Concentrate, Charlie.
“I’m sure he was outside the hospital Friday.”
“That reminds me. I told them they could sing carols outside my house Christmas Eve.” He clapped his hands. “I hope Fred wears a bow tie.”
“Great!” My voice was dripping with sarcasm but Charlie didn’t pick up on it. I dug my nails into my palms. While I was struggling with pregnancy, a wizard with fragile confidence, and coming to grips with the magic in the Valley, my wizarding bestie was going on about inconsequential garbage. It was almost as though he was avoiding something. Shit! Does he know? I can’t believe he does. They begged me not to tell him.
I yawned. I’d been asleep all day and yet I was ready to crawl back to bed. “Can we have Hugo’s fireworks replay now?”
“Sure.”
He sent a text and we stood by the window. For three weeks we’d been getting to know one another and becoming closer. We’d had sex, real live sex, video sex, and a hand job at the movie theater. We’d agreed not to have sex again until December 25, but ignored the rule twice. Or was it more? My brain was fried and I couldn’t count.
But now I was hiding something from Charlie and I sensed he was doing the same. There was an invisible barrier between us. It reminded me of two boxers in the ring, circling one another, sizing each other up, before someone landed the first punch.
As the red, green, silver and gold fireworks burst into the dark sky, they lit up the town. I thought of Charlie’s snowman and reindeer and hoped they weren’t scared by the loud noise. And the gingerbread man secreted away in his cozy house, Cyril who had been alone and was lonely no more, Fred and his crooning amphibians, and the comic book heroes the warlock loved to criticize. “Charlie, I just realized something.”
“What’s that?”
“You’ve brought so many people together. You’ve found mates, made friends, made people laugh and taught that wolf shifter that being different is not something to be ashamed of.”
“Mmmm.”
That’s it? The Charlie I knew would have said he couldn’t have done it without me and kissed me on the nose, put me to bed and brought me tea or hot chocolate. But his mind was far away.
I concentrated on the fireworks display as it entered into its finale and ignored the wizard who was biting his lip and fiddling with his hair. Pink smoke billowed into the air and spelled out the words, “Charlie.”
Holy freaking shit! I blinked and it had disappeared. “Did you do that?” I was reminded of the smoke at Hugo’s cabin and wondered if Gerald was nearby.
From the corner of my eye, I peeked at the wizard but he was oohing and ahhing at the crescendo. “That was amazing. I can’t wait for next year’s.”
“Mmmm.” Next time things will be very different. I rubbed my tummy. “Sorry but I’m going to climb into bed. You’re welcome to join me.” I was exhausted and pleased I could pretend to doze while pondering what I’d seen, but as soon as my bed hit the pillow I was out.
Twenty-Three
December Twenty-Third: Charlie
Miles was so distant during the fireworks. But perhaps he’d been reacting to my behavior. Hard to believe that was just after midnight in the early hours of Sunday morning, and here I was, over 24 hours later, fretting about that and tomorrow.
He’d been right all along. It wasn’t the magic. It was us. He didn’t feel about me the way I did about him. The ground under my feet had shattered—just like my heart—and I was clinging to sanity with my fingertips.
But it occurred to me, it didn’t matter what happened as Christmas Day began and the wonkiness fled for another year. My fears had already become reality. The worst had happened.
I slumped onto the sofa, a coffee mug in my hand. And my big idea about confronting him and saying goodbye evaporated when I was by his side. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t or couldn’t love me. Or it might have been too soon after leaving his mate and adjusting to life in the Valley.
Whatever the reason, I’d been the sucker, thinking what was inside me mirrored the omega’s feelings. I’d wanted to explain he didn’t have to fake an illness any longer. I understood. Or I was trying to. The truth was I was crushed.
But heating up the soup had been a thing couples did—or I assumed so—and I wanted us to be together so badly, I’d pretended we were doing what we’d done hundreds of times before and would do again.
And when we watched the fireworks, there was a weird energy around the omega, along with his altered scent. I had been so wrong about everything. My topsy-turvy life had deceived me into thinking I deserved the same happiness as everyone else.
But my wonkiness wasn’t a quirk. It was a warning to keep away. I had to make a decision about my future. One that didn’t include Miles. But before I did, I should speak to Bedwyr. And Hugo was a good friend who needed to hear from me. And Calista. Rosemary too.
The blizzard was still raging, though I’d made it home after sitting in Miles’ living room while he slept. After making him breakfast, I’d made an excuse about needing to work, and while we’d messaged during the day and early evening, we’d talked superficialities.
I’d been frozen with indecision, and now it was Monday and I was no further forward.
Calista! Hugo! Bedwyr! Rosemary! The front door flung open. Snow scattered across the entryway as the witch, two warlocks and one alpha shifter strode inside and brushed themselves off.
“Don’t do anything stupid, Charlie.”
“Wait until Christmas Day.”
“You’re confused.”
Rosemary harrumphed and gave me a hug.
I furrowed my brow as they sat on the couch. “Why are you here?”
“Calista sensed something was wrong,” Bedwyr explained.
“Great.” I was getting good at sarcasm. “And the four of you decided to interfere.”
“No. We care about you, Charlie,” Rosemary chimed in.
“Well, I’m glad you’re in my living room. It saved me having to meet you one at a time.” I knew what I had to do. “I’m leaving.”
“Wait until the storm’s over.” Hugo checked his phone. “According to my app, it should be clear for the shifter’s run at midnight tomorrow.”
Does no one ever listen to me? “The Valley.”
“Is that wise? It’s December 23,” Bedwyr stated. “Wait two more days.”
“Not for a jaunt. I’m giving up my place in the community, handing it over to someone more reliable.”
“But…
“…you…”
“…can’t…”
“…leave!”
“Are you rehearsing for a performance? If so, you’re terrible. Go and ask Fred for pointers!”
“That toad!” Calista growled.
“Oh, sweetheart.” The alpha tousled my hair.
“What are you going to do, Hugo? Weave a spell that keeps me prisoner? And you, Calista? Are you going to hobble me as you did to Rosemary? And Bedwyr, you’ll find someone to replace me.”
“Oh, I don’t care about that,” Bedwyr retorted.
Thanks for the ego boost, boss.
Hugo glanced at the others before saying, “Charlie, trust us when we say you shouldn’t go anywhere.”
My head was spinning and I wished they’d leave. “Did Miles send you? Is he overwhelmed with guilt? Tell him it’s not his fault.”
“You know!” my four visitors whispered.
Now they’re really irritating me. “Yes, he’s not sick. Rosemary told me!”
Three pairs of eyes glowered at the shifter. She threw her hands up in the air, “That’s true. He’s not. Fred told me.”
“It’s all a lie,” I yelled.
“No, it isn’t. But Charlie, I have a confession.” That was Calista.
“Me too.” And Hugo.
And finally Rosemary. “Me three.”
“What about you, Bedwyr?” I waited, expecting him to answer the same way.
“My conscience is clear.”
<
br /> “You first, Calista.”
“On December first, I had an overwhelming desire to visit the supermarket, and I wanted Miles with me.” She stared at her lap.
“You set us up?” I can’t believe this!
“Not on purpose.”
“Same here.” Rosemary tucked her arm in mine. “I’d already shopped for the party and didn’t need anything else. But a voice in my head whispered I had to buy more.”
“Your turn, Hugo,” I said to the spell checker.
“It wasn’t me, it was Arlo. He insisted on buying eggs and needed our help.”
I leaned against the wall and grandpa waved from his photo. “My delivery was screwed up.”
Bedwyr glanced at Hugo and murmured, “It’s obvious.”
“Mmmm,” the warlock replied.
“Someone’s been meddling.” I glanced at each of my visitors in turn.
“Oh, I should have seen it.” Calista slapped her forehead.
Rosemary made a face. “I hate it when you do that. Tell me, please.”
“Charlie, why don’t you explain,” Bedwyr suggested.
“Me? I’m the one being manipulated. I can’t…” But as I protested, the thousands of puzzle pieces which represented my life merged and formed a picture with one missing bit. It started with my birth and continued until the present. “It was me.”
“Initially.”
Rosemary stamped her foot. “Please, will someone explain it to me?”
“My wonkiness started after the last of my siblings died and I sort of wondered if it was because I was in mourning. But even though I still miss my family, I got over that terrible grief and the problems continued.”
“Go on.” Rosemary sat on the edge of the sofa.
“I was searching for something.”
Rosemary’s eyes lit up. “Not something, but someone.”
“Yes. Well, both really.”
The shifter narrowed her eyes. “You had me go to the supermarket, Charlie, so I could invite you and Miles to my party.”
“Unconsciously.” I gave the shifter a hug. “Rosemary, I owe you an apology. I blamed you for matchmaking but it was me reaching out for companionship.” And love. How could I tell Miles?
Calista cleared her throat and I turned to her and said, “I’m surprised it worked on you. My magic is powerful, but to manipulate a witch of your stature is quite something.”
The witch grinned. “It wasn’t you, Charlie.”
“Bedwyr? Hugo?” The two were the only two warlocks capable of that.
“Guess again.”
“If it’s Fred, I need him to give me pointers.”
The witch tapped her nose. “Nope. He’s the town’s biggest gossip. And while I did tell Rosemary I had exciting news, he let slip about the… the thing!”
Hugo mumbled about the toad telling him too. But Rosemary yelled, “Then who?” before I could ask what the thing was.
No. It can’t be. That’s not possible. “Miles! But he doesn’t have magic powers.” But then it hit me. “Except he does.”
“Will someone fill me in?” Rosemary begged.
“Miles was also searching. He used his magic, if you want to call it that, to get me to the supermarket.”
The alpha asked, “Magic?”
“It’s what everyone has inside them, whether they’re a witch, wizard or neither. It’s a desire to connect with people. To be loved.”
“And why was Arlo at the supermarket?” Rosemary jerked her head in my direction. “Was that you, Charlie?”
Hugo interrupted, “Both omegas have much in common so I suspect that was Miles’ doing. Charlie, you and the omega were both searching. That should tell you something.”
“I guess.” I wasn’t prepared to admit my decision to leave the Valley was made because I was hurting.
Rosemary peppered Hugo with another question. “Why this time of year?”
“The 24 days of Advent are a time of waiting, so it makes sense Charlie searched for companionship in December.”
“But why the wonkiness? And why couldn’t he see the future?” The alpha waved her hands around. “I suppose it doesn’t matter because now he has so much to look forward to.”
“I do?” Like what?
The wizards and one witch stood, and taking the alpha by the arm, hurried out the door into the storm.
Twenty-Four
December Twenty-Fourth: Miles
Thank goodness for work.
Charlie had called saying Bedwyr needed him to complete an assignment but he’d be back in time for the shifters’ run at midnight. That gave me plenty of time to fathom how I was going to announce the pregnancy.
But as the hours passed and I glanced at the clock on the wall, my mind was blank. He’d jump to the wrong conclusions, as most sane people would.
I lay on the bed, knees curled up to my chin hugging a bowl. Morning sickness or all day sickness had barged into my life and taken over, and I didn’t have the energy to run to the bathroom.
The phone lay beside me on the pillow and I ignored the frantic messages and refused the incoming calls. He’ll be devastated for so many reasons. While it wasn’t my fault this had happened, the news might break my wonky wizard. I pulled a pillow over my head and screamed, “This is so unfair!”
But I had to do the right thing. Well, not the whole thing. I’m not crazy! Half the thing. Being fifty percent honest was better than not at all, right? “Right?” Hmmm, maybe not. It sounded better in my head than saying it out loud.
Shoving the phone under my ear, I listened as it rang once. He picked up immediately. “It’ll be midnight in a few hours. I’m hoping you’ll be with me when the shifters run and I go back to normal.”
Words caught in my throat and choked me. That fifty percent idea was shit. Who thought that was a good idea? I huddled under the covers and whispered, “I can’t make it tonight, Charlie. I’m really sorry. I was looking forward to it.” Don’t hate me. Please don’t hate me. “But come over in the morning. I’ve got some news.”
“Me too.” Judging by his disembodied voice, it wasn’t good. Maybe I sounded the same to him.
“Perfect.” It wasn’t. We’d planned on being together as Christmas Eve slid into Christmas Day and I’d ruined it. I’d let him down.
“Okay,” he whispered and cut the connection.
Tell him, Miles.
I can’t.
What does it matter? It’s only three hours.
No. He’ll have enough to deal with once the clock strikes twelve.
I struggled with the competing voices in my head and needed everyone to be quiet. Let me think!
There was a tapping at the window. Charlie? I squinted into the darkness. The moon shone on my bedroom window and outlined on the glass was a toad. Fred? I couldn’t understand croaks, but his presence gave me confidence. “Thanks for checking on me, Fred. You’re a pal.” I added, “Sorry, I was wary of you at first.” I gave him a thumbs up. I can do this.
Behind him fluttered a dark shape with its wings outstretched. Gerald! If Charlie and I weren’t spending time together, I might not meet him properly. I waved, and he flapped a wing.
There was a thump on the window. Are they coming in? Despite my becoming used to the Valley and its magical ways, I wasn’t well enough to entertain anyone, let alone a pair of familiars. What would I offer them to eat?
I grabbed the phone, ready to check that out, but a group of toads on the window sill peered at me. The Husky Croakers! Charlie had promised them they could sing in front of his house tonight. But they came to my place. Do they think he’s here?
I pulled myself up and hugged a pillow as the choir crooned and swayed. The little one inside me kicked. Awww, the baby’s a true Valley resident. She loved the singing and I did too. Little one, we belong here. She? I’m certain it’s a girl.
I loved Charlie and wanted him at my side, but I had a tiny life nestled inside me. And the baby had to be my priority. When th
e toads had finished and they bowed, I applauded. It will be okay. It might not be what I want. What my heart wants. But the baby will be born into a community that cares about her.
I would carry my love for the wizard inside me until the end of my days. And part of him would stare back at me each time our child glanced in my direction.
And then I blocked out the world by pulling a pillow over my head.
Twenty-Five
December Twenty-Fifth: Charlie
It’s happening.
Behind me the growls, cheeps and squeaks of the shifters, plus the pounding of their feet over the snowy ground, told me the clock had ticked over to a new day. Advent is over for another year. I’m back to normal and Miles wants nothing to do with me. But he needs to tell me in person.
I exhaled, and my icy breath chased after the shifters, leaving me alone with my despair. I was a project with a start and an end date.
While chatting to Miles on the phone, I’d tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice, but failed. Miserably. I was sure Miles had been genuine in wanting to help, but whereas he saw the finish line, I was a fool and thought of our relationship as a never ending road.
There was a silence followed by snuffling. Maybe he really is sick now! I hated the snarky emotions festering inside me. He was and is my friend. I had to remind myself of that.
He’d told me to come over in the morning. Technically it is morning. It was five minutes past midnight on Christmas Day. I paced over the hard ground chewing my nails and concentrated on the future. I couldn’t see what was happening. My visions came at random moments. I couldn’t call them or will them to happen.
Something was wrong with Miles and I didn’t want him to be alone. Ever. The snow lay thick on the ground after the storm a few days ago but I kept my head down and trudged through it.
His gate was wedged open with snow. “It’s me, Miles. Just checking you’re okay.”
I can’t break in if he doesn’t answer. But as I peered through the glass pane, the door slid open and Miles stood there in track suit pants and a sweat shirt. His face was ashen and there were dark shadows under his eyes. His lower lip quivered as he whispered, “Merry Christmas.”
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