by Natalie Ann
“Okay,” she said, looking down.
“Why don’t you go back to my place with me?” he offered before he could think anything of it. “I could show you around there.”
“I can’t take that much time off of work. I just started my job and though Logan will be slowing down that is still around Labor Day and he’s busy there weekends and everything is still hopping here just because kids are back in school.”
He figured that would be her answer. She had commitments here and he had to remember that. “It was just a thought.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her onto his lap. “I’m not quite ready to let you go. I know it’s probably asking a lot of you and I’m not sure how this would even work, but maybe if we could think about something long distance?”
She smiled softly, her eyes a little glossy. “Let’s just play it by ear. I know you don’t want to stay here and are itching to go home.”
“In some ways I am, in others I wish time would slow down.”
“We can slow it down for tonight,” she said, standing up and then pulling him with her. “Let’s just put this all out of our minds for the night. For a few weeks.”
He wanted to argue with her, but knew that what she said was right. Why ruin the little time they had left?
“Let me love you tonight,” he said.
She paused and turned to look at him, then smiled again. “I’ll let you do that.”
He wondered if she would have taken those words into another meaning, but she didn’t. He wasn’t even sure if he’d have a problem if she did or not and was happy it wasn’t put to the test with her questioning it.
When they were in her room, he pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it away, then removed her bra, her shirt and pants until she was standing naked in front of him.
He nudged her back on the bed, then leaned over and put his lips to hers. He kissed her slowly and softly. Sometimes he worried he was rough with her. That the only time he lost any bit of his control was in the bedroom.
But tonight he was going to be tender...and loving like he’d said.
His lips trailed down her neck, over her collarbone, and to her breast, his tongue swirling and dipping around the round globe.
As he got closer to her nipple he pulled it into his mouth, but she jerked. “Sorry,” he said. “Didn’t think I was that rough.”
“It’s fine,” she said. “Just really worked up.”
She was sensitive at different times of the month and he just chalked it up to that. He had other things on his mind to think about anyway.
He stayed there, licking and sucking, moving from one side to the other, but she kept jerking and twitching and he figured she’d prefer he targeted another spot on her.
His mouth moved down her ribs, over her belly and to the neatly trimmed lips below. He loved how she took such care grooming her body. He’d been with women that were completely bare before, but he liked the natural touch.
He found her swollen bud and pulled it in his mouth and her hips all but shot off the bed, but he held her down. He was going to do what he wanted and she was going to have to lie there and take it.
He said he was going to love her and he was good to his word.
His tongue moved down between her lips, licking up and down, even nibbling with his teeth. “Justin,” she said. “Don’t tease me like that.”
“Is this what you want?” he asked as he slid two fingers inside of her, his mouth pulling her bud in and sucking a little harder.
“Yes,” she yelled, lifting up and pressing into his mouth. He kept it up, his fingers thrusting in and out, her hips lifting and not moving, letting him get so close that he almost felt like he was melting into her.
Then he heard her moan out, her body tense, her muscles throbbing and pulsing around his fingers as he held them still and curled the tip of them finding just the right spot.
“Don’t stop yet,” she said. “It’s still going.”
He couldn’t and he wouldn’t. There was something about holding her there and knowing that he was giving her so much pleasure.
When her hips finally fell back down to the mattress, he got up and undressed quickly, put a condom on and lifted her hips back up, sliding right into her.
She let out another low moan and started to match the motion of his hips in and out.
“That’s it,” he said, keeping the pace. He could keep this up all night long. Just sliding in and out of her moist heat, the two of them connected on a level he’d never been before.
He reached up and threaded their fingers together, held them over her head and brought his mouth to hers.
Their tongues were dueling like their hips and he was trying to work her up again. He’d noticed she’d seemed almost insatiable lately and he loved every minute of it.
When she started to move faster, he knew she was close and just started to keep it up. He was probably hurting her fingers squeezing them over her head, but he just wasn’t ready to let go of her on more than one level.
And when her body fell one more time, he joined her and held her like that, not wanting to get up...ever. And wondered what the hell he was going to do.
30
Made It Through
Two weeks later he was driving his father home from his PET scan that was performed in Plattsburg.
“That was nice of Taryn to bring a pie over last night,” his father said. “She didn’t have to do that.”
“She’s nice that way. She wanted to do something for your treatment being over. She knew you wouldn’t be able to eat it until last night at the earliest.”
“I would have if she brought it.”
“And you wouldn’t have enjoyed it,” he said. “Might as well save it for when you can.”
“Thankfully my canker sores are finally gone too.”
Most people thought of vomiting, hair loss and weight loss or gain when someone went through chemo. But there were so many other things. Loss of taste, sores in the mouth, bloody noses, neurological damage, plus many more. His father never lost his sense of taste, but some foods did bother him. He had sores that came and went but Riley Hamilton Miles had prescribed a liquid for his father to swish a few times a day to keep his mouth moist and it helped clear that up.
The bloody noses came and went and there wasn’t much to do about them. The same with the aches and pains, but soon they would be a thing of the past.
“They are. You made it through,” he said of his father. He wouldn’t say they were anywhere near reconciled, but they could seem to have somewhat of a conversation at times without going at each other’s throat.
Correction, he never went at his father’s throat. He just ignored him most times.
“I did. Mainly because you were riding my ass the whole time.”
He laughed. “Just think of how much worse it would have been if I wasn’t.”
“Thank you,” his father said.
“What?” Justin said, turning his head to look at his father and seeing his eyes on him.
“You heard me. Don’t make me say it again.”
Heaven forbid his father thank someone twice. “No need to thank me,” he said. “You’re my father through thick and thin.”
“Yeah. I can admit when I’m an ass and I was. It’s hard to think you’re human and this happens to you. You don’t realize it until you are going through it, but now that it’s over I guess I’m looking back on things.”
“You don’t say,” Justin said.
“You’re going to make this hard on me, aren’t you?”
“No,” he said. “I’m letting you talk. Say what you need to.”
“We can’t go back and change anything. I can’t take back the things I said because at the time I meant every one of them.”
So much for an apology. “I know you did.” And he knew that had more to do with the past a long time ago and not a month ago.
“It doesn’t make it right and I’d be lying if I told you I was sorry for the words b
ack then.”
“You are entitled to your opinions and thoughts. Just like I am.”
His father snorted. “Going back in time isn’t good for anyone. Why hash stuff out? I know you’ve got a life elsewhere and I do appreciate you putting it all on hold to care for me and help us out. You did it for your mother.”
“You can believe what you want,” he said.
“Fine. You did it for everyone. But it benefited Mom more than me. I know that.”
“Again, believe what you want. We have our differences and we’ve had several falling outs, but you’re still my father.”
“Nothing ever seems to faze you,” his father said.
“You’re wrong. A lot has bothered me in life,” he said. “But when you can’t change it, why get worked up? I can’t change the past, as you’ve said. Why stress over it? I can’t be who you want me to be or do what you’d like.”
“No,” his father said. “You can’t. You’re good at what you do. I’ve seen it here. I’ve heard it from other people at the course who have had dealings with you at the hospital.”
“Does that shock you?” he asked, trying not to be hurt over the words.
“No. I always knew you’d succeed in life.”
“That’s the first I’ve heard that.”
“Is it so wrong for a man to want his son by him?” his father asked. “When you have a son someday you’ll feel the same.”
“I have no idea how I’ll feel, but I’ll honor and support him in any decision he makes and hope I raised him to stand on his own and make those decisions.”
His father laughed. “An insult and compliment in one. You’re good at that.”
He turned to grin at his father. “I get that from you. Along with your stubbornness. But here I thought you wanted me to fail all these years so I’d have to come back and beg you to work here.”
“I never wanted you to fail. I’d be a pretty shitty excuse of a father more than you probably already think I am if I thought that.”
Justin didn’t bother to comment on that statement. “Even if I did fail I wouldn’t beg for anything.”
“Nope. You got that pride and stubbornness from me.”
“See, compliment and insult in one,” he said to his father.
“If I wanted you to fail so bad or struggle like you think, I wouldn’t have had to remind your mother to keep sending you money in college.”
“What?”
“Justin,” his father said. “Do you think I don’t know what goes on in my own house or with my children? Your mother told me she was going to send you money and I said fine.”
“She needed your approval?” he asked, keeping more hurt from his voice.
“No. But when you love someone and are married and in a committed union you don’t keep secrets. She wasn’t asking for approval. She was telling me what she was doing.”
“Sounds like Mom.”
“You wouldn’t have taken it from me. I knew that. So I’d check in to see what was sent and tell her to send more.”
This was all news to him. “Why didn’t she tell me that? She let me believe it was all her.”
“It was better that way. Sometimes in life we are clouded by other things and can’t see what we need to. The end results were the same. I may be stubborn and ornery in your eyes, but I’m not an ass. I’m not heartless. You have student loans and I’m sorry for that.”
“I needed to do it on my own,” he said. “It’s not what you wanted or approved of and I didn’t need it held over my head you gave me more or paid for the career I’ve got you hated so much.”
“I guess that career paid off for me though, didn’t it?”
He wasn’t sure where any of this conversation was going. “I didn’t do anything that any other child wouldn’t do for their parent that isn’t a doctor.”
“You did and you know it. Your mother and I would like to clear your med school loans for you.”
“No,” he said.
“Justin,” his father said. “Let me do this.”
“No,” he said again. “I’ve done just fine on my own. I’m not hurting for money. You talk about pride and I’ve got it. This is something no one can take away from me or hold over my head.”
“I had that coming,” his father said. “I’d hoped that maybe that would have been an olive branch.”
“Buying me isn’t an olive branch. If you want to put the past behind us and try to mend some fences, then be man enough to say that to me.”
“Fine,” his father said. “I’d like to try to move forward if you’re willing.”
He might have felt his eyes fill up. “I’ve always been willing.”
“I know. Your mother has hammered that in my brain for years. I’m sorry it took me getting sick to see it.”
“Does it matter what it took for you to see it?”
“No,” his father said. “And just so you know, I always get my way.”
He laughed knowing his father was still talking about his loans. “I guess that’s another thing I got from you. We’ll see who comes out on top now.”
31
Her Baby Daddy
“That’s great that your father and you made up,” Taryn said the following day. She was trying to put a smile on her face even though Justin was leaving tomorrow for two weeks.
She had her doctor’s appointment earlier in the week when Justin was caring for his father and she found out that she did indeed get pregnant when the condom broke back in mid-June. She was out of the first trimester by a little over a month.
That was the good news. And everything seemed to be going well with her body and the baby, so more good news.
The bad news was she had no idea what was going on with her baby daddy.
“I’m not sure we’ve made up. It’s a start and better than I could have hoped for.”
“A start is better than an end,” she said and wished she didn’t when her voice cracked.
“Hey,” he said. “I’ll be back. Just going home for a few weeks, if that.”
Damn hormones. “Sorry. I didn’t think I’d miss having your body around for me to touch so much.” She ran her fingers up and down his thigh next to her on the couch.
“So it’s just my body you’re going to miss?” he asked. She wasn’t sure if he was serious or joking or if his tone of voice showed he was hurt. She couldn’t ever get a read on him and it was completely frustrating.
“Of course not,” she said. “Who is going to eat all the extras I bake?”
He pulled her close into his arms. “This is harder than I thought it’d be,” he said.
“Tell me about it.” She barely stopped herself from saying “no shit” knowing it’d cause him to laugh.
“Again. I’ll be back in less than two weeks. Let’s not dwell on it tonight. We should try to enjoy the time we’ve got before we make plans for the future.”
If only he knew what those plans were going to entail. But she wouldn’t do that to him. They could and would work it out, but he had to make his decisions without having a baby hanging over his head. She wasn’t sure she could handle the guilt of being just another person that got in the way of his career plans or future.
It sounded like he was just getting to a point where his father and he were going to start on a path of reconnecting and adding this to the mix wasn’t something he needed.
He should focus more on his family and making sure his father was set up for the rest of his treatments than worrying about her being upset. There was time yet for them to talk and she was going to remind herself of that when he was gone.
These two weeks would help in her mind and give her an idea of what it’d be like. Justin mentioned he wanted to do something long distance so it’s not like he was walking away from her.
Again, things weren’t ending and he seemed to understand she was slightly upset over this time apart.
“So, what did you want to do with our time then tonight?” It was only noon and he w
as going to spend the night before he went home to get on the road and make the five-hour drive back to Rochester.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I thought we could relax and maybe get some dinner. I know this sounds silly, but I used to go apple picking on Labor Day weekend.”
“I think that sounds like a great thing to do,” she said. “Too bad you won’t be here to get the rewards of those apples.”
“Bummer,” he said. “But I’ll take the memories of a good time instead.”
She got up off the couch. “Do you want a sandwich or something before we go?” She didn’t want to eat out for lunch and dinner. Now that she knew for sure she was pregnant, she had to start watching her diet more.
“That works for me. You know I’m not fussy in the least.”
He wasn’t. He was actually pretty agreeable even though he’d said he wasn’t before.
When their lunch was gone and cleaned up, they made their way to Ruff’s Orchard about an hour away. “I hope they still have their cider donuts,” she said, suddenly craving one.
“They were the best,” he said. “That and their maple syrup.”
“I’m getting that too. I’ve got all sorts of recipes running through my mind on what I can do with it.”
“Now you’re making me jealous. Maybe you should consider using me as a test subject to ship goodies.”
She knew he was joking, but it hurt just the same. “Or maybe not.”
He reached over and tapped her thigh. “Just joking. Let’s try to have some fun today.”
“You’re right. I’m not sure what has come over me.”
They picked their apples. They bought donuts and maple syrup and went back to her place. They never hung out at his, as he said he didn’t feel comfortable there. When she’d asked if he had to pack, he’d only laughed and reminded her he was returning and just had to pack some of his summer clothes and bring back some warmer weather things for Sept.
“What is the first thing you’re going to make?” he asked her. “I’m sure you’re going to be baking away tomorrow.”