Swimming Naked

by Laura Branchflower

  After a few minutes of pondering, she sent Phil a text. Everything okay?

  It took him five minutes to reply. Yes. Under control. I’ll see you tonight.

  Deciding to take him at his word, she pushed Liam and Phil out of her mind for the remainder of her workday, concentrating instead on a new bathroom design. When she arrived home at five, she was surprised to find Phil’s car missing from the garage.

  “Where’s Dad?” she asked Katie, who was lying on the couch in the family room reading.

  “I don’t know,” Katie answered, not looking up from her book. “I’m not his babysitter.”

  Lina took her cell phone from her purse and called him as she walked back into the kitchen. “Where are you?”

  “Just leaving the office.”

  “Where’s Liam?”

  “With me.”

  “You took him in with you?”

  “I didn’t have much of a choice, Lina. I’ll see you soon.”

  “Mom?” Logan had come up beside her.

  “Hi.” She ran her hand down his arm. “How was your day?”

  His hands were pushed deep into his pants pockets, and he was looking down at his feet. “I wanted to tell her what a bad person she is.”

  He was talking about Kim. She cupped the side of his cheek, lifting his chin up so she could see his eyes. “I prefer that you just ignore her.”

  “I’d thought about it for a while. What I’d say if I ever saw her. But then my mind just went blank.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t want you talking to her.”

  “You’re ten times prettier than she is.”

  “Thank you.” She brushed her lips over his cheek. “I love you.”

  It wasn’t until they were in bed and lying in the dark that Lina brought up the morning’s events to Phil. “That wasn’t fair. You expected me to drop everything this morning. I may not make as much money as you, but I have responsibilities. I have people counting on me, people who think what I’m doing is important even if you don’t.” She’d been thinking about it all day, vacillating between guilt for leaving him and anger that he’d expected her to stay home. At the moment she was feeling anger.

  “I didn’t say it wasn’t important.”

  “Yes, you did. You said your meeting was more important.”

  “My job is what supports us,” he said after a few seconds. “We couldn’t live on your pay alone.”

  “This isn’t about money. My career is important to me. I was a stay-at-home mother for more than eighteen years. I’m not doing it again.” She rolled away from him.

  “I’m not asking you to.” He molded his body into the back of hers. “Don’t be mad. Today was an extraordinary situation. There was no warning. I was scrambling.”

  “No, you weren’t. You were trying to get me to scramble—to change my schedule. You made me feel guilty, and I didn’t like it. It ruined my day.”

  “I’m sorry. The last two times you managed to handle it, so I just—I just assumed you could again.” He brushed his lips over her shoulder. “I wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty.”

  “I love Liam. I do. But I don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom again. I like working. It’s important to me.”

  “I understand.” He wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry I made you feel bad. It wasn’t my intention. In the future I’ll just ask and not make any assumptions, okay? I know he isn’t your responsibility.”

  Her anger diffused in response to his words. “It’s not about that. I love him, and when I’m available I like to spend time with him. It’s just today wasn’t a good day.”

  “I know, baby. I’m sorry I made you feel bad.”

  Chapter Thirty-six

  When Phil arrived home the following evening, a young girl was sitting with Logan at the kitchen table. His gaze shifted from them to Lina, who had turned from the stove at the sound of his entrance.

  “Was traffic bad?” Lina asked, joining him. “I expected you half an hour ago.”

  “I was held up.” He met her lips for a soft kiss.

  “We have a dinner guest.” She took his hand and led him toward the table, introducing him to Logan’s girlfriend.

  “You look like Logan,” Tiffany said. “I mean he looks like you,” she corrected, smiling.

  Phil exchanged a few pleasantries with the girl who had clearly captured his son’s heart. Logan hadn’t looked away from her once since Phil entered the kitchen, staring at her with a doe-eyed expression.

  She was poised and confident as she responded to Phil’s questions, telling him about her family and her college plans. She was the oldest of three children, and she hoped to attend Penn in the fall.

  “I’d like to be a pediatric surgeon one day,” she said. “That’s my goal. I love children and I want to be a surgeon, so it fits.” She smiled.

  “I love her,” Lina whispered to Phil as she followed him out of the kitchen. “She seemed so different last time we met after, after…” She trailed off.

  “The circumstances were a little different,” Phil said. “I’m sure she was uncomfortable.” He continued up the stairs with Lina on his heels.

  “She doesn’t seem like the type of girl who would have sex at her boyfriend’s house,” she said when they were in the privacy of their bedroom.

  “And how does a girl look who has sex at her boyfriend’s house?” Phil took her hand, tugging her toward him.

  “I don’t know. Less wholesome.”

  “You had sex with me at my parents’ house.”

  “I know, but that was different.”

  “How was it different?” he asked against her lips.

  “It was us.”

  As soon as Phil took out Liam’s jacket Sunday evening and tried to take him from Katie, who was helping him build a tower of blocks, Liam began to cry. It was the third time over the course of the weekend Phil had attempted to take Liam out. He’d taken him to visit Mike and Jeanie Saturday afternoon and then to a local Italian restaurant with Lina the same evening. Both times Liam had been happy to go. Late Sunday was a different story. He seemed to have an uncanny ability to know if the outing Phil planned was to take him home. It had become a recurring scenario on Tuesday and Thursday nights as well. Lina said it was because he was tired, but Phil knew otherwise. Liam wanted to stay with them.

  Liam cried the entire drive to Kim’s, not falling asleep as was normally his habit. Phil’s nerves were shot by the time he reached Kim’s front porch. He felt a mixture of guilt for upsetting Liam and anger at Kim for being such an awful mother that her son didn’t want to go home to her.

  When Kim opened the door, Liam fisted Phil’s shirt, shouting, “No, Mommy,” as he buried his face against his father’s neck and continued to sob.

  “Why didn’t you drive him around until he was asleep?” Kim asked.

  “I don’t know. Maybe I thought his mother would want to visit with him since she hasn’t seen him in three days,” Phil bit out. “Come on, buddy,” he said in a much gentler tone as he peeled Liam from his chest. “It’s okay.”

  “Your house is more fun because of your kids,” Kim said. “I can’t entertain him like that.”

  “Take. Him,” Phil ordered. He pushed Liam into her arms.

  “Daddy!” Liam cried, reaching for him, tears streaming from his eyes.

  “I’ll see you Tuesday.” He turned away from them, guilt rocketing through him as the sound of Liam’s cries followed him to the car.

  ***

  Two weeks later, Lina was surprised when Logan asked if it was okay if Tiffany came for dinner on a Thursday. “She’s going on a college visit, so I won’t be able to see her this weekend. Please?”

  “She’s welcome here, honey. I just wasn’t sure if you remembered that Liam was coming over.” She could tell by the clench of his jaw that he hadn’t.

  “I already invited her,” he said.

  “Does she know ab
out him?”

  He nodded. “Can you call Dad and ask him to take him to a restaurant or something?”

  “Logan. No. I’m not going to do that to your father or to Liam. He likes coming here.”

  “It’s a Liam night,” Katie announced, coming into the kitchen. “Look what I bought him.” She held up a book of poems by Rumi.

  “Don’t you think he’s a little young for that?”

  “No.” Katie frowned. “His brain will absorb it. It’s better than all those silly books you and Dad fill his head with.”

  “We’ll eat upstairs,” Logan mumbled.

  “Where’s Liam?” Lina asked when Katie came into the kitchen alone. She’d taken Liam out of Phil’s arms as soon as they’d arrived home thirty minutes earlier, whisking him away to the family room to read to him from the Rumi book.

  “I thought he came in here to show you the book.”

  “He probably followed your father upstairs. I’ll check.”

  She was climbing the stairs when she heard Logan’s raised voice. “Go away!”

  “Logan!” Tiffany scolded. “What is wrong with you? You hurt his feelings.”

  “I want him to go away.”

  Lina’s heart dropped when she heard Liam begin to cry. She continued up the stairs.

  “It’s okay,” Tiffany said in a soothing voice. “Come here. He’s like a miniature you. How can you be mean to him? He’s a baby.”

  “I don’t want him here,” Logan said.

  “He’s trying to give you his book. Take it. Logan, take it.”

  Lina gripped the banister, continuing to listen, unobserved, to the conversation unfolding in the upstairs den.

  “Now what am I supposed to do?” Logan asked.

  “Read it to him.”

  “I’m not going to read it to him. It’s a stupid book of poetry.”

  “He’s watching you. He has your nose and lips. He’s so cute.”

  Lina touched her finger to her lips when Phil approached from their bedroom, nodding toward the den. “Logan is with Liam,” she whispered.

  Phil’s eyes narrowed, his attention immediately shifting in the direction of the den.

  “Ball,” Liam said.

  “Yes, that’s a ball,” Tiffany said. “He’s trying to give you the ball, Logan.”

  “Ball!” Liam yelled excitedly.

  “Now he wants you to give it back to him,” Tiffany said. “He’s trying to bond with you.”

  “I don’t want to bond with him,” Logan said stubbornly.

  “Just give him the ball back.” Tiffany laughed. “Now take it again.”

  “This is stupid,” Logan said. “How long do I have to do this?”

  “As long as he wants,” Tiffany said.

  Lina squeezed Phil’s arm. Tears sprang to her eyes.

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  A couple of Saturdays later, Lina was finishing putting the last of the breakfast dishes into the dishwasher when Logan appeared with Liam perched on his hip. Lina’s eyes widened.

  “Would you take him? He won’t stop getting in front of the television.”

  “Lo Lo,” Liam said, patting Logan’s arm.

  “And saying that,” Logan continued, clearly annoyed. “Katie is supposed to be watching him, but every time I put him in her room he comes right back out and blocks the television. He’s ruining the game.” After pulling his history grade up, Logan had earned back his gaming system and had been playing nonstop with Brian, who had spent the night.

  “I’ll take him. Come here.” She held her hands out to Liam.

  “No!” Liam tucked his face into Logan’s neck.

  “What’s going…” Phil trailed off as he came into the room.

  “Lo Lo,” Liam said, patting Logan’s face.

  “Yes, that’s Logan,” Phil said.

  “He won’t let me put his down,” Logan complained.

  Lina fought hard to keep from smiling as she watched Logan try unsuccessfully to dislodge Liam from his side. “I’ll get him a cookie,” she said, crossing to the pantry.

  As soon as he saw the cookie, Liam stopped fighting, and Logan lowered him to the floor. “Stay down here and eat cookies,” Logan told him before leaving the room.

  “Lo Lo,” Liam said as soon as Lina handed him a cookie.

  “No. Logan’s busy.” She lifted him up. “Maybe Daddy will take a walk with us. It’s a beautiful day.” She kissed the side of his cheek.

  “He was holding him,” Phil said, a look of disbelief in his eyes.

  “I know.” Lina smiled. “It’s a beautiful day.”

  ***

  Three days later Phil had just returned to his office after a lunch meeting when Anne came in and set a letter on his desk. “It says ‘personal’ across the top, so I didn’t open it. It was couriered over this morning.”

  “Thank you.” He absently opened the envelope as he read through an e-mail, pulling out a single sheet of paper. He pulled his gaze from the computer screen and looked down at the letter, frowning when he saw Kim’s name and address across the top. The subject line read, “Intent to move out of state.”

  Phil had no memory of the drive to the law offices of Hendrix, Wolff, and Pearson. When he stepped off the elevator and into the lush lobby, he almost collided with Tom Hendrix.

  “Phil, what—”

  “Is Kim in?” he interrupted.

  “I don’t know—”

  Phil brushed past him. “Is Kim Ryan in?” he asked the receptionist.

  “Yes, but—”

  Phil continued past her desk, not hearing anything else she said as his long strides carried him toward Kim’s office. When he reached her closed office door, he rapped on it twice before pushing it open.

  Kim, who was sitting at a round table in the corner of her office with a man and another woman, came to her feet. “Phil?”

  “Would you excuse us?” he asked the other two, not taking his eyes from Kim.

  “I’m in the middle of a meeting,” Kim said.

  “We’ll just wait outside,” the woman said before hurriedly following the man from the office.

  “You need to reread our custody agreement,” he said, his voice level. “You can’t move to New York. I’ve already called my attorney. We’re filing an objection in the morning.”

  “Good. Now, if that’s all, I’d like to get back to my meeting. I’m trying to wrap everything up. I’m moving in two weeks.”

  “You aren’t taking my son out of the state.”

  “I’m done living in suburbia. You can’t dictate where I live.”

  “The fuck I can’t. We have a legally binding agreement that states you can’t take him more than fifty miles from me.”

  “That agreement is going to change because I’m moving to New York.”

  “You’re not. I won’t allow it.”

  “What are you going to do?” She smiled smugly. “Sue me for custody? We both know you don’t want him.”

  When Phil left Kim’s office, he found himself driving the familiar route to his church. The subtle smell of candle wafted in the air when he opened the doors a short time later. He made his way to the wrought iron votive stand in the back corner, lowered himself to his knees, and lit a candle.

  He prayed for Liam. He prayed for his family. He prayed for strength. Minutes passed.

  When he was finished and coming to his feet, the door opened and Father Mathew entered. “Phil.”

  “Good evening, father.”

  “I didn’t expect to find anyone here tonight,” the older priest said.

  “I didn’t expect to be here.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “No.”

  Father Mathew lowered himself down onto a pew, leaving space for Phil to sit beside him. “What are you struggling with?”

  “You know I have a son that isn’t Lina’s?”

  “I do.”

 
“His mother plans to move to New York with him. I’ve been trying to convince myself that it will be okay, that a baby is better off with their mother but I know that isn’t true, not in this case.”

  “Is she abusing him in some way?”

  “No, not physically. But she doesn’t spend enough time with him. He isn’t her priority. I know he’s happier with me. I see it in his eyes when I pick him up or drop him off. He wants to be with me. I’m afraid she isn’t capable of nurturing him. She’s too selfish.” Phil clasped his hands together in his lap. “But I can’t take him. I know he’s an innocent baby and I’m the reason he’s here but I can’t be a full-time father to him. I can’t do that to Lina.”

  “Have you spoken to Lina?”

  “I won’t ask her to raise him. She has already sacrificed enough for me. And I can’t leave her and my other children – I won’t leave them. I was lost without her. There’s no solution.”

  “There’s always a solution. God doesn’t present us situations we can’t handle. You need to control what you can control and leave the rest in God’s hands. Be the best father you can be to Liam. That’s all God expects of you. That’s all you should expect from yourself.”

  ***

  Lina was in the produce section of the grocery store when she had an overwhelming feeling that Phil needed her. There was no cell service in the store so she abandoned her cart and went outside to call him. There was no answer on his cell or office phone.

  Her anxiety went up a level when she arrived home and Phil’s car wasn’t in the garage. He should have picked up Liam more than an hour earlier.

  “Have you heard from Dad?” she asked Katie who was in the family room watching television.