Phantastes: A Faerie Romance for Men and Women

by George MacDonald

  CHAPTER XVII

  “First, I thought, almost despairing, This must crush my spirit now; Yet I bore it, and am bearing-- Only do not ask me how.” HEINE.

  When the daylight came, it brought the possibility of action, but withit little of consolation. With the first visible increase of light,I gazed into the chasm, but could not, for more than an hour, seesufficiently well to discover its nature. At last I saw it was almost aperpendicular opening, like a roughly excavated well, only very large.I could perceive no bottom; and it was not till the sun actually rose,that I discovered a sort of natural staircase, in many parts little morethan suggested, which led round and round the gulf, descending spirallyinto its abyss. I saw at once that this was my path; and without amoment’s hesitation, glad to quit the sunlight, which stared at me mostheartlessly, I commenced my tortuous descent. It was very difficult.In some parts I had to cling to the rocks like a bat. In one place, Idropped from the track down upon the next returning spire of the stair;which being broad in this particular portion, and standing out from thewall at right angles, received me upon my feet safe, though somewhatstupefied by the shock. After descending a great way, I found the stairended at a narrow opening which entered the rock horizontally. Into thisI crept, and, having entered, had just room to turn round. I put my headout into the shaft by which I had come down, and surveyed the course ofmy descent. Looking up, I saw the stars; although the sun must by thistime have been high in the heavens. Looking below, I saw that the sidesof the shaft went sheer down, smooth as glass; and far beneath me, I sawthe reflection of the same stars I had seen in the heavens when I lookedup. I turned again, and crept inwards some distance, when the passagewidened, and I was at length able to stand and walk upright. Wider andloftier grew the way; new paths branched off on every side; great openhalls appeared; till at last I found myself wandering on through anunderground country, in which the sky was of rock, and instead of treesand flowers, there were only fantastic rocks and stones. And ever as Iwent, darker grew my thoughts, till at last I had no hope whatever offinding the white lady: I no longer called her to myself MY white lady.Whenever a choice was necessary, I always chose the path which seemed tolead downwards.

  At length I began to find that these regions were inhabited. From behinda rock a peal of harsh grating laughter, full of evil humour, rangthrough my ears, and, looking round, I saw a queer, goblin creature,with a great head and ridiculous features, just such as those described,in German histories and travels, as Kobolds. “What do you want with me?” I said. He pointed at me with a long forefinger, very thick at the root,and sharpened to a point, and answered, “He! he! he! what do YOUwant here?” Then, changing his tone, he continued, with mockhumility--“Honoured sir, vouchsafe to withdraw from thy slaves thelustre of thy august presence, for thy slaves cannot support itsbrightness.” A second appeared, and struck in: “You are so big, you keepthe sun from us. We can’t see for you, and we’re so cold.” Thereuponarose, on all sides, the most terrific uproar of laughter, from voiceslike those of children in volume, but scrannel and harsh as those ofdecrepit age, though, unfortunately, without its weakness. The wholepandemonium of fairy devils, of all varieties of fantastic ugliness,both in form and feature, and of all sizes from one to four feet, seemedto have suddenly assembled about me. At length, after a great babble oftalk among themselves, in a language unknown to me, and after seeminglyendless gesticulation, consultation, elbow-nudging, and unmitigatedpeals of laughter, they formed into a circle about one of their number,who scrambled upon a stone, and, much to my surprise, and somewhat tomy dismay, began to sing, in a voice corresponding in its nature to histalking one, from beginning to end, the song with which I had broughtthe light into the eyes of the white lady. He sang the same air too;and, all the time, maintained a face of mock entreaty and worship;accompanying the song with the travestied gestures of one playing onthe lute. The whole assembly kept silence, except at the close of everyverse, when they roared, and danced, and shouted with laughter, andflung themselves on the ground, in real or pretended convulsions ofdelight. When he had finished, the singer threw himself from the topof the stone, turning heels over head several times in his descent; andwhen he did alight, it was on the top of his head, on which he hoppedabout, making the most grotesque gesticulations with his legs in theair. Inexpressible laughter followed, which broke up in a shower oftiny stones from innumerable hands. They could not materially injure me,although they cut me on the head and face. I attempted to run away, butthey all rushed upon me, and, laying hold of every part that affordeda grasp, held me tight. Crowding about me like bees, they shouted aninsect-swarm of exasperating speeches up into my face, among which themost frequently recurring were--“You shan’t have her; you shan’t haveher; he! he! he! She’s for a better man; how he’ll kiss her! how he’llkiss her!”

  The galvanic torrent of this battery of malevolence stung to life withinme a spark of nobleness, and I said aloud, “Well, if he is a better man,let him have her.”

  They instantly let go their hold of me, and fell back a step or two,with a whole broadside of grunts and humphs, as of unexpected anddisappointed approbation. I made a step or two forward, and a lane wasinstantly opened for me through the midst of the grinning little antics,who bowed most politely to me on every side as I passed. After I hadgone a few yards, I looked back, and saw them all standing quite still,looking after me, like a great school of boys; till suddenly one turnedround, and with a loud whoop, rushed into the midst of the others. Inan instant, the whole was one writhing and tumbling heap of contortion,reminding me of the live pyramids of intertwined snakes of whichtravellers make report. As soon as one was worked out of the mass, hebounded off a few paces, and then, with a somersault and a run, threwhimself gyrating into the air, and descended with all his weight on thesummit of the heaving and struggling chaos of fantastic figures. I leftthem still busy at this fierce and apparently aimless amusement. And asI went, I sang--

  If a nobler waits for thee, I will weep aside; It is well that thou should’st be, Of the nobler, bride.

  For if love builds up the home, Where the heart is free, Homeless yet the heart must roam, That has not found thee.

  One must suffer: I, for her Yield in her my part Take her, thou art worthier-- Still I be still, my heart!

  Gift ungotten! largess high Of a frustrate will! But to yield it lovingly Is a something still.

  Then a little song arose of itself in my soul; and I felt for themoment, while it sank sadly within me, as if I was once more walking upand down the white hall of Phantasy in the Fairy Palace. But this lastedno longer than the song; as will be seen.

  Do not vex thy violet Perfume to afford: Else no odour thou wilt get From its little hoard.

  In thy lady’s gracious eyes Look not thou too long; Else from them the glory flies, And thou dost her wrong.

  Come not thou too near the maid, Clasp her not too wild; Else the splendour is allayed, And thy heart beguiled.

  A crash of laughter, more discordant and deriding than any I had yetheard, invaded my ears. Looking on in the direction of the sound, I sawa little elderly woman, much taller, however, than the goblins I hadjust left, seated upon a stone by the side of the path. She rose, as Idrew near, and came forward to meet me.

  She was very plain and commonplace in appearance, without beinghideously ugly. Looking up in my face with a stupid sneer, she said:“Isn’t it a pity you haven’t a pretty girl to walk all alone withyou through this sweet country? How different everything would look?wouldn’t it? Strange that one can never have what one would like best!How the roses would bloom and all that, even in this infernal hole!wouldn’t they, Anodos? Her eyes would light up the old c
ave, wouldn’tthey?”

  “That depends on who the pretty girl should be,” replied I.

  “Not so very much matter that,” she answered; “look here.”

  I had turned to go away as I gave my reply, but now I stopped and lookedat her. As a rough unsightly bud might suddenly blossom into the mostlovely flower; or rather, as a sunbeam bursts through a shapeless cloud,and transfigures the earth; so burst a face of resplendent beauty, as itwere THROUGH the unsightly visage of the woman, destroying it with lightas it dawned through it. A summer sky rose above me, gray with heat;across a shining slumberous landscape, looked from afar the peaks ofsnow-capped mountains; and down from a great rock beside me fell a sheetof water mad with its own delight.

  “Stay with me,” she said, lifting up her exquisite face, and lookingfull in mine.

  I drew back. Again the infernal laugh grated upon my ears; again therocks closed in around me, and the ugly woman looked at me with wicked,mocking hazel eyes.

  “You shall have your reward,” said she. “You shall see your white ladyagain.”

  “That lies not with you,” I replied, and turned and left her.

  She followed me with shriek upon shriek of laughter, as I went on myway.

  I may mention here, that although there was always light enough to seemy path and a few yards on every side of me, I never could find out thesource of this sad sepulchral illumination.