The Switchblade Mamma

by Lindsey Schussman

  20.

  The snow still blanketed the ground. It expelled a gleaming whiteness that battled against the dark clouded contrast of the sky. The snow covered everything. Footprints in the snow were apparent here and there. Some new and freshly molded and some old, lightly covered in fresh new powder.

  As I took my first two steps outside in the fresh white powder, I pulled my jacket close as I shuddered against the cold. It was, as you call it, a light dusting. Tiny snowflakes, drifting about, created a cold but serene backdrop to the world of icicles. As I took a deep breath, I could feel the cool brisk air as it poked and nestled itself inside me. I exhaled slowly, releasing my stress and cooped up insanity.

  Following Clive, I stomped through the snow, from the kitchen to the barn. As Clive slid open the barn doors, I smiled as I saw my horse friends. Sebastian, Stalin, Nellie and Harley were all nestled in their stalls. I could feel the warmth of the barn. As I walked in, I peeled off my leather jacket. I walked up to my friends and greeted them individually, nestling each of their noses upon my four head and giving Nellie a kiss on her nose.

  As I left the last stall, my gaze drifted into the lone wooden flap that was planted on the barn floor. I felt coldness from the site of it. The warmth from the horses had left me. I swallowed hard as I walked closer to the flap. I recalled my first night, frightened, lonely, beaten and chained. My breathing became heavier and my eyes became narrow. My right hand slowly clenched into a fist. The desperation, the loneliness. All emotions sent a wave of hate up my spine. Fist clenched, eyes glaring, I slowly turned to Clive and set my evil radar upon him.

  Clive was bent over some cabinets that he was building. With my fist still clenched, I slowly walked up to him. Clive lifted up quickly and looked at me, smiling.

  "Dis is what I've been working on." He said smiling, happy with his work.

  My anger and hate seemed to melt away. My fist disappeared. Clive, with his statement seemed almost childlike. I took a deep breath and expelled the rest of my hate. I took my hand and rubbed it hard over my four head, running it through my hair and grasping bits and pieces of its puffiness. As I released the rest of my hate, I listened and watched as Clive taught me a new trade.

  Carpentry seem to be a new endeavor for me. It included precise mathematical calculations, extreme patience and a sincere passion. For me, someone who had the attention span of five-year-old, the craft, posed somewhat of a challenge. I watched, listened and tried to soak up as much as possible. The man, definitely knew his shit. He took time with what he did, and he put pride into it.

  Measurements, mathematical calculations, clean cuts, everything. Days past, and I worked with Clive. Once again, every morning I was up at the butt crack of dawn with Clive, learning a new trade.

  I knew he was getting frustrated with me. But something that he should understand, was that carpentry did not run from my pours.

  It took a while, but everything finally seem to click. I was learning my new craft well, and was happy about doing it.

  There was so much to learn in so little time. As soon as I became good with Clive, I was passed on to Barrett. His specialty was electrical. His specialty was everything. I was pleased by the fact that I was being taught something new, therefore, I was all ears. I cherished the thought that Paige and I could become a team. I continued to listen, and I continued to learn. Both Clive and Barrett had much to teach.

  As time progressed and I learned, I became a new person. I was no longer the killing machine, known as the Switchblade Mama, but rather a sponge. As each and every day past, I learned a new trade. My thoughts were focused. My nights were sleepless only because I waited for the new day to be taught something new.

  The snow began to melt. The days became longer. The snow drooped and fell from the Pines. The breezes were still cold, but not too cold. The sun began to rise earlier, killing off the winter wonderland.

  I strung the brown belt through the loops of my pants. I tucked the red and black flannel into them. I smiled and looked into the mirror as Paige fiddled with my freshly cut hair. "Who am I again?" I asked.

  Behind me, she placed both hands on the side of my head. She placed her chin on the left side of my shoulder. "You are, Benjamin Fray. You got that?" She asked.

  I smiled and nodded. I gave her a salute and said, "yes ma'am."

  It was my first day on the job. A real job. I was so happy at the thought of putting my new found skills to the test. I was of course, dressed up like a boy. I was given a wallet, filled with cash, and an I.D. I was now, the one and only, Benjamin Fray.

  I laughed as I pulled the fake ID out of the wallet. I examined it, top to bottom. "Damn, Paige. This shit looks truly legit."

  She took a few steps to look at me as a whole. She had to make sure that I would pass as a boy, or young man. "Well, you do know there are some serious bucks backing that ID.

  "Seriously?"

  "Duh.." She walked up to me and gave me a slight slam upon my four head with her Palm. "Look at the guy that is backing this project. He poops $100 bills in the morning. If Paul Bishop wants to create someone, he can create someone."

  "He can also kill someone." I added.

  Paige walked up to me again and straightened the lapels on my flannel. Hesitantly and sadly she said, "and I have no doubt in my mind that Paul Bishop has killed and/or murdered countless people." She grabbed my lapels and pulled me close to her face. "And don't you dare pick a fight with that man." She turned and started for the door. She placed her hand over the knob and began to turn it. Without looking at me, she spoke. "I'm glad that you and my father are finally getting along. Maybe? Maybe things could be different, maybe?"

  I didn't want to be an ass, but I had a stop her right there. I knew exactly where she was going and I knew it would never work. I knew Paige wanted someone normal to be with. And I figured after all of this, her feelings had become even stronger. Mine were just as strong. It couldn't happen, it wouldn't happen. No matter what, I knew my place was not here. I couldn't live in captivity for the rest of my life. I had, I needed my freedom. I wanted to wake up in the morning and watch the news. I wanted to drive around town, do my own shopping. Have a job, work for retirement. I wanted vacations. I needed a bar and karaoke to sing. I needed friends to laugh with. So I cut her off before she could finish her sentence. "Paige, I?"

  She cut me off before I could get it out. "Clive will be down in a minute to pick you up. Do your best, do not speak unless spoken to. There will be other people there, primarily the house owners. I believe you and Clive will be remodeling some cabinets in the kitchen. For the love of God Lill, please behave."

  "I thought you and I were going to work together?"

  "We will Lill, we will. Give it time." Hand still on the doorknob, she pointed at me with her other arm. "You get good at your new trade and make yourself useful."

  It was a strange question to ask, but it was on my mind. I stopped Paige once more as she nearly disappeared out the door. "With all that money I just won, why work?"

  Page stopped and smiled. "Well for one, it costs money to run this place. Second, my father is not the kind of person to sit around. Even though he is well-funded, he prefers to keep busy, every day. Now get ready, I'm sending Clive down."

  I was the kind of person that had to keep busy as well. My mind would always wonder. Not so much on the positive parts of life, but more of the negative. I assumed the same was for Barrett. He seemed to be a big man with many demons in his closet. A big man that needed to keep busy in order to keep all those dying girls faces out of his head. Barrett must've had so much bloodshed upon his hands. It was crazy to think how someone could so deeply get themselves into doo doo, that they had commit such heinous acts upon innocent souls. I found myself many times at night, wondering who it was that sold me out. Who was the person that gave up my life into this world of deadly servitude? It wasn't my plan, but the more I obeyed and succeeded, the more trustworthy I became. I knew the time wasn't ri
ght, but I waited patiently. It was the off-season and I had no more fights and no more training for now. I would learn a new trade. Perhaps when I fought my way out of this place, I would use it in the free world as I started my life over, hopefully. The greatest task of all would be trying to stay alive to get to that point.