The Case Manager

by Latoya Chandler

  “Since when do I need an invite to come and visit my princess?”

  He usually came out when he needed a break from his crazy life. It just didn’t appear to be a good time. It would end up being too much for Candice.

  “Dad, you know you don’t need an invite. It’s just right now really isn’t a good ti . . .” I swallowed my words because Candice was standing right in front of me.

  “Daddy,” she moaned as her body became one with the ground.

  “Is she all right?” Alonzo bolted to her aid.

  “Step back,” I ordered, positioning Candice on her back, loosening her belt and collar. “Okay, her airway is clear. If she doesn’t come to in a minute or two, we wi—”

  I was silenced as Candice’s eyes opened and she stared at the passing clouds. She sat up slowly as her consciousness slowly returned to her. She looked around as if she were unfamiliar about how she got there, and she let out a strangled cry.

  “Candice, are you all right?” I said as tears threatened to fall from my eyes.

  “Why did you have him come, Jenna? I trusted you to respect my wishes,” she spoke softly.

  “I swear to you, I had no idea he was coming over, Candice. I haven’t spoken to him or Alonzo. You have to believe me,” I pleaded.

  “Please help me up. I need to sit down before I go back to my babies. I am no good to them in this condition.”

  “Alonzo, can you help me get her back inside?”

  Lifting her off her feet, Alonzo carried her back inside. Candice put up a fuss, but Alonzo paid her no mind.

  A mixture of anger, happiness and anxiety swallowed me whole. Anger because I refused to see Dad in that light that had been shining down on him. He’d always been like a superhero to me. How could he have allowed my sister, his flesh and blood, to be sent away like that to strangers? I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Then there was the spurt of happiness: Dad would find out Candice was alive. However, my anxiety from it all outweighed everything, because from the outside looking in, it began to look as if I had set that impromptu meeting up, but I hadn’t. I had no idea Dad was coming out. I had been so consumed with Candice and everything she had going on that I hadn’t spoken to Dad in days.

  “Ca . . . Candice, is that really you?” Dad stuttered.

  “Dad, please.”

  “It’s okay, Jenna. I guess there’s no time like the present. Like you said, I was going to land on this page in my book eventually,” Candice interrupted.

  “I am so sorry, Candice. I thought you were—”

  “Dead, Dad? You thought I was dead because you allowed your wife to throw me away like trash.”

  “Candice, show respect for your mother.”

  “Respect, Dad, really? You’re going to defend the woman who made my life a living hell? The woman who told you and everyone else that I died during childbirth? Did she tell you that I was raped repeatedly in the house she sent me to? Did she tell you I now have three kids? Two are twins fathered by one of my abusers? I am sure she didn’t tell you that. I called on two occasions and she disregarded me and everything that I had to say. She said I was an embarrassment and she didn’t know how she gave birth to the likes of me. That’s the woman you want me to show respect to? Are you kidding me?”

  “I spoke to Nancy and she confirmed you passed. None of this is making sense.”

  “You were ra—”

  “Not now, Zo,” I quieted him.

  “Well, Dad, I am here, so they lied to you. As usual, you’d believe a woman instead of being a man and a father to your daughter.”

  “I am sorry, Candice. I cannot believe she did this to us. She has an urn, for God’s sake. A goddamn urn.”

  “Did this to us, Dad? The last time I checked, the only person here who suffered is me. And what do you mean you spoke to Ms. Nancy? When?”

  “Now is not the time to get into all of that. I just want to make it up to you. I’ve missed so much in your life, and I am sorry. No matter what I’ve done, I made it my business to be a dad to my girls. I stayed with Camilla because of you. When she said that you passed, I lost a part of me. I love all of my girls, and I never stopped loving you, Candice, not one bit.”

  “Now isn’t the time? Are you serious, Dad? You stood there and let her send me away. You didn’t say one word. You hurt me more than she could ever have hurt me.”

  “Nancy said she’d do right by you and love you like you were her own.”

  “Well, her love involved allowing her brothers to rape us while we were pregnant and afterward. What made you believe and take her word that she would love me as her own? And why in God’s name did you have that many conversations with her and had zero with me, Dad?”

  Listening to them had me queasy. The only thing I could do was cry. My heart was aching for Candice. I couldn’t believe she was standing there to even talk about it. She was so strong. I couldn’t even look at Alonzo anymore because he had his own waterworks going. There wasn’t a dry eye in this room.

  “I am not perfect, Candice, and I’ve made some mistakes that I am not proud of. One that I regret daily is allowing your mom to send you away. I am so sorry. My heart is shredding in pieces knowing those animals did those things to you. I am going to sue Nancy and everyone involved if I don’t kill them first.”

  “Too late. She’s already dead, and I don’t even feel bad about it.”

  “She’s dead?” His eyes widened.

  “No one told you? Since you talked to her so much, I’m surprised you weren’t included as her next of kin.”

  Dropping his head as tears rolled down his ginger-colored skin, he confessed, “I was married to Nancy when your mom found out she was pregnant with you. When her parents threw her out, I took money from Nancy to get a place for you. I did all of that for you, Candice. I may not be the best husband, but I know I am a damn good father.”

  “From what I have witnessed and experienced, you’re a horrible father and a womanizer. This is all your fault, and my family had to suffer because my dad has a flying penis. I hate you, Dad. I hate you so much. I never want to see or hear from you again. Jenna, get me out of here please!”

  “Dad, I am so disappointed in you. I think it’d be best if you leave my home. I can’t even look at you right now.”

  “We shouldn’t leave the house upset, girls. I won’t be able to live with myself if something were to happen to either of you and we didn’t fix this.”

  “Remember, I’m already dead,” Candice said scathingly.

  “And I just died, Dad. Now get out!” Jenna spat.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Open Wounds: Talking It Out

  Nakita

  Since learning I’d have to attend therapy, I had been nervous, skeptical, and downright frightened about starting. Fear of the unknown plagued my mind. I had no idea how I would be able to tell a complete stranger all of my hidden hurts, pains, and fears. I had shared the majority of everything with Ms. Nancy and that hadn’t turned out so well. She has become an addition to the hurt, pain, and fear I’d kept bottled within.

  I had no idea what the experience would be like. However, it was what the courts recommended. Therefore, I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

  “It seems like you know yourself pretty well and have thought a bunch about why you’re here and what you would like to talk about. If you don’t mind, I’m going to ask you some questions and take notes about what you say so I can keep it fresh in my memory. Please feel free to interrupt me at any time or steer the conversation to where you need it to go. In your mind, what brings you here today?”

  “Well, the court sent me here. They’re saying I killed two people, but you know that already. Am I going crazy? Do you think after all these years of running away from my past, I’ve finally lost it?”

  “Would you mind explaining to me what you mean by that, or what you feel you’re running away from?”

  “I honestly don’t know how I didn’t lose my mind a long time ag
o. I assume it’s because of the fake counseling Ms. Nancy gave us. I cannot believe she knew what they were doing to us and let them hurt us,” I broke down.

  “Take your time,” Dr. Binet comforted, passing a Kleenex to me.

  “Thank you. For as long as I can remember, I have been an outcast. I have been shipwrecked and stranded in an isolated place. My body, my frame, and my existence are here, but mentally part of me left the day Shakita passed. The rest of me died when my dad gave me to Mr. Frankie. After all that I have endured, I’ve come to the realization that this was my life and these things are what’s supposed to happen to me. I believe it is in my DNA.”

  “What are the things that happened to you that you feel were in your DNA?”

  “I was raped from the age of fourteen and was impregnated by my abuser only to have the babies beaten out of me. I am surprised I was still able to conceive. The last pregnancy, he tried to perform another one of his own abortions. Ms. Jeannette risked her life for me, and I am alive today raising a baby by the man who stole my youth. When I look at Adrianna, I see love. I never think about her being the result of rape. I’ve actually never thought about it until I just said it to you. When I was sent to Hope House, I thought things were going to get better, but they actually grew worse for me. Paul and Anthony raped us for fun.”

  “What do you recall about the day you were arrested?”

  “Ms. Jasmine came to take us to the hospital because Ms. Nancy was requesting to see all of us, Candice more so than the rest of us. That was strange now that I think about it. In any event, on our way out the door, Paul was trying to talk to Candice and I lost it.”

  “Why did that upset you?”

  “Why wouldn’t it upset me is the real question. What in the world did he have to say now after all that he has done? Like really?”

  “I am not sure, but please continue.”

  “Well, on the way to the hospital, Ms. Jasmine didn’t understand why we were upset with Paul, and she questioned our agitation. Candice gave it to her no holds barred. Hearing her talk about it made me see all the things I wouldn’t allow myself to see. For the first time in a long time, I became angry. As Ms. Nancy would say, I had been living in denial, not willing to accept the truth that was right in front of me.” Taking a deep breath, I sighed.

  According to Dr. Binet, I had been suffering from a case of post-traumatic stress disorder combined with intermittent explosive disorder. Both were curable, and with that I was prescribed medication until our next visit. The visit hadn’t been as bad as I thought it might have been. Honestly, it had felt good, almost a relief opening up.

  “How was it?” Ms. Jasmine greeted me as I entered the reception area.

  “Honestly, it felt good to talk about it. I kept everything inside and never really talked about it like that before.”

  “That’s what therapy is for. I am happy to hear that you felt comfortable enough to talk about it.”

  “I am afraid, Ms. Jasmine. I don’t like that I cannot remember what I did. Even though when I think about it, part of me is glad that I did it. I know that it is wrong, but knowing she knew angers me.”

  “Please calm down. I am no therapist, but I believe that same anger triggered you and sent you off the deep end.”

  “You’re right. Dr. Binet gave me a prescription that I must get filled to help me with my anger. I am afraid of losing it on everyone. That’s probably why she prescribed me the crazy pills.”

  “Don’t talk like that, Nakita. You’re not crazy. You’ve endured so much and you’re standing here in your right mind, being the best mother you can be to Adrianna. We all have limits. There’s only so much a person can take. Now let’s get that prescription filled and get you back to Princess Adrianna.”

  “Thank you, Ms. Jasmine.”

  “You’re welcome, baby.”

  “Do you know if Candice came back yet?”

  “Not yet. Jenna called right before you came out and said she’d be a little late and not to worry.”

  “She needed to get out. I am happy she ran into Jenna. I just hope she doesn’t forget about us.”

  “You know good and well Candice wouldn’t do anything of the sort. Especially when it comes to you two. I don’t care who she reconnects with. The bond she has with you is unbreakable.”

  “Yeah, you have a point. We have become inseparable over the years. Actually, ever since the first day I met her. It just feels a little weird that she has a blood sister now and not someone like me.”

  “Someone like you? Blood doesn’t make you family.”

  “I’ve learned that the hard way. That’s for sure. I just want to go hug and kiss on Adrianna and see Candice, Amiya, and the twins. I miss her. I hope she’s isn’t still upset.”

  “She’ll probably be there by the time we get there. You know she cannot be away from those babies too long. I pray she isn’t upset. Do you want to tell her how the news reporters found out, or do you want me to do it?”

  “The both of us can do it together. If not, I’ll do it since this is my fault.”

  “Don’t blame yourself, Nakita. It’s not your fault.”

  “I wish that were true.”

  I didn’t want Candice to be upset with me. My attorney said it would work in my favor if he leaked the rapes. He said they wouldn’t mention any of our names, so I agreed to it. I needed to give him a call, because our names were indeed mentioned and it had brought a new layer of shame to the house.

  Chapter Thirty

  Consequences: The Karma Effect

  Paul

  Everything we do has a rippling effect in the world around us. The actions and behaviors we exhibit have long-reaching consequences. I had recently learned that when the conditions were right for something to happen, it would happen. When I first got to prison, I was scared to death that I would never make it out alive. I had arrested some of the prisoners. My attorney said I’d be put in protective custody. However, I had been in general population upon my arrival. Anthony had always been my protector and always made sure I was safe. I was there all alone. The first two days in prison went better than I expected. Then at the beginning of my third day, while in the day room, a breaking news report came on, digging the nail in deeper.

  “This is Tom Schillenger live with Fox 61 News at 5 reporting breaking news. We’re here live at the scene in front of Hope House. A disturbing story: Officer Paul Palmer-McGivney is in police custody after pleading guilty for forcing sex on the teen moms who resided here at Hope House. He is now awaiting trial at Bridgeport Correctional Center. We’ll have more on this tragic story as it unfolds. Tune in tonight at six for more coverage.”

  “I thought your face looked familiar, newbie. Mr. Police Officer, you’ve been a bad boy?” An oversized, pale-faced guy frightened me.

  “I—”

  “So you get off on little girls?”

  Feeling cornered and trapped, I rose to my feet and backed my way out of the room.

  “Where ya going, Mr. Officer, sir?” he dug.

  Making my way out of the day room, I proceeded to the bathroom to clear my head. It was all having a domino effect and I was left alone to pick up all the pieces when it was all said and done. The guards had begun taunting me on the ride over. They said I hadn’t been a police officer and that I would learn just who I was before it was all said and done.

  “So, Mr. Officer, you get off on innocent little girls? A little bird told me ya got caught with your pants down. Well, guess what’s about to take place? You’re about to get caught again! Assume the position.” The oversized guy struck me.

  I could feel the sensation of my heart palpitating, forcing blood directly to my temples as I knelt before a four-man army, paralyzed. “Please, it wasn’t me. It was my brother.”

  “Well, he isn’t here. You are and you’re the one with the problem.”

  I started to scream, and one of the guys put a knife to my throat and threatened, “Scream and we will kill you.”
<
br />   I knew I must do what they told me, or I would be stabbed to death. Sweat poured down my body as I stayed still as possible.

  After I did what I was commanded to do, one of them got behind me and rammed his penis in my butt. When I tried to yell, the oversized guy stuffed his penis in my mouth. Somewhere in the middle of everything, I must have blacked out, because when I came to, I was lying exposed on the floor with white stuff all over my face and butt.

  One of the guards found me, and out of fear, I said I didn’t see or know what happened. I had since been placed in protective segregated custody after being discharged from the infirmary. Protective custody had me in a separate cell block from the other inmates where I could associate with other protectees. It just couldn’t protect me from the guards. They’d taken part in their own form of punishment on me. I hadn’t slept since I’d been there. It was impossible between the beating and the rapes they inflicted upon me.

  My thoughts had also been consumed with Anthony and Nancy. I knew she was ill, but it just broke my heart that she was literally beaten to death.

  I was not blaming anyone for my actions. I knew the part that I’d played in everything, which was why I confessed to those detectives. It was too bad that I was alive, and Anthony and Nancy were not. I didn’t deserve to live. I’d contemplated taking my life, but that would be the easy way out. Whatever was to become of me, when it was all said and done, I deserved it. Not until I confessed the things I’d done did it dawn on me that I was a horrible, cruel person.

  I prayed that God sent the glorious Archangel Saint Michael to protect my sons. Anthony said they weren’t mine. I knew he was just being mean. He didn’t want me to get attached, but it was too late. What father didn’t instantly love his children? Since I was there, I was going to write a letter to Candice and send it to Hope House. Hopefully, she would forgive me and bring the boys up there to see me.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  My Life: The Weight of the World