Defend Me: A Frazier Falls Novel

by Collins, Kelly

A larger part of me wanted all the recollections to burn, to forget about her the same way she had forgotten that she’d played a fundamental part in my miserable existence.

  Yet, Owen and Carla’s wedding was fast approaching, and I’d have to get through it, pretending everything was hunky-dory for them. I’d look at Rose and smile and feign happiness despite the bile boiling in my gut. It was more than I could bear.

  She hadn’t ruined things that had happened in the past. That was already a done deal. She was so corrupt she was ruining things for me that hadn’t yet occurred.

  Chapter Twenty

  Rose

  When I realized James Rivers had never cared for me—how he could so easily throw our entire relationship in my face to get with some unknown woman in a bar in front of me—I hadn’t thought I could be more miserable than that. I was so wrong.

  Sitting in Alice’s Diner, mindlessly playing around with the bacon and eggs on my plate, I’d never felt worse in my life. The way I’d felt after the betrayal was nothing compared to knowing Paxton believed me to be responsible for the hell he went through in high school—a time that influenced the rest of his life.

  It was only made worse by his admission of how bad it had been. I didn’t think Eli had known the extent of the problem if his expression was an indicator. Neither had Owen, let alone everyone else who had been there when Paxton lost it. No one had known anything, which meant he had suffered in silence.

  The worst part was whether I’d known it or not, it was my fault. Idiotic, brutish, immature, and jealous Brady Huck had tormented him because of me. Had I merely rejected the guy straight out, this would have never happened, but I’d used Paxton’s name because the truth was, I’d always loved him. No matter how much I tried to bury the reality, it was there. When I told Brady I had a thing for Paxton, it was the truth my heart already knew.

  My phone vibrated with the notification of a new message every so often. Sometimes it was Carla. Other times, Nick. Once, it had been Emily. None of the messages were from Paxton. Why would they be? I’d completely humiliated him.

  Tears stung my eyes, threatening to well up and fall at any given moment.

  Crying in the diner two days before Carla’s wedding was not how I saw this trip going. It didn’t help that I also wanted to cry on Paxton’s behalf, now that I knew how badly he’d been tortured.

  I jumped when my phone rang. Sighing, I answered the call from my mom. There was no way she’d let me get away with ignoring her.

  “Rose.” Her voice was angry parent serious. The last time I heard this kind of sternness was the day she caught me sneaking back into the house after I TP’d my English teacher’s house for giving me a B on a test. “What is this I’m hearing about you and Brady Huck?”

  “It’s not what it seems, Mom.”

  “Something in the tone of your voice suggests it’s not entirely untrue, either.”

  “That would be correct.”

  “Rosie, what’s going on? Did you really pick on Paxton all through school? I thought we’d stopped all that princess stuff.”

  I paused for a moment. “Up until we entered high school … yeah,” I admitted. “Nothing bad. Name-calling. Insulting him. That kind of thing.”

  “Rose, I did not raise you to—”

  “I know, Mom.” I bit out. “I know you didn’t. But I stopped, okay? I stopped before high school. I don’t understand why we have to rehash it. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been making it up to him. I apologized. We were getting along with each other. Everything was going great.”

  My mom sighed. “What’s all this about Brady Huck?”

  I sniffed, feeling tears fill my eyes once more. “It’s not the way you heard it. Not at all. But it’s still my fault.”

  “What happened?”

  I took a shaky breath. “When I was a sophomore, Brady Huck told me he liked me. He asked me out. I told him no, but he was insistent. Told me I should give him a shot. I may have told him I was in love with Paxton.”

  “Rose.”

  “I know, I know. Back then, I didn’t know why I said his name,” I shrugged. “Or maybe my head and heart were in sync for once. Paxton was the guy least likely to refute what I said because he never spoke. I thought that was the end of it. When Brady started bullying Paxton, I honestly had no idea it was because of me. How could I have known, Mom?”

  My mother paused. “Honey, did you tell Paxton this?”

  I shook my head. “I tried to, but there were so many people there, and everyone ganged up on me. It only became a topic of conversation because of Lauren and Melanie. Once Paxton showed up, things got worse.”

  “Is this Lauren MacMillan and Melanie Jones? Tina’s and Briony’s girls?”

  “Yep.”

  “I’ll be having words with their mothers. Nobody slanders my little girl and gets away with it.”

  “Mom, I appreciate the gesture, but it’s okay. I’ll handle it. I’m an adult, and I’d never be able to face myself if I couldn’t sort out my problems.”

  “Even so, what they did was unacceptable. There’s the wedding and the whole town is talking. We need to make sure everyone knows the truth.”

  I choked out a laugh that sounded far more like I was crying. “I’m pretty sure we’re well past that. Look, I’ll put on a brave face for Carla, but once the ceremony is over, I’ll get an early flight back to New York.”

  “You will not,” a male voice behind me suddenly said. For one long, drawn-out moment, I was convinced it was Paxton until I turned and saw Eli.

  “Um, Mom, I’ll call you back.” I hung up as Eli slid into the seat opposite me.

  He looked at my plate. “You gonna eat this?”

  I shook my head.

  “No? Great.” He pulled the plate toward him and wolfed down my untouched breakfast.

  “Why are you here, Eli?”

  He looked at my plate pointedly. “For the free food. It was by sheer chance I overheard your conversation with your mom.”

  I frowned. “How much did you hear?”

  “All of it.”

  “So, you stood behind me for the better part of ten minutes without making it known you were there?”

  “Yes. Do you have a problem with that?”

  I slumped against my seat. “Not really. Be careful, you’re in the presence of Frazier Falls’ most hated woman. What would Emily say?”

  “She’d tell you to line up behind her so cut the crap, Rogers. We both know you’re not as bad as all that.”

  “You’ve never been a fan.”

  “I don’t hate you. I dislike you and with good reason. You ignored Carl in school and needlessly picked on Paxton.”

  “I … yeah. Whatever. That’s all true. Not much of a difference between dislike and hate, though, is there?”

  He looked up at me seriously. “There’s all the difference in the world.”

  “Huh?”

  He stole my glass of water in order to wash down the food. “Dislike I can get over. Dislike can change if I see the person making an effort to make up for their past mistakes. Dislike can be thrown to the side if I see my brother falling in love with you only to have his heart ripped to pieces by mindless slander”

  I flinched at the comment about Paxton falling in love with me. It hurt too much. I gulped softly. “And hate?”

  “If you honestly had a hand in what Brady did to Paxton, I wouldn’t be here. And I’d make sure everyone knew how despicable you are. That’s my gift.”

  I bristled at the threat. “Good thing I didn’t do it, then.”

  He smiled lopsidedly. “Exactly.”

  “But what can I do? The way he reacted last night; I don’t think anything I say will get through to him. He was devastated.”

  “That’s because he’s never dealt with what Brady did to him. Although, hearing him talk about it, I can see why. The son of a bitch is lucky he got away with me merely punching him.”

  “That isn’t helping.”
r />   “I know, but it feels damn good to think about exacting revenge.”

  I sat up suddenly, a stupid idea having occurred to me. “Revenge doesn’t need to be in the past,” I murmured.

  He grinned wickedly. “I like your train of thought, Rogers. I somehow doubt I could get Owen to help me out with something this immature, but you could.”

  “You’ve got that right.”

  I thought about retaliation on Brady. Not only for Paxton but for myself. He’d used me as an excuse to hurt a person I cared about more than most anyone else. People think we outgrow our childhood hurts, but they are what mold us into the people we are. Those wounds never heal.

  “Do you have any ideas in mind? I’d love to hear them.” Love to make Brady pay for what he did to both Paxton and me.

  He shrugged. “A few. Several of them would get us arrested, so they’re out because Emily doesn’t like to sleep alone. Let me think on it today, and we can do something about the asshole tomorrow.”

  “Thank you.”

  He glanced at me. “For what?”

  “For believing me when you absolutely didn’t need to. I don’t deserve your support.”

  He laughed lightly. “Paxton doesn’t deserve to get his heart ripped in two, but I guess you don’t deserve being hated by everyone, either. You’re not all bad.”

  “That sounded almost heartfelt.”

  “Rosie.”

  I froze. Staring at Eli’s confused face, I desperately tried to resist the urge to turn around to deal with the man whose voice echoed through my head. In the end, I caved and looked.

  “James, what are you doing in Frazier Falls?” There wasn’t an ounce of friendliness in my voice.

  He smiled brilliantly when he realized I wasn’t going to ignore him. “Rosie, I’m so glad to see you. I’ve been trying to get in contact with you. I went to your office so many times.”

  “What do you want?”

  He came around to stand at the front of the booth Eli and I were sitting at, blocking any means of escape. He ignored Eli as if he didn’t exist.

  “Rose, I want you back. I miss you so much. I made such a huge, terrible mistake.”

  “You didn’t seem to think so when you were kissing that woman’s face off at the bar. You told me we were never exclusive.”

  Those last few sentences I spoke loudly, ensuring everybody in the diner could hear them.

  He squirmed uncomfortably. “Rose, can we talk about this in private?”

  “Come on, James, you’re not really the private kind of guy or the exclusive kind either.”

  “Please, Rose, we’re good together. You look good on my arm and on my bio. I’m good for yours too. We’re a power couple.”

  How could I have ever thought I was in love with him? It was clear to me now that I’d only ever been a trophy. The girlfriend his parents approved of, and his boss liked. I was the woman he was supposed to have, not the one he wanted to have. Two weeks ago, I would have accepted a merger, but now, I wanted more and needed more.

  Eli cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, but could you stop harassing my girlfriend?” His voice was full of false politeness. He gave my leg a subtle kick under the table as if to tell me to play along.

  James looked at Eli in shock. “Rosie? You’re already with someone else?”

  “An old high school flame.” Eli beamed. “We couldn’t keep our hands off each other when we reunited again. Isn’t that right, Rosie?”

  I struggled so hard to keep from laughing but nodded my head. “When I saw him, I realized I’d never not been in love with him. Thank you for setting me free and showing me what I truly wanted.” While the whole thing was a ruse, the words were true. He had set me free, which allowed me to see the truth. Paxton was my one that got away.

  James looked like he’d been slapped. He seemed to grapple with his temper for a few moments. “When you get back to New York, you’ll realize you made a mistake.”

  I stared at him coldly. “Yes, you’re right, you were a mistake.”

  “Time to leave, buddy,” Eli said mildly before turning back to me as if our conversation had never been interrupted. “So, about our plans for tomorrow.”

  It took another minute or two, but James eventually got the picture. He stormed out red-faced and humiliated. As soon as he was out of earshot, I burst into laughter.

  “Oh my, you wonderful, wonderful man. Thank you.”

  Eli laughed as hard as I did. “I did it as much for my own amusement as anything else. He’s a real piece of work, huh?”

  “I don’t know what I ever saw in him.”

  “Hard to say. Paycheck? His sense of fashion? Puts you to sleep? Love is weird that way.”

  “There was no love. Only…” I was going to say sex, but even that wasn’t mention-worthy. “Not that either.”

  “Awful.”

  “Yep, and it makes me wonder if Carla and Owen hadn’t been getting married if Paxton and I would have started speaking again?”

  He rolled his eyes. “Who cares about ifs? You did. And it was good for the two of you. Leave it at that, and let’s fix the mess we have in front of us.”

  I held my hand up in mock-salute. “Roger that, Cooper.”

  “Please tell me you don’t use your surname like that on a regular basis.”

  “Only when I don’t care what people will think of me.”

  “So … never, then?”

  “Rude.”

  He moved out of his seat and came around to my side of the booth. When he nudged me to move over and give him room, I looked at him questioningly.

  “What are you doing?”

  He kissed my cheek, and there was a clicking sound, and then he moved back to his own seat.

  “Taking a memento of our long-awaited bonding,” he joked as he inspected the photo he had snapped with his cell phone. “Plus, I’m sure Paxton would love to see it.”

  I winced. “You honestly think he could ever forgive me?”

  “You’ll never know if all you do is sit there worrying about it. Let’s do something instead.” He tucked his phone back inside his pocket. “Don’t let Emily know I claimed you as my girlfriend. She’ll shank you after she castrates me.”

  I couldn’t believe I’d never known this side of Eli before. He was going out of his way to help me, even though he could as easily have left things the way they were.

  “Deal. I’ve already had the public hanging. I’ll pass on the impaling.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Paxton

  Though I had been dreading building Owen and Carla’s damn floating wedding stage, I found myself now glad for the work. It was methodical and distracting and solitary.

  It was exactly what I needed to work out my anger at Rose.

  No. Anger didn’t cover how I felt about her. Not in the slightest. What she had done to me warranted far more than anger. I was hurt, and that was worse. The pain I felt was unimaginable. That was something I could never forgive.

  A sharp whack of the hammer in my hand caused me to immediately recoil. I’d hit my thumb, and it was now angry and red.

  “For the love of Pete,” I muttered, rubbing away at the affected skin until the pain subsided. Now I’d likely have a bruised hand to go along with my ego.

  It was another thing I could blame her for.

  “Paxton.”

  I turned my head, scowling when I saw both Owen and Eli walking toward me.

  “This is looking great,” Owen said. “I knew you were the right person for the job. Seems like you’ll have it finished early. Carla will be thrilled.”

  I balked at the idea of finishing the physical work early. I needed it to distract me right up until the moment I had to complete it.

  I didn’t respond to Owen’s compliments, instead choosing to turn back to concentrate on the stage, but I’d already forgotten which part I’d been working on. I dropped my hammer and sat up, wiping dirt and sweat away from my forehead.

  “I tak
e it you’re both here to talk about what happened the other night,” I responded flatly.

  “Obviously,” Eli replied as the two of them sat down on the bank of the creek.

  We were silent for a few moments, and I wondered if they were waiting for me to speak first.

  Eventually, Owen said, “Why didn’t you tell me about Brady, Pax? Clearly, Eli knew some of it but not all of it.”

  I grimaced. “What would you have done about it? You started working as an architect in New York. And Eli couldn’t keep protecting me. His interference only made the problems worse.”

  “I’d have come back and helped you deal with it,” Owen exclaimed.

  Eli held a hand up to calm him down. “I get if you felt that you wanted to deal with him yourself, or that you didn’t want to bother us, but Pax, what he did was serious. The least you could have done was tell Mom and Dad.”

  “And then what? Come on, Eli. Give me some credit. I graduated high school and went to college and sorted myself out. We all have to grow up and take care of our own shit. The shit with Brady didn’t affect me as badly as you seem to think it had.”

  They looked at me in disbelief. “You’re calling the other night not affecting you badly?”

  I looked away. “I’d been dealing with it fine until then. It honestly wasn’t something I thought about much.”

  Owen frowned. “Did you never ask him at the time why he was bullying you?”

  “What part of silence was my sword do you keep forgetting?” I fired back. “I couldn’t find the words to tell our parents. Half the time when he was bullying me to my face, he had my head underwater, or my airway blocked. At which point was I supposed to up and ask him, ‘Hey, why are you doing this?’ and expect him to answer?”

  Owen and Eli shifted uncomfortably. Clearly, the two of them realized I was correct, but they didn’t want to admit to it.

  There was another minute or two of silence before Owen said, “Rose wasn’t responsible for Brady. You have to know that.”

  “I don’t want to talk about her,” I muttered, turning from the two of them.