If I was just a misguided girl that kept falling into the same trap with a guy that only wanted something physical with me, I would blame myself for all of this and try my best to move on. But the problem was that I knew. And he had confirmed it for me, not that long ago.
Leah, he had uttered slowly, his half-lidded eyes trying to hold my gaze. In a perfect world, you’d be mine. Forever. But this ain’t a perfect world, and I can’t give you what you deserve.
I deserve you, I had slurred, leaning into him as we were tucked away in an unlit room, I want you, Ward.
Just tonight, beautiful. I can only give you tonight.
I realized I'd just been staring at Ward when he stopped in front of me, looking down at me with a hardened expression on his face. I blinked, shaking my head slightly to remove myself from the memory I was just lost in. His eyes showed an indication that indicated that there was something serious was going on, and that made me sit up straight.
"Can you two come into my office?"
Lana reacted first, raising an eyebrow and sitting up as straight as I was. "Yeah, what's up though?"
He shook his head, lifting a hand to run his fingers through his curls. "Office." Stepping away, he looked over to my brother, who had been with the group he came in with. "Silver," he nodded at him, jerking his head towards his office before starting that way.
With a bad feeling, I stood, following my siblings into the President's office to see what Ward needed to talk to us about so badly.
CHAPTER 9
WARD
I’D BEEN DREADING THIS conversation since talking to Crow. The facts had to be straightened out first, before I spoke to the other parties involved. I needed to make sure I had a plan. Not only was that the type of person I was, but this involved three people I cared a lot about. Maybe I was too close to the situation, but I couldn't remove myself from it. I had to make sure I knew what to do from here in order to keep everyone safe and sane.
But here I stood in my office, all three remaining members of the Martinez family awaiting my news, and I felt like a fucking coward.
How easy was it to tell someone that the people that had murdered their parents were being released from jail?
"There isn't an easy way to tell you guys this, so I'll just get to the point," I said, standing rigid in my spot. "We just found out that a number of Los Chingados are suddenly eligible for parole this month, and three were granted it this week. They'll be out of prison by tomorrow."
All three reactions were different. Silver's was immediate anger. "Are you fucking kidding me?" his deep voice boomed through my office, but I didn't flinch. I expected this. "Tomorrow? Why didn't we know this sooner?"
I didn't have time to answer him. Lana was barraging me with questions, getting progressively more worked up as she went on. "This is bullshit! They're just gonna be free? Ten fucking years for murdering our parents. They should have gotten life! Fucking lawyers, fucking horseshit..." She kept going on, becoming increasingly agitated, before she looked about ready to burst.
"Lana, we're gonna take care--"
"Take care of what, Ward? How can you take care of this when they're getting out of prison?" Her eyes were flashing with anger, but I knew her well. I knew that the fear and the grief was still there, even if she masked it with her rage. I could tell Silver wanted to say the same things but he stood there, fuming, his massive fists clenched at his sides.
All the while Leah stood silent, staring at me with this look on her face that I couldn’t quite read. I could tell that she was fuming, but she seemed to be concentrating. Holding her emotions in. Staying strong, as she always did for her family. Holding herself together so she could do the same for her brother and sister.
I just wanted to fix it all, and there was nothing I could fucking do about this.
"We're gonna make sure that all of you have someone on you at all times in case they decide to come after you. There are some vague rumors, but nothing solid--"
"Fuck that. I don't need a goddamn babysitter," Silver interjected. "Let them come for any of us and I'll tear their goddamn heads off." Turning away, I could see how tense he was, his muscles flexing before he took one step towards the wall, and with a loud curse, he punched the filing cabinet there, leaving a giant dent in the side. There was practically steam coming off of him as he stared at his destruction. "I'll fix it later," he low voice grumbled finally after a few long, awkward moments of silence, before turning to the door, throwing it open, and storming out.
Both girls were still visibly shaken. Lana was still clearly worked up, and knowing her, she wouldn't be coming down soon.
"Lana, everything is gonna--"
It seemed like I wasn't going to be getting many full sentences out because Lana jumped at me, waving her hands erratically. "Nothing has ever been alright, Ward. I don't need to hear this right now. I need to... fuck! I don't know. I need to get the fuck out of here."
Without another word, she stormed out the way her brother left, letting the door slam shut and leaving Leah and me alone together.
At that moment, I pictured the young girl I found downstairs that night. She had been so frantic, so scared. And each year I watched as she grew stronger and stronger, little by little taking control of her life and becoming the best version of herself. It was why I had chosen to stay away from her, to not give in to what I've grown to want over those same years.
But right now, I saw all of that progress Leah had made crumbling slowly, right in front of my eyes.
My body relaxed a bit, not wanting to be tense as I tried to comfort her. Stepping closer to her, I reached my arms out and took her into them, pulling her trembling body against my chest. "I know it's easier said than done, Lee, but everything is gonna be alright. I promise. We're gonna make sure of it."
As if on instinct, Leah's body curled into mine, her face burying into my t-shirt. "How?" she asked, her voice small. Lifting her head, she looked up at me. "This is just the start, right? We should have known this was coming. After the bullshit sentences they got." Her face crumpled and she let her forehead thud gently against my chest again. "This is just the beginning..."
Realistically, I knew she was right. Tomorrow may be only three guys getting out, but after that, almost all of them were set for parole. Including two that could be considered the worst of them, aside from Paco himself.
This was a nightmare for us all, but even more so for Leah and her family, and I knew that. Reaching to her chin with one hand, I lifted her head to look at me. Her eyes shining with unshed tears broke my heart, and I couldn't stop myself from cradling her face with both of my hands. "Sweetheart, I promise you, I'll do everything in my power to make sure you, Lana, and Eddie are safe. I swear to you. I'm gonna take care of you."
Leah stared at me in silence, an unreadable expression crossing her sharp features. Finally, she spoke, almost dryly, devoid of emotion. "Don't make me any promises you can't keep." Pulling away from my grip, she shook me off. Without looking at me she turned, opening the door and slipping out.
I stood there, staring at the door as it closed itself, feeling the anger boiling from deep within. Don't make any promises you can't keep. She may be hurting, but I was sick of her acting like I didn't care about her. Clenching my jaw, I made a decision. We were going to have a conversation, and I was going to make sure she realized just how much she meant to me. Even if it required me to break the rules I had set for myself when it came to her - the most important one being telling her how I really felt about her.
CHAPTER 10
LEAH
SUNKEN INTO THE OVERSIZED gray cushions of my couch, I stared into deep green eyes as they stared back from where they lay on my chest.
"Honestly, Zee, it's a comfort to have you here, but it feels like you're only in it for my ice cream."
Zee, my little tuxedo cat, just sniffs, her nose getting centimeters closer to the Drumstick ice cream cone I'm currently devouring with little thought of the fact that I
make a living dancing on stage in nothing but fancy lingerie. Frankly, I just didn’t care. I didn’t care about most things right now, including the fact that my cat then took it upon herself to try and bat at the ice cream on the off chance that she'll get some on her paw to lick off.
That's Zee. A little whore for snacks. Human and otherwise.
This has been where I've sat since getting home from the clubhouse. Since Ward gave us the great news that the people that had a hand in taking away two of the most important people in my life were going to be free. That wasn't all they took that night, though. They took away any safety we may have felt. They caused us nightmares, caused years and years of mistrust. Years of therapy, years of acting out and being so angry that we could barely function. And within all of that, they also destroyed any illusion that we may have had that our father was a good man - but that was a whole different story entirely.
I remember the trial like it was yesterday. It felt like all the progress I had made in putting it all behind me had gone to shit, but now I couldn't stop thinking about it. How long the investigation had taken to link the murders back to head of Los Chingados, how many times we were brought in for questioning. How horrifying it was to be unable to protect your brother while he was taken in to identify suspects because he was the only one that saw the faces of the men that escaped before Crow had gotten there. And how the defense dragged my father's name through the mud as we sat in the courtroom for weeks on end, desperately wanting justice for our parents. They made our family look like fools, just adding piles of salt to our open, gaping wounds.
If anything, at least for my mother, who was innocent in all of this, she deserved the justice. Her crime had been to stick by a man who had made terrible choices, that became wrapped up in a gang of men who did horrible, unspeakable things. That had seemingly chosen his own selfishness over his wife and kids. To work two, sometimes three jobs to provide for the children she loved with all of her heart. And all she had done that night was to protect those very children when seven men broke down her front door and attempted to round up the entire family to execute them.
My stomach lurched as I remember that fact. They had been at the house for all of us. Los Chingados hadn't been there to just take my father out for what he had allegedly done to them, but to wipe out our entire family for punishment. When I think about the fact that all three of us were mere minutes away from meeting the same fate as our parents, it makes me want to vomit.
I had thought I had gotten past it, but here I was, laying on the couch with the familiar anvil sized weight on my chest. I had tried my best to remain strong for the sake of my siblings earlier, but now that I was alone, I allowed myself a few hours to let my emotions out.
Lana was right. It had been such utter injustice when they struck a deal and pled guilty to lesser charges for lighter sentences. Even while it was a victory to take down the man that headed the entire organization and two of his sons, everyone involved knew that they had gotten away with a slap on the wrist when compared to all of the things that they could have been taken down for.
Twenty years. That was how long we were supposed to have without those men on the streets, but that was ending nearly ten years too fucking early. We had been promised that they would take them down for more, that the "book would be handed to them" once they got evidence for even bigger crimes.
That book must still be sitting in the library because fuck all had been done to "take them down". They were about to be free men, and my nightmare was back to haunt me.
Lana had disappeared once she left Ward's office and I hadn't heard from her since. I wasn't worried, though, because it was how she processed and coped. It was likely that she had turned to the one person I knew that she would usually escape to, even if she refused to admit it. There, I knew she’d be safe.
Eddie likely had thrown himself into a particularly hard work out at the gym in the clubhouse; I, on the contrary, was eating my feelings. Well, I had a good cry and then enjoyed an ice cream cone - sue me.
A knock at the front door ripped me from my internal struggle, and my jolt sends Zee bolting from her spot, springing off my chest and scampering to the other side of the room. Cursing, I sat up slightly. From my vantage point on the couch now I could see out of the front bay windows to the street. How I hadn't heard a motorcycle pull up, I don't know, but as soon as I saw it, my heart skipped a beat.
Why was Ward here? Our conversation hadn't ended well, and I honestly wasn't in the mood. Cursing again, I stood up, brushing crumbs from my tank top, not even bothering to check my appearance.
Without bothering to check to make sure it was Ward I quickly unlocked our locks and yanked the door open. All set to turn him away and give him some lip about how I didn't want to talk to him right now, I opened my mouth and was immediately met with his stern voice.
"Save it." His large body stepped over the threshold, moving me aside as he came in, yanking the door from my grasp and shutting it behind him. "We need to talk."
When he met my gaze I was shocked to see anger there. What the hell was he angry about? He didn't get to be angry. Maybe at the situation, but I wasn't an idiot. I knew that look. That look was for me.
"What the fuck?"
He held up his hand and I could see the muscles of his jaw working underneath his thick beard. "No, Leah. I should be asking you that. What the fuck?"
I was dumbfounded. What the hell was going on? "What are you even talking about?" I asked angrily, placing my hands on my hips. "You just stormed into my house and you're asking me that?"
When he stepped towards me, I felt a flash of something. For a moment it could have been confused for fear because the man was so much larger than me, but also intimidating. Whenever I recognized that, I could see why he made such a good MC President. But it wasn't fear that I felt. Despite the fact that I was constantly frustrated with the man, I trusted him and knew that he would never hurt me. Ever. But his face was so serious, his pale blue eyes flashing with a controlled rage that left me...hot. That was what it was. Heat rising in me as he got closer, leaning down a little so his face was close to mine.
"I'm asking you what the fuck do you think you're doing trying to imply that I wouldn't do everything in my power to protect you and keep you safe?"
My heart sank for a moment as my eyes went wide. He had come all the way here for this? And he was this angry over it? "I didn't--"
"Don't make any promises you can't keep. I know what you meant, Leah. I knew exactly what you were saying with that comment."
My lip curled slightly as I felt my own anger rush through me. "Are you seriously here to reprimand me because I didn't take your false promises well after the news you gave me?"
Ward's eyes flashed again. "False promises? Tell me you're fucking joking."
At that I threw my hands up, trying to step away from him. "You can't promise me that you'll keep me safe--"
With quick reflexes he reached out and grabs my wrist, pulling me back. "That's not what that was about, was it? Just fucking tell me what you're thinking, Leah. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours because I can never fucking figure you out."
I'm enraged now. "First off, don't grab me," I say as I yank my arm from his grasp. "Second off, don't act like I'm just some confusing chick you can't figure out. Since when have I ever made you guess how I'm feeling? I'm pretty sure I make my shit crystal clear."
"You're passive aggressive at the very least--"
My voice comes out in nearly a screech. "Passive. Aggressive?! I'll show you aggressive aggressive!" I cry out as I go to push him
He grabbed both of my wrists, holding them tightly so I couldn’t clock him like I want to. I cursed loudly and tried to wriggle from his grasp, but he was obviously much stronger.
"No, Leah. Stop. You make comments like I'm supposed to figure you out. Like I'm supposed to read your mind. I don't fucking get you, and I don't know why, because otherwise I know you better than I know myself ha
lf the time. But other times..." He shook his head.
My anger lessened, though only slightly, and I tilted my chin up at him defiantly. "You should already know what is going on in my head. This all brings back horrible memories and I don't know what to fucking do about it."
"I'm not talking about that. That I know. That I want to help you with, I want to fix. I'm gonna keep you safe, just like I'll keep Lana safe. But I'm talking about your hostility towards me. I know it's gotta be about us, but fuck. Leah, you know--"
"No! Don't say it!" I snapped at him, finally getting away from his grasp. "You wanna know why I'm hostile towards you when you remind me that you won't be with me? Why I get pissed when you act like you’ll do anything for me but you refuse to do the one thing I know that we both want?!”
Recognition crossed his features, but then his brows furrowed together. “I’ve already explained--”
“And its bullshit and you fucking know it!”
We stood there for a few, agonizingly long moments, staring into each other’s eyes. If he wasn’t making me so angry at that moment, I would get lost in how beautiful they were.
What Ward did next surprised me. “Get dressed. We’re going for a ride.”
CHAPTER 11
LEAH
"EXCUSE ME?"
"You heard me. Change into something to ride in and let's go."
The nerve of this man. Who the hell was he to come in here and demand I go somewhere at all, let alone after the news he gave me. And then he barged in here like some kind of Neanderthal, made all kinds of accusations, and now expected me to just go with him?
Heart of a Rebel: Rebel Aces MC Part 1 Page 6