Then my fucking phone rings.
Tess immediately pulls back, looking up at me expectantly. I don’t want to answer it, of course I don’t, but the spell’s already broken.
“You’d better answer it. It’s probably important.”
She’s actually right. I’d given Andrew strict instructions not to call this weekend unless it was a matter of life and death. Frankly, there isn’t anyone else in my life who would feel free to just call me out of the blue. Unless it’s Kat. That woman writes her own rules.
“I’m sorry, Tessa. Let me just look and see who it is.” Shit. It’s Thompson Davis. The man has never once called me before. The question now is, it is business or is it about Katrina? Either way, I need to answer.
“It’s an important business call, Tessa, I’m so sorry, really, but I have to.”
She nods, already on her feet and straightening the skirt of her dress. It’s as if the intimacy of just a minute ago never happened. Her eyes are closed to me; I can’t read what she’s thinking.
“Of course, I’ll give you some privacy.” She wanders into the kitchen as I answer the call.
“Hello?”
“Bram Carter? This is Thompson Davis. I hope it’s all right to call you directly. I got your number from Kat.” The man didn’t even pause for me to say it’s okay. Of course it’s okay. Anyone that’s going to sponsor my dreams can call me anytime, day or night. I should’ve thought to give him my personal number myself.
“Now, I’ve just found out what that goddaughter of mine has been up to, and I don’t approve. Long and short of it, if she’s carrying your baby, you have the right to know. If she’s not, then you have the right to get on with your life and her with hers. She’s admitted you’re not engaged. Do you love her? Not that it makes a difference where the baby’s concerned, I just want to know.”
I decide I have to answer honestly. No more hiding.
“No, sir. Katrina and I had a thing, a while back, but I never lied to her and told her it was anything more than that. I’ve met someone else, and I’m in love with her.”
“I was afraid of as much. None of my business, I know. Okay, well here’s how it is. I made it clear to Kat what she had to do, and this morning she had the paternity test done. We’ll know the results by Friday”
Immediately, the weight that had been taking up so much of my time and energy is lifted. Friday. I could know in as little as five days if I’m going to be a father. I know it may be wrong, but I’m praying the baby isn’t mine.
“Well, thank you, sir, and thank you for letting me know.”
When Davis ends the call, I just stand there for a minute, letting it soak in. The fight with Katrina over taking that damn test is over, and I’ll know if she’s carrying my baby in a few days. That’s all I can do for now on that front.
I need to let Tessa know. I’m done keeping secrets.
44
Tessa
I go into the kitchen while Bram takes his phone call. I hope it’s not her. It’s possible it is, though. What the hell am I doing? Throwing myself at a man who’s so tangled up with someone else? Someone who might be having his baby. If there’s any chance that Kat and Bram would get together if it weren’t for me, then I need to give them that chance. She was with him first, and I never want to be the kind of woman to take another woman’s man. But I’m definitely pregnant, and I know it’s Bram’s. The problem is, he doesn’t know it yet. I wonder how he’ll feel when I tell him. I don’t want him to feel like he has to choose between his children. And if Kat’s baby is his, then they’ll be part of our lives forever. I’m not sure I want that.
It’s all so damned messy, and that’s not even counting the twins. Add them in and it goes from messy to downright complicated. I don’t want to force a relationship, then have it fall to pieces. It wouldn’t be fair to the twins. They’ve already been through so much.
I’m exhausted. I wish I could go lay down and take a nap like the twins. I walk towards the living room and hear Bram say goodbye, so I know it’s safe to go in. He looks up at me and smiles.
“I’m sorry I had to take that, but I’m actually glad I did. Katrina has taken the paternity test and we’ll get the results by Friday.”
He looks so happy that I hate to ruin it, but I have to know what he’s thinking. “What are we doing, Bram? There are so many things that need to be sorted out before we do what we just did again. There’s this paternity test, and court with the twins tomorrow.” I almost added, “and this baby I’m carrying,” but I stopped myself in time. This isn’t how I want to tell him. It’s not the right time. “We need to slow things down and take each thing as it comes. Let’s have all the answers to these problems before trying to move forward.”
“But, Tessa, surely it’ll be better if we face this stuff together? We can support each other through it. That’s got to be better than trying to go it alone?”
The hurt in his voice breaks my heart, but I know I have to stand firm. “Bram, we won’t be able to make sense of anything without knowing what the reality of our lives is going to be. You might be having a baby with another woman. We might both get the twins removed from our care tomorrow. Don’t you see that these things are so huge, I can’t think straight about anything else until they’re resolved.” I see the frustration in his eyes. What I’m saying is right, whether he admits it or not.
“You need to go, Bram. I’m really tired. Thank you for a wonderful day. I’ll remember it always.” As I speak, I reach up to touch the necklace he bought me today and had placed around my neck.
After I shut the front door behind him, I run upstairs to my bed and cry myself to sleep.
My cell phone ringing wakes me from a weird dream that’s already slipping away. I blindly reach for it and stare at the screen. I don’t recognize the number.
“Hello?” My voice is still groggy with sleep, so I try to clear it and almost miss what she says. I wish I had.
“Well, hello, homewrecker. This is Katrina Rutherford. I just felt like I should let you know that I’ve taken a paternity test and it’s official. The baby I’m carrying is Bram Carter’s. He’s promised me we’ll be a family, but that can’t be true if he has to keep running to bumfuck Okieville to see you, can it? He doesn’t love you anyway, you know that, right? He loves me, he tells me so all the time. And he’ll love our baby. I wonder if it’ll be a little boy that looks just like Bram? Don’t you think our baby will be beautiful? And it’ll have everything money can buy, plus the respect of all of New York society. This is your first and final warning, bitch. Leave my baby’s daddy alone. We’re going to be a family, and you know how important family is to Bram. He’s mine, do you understand me?”
She hangs up before I can even think of anything to say, which is probably for the best, because what could I say? It’s now more obvious than ever that I don’t want to get tangled up in a love triangle with anyone, much less Katrina Rutherford.
I have to fight like hell to get custody of the twins, and I have to let Bramble Carter go make his family elsewhere.
My baby and I will be just fine without him, and the twins can see him without me.
There’s a discreet knock at my door, so I do my best to look like I’m not crying.
“Come in.”
“I heard ye crying again, love. You’re going to make yourself, and the bairn, sick with all this upset. What can I do for ye? Let me help if I can.”
“There’s nothing you can do, Rhona. The baby that witch in New York is carrying is Bram’s. She just called me, warning me off him. She said he tells her he loves her. Do you think that’s true? It doesn’t matter. She wants to try to make a family with him. I can’t stand in the way of that, and I’ll never fight another woman for a man. I’ve just got to concentrate on me and the twins, and this one here. Promise me you won’t tell him, Rhona. I don’t want him to know. I want him to make his decision about Kat without factoring us in. If he decides he doesn’t want to make a life
with her, I want it to be because he doesn’t want her, not because he’s conflicted about me. Promise me.”
I can see she’s reluctant. She tells me as much. But I’m determined. I only want Bram if he doesn’t want Kat. I won’t have it any other way.
“All right, love, I’ll keep yer secret. Just remember, what’s for ye will not go by ye.”
I find that expression oddly comforting. Yes, if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. “Thank you, Rhona. Now, we just need to get through tomorrow.”
No sooner are those words out of my mouth than my cell rings again. It’s Bram. I have to tell him of my decision, and now is as good a time as any. Rhona leaves me to answer the phone and shuts my bedroom door behind her.
“Hello.”
“I’m sorry to bother you, but I just have to try one more time. Please don’t shut me out, Tessa.”
“I can’t do this, Bram. You can’t play both of us, both me and Kat, leaving us both hanging, both wanting the same man. It’s not right and it’s turning me into someone I don’t want to be. If there’s a snowball’s chance in hell of you making a family with her, you have to give it a try. If you don’t, you’re not the kind of man I want in my life anyway. No matter what happens tomorrow, this relationship, or whatever it is that we’ve started, is over. I hope I get temporary custody of the twins, and I’ll, of course, continue to sue for full custody, but I’ll always allow you access to them. I’m just not part of the deal.”
I’m trying hard to not let him hear me cry. I try to make my voice resolute, decisive. I want him to take me seriously. I guess I succeed, because the last thing he says to me before hanging up is, “Don’t worry, Tessa. I won’t bother you again, if that’s what you want. I’m going to tell the court that I relinquish my rights to the twins. You’ll have full custody. Tell them I love them, and I’ll see them as soon as I can.”
Then he’s gone.
45
Bram
I knew calling Tessa after she’d told me she needed time to think was the wrong thing to do, I just hadn’t realized how wrong. It’s like I was speaking to a completely different woman than the one who had led me to that chair and started making love to me. What the hell? She actually sounded like she hated me.
It was that hardness in her voice that did it, as much if not more than what she actually said. It’s bad enough that she thinks there’s a chance I could love Kat and make a life with her; but that she would think so little of me she’d actually believe I’m playing her and Kat against each other? Like I’m getting off on all the attention, or something. Like I want two women fighting over me. If that’s what she sees when she looks at me, I don’t stand a chance. It’s painfully clear I’m just hurting her, and that’s the last thing I want to do.
That’s why I told her I’d stop fighting for custody of the twins. We both know they’re better off with her anyway. Letting them get on with their lives in Oklahoma might be the most responsible thing I could ever do for the kids. But it hurts like hell.
Packing this last time in Oklahoma City, knowing there won’t be a trip back, is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Saying goodbye to Abbie and Archie would just prolong the agony for everyone. No, it’s better to let their last memories of me be the ones we made yesterday in Bricktown. They’re young enough they’ll probably forget about me in time, anyway. I have no doubt they’ll get all the love and attention they need with Tessa, and their trust funds will be waiting for them when they’re grown, along with what I’ve already started adding to it.
They’ll be fine without me.
I’m not so sure about myself, though. I’m not sure at all how fine I’ll be without them.
Back in New York City, I bury myself in my work, but it’s not enough to keep my mind from straying back to Oklahoma. On Monday I imagined Tessa in court, gaining full custody of Archie and Abbie. Caleb called me that evening and told me it’s all done. The judge was more than satisfied with the report from the social worker, and with my withdrawal of any claim to the children, it was an even easier decision to name Contessa Stephenson sole and legal guardian. Tuesday, I imagined Tessa back at work and the children in school. On Wednesday, Mrs. MacThomas sent me an email with a picture of them all, smiling and laughing together at the park. By Thursday, I was ready to say fuck it and head back to Oklahoma, to try one more time to convince Tessa that I love her, that we belong together. But with Katrina’s pregnancy still an unknown, I knew better than to do it.
Instead, I tried to concentrate on putting the European expansion of BGC Industries in motion. Thompson Davis was as good as his word, and the company bank accounts are testament to that. I even had a site for the European head office all figured out, but I didn’t feel as much joy over it as I had last week. Back then, I had been almost ready to break the news to Tessa. Now I don’t think she’d even care.
For the hundredth time since I last talked to her, I wondered why the hell Tessa had all of a sudden decided she didn’t want anything to do with me. I know I’m not fooling myself to think she was starting to have feelings for me. That day in Bricktown was near perfect, and so was what came afterward. Then, poof, it just all went away and she’s talking to me like I’m dog shit on her shoe. I just don’t get it.
Finally, it’s Friday and I’m on pins and needles waiting on the results of the paternity test. I’d gone into the doctor’s office when I got back into town to give them a sample to compare the baby’s DNA to, and to provide my address for the official results to be sent to, but Davis had promised to call me as soon as he heard. I know I can’t trust Kat.
With the phone irritatingly silent, I pull out the plans for the European expansion again and try to get some work done. I know I’m going to have to go to the site myself soon. I’ve put it off too long, as it is. I sent Andrew on ahead, to oversee some of the things for me, but I have a feeling the only reason Davis is giving me the leeway is because he knows what’s going on with Kat. As soon as I’ve got my answer, he’s going to expect me to head over. The problem is, my heart is no longer in the project. It’s hard to think about going to Europe when everyone I care about is in Oklahoma City.
My phone rings. Trying not to get my hopes up, I dare a peek at the screen. It’s Thompson Davis, and he doesn’t waste any time once I answer.
“Have a drink on me, dear boy, it’s not yours.”
Thank God. Oh, thank you, God. The relief I feel is enormous. I can finally be free of Katrina Rutherford.
If only I had the right to call Tess and tell her the good news. Would she even care? Or would she just think worse of me that I’m glad the baby isn’t mine? Well, if I can’t call Tessa, the next best thing is Mrs. MacThomas. At least I know she’ll be happy for me.
I punch open my contacts and hover over her name for a minute. I don’t want Tessa to think I’m trying to get at her through the nanny, but damn it, I want to tell someone, and my group of people who give a shit is excruciatingly small. Fuck it, I’m calling her.
I think for a minute that she’s not going to answer, and wonder if she hates me now, too. When she finally does answer, I have trouble understanding her. She’s out of breath and back in full-blown Scots mode. “Bram, she’s gang te hospital. Tessa, she’s not well.”
“What? Did you say hospital? Is it Tessa, is she okay?”
“Och, I cannae tell ye, I gave my word, but ye need to come back, Bram. Ye need to come back now.”
I don’t need any more encouragement than that. With my heart in my throat, I run out of the office, barking orders into my phone.
Tessa needs me. Mary, please take care of her until I get there.
46
Tessa
I’ve not been feeling well all day. Morning sickness finally kicked in and in spite of its name, it hits me at any time of the day it chooses. I’m a little worried, but I know that first-time mothers worry about everything, and besides, I have an appointment tomorrow with Nicki. It’s great to have an ob/gyn as a best frien
d, but I don’t want to bug her today when I’m seeing her tomorrow, so I leave work and head home.
Mrs. MacThomas has made dinner. I can smell it as soon as I open the car door, even though I’m still in the garage. I think it’s something with cabbage. It certainly smells like cabbage, and my stomach rolls its disapproval. I try to hold my breath as I walk through the kitchen.
“Hello, lovie, oh my, yer looking peely wally.”
Peely wally is Scots for looking like shit, I think.
“Go on up to bed, Tessa, I’ll bring ye some soup and crackers. Many’s the time that’s all I could eat when I was carrying my Rufus.”
I don’t need to be told twice. I stop by the kitchen table where the kids are already eating, and I kiss the tops of their heads.
“Did you have a good day today, munchkins?”
Archie nods his head because, predictably, his mouth is full. I have no idea what smells like cabbage because the kids are eating macaroni and cheese. Which also makes my stomach roll. I quickly concentrate on breathing shallowly through my mouth and looking at the twins instead of their food.
“What about you, Abbie? Did you have a good day?”
Because of Them: Heartfelt Romance Page 20