Dear Miss Cucinotta

by Kit Morgan

  She looked at C.J., then played with a loose thread on her skirt. She felt awkward – or was it ashamed? After all, they’d shared more than one kiss yesterday. And something else. But today she felt different, in a way she couldn’t put her finger on.

  “Rufi,” he said softly.

  She met his gaze and his shy smile. “You wanted to talk.”

  He scooted a few inches closer. “Have dinner with me.”

  “What?”

  “Dinner. You know, share a meal, just the two of us.”

  Her eyes widened. “You mean … without a chaperone?” She may have convinced her family everything was fine, but to be alone with him again wouldn’t set well.

  “No, we’ll have one – Mr. MacDonald. Maybe Mrs. MacDonald too. I want to … discuss something with you.”

  “What?”

  He glanced at the others and back. “Well, to be perfectly honest … us.”

  She took a breath. “C.J. … I’m not sure …”

  “How you feel about me, I know.”

  Rufi stared at him. He wasn’t being subtle, but did she really want him to be? Besides, if Calvin had his way, they’d be leaving on the next stage home. They hadn’t been there a week yet! “C.J., my family …”

  “… shouldn’t stand in our way if you …” He sighed. “… if we’re courting.”

  Rufi covered her mouth and willed herself not to cry. Her dream of a man wanting to court her was coming true – and she couldn’t let it happen. She just couldn’t fathom how it would work. If she lived in Clear Creek, perhaps, or he in Nowhere – and even then it would be difficult …

  “Rufi, I’m sincere,” he said.

  “I know you are.” Tears stung the backs of her eyes. “But …”

  “I can make it work.”

  “No, you can’t!”

  “That’s your family talking.”

  “No, no, it’s not. That’s reality, C.J.” She swallowed hard. “Yesterday was the most wonderful day of my life. But I live in Washington Territory. You live here. How can you possibly think …”

  “Would you wait for me?”

  A chill went up her spine. “What?”

  He scooted closer. “Wait for me, honey. Can you do that?”

  She didn’t know what to say. “I don’t understand.”

  “I wanted to talk to you about this at dinner, but I’ll say it now.” He took her hands in his. Rufina Cucinotta, I love you. I know you don’t want to hear it, but …”

  “I do,” she said softly.

  His eyebrows rose. “You do? It’s not too much? I know I announced it to everyone yesterday. I hope you didn’t think I was just flapping my gums.”

  She smiled, shook her head and took a shuddering breath. “I like you, C.J., very much. But I can’t allow you to court me. It makes no sense.”

  “So if we lived in the same town, if there wasn’t a few hundred miles between us … would you then?”

  “Of course.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “We do live hundreds of miles apart!”

  “Lots of people have courted through letters and visits and eventually married. Your own sister was a mail-order bride.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, don’t you see?”

  “I see that I’ve fallen in love with you.”

  She stared at him as her tears broke free. Good grief, why did it hurt so much? “I don’t think I could take it. Only letters, never seeing you. I don’t know how to do that.”

  His eyes flashed as he smiled. “Really?”

  She nodded as the water works continued. Why was this happening? Here was her chance at true freedom, a wonderful man wanting to court her, saying he was in love with her, and all she could do was blubber like a bambina?

  “Is everything all right?” They turned to find Cozette standing over them in her buckskins, a smile on her face. She sat and studied them.

  Rufi quickly wiped her eyes. “I’m fine. We’re all fine.”

  “No, we are not all fine,” C.J. corrected.

  Cozette smiled at them. “I came over to make sure you were getting along.”

  Rufi and C.J. exchanged the same curious look. “What?” Rufi asked. Had she overheard their conversation? No, she’d been with the others a good fifty yards away. How could she possibly hear them?

  “Obstacles can be overcome,” Cozette said softly. “Anyone can see you have affection for one another, even after such a short time.”

  “Is there anyone around here who doesn’t know?” C.J. said in exasperation.

  Cozette smiled again. “Sometimes we meet the right person at the wrong time.” They both stared at her as she calmly got up. “So you make it the right time.” She left and rejoined the others.

  “What was that about?” C.J. asked.

  Rufi looked at him. “She’s right. This is all wrong.”

  “That’s not what she said.”

  “C.J.,” she sighed, “My family …”

  He sighed too. “You won’t leave them.”

  “I wish I could, but they need me and I’m not sure …”

  He stared at her, as if pondering his next words. Finally he said, “So it wouldn’t matter if I was rich or poor, you would say the same thing? Tell me there was no room for me in your life? That you won’t wait for me to go and prepare a place for you?”

  “I didn’t say that!”

  “Then what did you say? Rufi, I know you love your family …”

  “They won’t allow it.” She shivered. She’d let the horse out of the barn now. But that wasn’t the main confession to be made. In truth she was still trying to figure out what was holding her back.

  “That is the obstacle to be overcome,” he stated, as if he’d known all along. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized she couldn’t leave them even if she wanted to, though every time she looked at C.J. she wanted to more and more. Heaven help her, but her heart was so confused!

  Cozette must be right, timing was everything and leaving now wasn’t ideal. What would be was to fall in love and have her husband join her to grow old together in the special little valley full of love and laughter she called home. Well, that and to take care of her own kids instead of everyone else’s. Her eyes widened at the sudden, simple truth.

  He grumbled and nodded to himself. “All right, then. I guess that’s that.” He got to his feet. “I enjoyed our time together more than you can know –”

  She jumped to her own feet. “C.J., wait!”

  “I’ve never met anyone like you, Rufi Cucinotta, and I doubt I ever will. I’ll cherish what time we did have.”

  “C.J.!”

  He shook his head. “It’s no use, honey, not if you’ve made up your mind. I’ll respect your decision.”

  “But …”

  “It’s up to you to give me a chance. I don’t know what you’re so afraid of, but I won’t come between you and those you love. I know how important family is, Rufi. I just wish …”

  Rufi bit her lower lip. He was going to leave. He was giving up! But had she given him any reason to keep trying? No. “C.J. …” she said weakly. “I’m so sorry.”

  “So am I, honey. So am I.” He strode across the meadow to his horse, mounted and rode away.

  Rufi watched him the entire time, tears streaming down her face.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  One week later …

  “I can’t remember when I’ve had a better time.” Ma handed her satchel to Benjamin. “Put that out in the hall with the others, will you, son?”

  “Sure thing, Ma.” He grabbed Harlan’s as well and left the room.

  Ma turned to Irene. “Now, as soon as I get home, I’ll start compiling those recipes you wanted. And I can’t thank you enough for giving me your pot roast recipe. Best I’ve ever had!”

  “Did Rosie and Sally give you their cake recipes like they said?”

  “They did. My, but we ate well this trip. Next visit we’ll bring Arl
an and Daniel. Daniel’s wife is Swedish – the lovely things she bakes will make your mouth water!”

  “Wilfred and I will look forward to meeting them.” Irene eyed Benjamin as he came back into the room. “Your other two sons easier to tell apart?”

  “Land sakes, yes,” Ma laughed. “Benjamin and Calvin are my only twins. But as you can see, Calvin has twins of his own, and so do Arlan and Samijo. They run in the family.”

  “So I see.” Irene hugged Ma. “Want me to ask Grandma if she has anything for what’s ailing that young girl of yours?”

  “What? Which one?” Ma asked, perplexed.

  “The pretty dark-haired one. She looks awfully ill.”

  “Rufi? Is she sick?”

  “She ain’t sick, Ma,” Benjamin groused as he scanned the room for more satchels. “Is that everything?”

  “Yes, and what do you mean she’s not sick? Why would Irene say otherwise?”

  “She looks like she hasn’t eaten or slept in days,” Irene clarified.

  Ma hugged Irene this time. “Thank you for saying something. I’ve hardly seen Rufi the last day or two. Now that I’m the reigning checkers champion in this town, I’ve hardly had a moment to myself.”

  Benjamin smiled. “Everyone wants a rematch, Ma.”

  “Which means we’ll have to come back. Maybe after harvest.”

  Calvin hurried in. “Harlan says the stage’ll be here soon. We’d best get down to the mercantile.” He spotted Irene. “Oh, hello, Mrs. Dunnigan.”

  “Hello yourself.” She shoved past him and turned to Ma. “Fix that poor little gal or she’s liable to not make it home.” She stormed off.

  “Tarnation, but that’s the crotchetiest woman I ever did see,” Calvin said.

  Ma narrowed her eyes at him. “Have you seen Rufi?”

  Calvin glanced at his brother and back. “She was in her room at last check.”

  “Well Irene says she looks awful. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

  Calvin frowned. “She’ll get over him, Ma, you’ll see. Then everythin’ll be right as rain.”

  “For you, maybe.”

  “Hey, what did I do? We ain’t seen that troublemaker since the archery contest!”

  “I’m not talking about Mr. Branson right now. I’m talking about you!”

  Calvin backed up a step. So did Benjamin, out of pure habit. “Calm down, Ma,” Benjamin said. “Calvin ain’t done nothin’ wrong. That Branson fella up and disappeared. We ain’t seen him.”

  “Exactly! And why is that?”

  Calvin smiled. “On account Rufi told him what’s what.”

  “Did she? And why would a beautiful young girl like our Rufi tell the only available bachelor she’s likely to run across for who knows how long ‘what’s what’?”

  Calvin gulped again. “Er … because she knows we’re more important than the likes of him.”

  Ma clasped her hands in front of her and bowed her head like she was praying. “Son, put yourself in her shoes.”

  “I can’t – they don’t fit.”

  “Son, I’m talking figuratively …”

  “I know that. But I’m tellin’ ya, I can’t. I ain’t no girl. And she’s too young anyways to … to …”

  “To what? Know what she wants?” Ma said.

  “Yeah!” Calvin shot back.

  “But you know your mind, don’t you?” Ma asked.

  “Sure, Ma.”

  “And what’s on your mind concerning our family?”

  Calvin sensed he was being led into a trap, but he had no idea what it was or how to escape it. He glanced at Benjamin, who only shrugged, then turned back to his mother. “What do ya mean?”

  “What’s your dream, Calvin? What do you want most in the world?”

  “Oh, that’s easy – I want us to be together. Always.”

  Ma nodded. “A nice dream, son. It’s mine too. But does everyone in this family have the same dream?”

  Calvin stared at her slack-jawed. “Um … I … think so.”

  “Did Rufi tell that young man they couldn’t court because of her dreams?”

  He glanced at Benjamin and back. He wasn’t going to get any help from him. “I think I see what yer sayin’ …”

  “Do you, son?”

  He blushed a deep red.

  “You got what you wanted, didn’t you?” Ma said quietly. “You got rid of that young man, so now Rufi’s going home with us and everything’s going back to normal. She isn’t going anywhere. Just like you wanted. How many seeds did you have to plant in that poor girl to make her think the same thing? And for how many years have you been planting them?”

  Calvin rubbed the back of his neck. “Ma …”

  “Don’t you ‘Ma’ me. You need to make this right.” She leveled her gaze on Benjamin. “And you’re going to help him.”

  “Me?” Benjamin smacked himself in the chest. “But …”

  “You’re just as guilty. If Rufi was fine, I’d chalk it up to the dear child getting a good life lesson. But she’s not fine. She’s still miserable. That tells me she has strong feelings for that young man. Heck, she might even be in love with him.”

  “In love?!” the twins cried as if it was some disease.

  “Boys, you both have to allow that change happens. Not all of your children are going to stay on the farm.”

  They looked at her in shock.

  “You know, I had the same fight when it came time for you to marry,” she went on.

  “Who won?” Calvin asked.

  “The good Lord, that’s who,” she said. “I had to surrender you both to Him. Especially you, Benjamin.” She pointed at him

  “Me?”

  “On account of Charity. For all I knew, you two would go back east and never return. But those days are behind us.”

  Benjamin nodded, understanding all too well what she was saying. He and Charity thought they’d have to go east to deal with that fellow who’d gotten her in the family way. Instead the fellow came west and found them. But that was another story.

  “What are you two going to do when your younguns fall in love with someone far away and want to leave?”

  Calvin groaned.

  “See? You can’t stand the thought. And Rufi isn’t even your child! She’s just your sister in-law. Doesn’t she have the right to choose, to make her own way in the world, to think for herself instead of having you plant ideas in her head? Do you realize the war in her heart you must have started?”

  Calvin sighed and nodded. “I’ll … make it right, Ma.”

  “You’d better.” Ma left the room.

  Calvin spied Rufi as she came out of the hotel and headed toward Dunnigan’s Mercantile. He stepped away from the post he’d been leaning against and hopped off the boardwalk. “Lookin’ forward to going home?”

  Her head snapped around to him. He’d clearly startled her. But she said nothing and resumed walking.

  “Rufi, wait,” he called after her and caught up, touching her arm.

  She stopped but stared straight ahead. “What do you want, Calvin?” she said in a tone that implied she was expecting the worst.

  He kicked at the dirt. “Well … I wanna apologize.”

  Now she looked at him, and he almost wished she hadn’t. “A little late for that.”

  “It ain’t too late now.”

  Rufi’s eyes began to mist. He hoped she didn’t cry – he couldn’t stand it if she did. He’d hurt her, he knew, and hid from it for days, hoping it would just blow over and things could go back to the way they were. But Ma was right. He had to let her choose her own path.

  She stared at him a moment longer, then shook her head and began walking again.

  “Rufi!”

  She stopped and turned on him again. “He’s gone, you know. Cyrus told me he a few days ago.”

  Dread filled him. “He did? Did he say where C.J. went?”

  “No.”

  “Ya mean ya didn’t ask?”


  “If he wanted me to know, he’d have told me.” She started walking again.

  Calvin groaned and hurried to catch up. “Ah, Rufi, I’m sorry. This is all my fault.”

  “Yes, it is.” She brushed some hair from her eyes. “And mine.” A tear wound down one cheek. “I didn’t stop him. I should have. I should have ignored you and the idea of … well, never mind.”

  “Ya mean ya ain’t in love with him?”

  Her expression almost tore his heart out. “That’s just it, Calvin. I am! I didn’t think I was, but …” She began to cry in earnest.

  Calvin pulled her into a hug. “Don’t cry, Rufi. Please don’t cry. I know I was mad about him kissin’ ya, but dagnabit, I didn’t wanna lose ya. None of us do.” He let her go, pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to her. “I didn’t want ya to ever leave home. I was bein’ selfish, plain and simple, and wanted ya to have a man that’d live on the farm with us.”

  “I thought that’s what I wanted too. But maybe I don’t want to live there anymore.” She dried her eyes and handed the handkerchief back. “Maybe I want to pack my things and go someplace far away as soon as we get home.”

  He froze. “Ya don’t mean that.”

  “Maybe I do.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand then continued down the street.

  “Consarnit!” Calvin muttered, “I’ve really made a mess of this –”

  “Trouble, Calvin?”

  He spun at the voice. “Mr. Van Cleet!” He looked at Rufi, who’d almost reached the mercantile. “Can I talk to ya a minute?”

  “Sure, son. What can I do for you?”

  “It’s about Mr. Branson.”

  “Oh.” Cyrus took a sudden interest in his boots. “Um, what did you want to know?”

  “Where did he go?”

  “As far as I know, he went home.”

  Calvin’s eyes widened. “As far as ya know? He didn’t get himself arrested or anything, did he?”

  “No, no, nothing like that. He just … left.”

  “Mr. Van Cleet,” Ma said as she and Harlan approached. “I guess this is goodbye for now.”

  “It was nice having you visit our little town, Mrs. Hughes,” Cyrus said. “Harlan, she beat me twelve games in a row. That’s more than you can say!”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” Harlan grumbled. No wonder – she’d beaten Harlan four straight besides.