring down Miss Lucy. “Don’t think you know me and who I am. Cause I will take a trannie down—you don’t know me, bitch.”

  “Bitch?” Miss Lucy said, then looked at me and Ginger. “Did Miss thing just call me a bitch—me?”

  “She did,” Ginger said, then crossed her arms. “I say we kick her ass.”

  I thought this was a good time to keep my mouth shut so I did.

  “Are you some ex military son of a bitch here thinking you can take Miss Lucy down?” Miss Lucy said.

  “No and I don’t need to be, trannie,” Nikki said. “I was a title holding wrestler, and I am quite capable of taking you down.”

  “What the—” Miss Lucy said, then looked at me and Ginger. “Do you hear this bitch?”

  “I heard her,” Ginger said. “You shouldn’t be talking about trannies, especially when you’re standing there wearing a big ole’ red wig on your head, Miss Nikki. Although the trannie thing does explain a lot about Miss Lucy.”

  “Hold on now,” Miss Lucy said. “Y’all just hold on one damned second! I am not! And I repeat NOT a trannie. I’m a naturally born woman who is fixing to go psycho on all of you in seconds, unless I find out—and quick—who told you I was a trannie.”

  “That guy from your organization who came here to recruit my help,” Nikki said. “He said that you were a trannie on a mission.”

  “Who?” Miss Lucy said. “Who said it? I want a name so I can kick some ass when I’m through here.”

  Steam was practically coming out of Miss Lucy’s ears. Her eyes were seeing red.

  “Jackson,” Nikki said. “His name was Rudolf Jackson, and he was much nicer than you, I might add.”

  Miss Lucy instantly changed her demeanor, her face grew calm, and she actually smiled.

  “Well, hell,” Miss Lucy said, then looked at Ginger and me yet again. “That explains it all. It takes Jackson forever to get a thought out because of his stuttering—poor man.” She addressed Nikki now. “I’m a trainer on a mission, not a trannie—God bless trannies, some of them are alright. Nice to meet you, Nikki. I’m Miss Lucy.”

  “Pleased to meet you, I think,” Nikki said.

  “Now that we’re all friends,” I said. “Can we get back to the whole nun thing? What do you know Nikki?”

  “First, let me say that I couldn’t tell you about it earlier, because prying ears on the street may have been listening,” Nikki said, “but I’d better explain about the nuns now, since you’ve spotted some.”

  “Obviously they’re bad news,” Ginger said.

  “Not necessarily,” Nikki said. “It depends on what group of nuns they belong too. They may be real nuns for all we know. But they could also work for your organization as an advanced team to deal with anything supernatural that might happen.”

  “Nice of our organization to tell us absolutely nothing about that,” Miss Lucy said.

  “There’s more, isn’t there?” I said. “Other nun groups.”

  “Yes, and the other groups all spring back to the first myth about the key,” Nikki said. “These nun groups exist in two places in Florida—one of those places being here. But the groups don’t have a whole lot in common.”

  “Do these groups tie-in to the pirate treasure somehow?” I said.

  “The nuns in this area certainly do,” Nikki said, then looked past us. “We’ve got company.”

  “Well now the party can start,” Miss Lucy said, then laughed. “I don’t even know why the hell I’m laughing.”

  “It beats crying,” Ginger said. “The only thing missing is your pussy brigade, Miss Lucy.”

  “Are we interrupting?” Alex said, as he walked up with Forrest and Jorri.

  “Everybody scoot on in since we may all have to deal with some nuns,” Miss Lucy said. “Hell, I didn’t care much for them when I was in Catholic school many years ago.”

  “I’m sure the feeling was mutual,” I said, then laughed and ducked when Miss Lucy tried to swat me. “Seriously though, what are we dealing with here, Nikki?”

  “Jorri, I was just telling them about the nuns in the area,” Nikki said.

  “Which ones will we be dealing with during this whole escapade?” Jorri said.

  “Some cosplayers for sure,” Nikki said. “They’re harmless enough.”

  “I haven’t heard about any nun cosplayers,” Forrest said. “No one I know has been told to be on the lookout for nuns of any sort. What’s going on?”

  “There were a lot of groups involved at the key when the treasure was first relocated here,” Nikki said. “Everyone knows that the pirates went after the treasure and killed the priests who were hiding it.”

  “Did they kill a group of nuns too?” Alex said.

  “No, dude,” a young man dressed in a nun’s headgear consisting of the coif and wimple said as he walked up. Two males beside him were dressed in similar fashion. They all wore cropped, belly-baring, black nun’s habits over shorts and Birkenstock sandals.

  “The nuns were sent by the church to kill the pirates and get the treasure,” a chubby young man next to the first man said.

  “That’s at least partially true,” Nikki said.

  “Partially?” the third young man in the group said.

  “If this is gonna turn into a damn orgy with all these people popping up out of nowhere, I’m leavin’,” Miss Lucy said.

  “It’s cool,” I said, picking up on the lingo of our newcomers, then turning toward them. “I’m Layton, have you sisters of mayhem seen any other nuns around?”

  “Oh yeah,” the first guy who’d spoken said. “There’s a nun get-together later tonight on the pier—it’s a thing. I’m Sister Joe.”

  “I’m Sister Randy,” the last guy who’d spoken said.

  “I’m Sister Mack,” the chubby man said. “You all are welcome to join us at the pier later. It’s B. Y. O. B.” He turned to Miss Lucy. “But sorry, no orgy is happening that I know about.”

  “How many of you guys are there, and how rowdy will things get?” Forrest said.

  “It’s not like that, man,” Sister Joe said. “We were studying all about the whole treasure thing at the college one town over, and a bunch of us in the LGBTQ club decided to come. We get extra points in our classes for showing up and wearing these nun costumes.”

  “They don’t cover up much, do they?” I said, noting that all three of the students nicely filled out the tight shorts they wore.

  “Oh m-God, somebody give me a hand,” someone said.

  “It’s Sister Vaughn, the last of our group, who was peeing behind a tree,” Sister Mack said.

  “That’s an amazing feat for a nun if you think about it,” Ginger said.

  “I’d rather not… think about it,” Miss Lucy said.

  “Take my hand,” Sister Randy said to Sister Vaughn. “I did tell you to wear sandals with straps rather than flip-flops.”

  “Yeah,” Sister Vaughn said. “But you always say my feet look cute in flip-flops.”

  “I love your flip-flops,” Ginger said, “they’re covered in black and purple glitter.”

  “They match the nun ensemble,” Sister Vaughn said. “I’ll tell you where I bought them later, girl.”

  “Little Vaughny Mitchum?” Nikki said, then turned to Jorri. “It’s Vaughny—I mean Vaughn. He’s grown now.”

  “Why yes it is him,” Jorri said.

  “Hi, Miss Nikki,” Sister Vaughn said. “Mr. Jorri, would you two believe the whole group just left me behind while I was peeing? A nun could’ve gotten her goodies bitten by a snake or something.”

  “I would’ve sucked the poison out, babe,” Sister Randy said, then smiled at Sister Vaughn.

  Alex looked at me and smiled. Per usual, it got me feeling all warm inside. What a dope I am.

  “This is my boyfriend Sister Randy,” Sister Vaughn said. “He’s on the swim team at school and has a perfect swimmer’s body.”


  “He sure does,” I said, earning myself stares from Forrest and Alex. “You guys can’t disagree with the facts. Nikki, where does this leave us on the nun thing?”

  “Well, I would count these guys in with the cosplayers,” Nikki said. “They’re harmless enough.”

  “Although we have been known to bite in the dark,” Sister Joe said while staring straight at me.

  “Not happening, dude,” Forrest said, staking his claim on me. “He’s mine, so’s this one.” He looked at Alex.

  “Damn, all three of you hot guys are together?” Sister Joe said. “Sexy, dudes.”

  “That’s hot,” Sister Mack said.

  “Oh yeah,” Sister Joe said. “I wouldn’t mind being a lil brother in that group.”

  “Or more like a lil ho,” Sister Mack said.

  “Back to the subject at hand, please,” Miss Lucy said. “We are completely off topic at this point, so bring it back around and to the basics, please, Nikki.”

  “Oh shit,” Sister Vaughn said. “I think I know what you were going to say, Miss Nikki. Tell me it’s not a possibility. That there’s no way they’ll be here.”

  “Oh honey, I really wish I could,” Nikki said. “You can bet your sweet, grown up ass they’ll be here… and we need to be ready.”

  Chapter 9

  Scary Stories

  “I’VE HEARD THE stories,” Sister Mack said. “No way. There is no way they can be true!”

  “Calm down, Sister Mack,” Sister Joe said. “Let’s hear Miss Nikki out.”

  “Oh, the stories are true,” Nikki said.

  “Yes, they are,” Jorri said. “Nikki and I have seen the ghost pirates.”

  “Ghost pirates?” Ginger said. “For real?”

  “Oh yeah,” Jorri said. “They are some real ugly bastards too. Not handsome like my male model boyfriend.”

  “When are we gonna finally meet him, Mr. Jorri?” Sister Vaughn said. “Someone in town told me you were engaged.”

  “Oh no you don’t!” Miss Lucy said. “No more distractions. Stick to the ghosts and shit before I bust someone upside the head.”

  “She’ll do it too,” I said.