Friends to the End

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “All that is why I think I’m going to change offices and move home. I proved myself, but I think I lost part of me at the same time. I want that back.”

  “I didn’t think there were any major banks in Walnut Creek.”

  “There aren’t, but there’s an office of Champion Bank in New Philadelphia. That’s one of the reasons I was in town when Andy called. I had an interview there with the branch manager yesterday morning.”

  New Philly was close. Only a ten-minute drive on the highway. It was also nice enough, but it was still really small. Definitely a long ways away from working in downtown Cleveland. “There isn’t much there, is there?”

  “Nope.” Looking strangely pleased, Marie shook her head. “There’s not much at all. It’s going to mean a pay cut, too. But on the flip side, I also won’t be expected to work sixty hours a week.”

  “I can see how that would be a plus.”

  “Exactly.” Propping a hand on her hip, she looked around. “Let’s go unpack the food we brought and see if we can make soup or something over the fire.”

  “I can’t believe you guys brought all of these supplies.”

  “I wouldn’t have even thought about it, but Harley’s neighbor told him that another storm was coming and we should be prepared for anything. After we picked up Elizabeth Ann, we headed straight to the supercenter and stocked up.”

  They’d come to see her and Logan even knowing they’d probably get stuck. “I hope I would have done this for someone else. I’m not sure, though.”

  Marie waved a hand, effectively brushing off her comment. “Of course you would have. You’d do it for Andy, right?”

  “Well, yes.” But he was her brother. “I just meant—”

  Marie cut her off. “Don’t worry about it, Tricia. It’s not a contest or anything. It’s just life.”

  Tricia liked that way of thinking. It made a lot of sense. Yes, absolutely. Everything that had been happening with Emerson and school and the storm . . . it was just life.

  Life was messy and complicated, and not always going according to plan.

  There was something to say for that.

  “Hey, Trish?”

  “Yes?”

  For the first time since her arrival, Marie looked tentative. “Look, I know this is none of my business, but you do know that Logan already joined his church, right? He’s been baptized. He’s not going to stop being Amish.”

  “I realize that.”

  “So—”

  “I’m well aware that we don’t have a future.”

  Marie looked away. “I’m sorry.”

  She lifted one shoulder. “Don’t be. You . . . well, you are right. Life is messy and complicated. Especially when it comes to relationships.”

  A new line of worry creased Marie’s perfect brow. “I hate to say it, but I think you’re right. Relationships of all kinds are hard.” Lowering her voice, she continued. “Sometimes they’re so hard, it makes a person wonder why they even try.”

  Before Tricia could figure out how to respond to that, Marie turned to face her again. “Sometimes I think that it’s a wonder any of us ever try to get involved with other people at all.”

  ELEVEN

  And so it continued. Sarah and Andy played so well together that one would have thought they had dreams of turning professional.

  Me and Logan? It was more like Logan was playing volleyball and I was trying to stay out of his way.

  What do you think Andy is going to say about you keeping company with his little sister?” Harley said as soon as Elizabeth Ann had left them to go into the house.

  Logan and Harley had decided to take Pet and Priss for a brief walk in the snowy field by the cabin. Usually, Logan would have chosen to keep the horses inside, but they weren’t in the best situation and their stalls weren’t especially roomy. With the storm on the way, he wanted to give them some time to stretch their legs.

  Glad that he’d put his gloves back on, he and Harley each took a horse and walked with it outside.

  “Harley, I’m not sure what you want me to say to that. You know Andy called and asked me to go get Tricia.”

  “Jah. He called you to get Tricia. Not sleep in a cabin next to her.”

  “We couldn’t leave. There’s no way it would have been safe for either Tricia or Pet and Priss.”

  “You know I ain’t talking about the horses.”

  Now Logan was getting irritated. “You would’ve done the same thing, Harley. There’s no heat. I wasn’t going to make her sleep in one of the bedrooms by herself. And I’m a good friend, but not good enough to volunteer to freeze in one of them all for propriety.”

  “Protest all you want, but I still think that he ain’t going to be happy with you.”

  “We haven’t done anything. It’s Tricia.”

  Harley laughed. “Exactly. You’ve liked Andy’s little shveshtah for years . . . and she’s always had a crush on you.”

  “If you think all that, then you’ll be pleased to learn that she and I contained ourselves and didn’t do anything.”

  “Ah.”

  “You also know that I got baptized the same year you did. There’s no chance that Trish and I can have a future. I’m not jumping the fence.”

  “I remember you got baptized. That happened about four months after me, right?”

  “Jah.”

  “So only John B. hasn’t. I wonder why.”

  “John B. is confused about his life,” Logan said. “He works at that Englisch company and has always liked modern things. I think he’s been straddling two worlds for quite some time, even though his parents have no idea about that.”

  “Mine would be shocked.”

  “Mine would, too, but that doesn’t matter. That isn’t me.”

  Harley nodded slowly. “I guess you do have a point about John.” They went to the edge of the field, encouraged the horses to turn, and then released them.

  Usually, Pet and Priss would have enjoyed the freedom and run around a little bit. However, the horses just looked annoyed by the cold, snowy day. Pet blew out a burst of impatient air and pawed the ground.

  Logan chuckled. “I hear ya, Pet. We’re heading back now.”

  As they started walking, he glanced back at Harley. “Look, I know you are only asking because you care, but I would never disrespect Tricia or Andy. And I don’t think Tricia would, either. She’s a nice girl.”

  “I’ve always liked her. And, as odd as it sounds, I’ve even been able to see you two together. Do you know what I mean?”

  Logan wanted to say no. To share that he’d learned a long time ago that it didn’t do anyone any good to start thinking about things that could never be.

  But he didn’t want to lie. And that was the hardest part to admit to himself. Because he could see that, too.

  “I know what you mean.” He liked being around her. He liked how they complemented each other and that being with her was so easy.

  “Maybe she’d want to . . .” His voice drifted off.

  Logan was grateful for that small favor. Tricia was a lot of things, but a girl contemplating becoming Amish? No, that wasn’t her, not at all.

  Ignoring the sudden burst of sadness that ran through him, he opened the shed’s door. “Let’s get the horses settled in their stalls.”

  They worked for the next twenty minutes, easing them inside, giving them fresh grain and hay. Breaking ice from the trough outside and getting the horses fresh water. Finally, they fastened the horse blankets onto the two of them. Neither horse shied away from the weight, seeming to enjoy the added comfort.

  “Danke for bringing these for Pet and Priss. It was kind of you.”

  “It wasn’t anything. Glad to do it.” As they started back to the cabin, Harley smiled at him. “After all, that’s what friends are for, ain’t so?”

  Fighting the lump that had formed in his throat, Logan nodded.

  TWELVE

  But then it happened. Sarah served, the ball sail
ed right toward me, and I folded my hands together. Then, wonder of wonders, I bumped it right back over the net. Since neither Sarah nor Andy was ready, we got a point.

  Suddenly, the game was tied. “Look at you, Trish!” Logan exclaimed.

  Maybe I was starting to look like a volleyball player? I don’t know. I couldn’t see much past how perfect his smile was.

  Somehow, even though the snowstorm was still raging outside, their newcomers had injected a party atmosphere into the cabin. Tricia could hardly believe how different she felt compared to just twenty-four hours earlier.

  Then, she’d felt entirely alone in the world, and the lack of electricity had only intensified those feelings. It had taken everything she had to simply call her brother for help.

  Later, when Logan joined her, she’d felt comforted, but had also fought an underlying tension brewing between them.

  Logan symbolized so many things that she shouldn’t want and couldn’t have. She’d vacillated between being grateful for his presence and wishing he’d never come. She’d felt almost like a child again, torn between wanting a toy she couldn’t have and realizing that it was always going to be out of her reach.

  Now? With four of the Eight in the midst? Even in the dark, their laughter and warmth illuminated the room.

  After they’d unloaded Marie’s vehicle and put all the dry goods on the table, Tricia was amazed. It seemed like they’d intended to stay for a week instead of just one night. Marie had laughed when she saw Tricia’s incredulous expression. “You’re going to have to get used to my tendency to pack everything but the kitchen sink, Trish. I’m willing to change a lot of things about myself but not that.”

  Tricia had grinned and, inside, felt a new warmth flow through her. Marie was talking as if they were now friends and would be spending time together again soon.

  Later, after Harley and Logan got back from taking care of the horses, it became a game of sorts to make the best meal without electricity.

  They’d done a good job of it, too. Harley, Logan, and Elizabeth Ann made a stew in a large cast-iron pot on the fire. Later, Tricia and Marie found some old coat hangers, untwisted them, and passed out marshmallows. True to the Eight, they’d all started joking about who could do the best job of roasting the confection before mashing it between two graham crackers and a piece of chocolate.

  Now the five of them were wrapped up in blankets, layers of clothes, and thick socks and sitting in a semicircle, almost silently watching the flames. The fire’s glow made the large room seem cozier and more intimate.

  Marie sighed. “It’s a shame that we have to have Andy call us for help in order to get together. We should do things like this more often.”

  Elizabeth Ann, her strawberry blonde hair glowing almost pink in the firelight, wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know why we don’t. I guess we all get too busy with our ‘important’ things.”

  Logan, who’d managed to heat up a kettle of water over the fire and then brew a cup of coffee in Tricia’s mother’s French press, set his mug down and stretched out his legs. “You know why we don’t do it, E. A. It’s because we’ve always counted on Andy to do the planning.”

  Elizabeth nodded. “This is true.” She smiled at Tricia. “And here, even from Florida, your bruder’s gone and done it again. We’re having an impromptu slumber party, something that hasn’t happened in years. I wish he was here. He’d love it.”

  “I’m grateful that Andy called you all, and I know he’d love being here, but I can’t believe he’s really been that instrumental in getting all of you together over the years,” Tricia said. “Surely you all meet every now and then without his prodding?”

  “You’re right, some of us do get together from time to time,” Elizabeth Ann said. “But it’s not the same.” Glancing at Marie, she shrugged. “I don’t know why.”

  Harley chuckled. “Tricia, you might be younger than us, but you’re no fool. You know as well as we do that your bruder likes to be in charge.”

  “Yes, but I thought that was just his bossy nature. I mean, he loves to tell everyone what to do.”

  “There are some people who are simply gut at making plans,” Logan said. “Andy is one of them. I can reach out to everyone and say hello, but I never come up with the ideas and encourage everyone to drop what they’re doing to make it happen.”

  Marie smiled, her white teeth practically glowing in the darkened room. “He sure got me going last night. I wasn’t on the phone with him five minutes before I was pulling out a suitcase from under my bed.”

  “You mean suitcases, plural,” Harley teased. “I’ve never known a woman who needed so many things for every little thing she does.”

  “You seemed to enjoy those s’mores, Harley.”

  He winked at Tricia. “I suppose I did at that.”

  Logan stretched out his legs. “Well, I for one am glad you all came. I tried to be of help to Tricia, but all that happened is I put my horses in her shed and helped her eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”

  “You know you did more than that,” Tricia protested. “You brought me Oreos, too.”

  “You and your Oreos, Logan,” Harley murmured.

  “Hey, they make everything better!”

  Smiling at him, Tricia continued. “I’m not going to lie. I was really scared until Logan showed up.”

  “I’m glad I got here yesterday,” Logan murmured. “I don’t like to think of you ever being scared and alone.”

  Elizabeth Ann tucked her legs under her dress as she turned to her. “Tricia, I know we probably aren’t supposed to ask, but why did you come up here in the first place?”

  Logan’s face turned serious. “E. A. . . .”

  “No, Elizabeth Ann’s right to wonder,” Tricia protested. “I think I owe all of you an explanation for my behavior.”

  “You actually don’t,” Logan said.

  E. A. bit her bottom lip. “If you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to. You know I have a bad habit of being too blunt.”

  Tricia looked at all four faces staring back at her, each person waiting for her to say something to explain her situation. Even, she realized with a start, Logan.

  “I don’t know how much you know about what I’ve been doing. Andy has probably told you that I’m a junior at Bowling Green.”

  “He’s told us you’ve made the dean’s list every semester in some kind of mathematics,” Harley said. “You’re quite the scholar.”

  That praise embarrassed her. “I’m good at numbers. I’m about two-thirds of the way to earning a degree in applied mathematics.”

  Marie smiled at her. “I majored in accounting. I did fine, but I was definitely in the middle of the road, as far as grades go. Getting on the dean’s list is commendable.”

  “We’re all really proud of you,” Elizabeth Ann said. “Andy especially.”

  “Thank you, but I don’t know if I deserve so much praise. School has always been easy for me.” Feeling like she was laying herself bare, she said, “Unfortunately, it’s everything else that is so hard. I haven’t had a very good time there. I haven’t had a lot of luck making friends.”

  “Not even in your math classes?” Elizabeth Ann asked.

  “That’s the thing. A lot of the math nerds like me are real good with numbers but not necessarily with other people. And the ones who do make an effort?” She shuddered, just thinking about some of the conversations. “They’re either really awkward or they revolve around school and math and future jobs. That’s not their fault, though. It’s mine.”

  “So that’s why you came up here? Because you were lonely?” Marie asked.

  Realizing how odd that would be, Tricia shook her head. “No. I did end up making two good girlfriends. I thought we were close, but then I started seeing Emerson.”

  “Let me guess, one of your friends didn’t like that one bit?”

  Tricia shook her head. “I was such a mess. I thought Jen and Emerson were literally just friends.
You know, like all of you. But it turns out that Jen thought they were a true couple. So when I went out with him, she got mad and refused to talk to me. I felt so bad and alone, I ended up seeing Emerson longer than I should have. Then we got in a fight and I told him that we were done.”

  “And that didn’t go over real well?”

  Remembering how ugly it had gotten, she said, “Your guess is right. He said some hurtful things that I can’t seem to stop thinking about.”

  “You need to ignore what he said and try to forget about it,” Marie said. “Trust me, everyone says things they don’t mean when they’re hurting.”

  “I would’ve brushed off his remarks if I thought they were all lies. But the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize he might have been right.”

  “What did he say?” Marie asked.

  She really didn’t want to share it. But so far, keeping it all to herself hadn’t done any good. All she kept doing was trying to hide from herself. Taking a deep breath, she said, “He said I held everything in. That the problem wasn’t the math students or the school or even our breakup. It was me. I didn’t know how to have relationships.”

  Harley asked, breaking his silence, “Why would you think that would be true?”

  “Why wouldn’t it be?” Feeling awkward and frustrated, Tricia waved a hand. “I mean, look at what’s happened.”

  “We’re all hanging out at your family’s cabin and eating too much?” Logan asked.

  “No. Of course not. I mean, I get in trouble . . . who do I call? My brother. Why don’t I have a large circle of friends like he does?”

  “Because you don’t need one,” Logan said.

  She gaped at him. “Of course I do.”

  “Nee,” he said, shaking his head. “You are misunderstanding me. Tricia, I’m not saying you don’t need friends. I’m saying that you don’t need another circle of friends because you have us.”

  His words were sweet but not exactly accurate. “That’s kind of you to say, but I can’t help but think about when we were all little. Logan has little sisters, I went to school with Marie’s younger brother. How come I didn’t click with anyone like Andy did?” She held up a hand. “And that’s a rhetorical question. I don’t think there’s a real answer there.”