Emotionless (The Emotionless Book 1)

by Shaina Anastasi

  “I see.” I took a sip of my hot chocolate, it had that dense, thick, dark chocolate taste that was mouth-watering.

  Not that many places serve hot chocolate. Only a fair few knew how much I enjoyed sweets. Years ago, it was in a few of my blogs I had to write, to entertain my fans that loved the Frost family. It surprised me when Raymond remembered. “This place is nice. I’d like to come here again… with you.”

  Lawliet smiled. That same smile that made me say that he was beautiful. An enchanting smile. One I would love to see all the time, but I can tell Lawliet wasn’t the type to smile unless he wanted to. I know I am lucky to see him smile. Now I am grateful that he showed me.

  “Same,” he agreed. “You are quite… interesting, in a good way. You are also the first person to talk to me like I am not some rabid Guardian mixed breed.”

  And he’s the only one that doesn’t know who I really am to hate me yet.

  “Do you like sweet?” Lawliet suddenly asked. I stared blankly at him when he elaborated. “I have seen you a few times in the cafeteria. You looked engrossed in your food that I didn’t want to bother you – But you had a lot of… chocolates that filled you tray right up. So, I thought to ask.”

  “I never used to like chocolates until I went to the Ordinary-Human world. They had a lot there, and because I didn’t have to watch what I ate, I started to enjoy eating them. They give me my sugar rush for the day.”

  “What types of chocolates… uh… do you like?”

  “My favourite are the ones that have sweet caramel inside of them.”

  “That sounds disgusting.” Lawliet blanched. “Even this hot chocolate is too much for me.”

  “Can I have it then?” I asked. Lawliet looked down at his cup and then at me. “Sure,” he later said and dragged the cup towards me.

  I pushed the empty hot chocolate I had to the side and took a content sip of his. When I looked back up, Lawliet’s face was red. “Is there something wrong?”

  “Nothing… you went to the Ordinary-Human world. Does that mean you lived with them?” I nodded. “They are unique, aren’t they? They didn’t have to accept us into their world. They could have drawn a line and told us all not to cross that line, in they wanted. When I look at an O-D-H, I don’t think, “Poor you.” I admire them in a way. They have it so much harder than us, but they work hard to create and build and make things that we have never tried. I mean… if you gave a mage parts to a car and told them to build it, what would that mage do?”

  “They would use a rune?”

  “Not even that. They would laugh and say, “Why would I need to build that?” Without even challenging themselves. Mages never appreciate what O-D-H do… as well as Guardians. It’s pathetic.”

  I stopping drinking and placed down my cup. “You are very new to me, Lawliet. I don’t think I have ever met someone as interesting as you.”

  Lawliet’s eyes widened, but before he could reply, Raymond came to our table with two plates filled with food. After that, our conversation became more light-hearted.

  Lunch was delicious. I filled my belly until it swelled. I could go home and collapse in a food coma. That doesn’t sound like a bad idea, but before I can do that, we need to make our way back home.

  I walked past the barrels that were back in their upright position. I peeked down the alleyway for a moment, but there was only a lady sitting outside of her home, smoking a cigarette. She glared at me when I walked past. I looked away and ducked my head and pretended that I didn’t see her at all.

  Once we got back to the central plaza, we were swarmed by mages. There was a massive group of them that hung around the water fountain. I don’t think that they are there to throw coins into the water. A considerable commotion was made, and a lot of mages were taking photos. Some even used runes or their Guardians that could fly, to go in the air for a better view. It made me want to use my jump rune, but the thought of looking like a frog, wondering what they were obsessed about was short-lived when I overheard a conversation.

  “It’s the winner of A Mages War! Mika’s here! I cannot believe it!”

  “He shouldn’t have won. Should have been that Timothy fella.”

  Uninterested in being in the line of fire, I pinched Lawliet’s shirt and tugged him away from all the excited mages. He didn’t seem interested as well and ended up taking hold of my hand. We moved quickly away and down one of the main streets that lead back towards Mage Academy. Once we were out of the swarm, he went to release his hold when I mechanically moved my other hand over his, to keep him from letting go of me. I noticed that he stiffened and his body movement went rigid. Golden eyes widened the slightest, but he didn’t let go or shake me off.

  “Are you okay?” Lawliet asked once we got onto Destination Road. “You seemed worried.”

  “I didn’t want to be noticed,” I replied.

  “Alright.”

  He must have noticed that I wasn’t looking for a conversation. That I didn’t want to tell him the reason I didn’t want to be seen. Even knowing my voice is forever bland, it was like Lawliet could understand tones I don’t speak. He already knows when I am embarrassed, and when I wanted to smile, which baffles me the most.

  Didn’t take us long to get back to Mage Academy. My mind was on a beautiful warm bed to rest this stomach for the remainder of the day. Lawliet seemed the same. When we got to the main door and arched hallway that had the stairs leading up to my apartment, I remembered that I left my notebook up in the tower because I didn’t want to carry it with me while we walked around Sorcerer City. I then decided to keep walking with Lawliet, through the empty cafeteria and up the long flight of stairs into the tower.

  I paused at the door. Lawliet, unaware, kept walking until he noticed me standing at the doorway.

  “What?” He asked. “You can come in and examine my boot, or whatever. I won’t bite.”

  “My notebook is gone,” I said. Lawliet furrowed his brows and watched me intently as I walked over to the desk and touched where I usually sit. “I left the notebook here.”

  Lawliet cocked his brow, looked around and pointed to the drawers that were pressed against the back wall. “Isn’t that your notebook?”

  The black leather with my name stitched on silver. That was definitely my notebook, but I don’t remember placing it over there. Touching the smooth cover, I opened it up and flicked through the pages. There doesn’t seem to be anything missing or drawn.

  “Perhaps I did,” I murmured. Taking hold of my notebook, I turned around and straight into intense golden eyes. Surprised at how close he was, I went to step back when I hit into the dresser. “Lawliet?”

  Golden eyes searched my face like he saw if there were any signs of something. Anything. I don’t know what. I am not sure what he was looking for. Maybe signs of life inside this mask. Anything?

  Golden eyes looked me dead in the eyes and solidified. Oh. I see it now. I know what he wants to see. Fear. Lawliet wants to see if I am afraid of him.

  “I’m not,” I whispered. “You don’t scare me.”

  “You should,” he breathed. Lawliet’s breath tasted of ash, smoky and crisp. “I am a mage… but I am also a Dragon Guardian, Eileen.” His arms stretched onto either side of me, and pressed against the wall, caging me like a hare in the presence of a fox. Lawliet’s eyes then changed. The iris narrowed, thinned like a lizard, but the gold was still present in them. “Do you fear me now?” He asked.

  A soft breath escaped my lips. The smallest of sounds came out. One that made Lawliet grin, sadistic and cruel.

  “No,” I breathed.

  Double D’s.

  Six Days Later: Friday.

  I didn’t wait long. In fact, I believe they are a timely person, for they even apologised for keeping me long. They rambled on about fixing another students file. The woman did look like a busy-bot. Someone that has to finish doing one task before she does another. She also looked very old fashioned, in a way. Like she was from a different er
a, I suppose. She wore a high-waisted brown skirt that flowed down and tucked in was a long-sleeved, dark cream coloured shirt that had drawstrings on either side of the collar of it, twisted together and down her chest. Her hair was in a high bun, and there was a pencil stabbed in the centre of her bun, which I found rather odd.

  I waited for her patiently enough. Knees together, hands clasped together, back straight… proper. I was prepared for an onslaught of questions from her. Therapists usually do the rounds. They pressure and try and figure out if what I have said was genuine or fake. They want to know if I am only here to whine and whinge about absolutely nothing, or if I really have some deep-seated issues they could help with.

  I used to have lovely therapist, in a way. She knew my struggles and tried to help me even knowing I knew she didn’t like nor accept what I did that day to be right. But now this was an entirely different therapist. She can have that sweet smile on her now, but I will know if she hates me as soon as I mention my Guardian killing Timothy.

  She shuffled in her seat, getting comfortable. A notepad was in her hands and a pencil in her other hand, twirling along with her fingertips. “Alright. Are you comfortable? Do you need a drink of water? Or, I can turn the heating on higher if you’re cold. You look cold.”

  “How do I look cold?” I asked, which took her off guard. “I can’t express myself in a way that would make you think I look cold. I don’t shudder and shake, and my teeth do not chatter. So, how?”

  “Your body position is very stiff. Unless that’s how you always sit, then I can complement your great back posture.” She began writing straight away. “But if you are uncomfortable, please, position yourself better.”

  All I needed was for a school therapist to tell everyone that I slouch or sit improperly. I need to know her more before I can grow comfortable like I had done with my previous therapist. Right now, I will act accordingly and exactly how I do when I am in the public eye. Emotionless and drained of any feelings.

  “So, how are you? Are you settling into Mage Academy – Oh, sorry, my name is Gail. I already know who you are, Eileen Frost.” She smiled sweetly and extended her arm. I reached out and shook her hand when she immediately twisted my arm and touched the black gem. I felt uncomfortable. “Beautiful and dark. I saw you on A Mages Guardians War. Your Guardian, cloaked in gold. A Berserker Guardian. Rarely seen.”

  “I am aware,” I murmured. Gail released her hold on my hand, and I placed my hand with the gem on my lap with my other hand covering the gem.

  She sat back in her seat and grabbed her notepad. “Now, where was I? Oh! How are you settling into Mage Academy?”

  “Fine,” I murmured. “I guess.” I shrugged, unable to really think on the spot on what would be the appropriate answer.

  Gail nodded while she wrote in her notepad. Sometimes, when I spoke to my old therapist, I wanted to reach out, grab the notepad and see what she was writing about me. For the longest of times, I honestly assumed she drew pictures while pretending that she listened to what I was saying. It wouldn’t surprise me.

  “Are you doing well in your classes?” She asked. I nodded. “How about your classmates? Any incidents so far?”

  “A few,” I admitted. “But that’s to be expected.”

  “How so?” Gail asked.

  I tightened my hold on my hand and shifted so that I sat comfortably back in the chair. “After the incident five years ago, I expect to be bullied coming to an all mages school. It’s no surprise mages still hate me.”

  “Has anyone hurt you physically?”

  “Not in a life-threatening way.” I shrugged and looked away. “This one girl tends to throw snowballs at me in the sport for fun, I guess. It doesn’t hurt. She also throws small balls of paper at me in the classes we have together and makes snarky remarks when she walks past, but nothing that frightens me enough that I need to tell a teacher or Headmage.”

  “That could be annoying. Have you tried to confront her?” I shook my head. “Why not?”

  “When a mage has an idea in their head or a thought they believe willingly enough, anything anyone else says is irrelevant. I am to be hated because my Guardian defended me against a mage participating in A Mages War. I can tell her and tell her that I am not a cruel and sadistic mage she deems I am. She won’t listen. They never do.”

  “Hmm,” she grunted. “You have three brothers. Two of them and you are triplets.” Gail laughed. “I recall it was all over the news, headlines, tabloids, everywhere. Mrs Hanan Frost gave birth to triplets. Very rare for our kind. Twins are uncommon but tend to happen, but never triplets. And for all of you to have magic in your veins is remarkable.” I didn’t say anything. At this point, my therapist was praising my mum, and so I don’t necessarily want to tell her that my mum hasn’t seen me since Silas’s birthday before last and briefly. “Um, anyway, how are your brothers going? Do they know of your struggles with this… uh, girl bully?”

  “Unaware,” I answered. She wrote in her notepad and then looked up at me. She wants me to persist. I puffed my cheeks and looked away again. “My older brother is too busy with his students. Teaching a year twelve class, there are expectations to uphold. They could fire him at the end of the year if those students have below-average grades. Donte and Nixon are usually seen plotting their next prank. I think they’re setting a stink bomb in English class. I should probably stroll to class to avoid that. They have been chasing skunks all week.” Gail’s eyes widened. “It’s not life-threatening. You don’t need to tell Headmage.”

  “You’re rather sneaky, Eileen Frost.” I nodded in agreement. “How about friends?” She persisted.

  “I have a few. One follows me to class and sometimes comes to my home early in the morning when I have told her countless times that I don’t like when she does that. She’s persistent. I see two more in the cafeteria each lunch. They are a year older. And there’s a boy that talks to me on the way to class and in sport. He’s… boring.”

  “Boring?” She questioned. “That’s rude.”

  “Yes,” I agreed. “But having a face like this, talking to someone that looks like my face can be tiresome.”

  “I see how that can be a problem,” Gail agreed. She then wrote in her notebook. “Is that all of your friends?” I hesitated. I think she knew. Brown eyes looked up, and a smile slowly spread across her face. “There is. I guess another boy?” I nodded. “Interesting. And is he in your class.” I shook my head. “Older? Or more advanced.”

  “I don’t know his age. Perhaps my year. He doesn’t talk about A Mages war, so I am assuming he’s in my year or a year below… but he’s very intimidating to a lot of mages.”

  “A bad boy?”

  I shook my head. “No. I don’t think so. I enjoy spending time with him. He’s… he makes me curious to know more about him. I also find him beautiful.” Gail’s eyes widened. “An odd thing to say, I know. But he is. Those eyes… Captivating. They hold sadness I cannot understand within them. I like his company.”

  “Do you, perhaps, like him more than a friend?”

  “No,” I replied blankly. “I like his boots. He helps me with creating my own rune. I like having him around, but not like that… I don’t think,” I murmured the last part. Suddenly, I am growing slightly confused. “He told me he’s a dragon. I should correct myself. Part dragon. Sorry.”

  “I see. Lawliet Clarintine. He is in your year.” Gail scribbled in her notepad. “He’s part Guardian part mage. A rarity as well, in our world. It’s degrading for Guardians and mages to have any sort of romance, so it must be hard for Lawliet to gain friends here as well, also because of his past.” I nodded in agreement. “When he told you he was a dragon, how did you feel?”

  “If you asked me that over five years ago, I would have swooned, I believe. I have fantasised about dragons and summoning one since my imagination blossomed. But…” I trailed off and glared down at my hand and at the gem that shined black. “When he told me, I remembered that night five
years ago. The smell of charred, burnt and crisp bodies. Ash swaying in the air, and fire engulfing Mage Academy. After Lawliet told me what he was, I wanted to run… or in this case, walk fast enough away from him.”

  “You were afraid?”

  “No,” I disagreed. “No, I am not afraid of Lawliet. He’s not dangerous or frightening. At least not that mage side of him. But since that night, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Whenever I look at Lawliet, I see a fire that I cannot diffuse. A fire that could burn the world, if he wanted it to. Or perhaps burn a room filled with mages and Guardians that attended my brother’s graduation.”

  “You think Lawliet would be like that purple dragon that destroyed Mage Academy?”

  “I think that if he becomes a Guardian, whoever summons him will not be able to control him or become just like him. Dragons are not Guardians. They are not protectors. They are not defenders. They are rulers. They are destined to rule. That fantasy I had of wanting to claim one was just a little girl’s dream. If mages were smart enough, they would erase dragons from being Guardians. Them and the dead.”

  “Do you think Lawliet is that deadly?” She asked. “That he would destroy the world?”

  “If you were a powerful Guardian with a mage that wants to bend you to their will. Force you to do things you don’t want to do. Wouldn’t you despise us?”

  “I assume most Guardians do.”

  “But they are too weak to do anything about it. Yes, my dad has told me that countless of times. Guardians watch us in our sleep, imagining their hands around our throats. They are not friends. They are not our allies. They are slaves to our system – But a dragon is more than capable of becoming a Berserker Guardian more than any other Guardian.”

  “What about you? What Guardian did you summon for it to become a Berserker?”

  “I am told that the reason it does not listen is that I am not of the age of eighteen,” I replied.