“Yes.” Her answer is quiet and subdued. I know her so well now that I know she’s thinking about Bram. They miss him so much. I tried to explain but made a real mess of it, because the truth is, I don’t understand it all myself. I think he’ll change his mind about not even seeing the kids eventually, so I don’t want to tell them that he’ll never be back. But, every day this past week they asked me when he’s coming back, until one morning I snapped at them that I didn’t know, and they should quit asking. I immediately apologized, but Abbie is so sensitive. Now she’s afraid to mention him at all. I know I have to correct that, but I just don’t feel well enough to take it on right now, so I just lean down and tell her I love her. I hope for the minute that’ll be enough.
“I have to go lay down for a bit, sweethearts. I’ve had a long day and need to get off my feet. Come into my room after your bath and we’ll read together. I’m in the mood for Harry Saves the Ocean, what do you think?”
“Yeah, that’s my favorite.” Archie would say that no matter which book I suggested, and I love that about him. Abbie is harder work, but it’s because she is so attuned to what I’m feeling. I love that about her, too, but it worries me. It means I have to be so careful about my own moods so that she doesn’t pick them up and carry them with her.
“All right then, it’s a deal. See you in a bit, pumpkins.”
I make my way upstairs, and as I do I hear a cell phone start to ring in the living room. Patting my pocket, I make sure it’s not mine. Nope, mine’s right here. It’ll be Rhona’s then. “Rhona, your phone’s ringing in the living room. Do you want me to get it for you?”
“Nay, nay, I’ll get it, ye get yerself on up to bed.” I can hear her huffing and puffing as she tries to hurry her heavy body to get the phone before it stops ringing. As I close my bedroom door, I hear the word ‘hospital’. Oh, I hope it’s not anything serious. I assume it’s regarding one of her friends back in Scotland, or her son’s family in Australia. My next thought is so selfish it makes me blush. I hope she doesn’t have to leave. Not only do I not know how we’ll get along without her, all three of us will miss her so much when she leaves. She’s part of our family now.
I take a quick shower and as I’m drying off, I look at myself in the mirror. I flashback to just a few months ago, when I was trying to see myself the way Mitchell Sanders saw me. How could I ever have thought I loved him?
I turn sideways to see if my belly looks any different. It’s really early but I imagine I see a little pooch sticking out just below my navel. I’m so happy about this baby. I just wish… No, don’t wish. It hurts too much when it doesn’t come true.
When Rhona brings my soup tray, I remember to ask her about her phone call. “I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, Rhona, but I heard you say something about the hospital earlier. Is everything okay?” She looks startled at my question. I really hope she doesn’t think I’m trying to snoop. “I’m sorry, it’s okay if it’s none of my business. I really just want to make sure everything’s okay.”
“Och, no worries, love. Just an old friend. It’s not unexpected that she’d be in the hospital. Nothing for ye to worry about.”
“Ah, okay. Well, I hope your friend’s okay.”
“You’re a good girl, Tessa, bless yer heart.”
The twins come in soon after, bringing a whole armful of books with them. As predicted, the first one they want to read is Harry Saves the Ocean. We’ve read it so many times, they practically have it memorized. This little family right here. This is enough for me. It’s more than most people have. I need to stop dreaming of a life with Bram in it.
That’s easier said than done.
47
Bram
I promised Mrs. MacThomas that I’d call her once I was on the plane. This time she picks up immediately.
“How is she?” I don’t even give the woman time to say hello. The thought of Tessa, hurt and in the hospital scares the crap out of me. I need to know how she is. I need to know she’s okay.
“Are ye on the plane? In the air on yer way here?”
What the hell, woman? What’s with the twenty questions? “Yes, yes, I’m on my way. We just took off. We’ll be there in a couple of hours. Will you please tell me what’s wrong with Tessa?”
“Och, well, now, don’t be upset with me, Bram. I had to do it this way or you mightn’t have come, ye ken?”
“What are you talking about? Why would I be mad?” It takes a minute because I’m in full panic mode, but what the old woman said finally sinks in. “Are you telling me you lied about Tessa? Why would you do that? Have you lost your mind? Do you realize the hell and high water I had to go through to get this plane in the air this fast? Not to mention you’ve scared me shitless. I can’t believe you’d do this to me.”
“Now, now, Bram, it’s for yer own good, and for Tessa’s. She needs you, Bram. The wee little bairns need you. It was the only way I could think of to make sure you came right away. I’m sorry for worrying ye, I truly am. If I could’ve thought of another way, but it’s done now. Yer on yer way, that’s all that matters. Let me know when you land, ye ken, and I’ll prepare Tessa for yer arrival. It’ll be a shock, mind ye, and she’ll be angry with me, but it can’t be helped. Bram, do ye ken what I’ve been saying?”
The whole time she’s been talking, I’ve been sitting here in disbelief. I’m relieved, of course I am, that Tessa is okay, but that Mrs. MacThomas would pull such a stunt blows my mind.
“Are you kidding me? I don’t understand at all. How could you let me believe she’s hurt? That’s just cruel.”
“Och, I’m so sorry, love. I’m sorry. She’s okay, but Bram, listen to me and listen well, she needs you. I can’t tell you anything more, but you have to still come. Please, you have to still come.”
I’m still upset with her, but the truth of the matter is, for Rhona MacThomas to interfere this way, to the extent that she’d let me believe Tessa is in the hospital, there must be something really wrong. “You say she needs me? Did she say that?”
“Bah. She doesn’t know what she needs. She’ll never admit it on her own. She’s stubborn, that one. Ye leave her to me. You just get here.”
“Okay, I’ll let you know when I land. But if this goes all to hell, I’m not going to hesitate to say it’s your fault.”
“Not a problem, lad. If this goes tits-up, I’ll be the first one to take responsibility. God knows the two of you don’t need anything else to argue over.” With that, she hangs up.
I can’t help it, my heart is smiling with the news that Tessa needs me. I just hope she wants me, as well.
I call Mrs. MacThomas the second we land. I didn’t have time to arrange a rental car beforehand, so it took me some time getting one squared away. The whole time the kid behind the counter spent chewing his thumbnail instead of hooking me up with a car I called him all kinds of names in my head. I almost just left the place and went and bought a car. It couldn’t have taken any longer, that’s for sure. If it wasn’t almost midnight, that’s exactly what I would’ve done. As promised, I called the Scotswoman again once I was safely behind the wheel of the car and ready to head for the house.
She tells me to come right over, but I wonder if that’s wise with it being so late. “Surely Tessa will be less angry if I don’t show up in the middle of the night?”
“Yer would think so, wouldn’t ye? But no, we’ve got to surprise her. Catch her off guard when she’s full of sleep, ye ken?”
“This is starting to sound suspiciously like an ambush, Rhona.” I never call her by her first name, but this situation seems to warrant it.
“Aye, I ken. Don’t ring the doorbell, I’ll be watching for ye.”
I think she’s nuts, but the part of me that is desperate to see Tessa goes along with her crazy plan.
When I pull up in front of Tessa’s house, I’m happy and terrified, equally. She’s going to be so pissed off. And I don’t blame her. But, God, I want to see her so bad.
T
he front door opens and there stands Mrs. MacThomas, in a long robe and fluffy slippers. If her hair had been in curlers, the look would have been complete, but no, it’s still up in that severe bun she always wears. Surely she doesn’t sleep in it. She’s certainly stubborn enough to.
“Shhh. Go easy when ye close yer car door. And take off yer shoes when ye come in.”
I seriously feel like a thief or something. A thief with inside help. Yet again I wonder if this is the smart thing to do. It’s too late now. Shoes in hand, I step into the place I’ve wanted to be all week.
“Braw. Leave yer shoes by the door. Ye ken which room is hers?”
“What, you want me to go wake her myself? Are you crazy?”
The sound of disgust this woman makes should really be patented, it’s that good at letting you know she thinks you’re a complete idiot.
“Okay, well remember, it’s on your head.”
“Aye, aye, just go. And don’t scare her, mind. And the kids are asleep nearby, ye ken?”
“You expect me to creep into a woman’s bedroom, at night, when she’s asleep, and not scare her? How do you propose I do that?”
“Och, just do it. But do it gentle, like.”
She leaves me at the bottom of the stairs, and I go up as quietly as I can. The stairs are carpeted, and the house is new enough that they don’t creak. It’s hard for me not to knock on her door. This really feels like such a line I’m crossing here. I look back down the stairs, where the nanny is still waiting, impatiently for me to get on with it. Here goes nothing.
48
Tessa
I’m sound asleep when I hear it, I know because the car door shutting makes its way into my dream, which just before that, didn’t even have a car in it. In my dream, I was on the river boat, in Bricktown, with Bram, at night. We were leaning back, looking up at the stars and the moon, which was full and shining brightly. I felt so happy in the dream, like I was exactly where I was supposed to be, with the person I was supposed to be with. The next noise pulls me out of the dream and into reality. It’s the sound of the front door opening and closing.
What the hell? I have an alarm system, so it has to be Rhona. The kids can’t reach the keypad to turn off the alarm, and even if they could, they don’t know the combination. If it was either of them, the whole block would know it. Could someone have somehow disabled the alarm and broken in? I’m frozen in place, clutching the covers and holding my breath, listening for the next sound. I hear whispering, then the sound of someone trying to come upstairs quietly.
I’m not just going to sit here while someone comes into my house in the middle of the night. I throw back the covers and grab my cell phone in case I need to call 911. I’m desperately going through everything within arm’s reach in my mind, trying to think of something I can use as a weapon, but the best I can come up with is the lamp. Yeah, good luck with that, Tess.
The footsteps stop outside my door, and I brace myself. For what, I don’t know. Then the door opens, and in what little light there is, I can tell it’s a man. A tall man. My heart leaps. “Tessa?”
Oh my God. It is Bram. My knees go weak with relief and, yes, I’ll admit it, happiness. I fall back on the bed.
“Jesus, Bram, you nearly gave me a heart attack. Come in and shut the door, or we’ll wake the twins.” I reach over and turn on the light, shielding my eyes with my hand. It takes a full minute for them to adjust. “What are you doing here? You do realize it’s the middle of the night? This is a long way to have gone sleepwalking.”
“I had to see you, Tessa. I have to know you’re okay. I miss you. I miss the kids. I’m sorry if I woke you up.”
“Again, it’s the middle of the night, of course you woke me up. I don’t understand, though. You were just sitting in New York and all of a sudden thought, I have to fly to Oklahoma City and break into Tessa’s house to see her?”
“Well, not exactly, and I didn’t break in. I had help.”
“Rhona. I knew something was up with her. She’s been acting weird ever since I came home from work. Well, you’re here now, you’ve seen me. But nothing’s changed, has it? You’re just going to have to turn around and go again, because I can’t share you with anyone, Bram. I won’t.”
“Share me? Does that mean you even want me?” The hope in his eyes might as well be written in words, it’s so clear. I’m too tired to hide it anymore. Besides, it’s just so painful having him here and keeping him at a distance, in my bedroom, especially after the sweet intimacy of that dream.
“Of course I want you, Bramble Gareth Carter, are you nuts? Men can be so dense, I swear. If I didn’t want you, it wouldn’t have hurt, knowing about you and Kat, would it?”
He finally leaves the doorway and moves over to me, sitting next to me on the bed. He’s close enough that we could touch, but we’re still just a little unsure of things, so we don’t. His voice is low and sexy. “Sweetheart, there is nothing between me and Kat. There never really has been. I went out with her a few times before I met you. Even then it was against my better judgment, but after I met you, I could barely stand the sight of her. She’s not a nice person. She tries to manipulate people to get what she wants, and she’ll lie easier than she’ll tell the truth. Yes, I used her to get to Thompson Davis, and believe me, I’m not proud of that. But she was using me, too. The whole thing was just so ugly. But it’s behind me now. I’m finally free of her, and free to tell you how much I love you. I do, Tessa, I love you so much, and every minute without you is another minute of my life wasted.”
Right on cue, I start crying. I really hate that I cry no matter what I’m feeling, because right now I feel wonderful. He loves me. He doesn’t love her. “But the baby?”
“Oh, shit, I should’ve told you that first. The baby isn’t mine. The results came back today. I was so careful to use protection. I knew it wasn’t mine.”
”But, I don’t understand. She called me and told me the baby is yours, that’s why I told you we couldn’t be together anymore.” The tears come down harder now, and Bram pulls me close. I allow myself to be held, my heart singing. Katrina Rutherford no longer has a claim on him, and he doesn’t love her. He loves me. But what he said about the baby makes me wonder how he’ll take my news, and I know I have to tell him. If this is a deal breaker, better for me to find out now. I push him away and ignore the hurt look in his eyes.
“Tessa? Did you hear me? The baby isn’t mine. Kat is out of my life now forever.”
“Yes, Bram, I heard you. I just need to know why you’re so happy it’s not your baby.”
“Isn’t it obvious? I don’t want to be tied to that bitch for the rest of my life. If it was mine, I’d have to take care of it, I’d have to see it, and that would mean dealing with Katrina, too.” He looks really confused, and I guess I can see why, but I have to be sure.
“It’s not because you don’t want babies? Because you don’t want the responsibility?”
“Are you kidding? You know I love kids. I’m more than happy to be a father figure for Abbie and Archie. Before I got to know them, I’ll admit, I never really thought about having kids, but they’re great. I love them more than my own life.”
“Okay, but what about other babies? Do you want other babies?” From the look on his face, I think maybe what I’m asking him is slowly sinking in. So, I help him along.
“What about my babies, Bram?”
“Oh, Tessa, sweetheart, yes, of course I want your babies. I want a whole houseful of babies with you. We’ll start our own ball team we’ll have so many babies. Screw that, we’ll open a school, full of nothing but our kids. Are you serious? I can’t wait to get started. And look, we’re on a bed. It couldn’t be more perfect.” His grin causes feelings in all sorts of nice places on my body. I still don’t quite think he’s got it.
“What if I told you we don’t have to wait to get started? What if a baby is already started?” I grin back at him, looking just as goofy as he does, I’m sure of it, and I
don’t care. I’m so happy.
“Really, Tessa?” He takes me in his arms then and pulls me up onto his lap. I put my arms around him and bury my face in his neck. God, I’ve missed him. He touches my stomach. “My baby is in there, right now?”
I don’t trust myself to speak so I just nod into his neck. The beard that’s fully grown in now scratches my forehead.
“But, how? I mean, we used a condom.”
I’ve wondered about this one myself, but I’m pretty sure I know the answer. “You’re going to have to stop tearing the condoms open with your teeth. Rookie mistake.”
Bram laughs softly, but holds me tighter, and we sit in silence for a minute.
“Tessa?”
He sounds serious, so I pull back to look in his eyes. Those perfect, gold-flecked hazel eyes. I hope the little one has eyes just like his.
“I’m no rookie. You know that. I just lose all rational thought when I’m with you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Ever.”
He kisses my forehead where his beard scratched me. “I love you.”
Then he kisses my nose. “I love you.”
Then he kisses my lips. “I love you.” I’m so happy I could cry. I’m surprised I’m not crying already, especially when one niggling doubt creeps in. I want to bite my tongue because I really don’t want to spoil this moment, but if we’re ever going to make this work, we have to start being totally honest with each other. So, I say it.
“We still have one problem, Bram. I don’t want to live and raise these children in New York, and you can’t live in Oklahoma City because of your business.”
His body becomes almost electrified. He jumps halfway up, and I almost fall out of his lap. He moves me onto the bed and sits facing me, his eyes lit up like Christmas.
“I can’t believe I almost forgot that part. What would you say to living in Scotland? In Mermaid Cottage?”
Because of Them: Heartfelt Romance Page 21