by Perry Matlin
My house falls out of view behind me, as we slowly drive away from everything. I'm leaving my town for the entire summer because I'm going to my dad's house for vacation. I roll my eyes again, when I picture my mom on the couch, like she has been, for nearly a month. Personally, I've loved the last month, at least when I'm at home. My mom got left by her stupid, abusive husband because he decided he'd rather have a crack whore for a girlfriend. I personally commend him on his life choices. He's finally with the trash that he belongs with, and he can leave my family alone, forever hopefully.
Mom hasn't taken it very well. She won't go in her room, she sits on her couch, in the living room, and cries, and chain smokes her cigarettes. My Nana came to stay with us, for a little while but she had to go back home, which sucks because I may be fourteen, but that doesn't mean I want to fully take care of myself. I've been going through some stuff too, but that doesn't make it okay for me to go in my room, eat thirty tacos, and cry for the entire day does it? I'm glad I'm getting away from here actually. I'm a bit peeved that my older sister gets to go to Kansas to see my mom's side of the family, and I don't. I mean I barely remember them because I was two the last time, I saw them.
I look down at my phone one more time, to see if Max has tried to get ahold of me yet. Max is my boyfriend, and even though we've kept it very low-key thus far, I'm hoping that since he is in South Carolina, I can finally stop hiding who I am. I mean he can't actually stop me from four states, away can he? Dejected at the absence of notifications, I throw my phone to the side. It'll just be my dad, his wife, and I this summer because my little sister is away at summer camp. I lay my head back, and close my eyes, trying to push away all the bad stuff that's happened to me recently. It all seems to build up.
I went through some major reinventing of myself this year, and I lost a lot of friends because of it. I never regretted it because I had my boyfriend, and my new best friends, but now all I have is a long-distance relationship, and no friends to speak of. Today was the last day of being home, and my best friend Coral and I still aren’t speaking from our really big fight. She's one of the best friends I've ever had, but she's so negative all the time, and she's so controlling. Then because she hates me, my other friends Aimee, and Kassie decided to hate me as well. Tears begin to fill my eyes, but I blink them out of existence, just as we pull into my dad's work partner's house. He silently gets out of the front seat, so I crawl over the console to sit next to my dad.
I love my dad, and I'm very happy with the time that I get to spend with him, and his wife. I settle into the new seat and try to tune out my dad's rock music because it still irks me that he stopped listening to country, which is my favorite genre. We ride through the miles, and miles of farms as the sky grows darker, and darker. I look at my phone anxiously because Max is supposed to call me at eight sharp, and it's currently eight-fifteen. Rolling my eyes disappointedly, I realize that he's not going to call. I sigh annoyed at his flakiness, but that was a mistake because when you're a closeted guy in the south the last thing you want is your extremely conservative parents asking questions about your relationships.
My dad notices my attitude, turning to face me with his burning blue eyes. He’s taller than me, so I look up into his tanned face. His dark brown hair the same shade as mine, but longer.
"Girl trouble?" he asks, from the driver's seat, and I mouth a word that isn't too polite. This cannot be happening right now.
"Sort of, I guess" I say, trying to make it sound as unappealing as possible, so he'll give up on the subject. Just, as he begins to pursue the subject, we come up on the drive-through we opted to eat at, before we left my house. I leap at the opportunity.
"What do you want?" I say quickly, trying to breach any other subject, so he can forget about this one. He seems to take the bait because he begins to look the menu up and down, and I sigh in relief. That was a close one because I'm a terrible liar.
After we decide on our food, and wait in line to get it, we pull out of the drive-through, and around to the parking lot, where he parks his car, and pushes his seat back to give him more leg room. We always go through the drive-through instead of eating inside but end up eating in the parking lot anyway. I gratefully scarf down the food, and we don't say a word, for the entire twenty minutes we're sitting there. After we finish eating, he starts the car again, and we pull back onto the highway. After only a few minutes, the city is behind us, and the surrounding farm lands are blanketed in darkness around me. I roll my window down and stick my hand out to surf upon the wind. He lives two hours away from me, so the ride is long and boring.
We finally make it to my dad's house, and I jump from the car, extremely tired of being in the truck. Just as I'm reaching back into my seat, my phone lights up with a text, so I snatch it up nervously. It's from Max. I click on the message and wait for it to open.
"Sorry, can't call tonight ttyl" is all it says. Tears fill my eyes, as I shove my phone into my pocket, grabbing my bags, and heading inside, I try to fight back the tears of anger and rejection. I've been looking forward to that call all damn day, and he just cancels like an hour after he was supposed to call. I walk into the house, and the cool air pelts on my irritated shoulders, and I relax for a moment.
Cosmo, my dad’s dog runs up to me, and I bend down to plant kisses on his snout. He is a full-blooded Dalmatian, with the cutest pattern of spots. We’ve had him for six years now. I love my dad's dog, and everything about his house actually. I walk down the hall and open my bedroom door. I know it's only been two weeks since I've been here, but it's the first time I've been here by myself. I toss both of my bags onto the bed and collapse backward onto the pillow. I hear my dad turn the TV on, but I can't bring myself to get up and join him. I'm so exhausted from the emotional stress I've been experiencing. Max moving away, mom having a meltdown, and my friends deciding to hate me have really drained me.
I lift my phone out of my pocket, and lift it up, so I can look at it. I open up my texts, and begin to read through the conversations, from a time not long ago, but so far away. A time when I was happy, and I had Max right beside me, and I had Coral there to talk to on the phone for hours on end. It feels weird to be isolated from the rest of the world, and to not have anyone there to talk to. Isolation may not be that bad, if you think about it because I don't have to worry about what anyone thinks of what I'm doing. The only person I'm going to talk to this summer is Max, and that's if he ever calls me. At that moment, I fall asleep, and everything, the hopes, the worries, and the regrets disappear. I'm home with my dad, and I'm loved. That's all I know.
Chapter 5
Devastation
My gentle sleep is interrupted by the vibrating of my phone. I roll over onto my side and scoop it into my hand. Looking down at the screen, I see that Max is finally calling me. It's been three days, since I came to my dad's house. My time has consisted of lying on my bed sadly, while waiting for that phone to ring. I've been so anxious to hear from him, and finally; he decides to grace me with his presence.
"Hello?" I say sleepily into the phone, trying not to sound pathetic by just waiting here by the phone like an idiot. A clingy idiot, who misses his boyfriend.
"Luke, I need to talk to you" he says simply, and I feel what must be a brick drop into my stomach with an ominous weight.
"What's wrong Max?" I ask him, and he doesn't say anything. I'm just about to ask again, when he pipes up, and tells me exactly what he needs to say.
"Look, I'm not sure that we should like see each other anymore" he says the words, but for some reason, they don't sink in right away. I sit there, on the edge of my bed, just looking at my slowly bouncing feet, as I run through the words in my head. He doesn't want to see me anymore. What does that even mean?
"Why? Where is this coming from? I'm so confused" I stumble through the words, and I can hear how mechanic they sound. I can hear the grating of each syllable. This is coming out of nowhere.
"I'm just not sure that we can make this long-distance t
hing work, you know? I really don't know what else to say. I guess what I'm saying is that I met someone, and they're right here" he explains, and I feel the first tear fall down the side of my hand.
"Well, I'm gonna go. Take care Luke" the phone hangs up at that moment. I’m stunned into silence for a moment.
I pull the phone away from my ear and look down at the screen. The time of the call is blinking, and through the blinking, I see that it only took him thirty-seven seconds to end things with me. I toss my phone across the bed in disgust, and slump onto the pillows. My body is shaking, and I know that I'm going to wake my dad up in the next room, if I don't quiet down. I lift my head up and attempt to soothe myself with calming breaths. After a minute of deep breaths, I feel the anger starting to set in. How could someone go around, making such a big deal about making long distance work, and then break up with someone over the phone, in under a minute? I lean across the bed and pick my phone back up. Maybe, if I just talk to him, then we could work it out. I have to try to save us, don't I? He's the first guy I've ever dated.
I quickly type his number in, and let it ring. I'm just about to give up, and go to sleep, when he picks up. I'm just about to start talking, when someone talks first.
"Hello?" she says. I pull the phone away from my ear again, to make sure I called the right number. It's definitely right.
"Is Max there?" I ask, and she laughs softly. I can feel some negative energy coming from her.
"Listen sweetheart. I get that you’re obsessed with him, or whatever, but you need to leave my boyfriend alone" the words only accomplish one thing. I'm now royally pissed off.
"Listen, honey" I say, in my most unapologetic voice. "Three minutes ago, he was my boyfriend. I'm not exactly sure what he told you, but I just got broken up with out of nowhere over the phone, within thirty-seven freaking seconds. I think I'm allowed to call back for an explanation" I practically hiss it into the phone.
She pauses for a moment. I can almost hear the animosity through the phone. I can feel her attitude as if it’s potent airborne disease.
"He was honest with you, and now you need to stop calling him, or he's going to file charges for harassment." She warns me, and at this point, I'm shaking with anger.
"I've called him, literally once. How is that in any freaking way; considered harassment?" I demand. She just sighs impatiently.
"Here, I'll do you a favor. Watch your back because he will stab you in it out of nowhere. Four days ago, he was talking about our future. He ignores me for a couple days, and then calls me to break up with me. Award winning guy! What a freaking catch" I say into the phone; my tears are rolling endlessly down my cheek.
She hangs up the phone, and I'm left to cry alone in my room. The darkness is all around me, like a blanket; but I've never been so cold in my life. The devastation is so true, so real; it's like I can't get away from it. Shoving my face into the pillow, I scream into it, letting all of my anger out. I cannot believe that he would do something so cruel, so unlike who I thought he was. I turn my head to stare out the window of my room. It's so fitting that the rain is pouring down outside. It's so fitting that everything will be grey in the morning. I continue to cry in the dead of night, as I drift back to sleep. The last thing on my mind is the horrible ordeal that I just had to go through because of Max. He was the one that I thought would always be there for me, no matter what. I thought he was supposed to love me. How could someone do something like that to someone they love?
I stare dully out of the window, as we zoom back through the endless dirt roads, and make our way back to my house. I'm trying to hold the tears in because I'm stuck with my dad for the day, so I can't just start crying for no reason. I look down at my phone, and once again I have the urge to throw it through the windshield. I vaguely realize that we've arrived at my house, when my dad waves a hand in front of my face. I look around, startled by the movement.
"What's wrong with you Lucas?" he demands, and I just shrug it off, before jumping out of the truck. Digging my key out of my pocket, I race to the door. My dad is right behind me, as I let us into the completely silent house. It's kind of eerie to stand here in the usually loud house and be surrounded by nothing more than your own peaceful, but depressing thoughts.
"You can head off to work, if you want. I'm just going to listen to music. I'm allowed to be alone for a couple hours, you know" I tell him. Trying to convince him to leave me here for the day by myself while he works. I should've been trusted to stay here the entire time by myself.
"I guess that'll be fine. Just don't tell your mom. I'll be back in a few hours. I just have to go check out the work on some of the cases I’ve been assigned. Be good" he tells me, before turning right back out of the door. I stand there by the kitchen window and wait for his car to pull out of the drive. As soon as he's gone, I fall back on to the couch. I scrunch my nose, as the smell of old cigarettes fills it.
"What to do?" I say aloud. I jump back to my feet, and head down the hall. The first room on the right, is my sister's room. She never lets me in there, but she isn't here to stop me, is she?
I push the door open, and head inside. Her room is so bare, so empty. I look to my right and see the unkempt bed. There is a desk right in front of me, and it's covered with glued cutouts of her favorite bands. There are two skateboards leaning against her otherwise bare wall beside me. Against the back wall, she has her laundry piled up sloppily. I decide that she's too boring to investigate. I turn right back around and walk back to the living room. I decide to get some fresh air, so I walk out the front door. It's the end of May in Florida, so five steps outside, and I already have a thin film of sweat collecting on my forehead. I walk down to the mailbox, and pull the small gathering of bills, and magazines out of the box. Thumbing through, I find nothing interesting, so I turn to take it back inside. I'm just about to open the door, when someone calls from behind.
"Hey, Luke; wait up!" I turn around, and with a suppressed smile, I see Michael running up to me. I've met him a few times, since we moved into this house. He's a really nice guy. We usually play basketball together. I had never noticed how cute he was though.
I watch him, as he runs up to me. He’s tall, much taller than me. His blonde hair is short, the curls barely touching his forehead. His dark blue eyes are visible even from a distance. He’s wearing a grey t-shirt, white gym shorts, and a pair of white flip-flops.
"Hey Michael" I say, not wanting to betray my feelings. I vaguely realize that I'm not shrinking away from him. Usually after last night, I'd be avoiding everyone, but not with him. That’s different.
"Where have you been?" he asks, and I just look back down the road in the direction that my dad disappeared to.
"I've been staying at my dad's because my mom doesn't trust me to stay home by myself. If I had other plans, then I'd be better." I explain. He smiles at me with those dark blue eyes, and those perfect little dimples.
"Why don't you tell your dad that you're staying with me? You can stay at your house, and then do whatever you want, you know?" he suggests, and my stomach jolts with happiness. My mom told me I could stay with a friend.
I immediately dial her number, and just let it ring. She answers after a single ring. I’m thankful to hear her voice filled with some life.
"What's up?" she says. I can tell that she's busy, so I just spit it out, nervously anticipating her answer.
"I was wondering if I could stay with my friend that lives on our street? He has a PlayStation, and a big TV. We'd be set. Dad can check on me every day, when he comes to work." I really sell the whole thing, and then wait with bated breath. My mom is usually very over-protective, but also very lenient.
"Yeah, I guess that's okay" she admits, and I almost jump up and down. Now I can have the freedom of the house, and not have to worry about anyone. I'll get to play basketball with Michael as well.
"Okay, well thanks mom" I tell her, and she tells me she loves me. I hang up with her and turn back to Michael. He'
s waiting for my reaction; to see what the answer is.
"She freaking said yes" I shout, and he smiles at me. His dimples are so prominent. It's so cute.
"I'll be right back, okay?" he asks, and I nod my head. He disappears into his yard, and then I decide to run inside for drinks.
Once inside, I head right for the fridge, where we have a gallon of cranberry juice, and a few bottles of water. Grabbing two waters, I run back outside.
We arrive on the edge of my driveway at exactly the same time. I hold out one of the ice-cold waters, and he holds out a basketball. Me being the basketball addict that I am, I take it without question. Throwing it into the air, I catch it as it falls back to the ground.
"Wanna play H-O-R-S-E?" he asks, and I nod in consent. I turn to his basketball goal down the street and run at it. At the last minute, I do a spin, and throw the ball into the waiting hoop. It easily goes in, and I smile, whipping around to give him the ball.
We stay there playing horse together, until my dad comes cruising down the street. When he pulls into the driveway, I wave Michael goodbye, and head over to talk to my dad. He looks tired, which should be good. That means he'll be relieved not to have to cook for me tonight because I'm staying here.
Chapter 6 Confusion
Looking around one more time, just to make sure that nobody is watching my house, I hurry around to the front door. I know that my mom has her little spies, and I can't have her knowing that I'm staying at the house by myself. She knows I'm coming in here because she said I could share our groceries with Michael's family since they're taking me in for free. Closing the door behind me, I rush right into the kitchen. It gets a little lonely at times, when I'm here for the night, but I like not having to force smiles, or wait for someone else to cook dinner, when I'm starving. I pull the ground beef right out of the package and dump it into the pan. Turning the stove on, I wait for the meat to begin sizzling, before pulling out the sides. Within twenty minutes, the smell of the meal has filled the entire house, and it's done cooking. I look down at the remaining food, after I make my plate.