Last Argument of Kings

by Joe Abercrombie

  'This is no time for interruptions!'

  'Lord Brock! I vote for Brock!'

  'A new dynasty!'

  Bayaz' smile did not slip a hair's breadth. 'But what if the old dynasty could continue? What if we could make a new beginning,' and he glanced significantly across the faces of his colleagues on the Closed Council, 'while keeping all that is good in our present government? What if there was a way to heal wounds, rather than to cause them?'

  'How?' came the mocking calls.

  'What way?'

  Bayaz' smile grew broader yet, 'Why, a royal bastard.'

  There was a collective gasp. Lord Brock bounced from his seat. Quite as if he had a spring under his arse. 'This is an insult to this house! A scandal! A slur on the memory of King Guslav!' Indeed, he now seems not only a drooling vegetable, but a lecherous one. Other councillors rose to join him, faces red with outrage, white with fury, shaking fists and making angry calls. The whole sweep of benches seemed to honk and grunt and wriggle. Just like the pigpens at the slaughterhouse, clamouring for any swill on offer.

  'Wait!' shrieked the Arch Lector, his white-gloved hands raised in entreaty. Sensing some faint glimmer of hope in the darkness, perhaps? 'Wait, my Lords! There is nothing to be lost by listening! We shall have the truth here, even if it is painful! The truth should be our only concern!' Glokta had to chomp his gums down on a splutter of laughter. Oh, of course, your Eminence! The truth has ever been your only care!

  But the babble gradually subsided. Those councillors who were on their feet were shamed back into line. Their habit of obedience to the Closed Council is not easily broken. But then habits never are. Especially of obedience. Only ask my mother's dogs. They grumbled their way back into their seats, and allowed Bayaz to continue.

  'Your Lordships have perhaps heard of Carmee dan Roth?' A swell of noise from the gallery above confirmed that the name was not unfamiliar. 'She was a great favourite with the King, when he was younger. A very great favourite. So much so that she became pregnant with a child.' Another wave of muttering, louder. 'I have always carried a sentimental regard for the Union. I have always had one eye on its welfare, despite the scant thanks I have received for it.' And Bayaz gave the very briefest curl of his lip towards the members of the Closed Council. 'So, when the lady died in childbirth, I took the King's bastard into my care. I placed him with a noble family, to be well raised and well educated, in case the nation should one day find itself without an heir. My actions now seem prudent indeed.'

  'Lies!' someone shrieked. 'Lies!' But few voices joined in. Their tone instead was one of curiosity.

  'A natural son?'

  'A bastard?'

  'Carmee dan Roth, did he say?'

  They have heard this tale before. Rumours, perhaps, but familiar ones. Familiar enough to make them listen. To make them judge whether it will be in their interests to believe.

  But Lord Brock was not convinced. 'A blatant fabrication! It will take more than rumour and conjecture to sway this house! Produce this bastard, if you can, so-called First of the Magi! Work your magic!'

  'No magic is needful,' sneered Bayaz. 'The King's son is already with us in the chamber.' Gasps of consternation from the gallery, sighs of amazement from the councillors, stunned silence from the Closed Council and their aides, every eye fixed on Bayaz' pointing finger as he swept out his hand towards the wall. 'No other man than Colonel Jezal dan Luthar!'

  The spasm began in Glokta's toeless foot, shot up his ruined leg, set his twisted spine shivering from his arse right to his skull, made his face twitch like an angry jelly, made his few teeth rattle in his empty gums, set his eyelid flickering fast as a fly's wings.

  The echoes of Bayaz' last utterance whispered round the suddenly silent hall. 'Luthar, Luthar, Luthar…'

  You must be fucking joking.

  The pale faces of the councillors were frozen, hanging in wide-eyed shock, squashed up in narrow-eyed rage. The pale men behind the table gaped. The pale people at the balcony pressed their hands over their mouths. Jezal dan Luthar, who had wept with self-pity while Ferro had stitched his face. Jezal dan Luthar, that leaky piss-pot of selfishness, and arrogance, and vanity. Jezal dan Luthar, who she had called the princess of the Union, had a chance of ending the day as its King.

  Ferro could not help herself.

  She let her head drop back and she hacked, and coughed, and gurgled with amusement. Tears sprung up in her eyes, her chest shook and her knees trembled. She clung to the rail of the balcony, she gasped, blubbered, drooled. Ferro did not laugh often. She could scarcely remember the last time. But Jezal dan Luthar, a King?

  This was funny.

  High above, in the public gallery, someone had started laughing. A jagged cackling completely inappropriate to the solemnity of the moment. But Jezal's first impulse, when he realised that it was his name that Bayaz had called out, when he realised that it was him the outstretched finger was pointing to, was to join in. His second, as every face in the entire vast space turned instantly towards him, was to vomit. The result was an ungainly cough, a shame-faced grin, an unpleasant burning at the very back of the mouth, and an instant paling of the complexion.

  'I…' he found himself croaking, but without the slightest idea of how he would continue his sentence. What words could possibly help at a time like this? All he could do was stand there, sweating profusely, trembling under his stiff uniform, as Bayaz continued in ringing tones, his voice cutting over the laughter bubbling down from above.

  'I have the sworn statement of his adoptive father here, attesting that all I say is true, but does it matter? The truth of it is plain for any man to see!' His arm shot out towards Jezal again. 'He won a Contest before you all, and accompanied me on a journey full of peril with never a complaint! He charged the bridge at Darmium, without a thought for his own safety! He saved Adua from the revolt without a drop of blood spilled! His valour and his prowess, his wisdom and his selflessness are well known to all! Can it be doubted that the blood of kings flows in his veins?'

  Jezal blinked. Odd facts began to bob to the surface of his sluggish mind. He was not much like his brothers. His father had always treated him differently. He had got all the looks in the family. His mouth was hanging open, but he found he could not close it. When his father had seen Bayaz, at the Contest, he had turned white as milk, as though he recognised him.

  He had done, and he was not Jezal's father at all.

  When the king had congratulated Jezal on his victory, he had mistaken him for his own son. Not such blinding folly, evidently, as everyone might have thought. The old fool had been closer to the mark than anyone. Suddenly, it all made horrible sense.

  He was a bastard. Literally.

  He was the natural son of a king. What was much more, he was slowly and with increasing terror beginning to realise, he was now being seriously considered as his replacement.

  'My Lords!' shouted Bayaz over the disbelieving chatter gaining steadily in volume with every passing moment. 'You sit amazed! It is a difficult fact to accept, I can understand. Especially with the suffocating heat in here!' He signalled to the guards at both ends of the hall. 'Open the gates, please, and let us have some air!'

  The doors were heaved open and a gentle breeze washed into the Lords' Round. A cooling breeze, and something else with it. Hard to make out at first, and then coming more clearly. Something like the noise of the crowd at the Contest. Soft, repetitive, and more than a little frightening.

  'Luthar! Luthar! Luthar!' The sound of his own name, chanted over and over from a multitude of throats beyond the walls of the Agriont, was unmistakable.

  Bayaz grinned. 'It would seem that the people of the city have already chosen their favoured candidate.'

  'This is not their choice!' roared Brock, still on his feet but only now regaining his composure. 'Any more than it is yours!'

  'But it would be foolish to ignore their opinion. The support of the commoners cannot be lightly dismissed, especially in these
restless times. If they were to be disappointed, in their current mood, who knows what might occur? Riots in the streets, or worse? None of us wants that, surely, Lord Brock?'

  Several of the councillors shifted nervously on their benches, glancing towards the open doors, whispering to their neighbours, if the atmosphere in the Round had been confused before, it was flabbergasted now. But the worry and surprise of the Open Council was nothing compared to Jezal's own.

  A fascinating tale, but if he supposes that the Union's greediest men will simply take his word for it and give the crown away he has made a staggering blunder, whether commoners wet themselves at the name of Luthar or not. Lord Isher rose from the front row for the first time, stately and magnificent, the jewels on his chain of office flashing. And so the furious objections, the outraged denials, the demands for punishment begin.

  'I wholeheartedly believe!' called Isher in ringing tones, 'that the man known as Colonel Jezal dan Luthar is none other than the natural child of the recently deceased King Guslav the Fifth!' Glokta gawped. So, it seemed, did almost everyone else in the chamber. 'And that he is further fitted for rule on account of his exemplary character and extensive achievements, both within the Union and outside it!' Another peal of ugly laughter gurgled down from above, but Isher ignored it. 'My vote, and the votes of my supporters, are wholeheartedly for Luthar!'

  If Luthar's eyes had gone any wider they might have dropped from his skull. And who can blame him? Now one of the Westport delegation was on his feet. 'The Aldermen of Westport vote as one man for Luthar!' he sang out in his Styrian accent. 'Natural son and heir to King Guslav the Fifth!'

  A man jumped up a few rows back. He glanced quickly and somewhat nervously at Glokta. None other than Lord Ingelstad. The lying little shit, what's he about? 'I am for Luthar!' he shrieked.

  'And I, for Luthar!' Wetterlant, his hooded eyes giving away no more emotion than they had when he fed the ducks. Better offers, eh, gentlemen? Or better threats? Glokta glanced at Bayaz. He had a faint smile on his face as he watched others spring from their benches to declare their support for the so-called natural son of Guslav the Fifth. Meanwhile, the chanting of the crowds out in the city could still be heard.

  'Luthar! Luthar! Luthar!'

  As the shock drained away, Glokta's mind began to turn. So that is why our First of the Magi cheated in the Contest on Luthar's behalf. That is why he has kept him close, all this time. That is why he procured for him so notable a command. If he had presented some nobody as the King's son, he would have been laughed from the chamber. But Luthar, love him or hate him, is one of us. He is known, he is familiar, he is… acceptable. Glokta looked at Bayaz with something close to admiration. Pieces of a puzzle, patient years in the preparation, calmly slotted into place before our disbelieving eyes. And not a thing that we can do, except, perhaps, to dance along to his tune?

  Sult leaned sideways in his chair and hissed urgently in Glokta's ear. 'This boy, Luthar, what manner of a man is he?'

  Glokta frowned over at him, standing dumbstruck by the wall. He looked at that moment as if he could scarcely be trusted to control his own bowels, let alone a country. Still, you could have said much the same for our previous King, and he discharged his duties admirably. His duties of sitting and drooling, while we ran the country for him. 'Before his trip abroad, your Eminence, he was as empty-headed, spineless and vain a young fool as one might hope to find in the entire nation. The last time I spoke to him, though—'

  'Perfect!'

  'But, your Eminence, you must see that this is all according to Bayaz' plans—'

  'We will deal with that old fool later. I am taking advice.' Sult turned to hiss at Marovia without waiting for a reply. Now the two old men looked out at the Open Council, now they gave their nods and their signals to the men they controlled. All the while, Bayaz smiled. The way an engineer might smile as his new machine works for the first time, precisely according to his design. The Magus caught Glokta's eye, and gave the faintest of nods. There was nothing for Glokta to do but shrug, and give a toothless grin of his own. I wonder if the time may come when we all wish we had voted for Brock.

  Now Marovia was speaking hurriedly to Hoff. The Lord Chamberlain frowned, nodded, turned towards the house and signalled to the Announcer, who beat furiously on the floor for silence.

  'My Lords of the Open Council!' Hoff roared, once something resembling quiet had been established. 'The discovery of a natural son plainly changes the complexion of this debate! Fate would appear to have gifted us the opportunity to continue the dynasty of Arnault without further doubt or conflict!' Fate gifts us? I rather think we have a less disinterested benefactor. 'In view of these exceptional circumstances, and the strong support already voiced by members of this house, the Closed Council judges that an exceptional vote should now be taken. A single vote, on whether the man previously known as Jezal dan Luthar should be declared High King of the Union forthwith!'

  'No!' roared Brock, veins bulging from his neck. 'I strongly protest!' But he might as well have protested against the incoming tide. The arms were already shooting up in daunting numbers. The Aldermen of Westport, the supporters of Lord Isher, the votes that Sult and Marovia had bullied and bribed their way. Glokta saw many more, now, men he had thought undecided, or firmly declared for one man or another. All lending their support to Luthar with a speed that strongly implies a previous arrangement. Bayaz sat back, arms folded, as he watched the hands shoot skywards. It was already becoming terribly clear that over half of the room was in favour.

  'Yes!' hissed the Arch Lector, a smile of triumph on his face. 'Yes!'

  Those who had not raised their arms, men committed to Brock, or Barezin, or Heugen, stared about them, stunned and not a little horrified at how quickly the world seemed to have passed them by. How quickly the chance at power has slipped through their fingers. And who can blame them? It has been a surprising day for us all.

  Lord Brock made one last effort, raising a finger to stab at Luthar, still goggling by the wall. 'What proof have you that he is the son of anyone in particular, beside the word of this old liar?' and he gestured at Bayaz. 'What proof, my Lords? I demand proof!'

  Angry mutterings swept up and down the benches, but no one made themselves conspicuous. The second time Lord Brock has stood before this Council and demanded proof, and the second time no one has cared. What proof could there be, after all? A birthmark on Luthar's arse in the shape of a crown? Proof is boring. Proof is tiresome. Proof is an irrelevance. People would far rather be handed an easy lie than search for a difficult truth, especially if it suits their own purposes. And most of us would far rather have a King with no friends and no enemies, than a King with plenty of both. Most of us would rather have things stay as they are, than risk an uncertain future.

  More hands were raised, and more. Luthar's support had rolled too far for any one man to stop it. Now it is like a great boulder hurtling down a slope. They dare not stand in its way in case they are squashed to gravy. So they crowd in behind, and add their own weight to it, and hope to snatch the scraps up afterward.

  Brock turned, a deadly frown across his face, and he stormed down the aisle and out of the chamber. Probably he had hoped that a good part of the Open Council would storm out with him. But in that, as in so much else today, he must he harshly disappointed. No more than a dozen of his most loyal followers accompanied him on the lonely march out of the Lords' Round. The others have better sense. Lord Isher exchanged a long look with Bayaz, then raised his pale hand. Lords Barezin and Heugen watched the best part of their support flocking to the cause of the young pretender, glanced at each other, retreated back into their seats and stayed carefully silent. Skald opened his mouth to call out, looked about him, thought better of it, and with evident reluctance, slowly lifted his arm.

  There were no further protests.

  King Jezal the First was raised to the throne by near-unanimous accord.

  * * *

  The Trap


  « ^ »

  Coming up into the High Places again, and the air felt crisp and clear, sharp and familiar in Logen's throat. Their march had begun gently as they came up through the woods, a rise you'd hardly notice. Then the trees thinned out and their path took them up a valley between grassy fells, cracked with trickling streams, patched with sedge and gorse. Now the valley had narrowed to a gorge, hemmed in on both sides with slopes of bare rock and crumbling scree, getting always steeper. Above them, on either side of that gorge, two great crags rose up. Beyond, the hazy hints of mountain peaks—grey, and light grey, and even lighter grey, melted in the distance into the heavy grey sky.

  The sun was out, and meaning business, and it was hot to walk in, bright to squint into. They were all weary from climbing, and worrying, and looking behind them for Bethod. Four hundred Carls, maybe, and as many painted-face hillmen, all spread out in a great long column, cursing and spitting, boots crunching and sliding in the dry dirt and the loose stones. Crummock's daughter was struggling up ahead of Logen, bent double under the weight of her father's hammer, hair round her face dark with sweat. Logen's own daughter would have been older than that, by now. If she hadn't been killed by the Shanka, along with her mother and her brothers. That thought gave Logen a hollow, guilty feeling. A bad one.

  'You want a hand with that mallet, girl?'

  'No I fucking don't!' she screamed at him, then dropped it off her shoulder and dragged it away up the slope by the handle, scowling at him all the way, the hammer's head clattering along and leaving a groove in the stony soil. Logen blinked after her. Seemed his touch with the women went all the way down to ones ten years old.

  Crummock came up behind him, fingerbones swinging round his neck. 'Fierce, ah? Y'ave to be fierce, to get on in my family!' He leaned close and gave a wink. 'And she's the fiercest of the lot, that little bitch. If I'm honest, she's my favourite.' He shook his head as he watched her dragging at that hammer. 'She'll make some poor bastard one hell of a wife one day. We're here, in case you were wondering.'