Stay Beautiful

by Perry Matlin

  I send Vicky a text, and then toss my phone onto the bed. Looking around, I realize how badly I need to clean my room. I cross the room and sit on the edge of the bed. I’m blasted with a memory from eight months ago. A memory I tried to forget.

  I remember Max sitting there, right beside me. The night before he moved away. We were so happy then. I was so happy then. I was so different. I don’t even recognize myself anymore.

  Hours later, I’m in the kitchen with Nana. My room is clean, the turkey is done, and now we get to sit down as a family and eat a nice meal. Crystal and Alyssa are home, and it’s all good. My mom comes in from work, right as dinner comes out of the oven.

  She’s been taking extra shifts, and has now switched to day shift full-time. It means I get to spend more time with her. It means she makes more money, and she gets to sleep on a regular schedule.

  She doesn’t look happy, as she sits down beside me. She looks up, and her face looks stressed. Are we starting to see the effects of Antonio being in jail? Is she about to start slipping away again?

  “The landlord called me today. One of the neighbors called him about the police the other day. He says that he’s had too many complaints about our house, and we’ll have to find a new place to live.” She says to me, looking right into my eyes.

  “Is he serious? That’s so unfair” I demand, tears filling my eyes immediately. I’m moving away from here? I love this neighborhood. I love this house, these neighbors, this life. I don’t want to leave.

  “He said our lease is up at the end of this month, and he isn’t going to be renewing it, so we have until the end of February to find a new place. It’s not going to count as an eviction, but we still have to leave” she explains, and I slump in my chair.

  “This sucks so bad. He ruins everything” I say, placing the blame on Antonio, who has somehow found a way to ruin everything once again. I roll my eyes, before rushing from the table angrily.

  I rush into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. Grabbing my phone from my pocket, I search for his name. I find Michael’s number quickly, and I call him. I need to hear his voice.

  His voicemail picks it up after one ring, so I hang up and go to my texts. Vicky has sent me a long one, so I open it to read the whole thing. I frown at her words, which sound fine, but unbelievable.

  Lucas: Hey are you okay?

  Victoriaa: Me and my mom talked. She’s going to get sober and wants us to go to some counseling. I think she really wants to change. I’m going to stay here to try with her. I love you and Sam so so so much for all that you’ve done for me, and I hope you know how much it means. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Love you bunches.

  Lucas: Are you sure? I’m here anytime you need me babe. You are my very best friend, and I want you to be safe

  Victoriaa: I’m fine. She’s sober. We’re going out to dinner right now, but I will call you tonight. Love you.

  Lucas: Love you more

  Victoriaa: Impossible

  Lucas: Whatever loser

  Victoriaa ❤

  Michael calls me back then, and I answer immediately. He sounds out of breath, but in a good mood. I smile at the sound of his voice, as he locks himself in the bathroom to talk to me in private.

  “Hey Luke. What’s up?” he asks me, his voice finally becoming normal again. He sounds off, but I can’t place it.

  “I miss you” he tells me, before I have the chance to respond to his first sentence.

  “We’re moving. Our stupid landlord is kicking us out because Antonio got arrested here, and one of our stupid neighbors called him to complain. I’m so mad right now” I rant, skipping right to the meat and potatoes. He waits for me to finish.

  “What if you move closer to me though?” he suggests, and my eyes widen. That’s a good possibility. We could possibly get to live near each other again. Suddenly the move doesn’t sound as bad. I guess I’ve been conditioned in the last year to dread the thought of moving. Maybe it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

  “That’s a good point you know” I tell him, smiling through the words. He laughs through the phone, and we continue to talk until my good mood is back. I hang up with him, when he gets called for dinner.

  His mom must be sick. Her voice is way higher pitched than usual. I hang up the phone and place it back in my pocket. I head back into the kitchen and sit down with my family. This isn’t a bad thing.

  I miss the bus on purpose the next morning and walk to Michael’s house instead. He’s waiting outside, four pieces of toast waiting. I take two and begin eating the first slice. He walks right beside me, his music loud enough for both of us to hear. I scrunch my nose at the vulgar lyrics as usual. He rolls his eyes in exaggeration, as usual. I smile at our little routine.

  He lights up a cigarette, and takes a long drag, before turning to me. I take a slight step away just so I don’t smell like an ashtray all day. He laughs at me and takes another drag. Why does he think that’s cool? I decide not to argue with him today, and instead reach for his free hand. He takes it wordlessly.

  This is the only time of day he will usually hold my hand outside because it’s still dark and most people are too asleep to notice two guys holding hands. I hold onto his warm hand, until he finishes smoking.

  He moves closer to me, and I can feel his breath on my neck, as he pulls me into, the tree-line of the small patch of woods down a street near his house. He presses me against the tree and kisses me fiercely.

  I kiss him back, as we continue in our morning routine. We kiss until the bus passes us, which tells us we have to continue to school, or we will end up being late. I wish we could stay here and do more.

  We finally make it to school, with fifteen minutes to spare. I walk right for the cafeteria, hoping it will thaw my fingers before math class. I smile, when Coral comes into view. I walk right up to her.

  “Ewww, you smell like a cigarette” she complains, as I sit beside her at the breakfast table. She instinctively reaches for her cologne, and hands it to me. I quickly spray my clothes and hair with it.

  That’s when I notice her mood. She seems really happy. She’s beaming. I look at her, questioning the random happy spell. She seems to catch my drift because she smiles, before reaching into her pocket for a pill bottle.

  “They put me on meds that make me have real emotions” she tells me, and I look at the clear pill bottle. Could that have been all that was missing? A pill? That will help her be happier? Good.

  We sit there, talking about everything. I tell her that I’m moving. I tell her about Vicky, and I tell her how well my mom is doing. She tells me how hard it is to be around her dad, and how mean he is.

  The bell rings, leaving us to scurry off to math class. I walk a couple paces behind her, as we make our way down the hall. I smile at the look of her. Coral seems so happy. For the first time since I met her.

  After school that day, I go over to Michael’s house. I’m supposed to stay the weekend at his house because his parents will be out of town. Stephen is having surgery out of state, and they need me to watch the baby.

  I drop my backpack on the couch, and I look around for the baby. Nobody seems to be home, so I head for the computer. I feel so at home here because I’ve been babysitting for so long.

  Logging onto MySpace, I scroll through my messages. I’m about to log out, when I get a message from my mom. It’s quick, short and just enough to ruin my weekend. Cynthia and your dad split up. She moved out this morning.

  I realize I’m crying, when the door opens behind me. I make to wipe them away, but then I hear his voice and lose it. Michael is the first one home, and I need him to hold me right now, while I cry.

  “What happened?” he demands, wrapping both arms around me. I point to the message and wait for him to read it. He does a soft sigh, when the words hit him. He knows how close I am to my stepmom.

  “Damn, that sucks so hard” he tells me, kissing my cheek, as he holds me close to his chest. I cry into his chest,
until I can’t cry anymore. I wonder what happened. I wonder if they’re both okay.

  “Where is your family?” I ask him, and now he smiles at me. I smile back but look around for the source of his happiness. When I find nothing, my smile begins to falter. He smiles even bigger now.

  “Well I talked to them a minute before I got here and last minute, they had to take the baby with them. So they said you can still stay if you want, or you can go home. It’s up to you” he tells me.

  “So, what you’re saying is we have the whole damn house to ourselves, and we can do whatever we want?” I ask him, and he smiles mischievously. He then pulls me to my feet and kisses me.

  Michael drags me down the hallway, his hand wrapped tightly around mine, as we make our way through his empty house down to his room. We get to laugh, kiss, flirt, and everything else this weekend.

  “You ready for the best weekend of your life?” he asks me, as he kicks his bedroom door open. Usually, he’s quick to lock it behind us, but this time he leaves it open. He throws me backward on the bed.

  I look around, as I hit the pillows. On his bedside table, there are three things. A bottle of the cologne I like so much, an alarm clock, and an open box of condoms. Why does he have these here? Why are they open? We’ve never used these, at least not this kind.

  “When did you get condoms for your room?” I ask, my voice soft with curiosity. He grabs them, throwing them under his bed without a second glance.

  “My dad bought them for me a long time ago, and David was helping me clean my room. He found them and asked for a few. I didn’t see the issue. He must have forgotten to take the whole box” he explains. I roll my eyes. Why would David take a couple, when he was offered the whole box? He’s not very smart, is he?

  “Oh, well he’s dumb” I say, laughing. The condoms leave my mind then, as I turn back to Michael with love in my eyes.

  I look up at him, as he stands before me. His eyes are hungry with passion as he takes in my face. He then leans down, and plants the first kiss on my lips. I kiss him back fervently and pull him on top of me.

  He chuckles, as he loses his footing, and falls on me awkwardly. It knocks the wind out of me, but I barely notice, when his lips meet mine again. He rolls over onto his side and looks into my eyes.

  We lie there for several minutes, just drinking each other in. Enjoying the fact that we don’t have to sneak hurried kisses, and whispered loves between interruptions. We get to enjoy each other completely.

  That’s when Michael lifts himself onto his elbow, and gently kisses me yet again. His lips find mine and we lose all focus. He sits up and reaches to remove his shirt. I watch as he exposes his torso, before jumping onto him to press my lips to his again. We begin to lose ourselves in each other.

  Chapter 28 satisfaction

  Michael hands me yet another box, as my room is slowly packed away. I’m sitting on the edge of my bed, tossing all of my CD collection into the box. Michael hands me a stack that includes my Taylor Swift CD. I hug it tightly, not putting it in the box.

  “You’re not going to pack that one?” he asks me, and I shake my head. I listen to that album every day. There isn’t any point in packing it away.

  “I can’t go that long without hearing her voice. Boy are you nuts?” I demand, smiling over at him. He rolls his eyes, before continuing to hand me more of my ever-growing CD collection off the floor.

  When all the CDs are packed away, I turn to him for the next box, but he’s looking at his phone again. I clear my throat expectantly, and he jumps with a start. Tossing his phone aside, he finally hands me the box.

  “Sorry, what are you packing now?” he asks me. He easily sinks right back into the conversation. I look at his phone face-up and wonder internally who he could be texting so much. It’s like every time I look at him, he’s texting someone today.

  “My clothes I guess” I tell him, jumping to my feet to cross over to my closet. All I have left is my clothes and the contents of my desk drawers. That’s going to take forever.

  “Hey, I have to use the restroom, do you think anyone will catch me?” he asks me, and I just shake my head with irritation. It’s the middle of the day, and we’re in here packing. It’s his incessant fear of being labelled too friendly with me. I roll my eyes.

  He leaves me alone then, his phone still lying on the floor. I begin to remove my hanging clothes from the rack, but his phone goes off three times. I walk over to it, and peer down at the screen. Three texts from Fiona.

  When he comes back, I begin to search for a good way to bring it up. Who is she? Her texts seemed sad. Does she need help? I try to remember the names of his cousins, but I just can’t remember.

  “Fiona texted you a few times while you were gone” I tell him, when he doesn’t immediately look at his phone. He picks it up instantly and reads the texts. His head snaps to me, a frown on his face.

  “You went through my phone?” he asks angrily, but I laugh nervously. I shake my head, sitting down on the edge of my bed again and looking at him.

  “No, you’re phone went off three times in a row, and I glanced down while I was stepping over it. I just saw her name, not what she texted. Calm down babe” he looks around nervously, as if my entire family is waiting to spill into the room angrily.

  “Isn’t that your cousin?” I ask him. He doesn’t respond at first.

  “What? Yeah, she’s having a hard time right now” he tells me, looking back at his phone. We sit there in silence, packing the rest of the room up. It’s pretty awkward, and for once when he leaves, I feel relieved.

  I head back to my room and look around at all the boxes. We got everything done except for my desk. I walk over to it, and plop down defeatedly. I wish I could put it off, but we have to be at the new house for good in two days.

  I jump right in, finding papers, poems, drawings, story ideas, and everything else I’ve ever tried to write at this desk. It’s messy. After about two hours, it’s done. I’m done. My room is read to move.

  The next day, Nana is all packed to go back home. She’s been here with us for almost a month now. It’s been so nice having her here. I always wish she would just move in with us and never leave.

  I help her gather all of her bags up, and we carry them out together. She puts the last bag in her car, and we walk back to the carport. She sits down on one of the benches we have. Patting the seat next to her, she smiles at me. I sit down.

  “Are you going to be okay here?” she asks me, placing her gentle hand on my knee. I nod my head, trying not to get emotional. I really do love her so much. I realize then just how much I want her to stay.

  “I got this Nana. I’ll hold everything together the best I can” I tell her, and she seems to take that as a yes because she smiles again, nods at me lovingly and then leans her head onto my shoulder.

  We stay that way, until mom’s car pulls into the driveway. She had to go into work one more time, before taking her vacation so we can move. She jumps out of the car, visibly upset. She lights up a cigarette and starts pacing. What now?

  “Lisa just called me. They gave Antonio a year in prison. He’s gonna be gone for an entire year” she tells me, and my heart jumps with utter joy. We get an escape from that man for an entire year.

  “Lisa and Ben are going to go see him next week and they want me to come with” she explains. Lisa and Ben are Antonio’s only siblings. They’re both way better than he is.

  “Well maybe that will give you both some healthy time apart, and maybe he’ll learn not to be so out of control” my Nana suggests, and my mom gives her a dirty look. We sit there, as she paces angrily.

  “He didn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve to be in there. This is such bull” my mom continues, and I look at her like she’s an escaped mental patient. I stand up before I can say something rude.

  “I love you so much Nana. I’m going to go finish my room, but I will call you tomorrow” I tell her, planting a kiss on her cheek. I wish I could have a
few more minutes with her, but my mom is annoying me.

  “I love you too baby. You go get everything ready to move tomorrow, and then get some sleep. It’s gonna be a long day for you” she tells me, holding my hand briefly, before releasing me to escape.

  I hurry into my room, locking the door safely behind me and jump onto my bed. He’s gone for an entire year. I don’t have to deal with his abuse for an entire year. I’m safe, we’re safe for an entire year.

  I lie in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I think about how long a year feels. Three-hundred-sixty-five days without his cruel words, without his screaming, his destructive personality. I’m free.

  I wake up the next morning, not realizing I had fallen asleep last night fully clothed. I realize with a twinge of sadness that I just slept my last night here. It’s time to leave here now, and to never come back.

  Alyssa is just now packing her room, and Crystal is still sleeping. I’m glad I did everything already because I just have to move my stuff today, and then relax in the new house. I blow through the day, watching as my sisters still have to pack. I’m done with the first trip.

  Mom lets me stay behind for the rest of the day, as she and the movers get the rest. I put my bed back together and begin to set up my room. When the furniture is put together, I collapse onto my bed.

  My new room is bigger, currently littered with boxes, but still nicer. I look around at the soft blue walls. I close my eyes, trying to feel at home. I live closer to Michael now. I live in a bigger room, with a bigger yard, and a bigger kitchen. I live in a house that Antonio has never stepped foot in. This is a new start. A new beginning for us.

  I sit up, putting my Taylor Swift CD in, and then lying back down. I have a headache, so I close my eyes. Before I know what’s going on, I drift off into sleep. A dreamless sleep. An exhausted I just moved all day and I’m done for today sleep. A sleep that isn’t interrupted for once. A peaceful sleep.