The Cowgirl's Sacrifice

by Tina Radcliffe

  “Thanks, Jess,” Franny said. “I’ll do that.”

  Kate put a hand on his sleeve, and he paused. The blue eyes reflected concern. “Jess, I, um, thanks.”

  “Thanks? I didn’t do anything, did I?” He offered a short nod before he stepped away. As he walked, he checked his phone. It was after eight, which meant he was officially off duty and no longer obligated to the ranch.

  “Better grab yourself some food before it disappears,” Willard said as he passed him.

  “Yeah. I’ll do that.” Jess detoured at the stables, ducked behind the barn and went on to the parking area. It was time to call it a night.

  Franny Cox’s appearance meant only one thing. Kate was leaving. What did he expect? Kate was never going to stay in Rebel long enough to put down roots. Did he think their renewed friendship would even matter in the scheme of things? He wasn’t a young, naive kid any longer. Falling for Kate again would be asking for heartache. Good thing he had no plans to let down his guard. No, this time, he was in control of his emotions. He wouldn’t be blindsided twice in a lifetime.

  Chapter Ten

  Franny’s trailer passed the feed-store delivery truck on the way down Rebel Ranch drive toward the main road. One going and one coming. Kate waved as the trailer rumbled away, the hitch clanging at the bumps on the road. She hated to see her friend leave. Franny had been like a big sister to her for so very long. A mentor on the circuit, as well. Now she was more lost and confused than ever.

  Was she ready to close the door on this chapter of her life? That was a looming question. This time back in Oklahoma was supposed to be a detour, not her future. But with the neurologist’s words, everything had changed. It hadn’t become real until Franny’s trailer lumbered away down the ranch road.

  She would never compete again. Never ride a barrel again. Should she settle for being part of the circuit in an ancillary capacity as Franny’s assistant or make a clean break and start over at Rebel Ranch?

  Walking away from the circuit also meant the end of her search for her father. Looking for him on the internet had never proved successful. Her only hope was to walk in his boots. She’d been doing that for ten years. Was this the end of the line?

  There were more questions than answers of late.

  Kate stepped aside when the feed-store truck beeped while backing into position along the paved walkway.

  “Want some help with that?”

  She turned around, surprised to see Jess. “Oh, no, but thanks. We have a system. He loads the bags onto the hand truck I have parked over there, and I roll it into the storage shed.”

  Jess cocked his head. “How do the bags get from the hand truck to the shelf?”

  Kate raised a hand and wiggled her fingers. “I put them there.”

  “It’ll go faster with help.”

  “I have this. I’ll save asking for help for when I really need it.”

  “Will you?”

  “Yes. I will.” Kate pushed back her hat and looked up to find him staring intently.

  He glanced down the ranch drive. “Franny headed out?”

  “Mmm-hmm. On her way to Oklahoma City.”

  “You’re not going with her?”

  “Not at the moment. I have things to do here,” Kate said.

  “I see.” He gave a thoughtful nod. “Did she have a good time while she was here?”

  “Yes. It was fun showing Franny around the ranch and downtown Rebel. We looked for you at the mess hall on Saturday and Sunday.”

  “I got tied up. A couple of issues to deal with.”

  She nodded. He’d disappeared as soon as Franny arrived on Friday night. He was nowhere to be found all weekend, despite his insistence she should be around for Chef Luna Diaz’s special menu. He hadn’t even been around on Saturday when she gave Olive her first horse-riding lesson.

  “You missed the staff meeting this morning,” Jess said.

  Kate tensed. “I had an early appointment at the clinic.”

  “Are you sick?”

  “No, I’m absolutely healthy.” She swallowed, gathering courage. “Jess, do you think we could talk?”

  “Talk? What about?”

  “Stop by the house after work, and I’ll tell you.”

  He frowned. “Aren’t we talking right now?”

  “It seems like we’re always discussing important things on the run. I’d like to sit down and have a discussion.”

  “Important things?” He raised his brows in question.

  Kate nearly stomped her foot at his obtuseness. “Stop repeating what I say. Will you or will you not stop by after work?”

  Jess chuckled. “Okay, I’ll be there.”

  “Great.”

  “Great in theory,” Kate muttered hours later. Today was absolutely the time to talk to him about his mother. So why was her stomach in turmoil? Because she had no idea what his response would be. She kept a close eye on the clock in her closet office as she rehearsed over and over in her head what she would say to Jess.

  Jess, I’m donating a kidney to your mother. Jess, how much do you know about living-donor transplantation?

  Once she talked to him, she planned to speak to each of her brothers on the phone, giving them her prepared speech. Yes, doing it on the phone was cowardly, but she’d learned long ago that it was the least confrontational route with them.

  Kate’s phone vibrated on her desk, stirring her from deep thoughts. She checked the screen. A text from Franny. She’d arrived in Oklahoma City and had run into several mutual friends who sent their regards. Nostalgia washed over Kate at the words and stayed with her most of the afternoon.

  At five o’clock, Kate closed her laptop and waved goodbye to Violet as she left the admin building. The short walk to her house provided an opportunity to clear her mind and say a short prayer.

  Jess was prompt and showed up at five fifteen.

  “Come on in,” she called at the knock on the door.

  Jess stepped inside. Still in his work clothes, she couldn’t help but admire how nicely the black Rebel Ranch T-shirt looked on the man. He held a bag from Daisy’s bakery in one hand as he looked around.

  “Whoa. Your house smells like supper hour at the diner. What are you cooking?”

  The scents wafting through the house were enticing, and Kate could barely believe she was responsible for them.

  “Cheesy chicken and broccoli. It’s a recipe from the cookbook you gave me.” She couldn’t help a shy smile. “I can’t tell you how much my life has changed since you and Olive introduced me to the slow cooker. I always thought things like that would be challenging for me. All these years, I could have used it in the motor home.”

  “Thinking about going out on the road again, are you?”

  “That was a general observation.” She hoped to avoid a discussion of her long-term plans. “You stopped by the bakery?”

  “No. I ran into Daisy on my way here. Sometimes she brings extra baked goods to the ranch.” He held up the bag. “I scored muffins for you.”

  “Thank you.” She turned and nodded down the hall. “Let’s go into the kitchen.”

  “I’m not sure that’s safe. I may want to steal your dinner.”

  “That’s the idea. Maybe we could call this a pop quiz. You taste test and let Olive know if I pass.”

  “I like the sound of that,” he said with a grin.

  “Me too. Have a seat.”

  He shook his head. “I’ll set the table. I should at least work for my supper.”

  Kate pointed left. “Over there. Above the stove. We’ll need bowls.”

  Jess opened the cupboard. “Hey, these look familiar. You got these from Nicole’s shop.”

  “Yes. Aren’t they pretty? They match the mugs.” She gestured toward the patio door. “Mind if we sit outside?”


  “Sure, but first you have to tell me what this is.” He picked up the glossy ceramic hand on the table and turned it over, examining the piece from all sides.

  “You don’t recognize that?”

  “It’s a hand. I know that much.”

  “It’s Olive’s hand. She made it in your sister’s shop and gave it to me.”

  “Ahh, now that you mention it, this does look familiar.” He chuckled. “What did you do to deserve such a prize?”

  “It’s a thank-you for her first riding lesson.”

  His head jerked up, and he pinned her with a surprised gaze. “How did I miss that?”

  “You tell me. You were on the schedule for Saturday, but I guess you traded with someone.”

  Jess frowned. “I, um, I needed a break.”

  A break from her? Kate stared at him for a moment. What had she done to alienate him? Things had been going so well at the hoedown. Until Franny arrived. Had things changed because Franny had offered her a job?

  “You sure are thinking hard,” he said.

  “I’m wondering if maybe Olive and I will see you around this Saturday for her second lesson.”

  “Sure. I’d like to see my niece in the saddle. How’d she do?”

  Kate held a trivet close to her and smiled. “Oh, Jess. You’d be so proud. She’s a natural. I can see her barrel racing someday.”

  “Yeah?” His angular face lit up, and a spark ignited in the gray eyes. “Tell me about it.”

  “I don’t know where to begin.” She paused. “Olive is fearless. She loves horses, and they love her. There’s a confidence about her in the saddle that amazes me.”

  “I’ll stop by on Saturday,” he said. “And, Kate, thanks for doing this.”

  “It really was a pleasure. Seeing someone so enthusiastic and with such passion reminded me of when I was a kid.” She opened a drawer and removed silverware.

  “I’ve got that.”

  Careful not to touch Jess, she handed him the silverware and cloth napkins.

  “Can I get you some tea?” she asked.

  “Sure.”

  Kate’s hands shook as she poured the store-bought tea into two glasses and brought them outside. At times like this, she realized how socially backward she really was. Thirty years old, and she’d never had a man over for dinner.

  Once Jess brought the slow-cooker pot to the table, Kate reached for the bowls.

  “Oh, man. You better ladle faster. The smell of that is killing me. I’m starving,” he said. “I had a fast sandwich hours ago for lunch.”

  Kate laughed, pleased at his eagerness. “Here you go.”

  “Thank you.” He reached for her hand, bowed his head and said a quick prayer before Kate knew what was happening.

  “Amen,” she murmured, her pulse still racing from his hand holding hers.

  “Look at that sky,” Jess said. He folded a napkin on his lap while his gaze inspected the expanse of darkening horizon visible from the covered patio.

  “Those are rain clouds to the north. It’s coming in fast.” She inhaled. “Smells loamy, doesn’t it?”

  “Yep. Boy, could we use the moisture,” Jess observed.

  “What’s the contingency plan for entertaining guests when it rains at Rebel Ranch?” Kate asked.

  “Mitch has backup activities in the admin building. I heard it rained a week straight last year, and he brought in a few local artisans for classes. My sister taught pottery classes.”

  “That’s genius.”

  “Yeah, it really went over well with the guests.”

  A comfortable silence enveloped them as they ate, and while Kate was grateful not to have to attempt small talk, she kept sneaking peeks at Jess. The man kept eating, even going for second helpings of the meal. Was he being kind, or was it really palatable? Sure, she liked it, but her bar was pretty low.

  “Does that second helping mean I passed the test?” she asked.

  Jess leaned back and patted his stomach. “Seriously, Kate? This is amazing. I’m totally satiated. And now that you’ve plied me with chicken, you better tell me what you wanted to discuss before I take a nap right here.”

  A crack of thunder interrupted their conversation, followed by a kick of wind that set the hammock in motion.

  “Looks like it’s coming sooner than later,” Jess said.

  When rain began to spit down, Kate stood. “Are your windows rolled up?” she asked.

  “No. I’ll be right back.”

  Fat drops began to hit the cement pathway to the patio, and Kate grabbed the slow cooker and headed inside, as well. When Jess returned a moment later, his face and shirt were wet. He placed his damp hat on the doorknob.

  Kate pulled a towel from the drawer. There was another crack of thunder, and she jumped, dropping the terry cloth. When they both reached for it at the same time, Jess placed his hands on her shoulders. Mesmerized by the drops of moisture on his long lashes, she stared at the prism of colors in his irises as he steadied her.

  She swallowed, unable to keep her gaze from moving to his mouth as her pulse galloped away.

  “I got this,” Jess said, his voice shaky. “We don’t need another head knock.”

  “Right,” she murmured.

  He picked up the towel and wiped the rain from his face.

  “The wind has slowed,” Kate said. “Let’s go back on the patio.” She certainly could use a bit of air right now.

  Jess sat down on the glider, and Kate eased onto the other end, as far away as she could. Once set in motion, the glider creaked gently as it moved back and forth.

  “Needs lubricating oil. I’ll bring some by next time,” he said.

  Next time. Would there be a next time? Would she even be around for a next time?

  Her glance followed his as he looked toward the yard where a steady curtain of rain continued, cocooning them on all sides.

  “So what was it you wanted to talk about?” Jess asked.

  Kate bit her lip, not eager to end the companionable mood between them. “A couple of medical things have come up,” she finally said while searching for the words. Her planned speech seemed to have disappeared.

  He turned, immediately focused on her words. “Are you having dizzy spells again?”

  “I’m fine, Jess. Actually, I’m so fine that I discussed testing to be a kidney donor with my doctor. It turns out that I qualify as a match for your mother.”

  Jess opened his mouth, and his jaw slacked. He stared at her for a long minute.

  “Say something,” she murmured. His silence hung in the air ominously.

  “I don’t know what to say.” Jess ran a hand over his face. “How long have you known this?”

  “Since before the hoedown.”

  “And you didn’t see fit to discuss this with me? I thought you and I...” He released a pained breath.

  Kate listened to him stumble around defining what exactly they were. Friends? Surely more than that? But what?

  “To be clear,” she finally said. “This isn’t about you and me. This was my decision to make.” She clasped her hands in her lap. “And I’m discussing it with you now.”

  “Kate, you’ve been in and out of clinics and hospitals since February. Why would you purposely put yourself in that position again?”

  “How can I not? And what better time than now when my life is at a crossroads? There’s nowhere I have to be. I don’t have a clue what’s next for me. Everything lined up for this moment, as though this is the perfect time.”

  When he didn’t answer, she leaned forward, trying to understand what he was thinking as she assessed the somber gray eyes. “Are you mad?” she asked.

  “Mad, no. Confused would be closer. Real confused.” He looked at her. “Mind if I ask you where you’ll be come fall?”

  “I
can’t tell you what’s in the future. The last decade has been spent tracking my father on the circuit. It’s the only life I’ve ever known.”

  He released a deep breath. “I take it you and my mother have already discussed this?”

  “Yes. I’ve talked to her. I also talked to my doctor this morning. I passed the psych evaluation, and they’re ready to schedule surgery. There’s no turning back in my mind. My decision is made.”

  “I’ve done a decent amount of research into this myself, Kate. What if you get cold feet? Or worse, what if you regret the choice afterward? Lots of people have donor remorse.”

  “Not me. Once you’ve looked death in the eye, your entire attitude shifts.”

  He continued to stare at her. “Your mother passed from cancer. What if you need that other kidney?”

  “You aren’t making any sense.” She shook her head. “My mother’s cancer had nothing to do with her kidneys. It was a rare type of gene mutation that isn’t hereditary.”

  “What do your brothers say about this?”

  “I plan to call each of them separately.”

  “Not in person?”

  “Do you know how difficult it is to get them alone? Besides their individual families, the Farmers Market has started, Ballard B&B opened, not to mention the ranch schedule is in full swing. Tucker has two adoption events scheduled.”

  “You know they’re going to push back.” He shook his head.

  “I don’t usually make decisions by committee, Jess. And make no mistake, this is my decision. I hope that you and my brothers will support me.”

  “And if I don’t?”

  She paused at his words and lowered her head. “I’ll be disappointed, but I’m still moving forward. I’ve spent a good deal of time in prayer and research, and I believe it’s what my mother would want me to do. Perhaps in some way, this is how I’m honoring her. I have perfect peace.”

  Perfect peace, yet deep down inside, she still sought Jess’s approval. Probably more so than her brothers’. She cared what he thought far more than she should, maybe because she cared about him far more than she should.