Attempted Adventuring (The Attempted Vampirism Series Book 2)

by L. G. Estrella

  Attempted Adventuring

  A vampire noble’s work is never done – just ask Jonathan.

  Once upon a time, Jonathan lived a life as a scholar. He had his own wonderful castle with a wonderful library. Well, the library had been wonderful. The castle had kind of been a wreck. Still, it had been his castle, and he’d liked it. Alas, a run in with the Blood Alliance Department of Taxation left him without a castle and with little to his name except some fuzzy bunny slippers and a dressing gown.

  Yet with the help of his faithful servant Miles, Jonathan was able to join an intrepid group of adventurers. With their help, he would earn his fortune and get his castle back! At least, that was the plan. Their first mission was rather more dangerous than he’d like. It involved numerous near-death experiences, eldritch horrors, and the spirit of a long-dead vampire emperor. On the upside, they got paid.

  Of course, one mission won’t be enough, and there’s nothing scarier than vampire tax collectors. If Jonathan wants to get his castle back, he’ll have to go on more missions. Tougher missions. Scarier missions. Missions that make him question the sanity of dwarf architecture. And their newest mission is a doozy. But if he and the others can survive sea monsters, ancient evils, and an unlikely pair of allies, they might just strike it rich.

  With the help of his loyal butler, a wandering werewolf, a merman who enjoys dry land, a shape-shifter who can’t change back to her original form, and a former paladin who has managed to survive four accusations of heresy, Jonathan might just stand a chance.

  One way or another, Jonathan is getting his castle back.

  Attempted Adventuring

  L. G. Estrella

  The Attempted Vampirism Series Part Two

  Kindle First Edition

  Copyright © April 2020 L. G. Estrella

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Prologue

  Part One

  Interlude One

  Part Two

  Interlude Two

  Part Three

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  More From L. G. Estrella

  Copyright and Disclaimer

  Prologue

  Jonathan peered into the cave and fought the urge to run. It was absolutely enormous, a vast cavern that could easily have served as the heart of some ancient and storied dwarf kingdom. And like any good dwarf kingdom, it was full of treasure. Chests were scattered across the ground, and piles of jewels, coins, and other trinkets littered the area. Shimmering veins of crystal lined the walls, and pillars of rock studded with the gleaming material spanned the gulf between the floor and ceiling of the cave. Elsewhere, piles of mangled, half-melted armour hinted at the extremely unpleasant and untimely demises of previous adventurers.

  “Are you sure it’s gone?” Jonathan asked. He was sorely tempted to use [Scry], but he couldn’t risk drawing the owner of the cave back with his magic. If that thing came back, then this little mission would go from risky to suicidal. True, his life had taken a turn for the worse after the loss of his castle and possessions, but Jonathan still happened to enjoy living. Besides, he could hardly get all of his stuff back if he was dead.

  “Yes, I’m sure.” Eric stepped confidently into the cave and gestured for the rest of them to follow him. “I’ve spent the past several days watching this place. It always leaves at the same time each night, and it’s always gone for at least three hours. It left fifteen minutes ago, which should give us more than enough time to find what we’re looking for, grab some extra loot, and go. By the time it realises we were even here, we’ll be long gone.”

  “I hope you’re right because if it comes back while we’re still here…”

  “Yes, I know. We’ll all die in hideous, screaming agony.” The werewolf chuckled and gave them another one of those decidedly lupine grins of his. The ladies Eric courted in taverns and inns loved the expression, but Jonathan was less enamoured of it since it was usually followed by something going horribly wrong before he was forced to run for his life. “Believe me, I get it. It’s scary, but the sooner we find what we’re looking for, the sooner we can leave.” His grin widened. “Or do you want to get up close and personal with an ancient draco-hydra?”

  Jonathan was fluent in more than a dozen ancient languages, but none of them had a word for how little he wanted to be anywhere near an ancient draco-hydra, especially one that was likely to be mad. With a chuckle that was equal parts nervous and hysterical, he hurried into the cave. Hydras were terrifying enough, but draco-hydras occupied their own position in the pantheon of creatures he never, ever wanted to meet. They were a cross between a dragon and a hydra, multi-headed, winged monstrosities that had supposedly been created when two of the gods had gotten extremely inebriated and had decided to combine their two favourite monsters into some kind of super monster. The result, needless to say, had been the stuff of nightmares.

  To make matters worse, this cave belonged to an ancient draco-hydra, not a regular one, which meant they were dealing with an older, more powerful, and far more vicious member of the species. Even more concerning was the sheer size of the cavern. According to the research he’d reviewed before this mission, there was a strong correlation between the size of a draco-hydra and the size of its lair. A smaller lair meant a smaller beast, but a gigantic lair meant a gigantic beast. Oh, sure, Eric had told him the monster wasn’t that scary, but he and the werewolf had very, very different definitions of scary.

  “Let’s get this over with,” Jonathan said. “Even if we do have more than two hours before it’s supposed to come back, I don’t want to be here a second longer than necessary. We need to get the chest and go.”

  “We should also check if there is anything else worth taking.” Blue Scales took a moment to study the layout of the cave before he followed them into the gloom. Silhouetted against the moonlight that filled the entrance, his scales shone a deep sapphire. “If we’re going to be stealing from a giant monster, we might as well steal as much as we can. Whether it’s one coin or a thousand, its wrath will still be terrible to behold if it catches us.”

  Jonathan once again fought the urge to scream. Draco-hydras were notoriously possessive. Taking even a single coin could drive one into a blood rage that typically ended in the slaughter of any would-be thieves. The thought of what the creature would do to them if it caught them with several chests was too horrible to contemplate.

  “He does raise a good point,” Aria said. Jonathan gaped at the former paladin in disbelief. She was usually the sensible one, the one he could rely on to not take the option that led to agonising death. “And our employer did say we could keep anything else we found, provided we retrieved the chest he wanted undamaged and unopened.”

  Eileen held up a sign. I can use my shadow imps to store some of what we take, but we’ll probably have to haul most of it back to the boat ourselves. A few chests should be fine, but don’t get too greedy. It’s better to be alive and moderately wealthy than to be rich and in the belly of a monster.

  “Come on.” Jonathan hurried deeper into the cave. “We need to find that chest.”

  “Stop worrying.” Eric pulled out a pouch their client had given them. It was filled with things that had been kept alongside the chest in the past, and it shouldn’t take him long to track down the chest once he had its scent. “We’ve still got plenty of time before it comes back.”

  Using his excellent sense of smell and [Seek], Eric led them to the back of the lair and a large pile of chests. Near the bottom of the pile was the chest they wanted. Baron Nightbarrow hadn’t tol
d them what was in it, and Jonathan was wise enough not to ask. Moreover, the vampire noble had been clear about what they should do when they found it. He wanted it back intact and unopened, and he was willing to pay generously to ensure his orders were followed to the letter. Curiosity was all well and good, but Jonathan much preferred the extra coin, as did the others.

  Even so, he couldn’t help but be curious. Whatever was inside the chest must be incredibly important. The chest itself was made of enchanted oak inlaid with rune-covered silver and gold. The low hum of more than a dozen protective enchantments filled the air, and he could sense at least another four enchantments ready to activate if the chest was somehow damaged. The baron must have paid handsomely to have the chest made.

  “This is it, all right.” Eric nudged Jonathan with his elbow. “What did I tell you? Easy.”

  Jonathan released a breath he hadn’t even realised he’d been holding and allowed himself to relax ever so slightly. “Fine. You were right. It was easy. Can you lift it?”

  Eric hefted the chest up onto one shoulder. It was roughly a third the size of the coffin Jonathan had recently purchased, but Eric wasn’t having any difficulty with it at all. Like Jonathan, Eric was far stronger than any normal human, even without transforming into his lupine form. “Huh? It’s not as heavy as it looks. Well, I won’t complain.” He glanced at Blue Scales. “You know what this means, right?”

  The merman bared his sharp teeth. “It’s time for us to add to our profits.” He was eyeing several chests that had broken open when they’d been tossed onto the pile. Inside were bolts of fine silk that radiated magic from every fibre. “Cloth like that is not only difficult to produce but also easy and profitable to sell.”

  Grab it. Eileen padded over to a pile of gemstones. Several of her shadow imps emerged, and the little creatures chittered amongst themselves as they shoved as many gemstones as they could into shadowy sacks that vanished once they were full. And keep an eye out for traps. Many merchants put traps on their merchandise to discourage bandits and thieves. The last thing we need is an explosion drawing the draco-hydra back early.

  “Indeed.” Miles had remained silent since they’d entered the cave. He was the one in charge of watching the entrance, and he was not about to shirk his duty. He would, as he always did, trust Jonathan to make the correct decisions before doing his best to follow Jonathan’s orders. It never ceased to humble the vampire that someone so competent had stayed loyal to him despite his impoverishment. Miles was about to continue to speak when his brows furrowed, and he fell silent. Jonathan stopped mid-stride. He knew that expression.

  “What’s wrong?” Jonathan had been on his way to grab some gold coins. Gemstones and precious fabrics were all well and good, but there was something to be said about having access to plenty of currency. “Miles?”

  The butler swallowed thickly as his composure slipped ever so slightly. “I do believe we may have a problem, sir.”

  “What do you –”

  There was a tremendous crash from outside the cave. The ground shook, and the moonlight that had filled the entrance vanished as a huge, multi-headed form thumped into the ground. With his keen vampiric sight, Jonathan had no problems whatsoever in seeing the beast. It was truly magnificent. Its scales were deep burgundy – the colour of fine wine – and its nine heads were in constant motion as it tasted the air and searched the area for intruders. Its wings flared, and the sudden gale they birthed nearly knocked Jonathan off his feet. Eighteen ruby eyes narrowed as the ancient draco-hydra caught some unfamiliar scents and noticed some things either missing or out of place. As it stomped forward with a low, sibilant hiss, Jonathan took careful note of its awkward gait. Dragons were graceful creatures that could move with unmatched speed and elegance despite their size. Hydras were the opposite, and this monster seemed to take more after them than its fire-breathing cousins. But even if hydras were far from graceful, they could cover plenty of ground in a hurry if they wanted to. He would have to assume this creature could do the same.

  Without a word, they all ran for cover. There was a time for valour and a time to stay very quiet and hope for the best. Now was definitely an example of the latter. Jonathan found himself huddling behind a boulder with Miles. Not far away, Eric and Blue Scales had hidden behind a pillar of rock while Eileen and Aria took shelter behind a towering pile of treasure.

  “I thought we were supposed to have more than two hours left?” Jonathan hissed. He would have screamed at Eric, but the draco-hydra had moved into the cave. Each step it took shook the cavern, and the tinkling of coins and gemstones as they shifted in their piles provided an eerie counterpart to the low, angry hissing of the gargantuan reptile. “I doubt it’s even been half an hour!”

  “Don’t blame me,” Eric shot back. He chanced a quick look around the pillar only to jerk back as the draco-hydra’s heads shifted their attention his way. In the dim light of the cave, its ruby eyes glowed a baleful red. “I’m telling you, I watched this place for days. This thing has never come back this quickly before. Something must have happened.”

  “So what do we do?” Jonathan whispered. A normal person would not have been able to hear him, but Eric was hardly a normal person. “There’s only one way out of the cave, and the draco-hydra is standing between us and the entrance.”

  Eric fought to keep his balance as the monster rumbled closer with all the force and weight of an avalanche or an earthquake. “We could try fighting our way past it.”

  “Are you insane?” Jonathan just barely managed to keep from jabbing one finger in the direction of the draco-hydra. “Look at it! It has to be at least a hundred feet tall, and it has nine heads! Nine! And all of them spit molten acid, the kind that can melt through enchanted armour with ease. For crying out loud, it’s so big it could just step on us.”

  Eric grimaced. “Okay, maybe fighting it isn’t the best idea, but there’s no way we’ll be able to sneak past it.” The draco-hydra stopped. For several long moments, the only sounds in the cave were the hissing of its heads. “Look at that. It’s not moving. It knows we’re here even if it doesn’t know exactly where we are. If it’s anything like a normal hydra, it’ll be willing to wait days to make sure it gets us. Hydras are bastards like that.”

  “It only has to wait until morning.” Jonathan mentally reviewed the layout of the cave. “Sunlight should fill most of the cave, and if it doesn’t, there’s more than enough things in here to reflect sunlight further in.” Needless to say, Jonathan was not looking forward to that. No vampire would. He nodded at Blue Scales. “Can you do anything? Maybe you could use one of your Words to drive it back with water while we run for the entrance.”

  The merman tightened his hold on his trident. “I could try, but our opponent is exceedingly large and heavy. Even with the strongest of my Words, I doubt I could summon enough water to overwhelm it before it could strike us down. Using my stronger Words also runs the risk of drowning the rest of you.”

  “Good point.” Jonathan also wasn’t sure if the water Blue Scales summoned would count as living water. Apart from sunlight, living water was one of the worst things a vampire could encounter. It wouldn’t kill him, but he’d be in no condition to fight or even flee if he was submerged in it. At this rate, they might actually have no choice but to try fighting their way past. Oh, whom was he kidding? They’d be lucky to last longer than a minute in a proper fight. Naturally, that was when the Blood Emperor decided to chime in with his opinion on this somewhat sub-optimal turn of events. After all, Jonathan was his anchor. He could hardly afford to let him get eaten, crushed, or melted.

  It would seem that your group’s cunning plan to retrieve the chest without any trouble has run into a large, draco-hydra-shaped problem. Despite the gravity of the situation, the ancient vampire somehow managed to radiate amusement. In fairness, had he been alive and well, the Blood Emperor could have slain the beast himself, at least if the stories of his power were anything to go by.

&nbs
p; “That is a polite way of putting it.” Jonathan could think of more than a dozen other ways to put it, none of which were very polite.

  Plans rarely survive contact with the enemy. A good ruler must not only be wise and powerful but also adaptable. In Jonathan’s mind, the Blood Emperor’s eyes gleamed, twin pinpoints of crimson light.

  “But you have a plan, right?” Jonathan noticed the others staring at him and smiled hopefully. “We’ll be all right. I think the Blood Emperor has a plan.”

  Perhaps you should wait until after I’ve revealed my brilliant plan before you celebrate. The Blood Emperor grinned crookedly. Draco-hydras are immensely powerful, especially the ancient ones. However, much like regular hydras, their eyes are instinctively drawn to motion, and they have a tendency to fixate on whatever they perceive to be the greatest threat in any situation. The entrance to the cave is not that far. If you could capture its attention, there’s a good chance the others could escape unharmed.

  “Why do I get the feeling I won’t like the rest of your plan?” Jonathan looked at Aria. She was likely too far away to hear him, but there was no doubt in his mind that Eileen could. The shape-shifter was in her bear form, but one of her shadow imps was holding up a small wooden sign for Aria to read. If only he could communicate with Aria some other way. Wait! How about sign language? His hands blurred into motion, but Aria shook her head. Apparently, she was not familiar with the sign language favoured by the Raccoon Empire.

  To be brutally honest, Miles, Eric, and Aria cannot do enough damage to completely capture the draco-hydra’s attention without being killed almost instantly. Blue Scales might be able to do it but only if he was willing to risk drowning us all.

  Jonathan looked heavenward. The gods, however, remained stonily silent with regards to his looming predicament. “You want me to blast it with some of your power, don’t you?” The lead weight in his stomach was growing heavier by the second. “Wait… what about Eileen?”