What's Your Message

by Cam Barber

  Get it? Great. Have fun with it.

  How to CONNECT with your listener

  Stories are a powerful way to connect with your listener. A good way to build your storytelling skills is to start with simple examples, then add some memory hooks and finally some vivid ‘story’ components.

  [a] Examples

  Language is imprecise and the meaning of a word depends on context. Examples put things into a specific context and make your points more concrete. They transform the vague into the specific. Examples also help your listeners see an issue from their perspective. Most presentations have too much data and too few examples.

  A simple way to craft your own examples is to imagine a listener saying to you: “Give me an example from real life.” “Give me an example of how it would work.” “Explain how my role would be affected.” “Give me an example of the problem.” “Give me an example of the benefit.” …and so on.

  Testimonials: Sometimes called ‘social proof’, testimonials are often examples told in somebody else’s voice. They can be very powerful. You might read someone’s testimonial-example or play a video of it.

  [b] Memory hooks

  Vivid examples usually include ‘memory hooks’. What’s a memory hook you ask? Think of the listener’s mind as a smooth wall. Words and ideas might touch the mind, but slide off. Memory hooks connect with something already in the audience’s mind. It’s like a hook that pulls your example deeper into their awareness. Memory hooks are references to familiar places or situations we can all relate to, like:

  • Common life experiences (school, marriage, summer holidays, etc)

  • Relationships (mother, father, sister, brother, best friend, boss, etc.)

  • Movies, TV, music and other popular culture

  • Famous people, famous events

  • Locations (The city the conference is in, a familiar landmark)

  • Brand names (‘I grabbed the Dyson to clean up the pretzels’)

  You get the idea…

  Hooks can also be expressed as physical movement – you act out a ‘common life experience’ like digging for a phone that’s lost at the bottom of your bag, or clicking a mouse frantically in frustration at a slow-loading web page. Connecting with your audience this way makes your topic seem more familiar, and it’s easier for people to feel involved in your subject.

  Paul Kelly’s classic song from 1987, To her door is loaded with memory hooks. In fact, it’s chockas. The song’s lyrics are a great example of painting a vivid picture; a compelling story in just 178 words. Here are the lyrics with memory hooks in bold.

  They got married early, never had no money.

  Then when he got laid off they really hit the skids.

  He started up his drinking, then they started fighting.

  He took it pretty badly, she took both the kids.

  She said: “I’m not standing by, to watch you slowly die.

  So watch me walking, out the door”.

  She said, “Shove it, Jack, I’m walking out the door”.

  She went to her brother’s, got a little bar work.

  He went to the Buttery[rehab clinic], stayed about a year.

  Then he wrote a letter, said “I want to see you”.

  She thought he sounded better, she sent him up the fare.

  He was riding through the cane in the pouring rain.

  On Olympic[bus] to her door.

  He came in on a Sunday, every muscle aching.

  Walking in slow motion like he’d just been hit.

  Did they have a future? Would he know his children?

  Could he make a picture and get them all to fit?

  He was shaking in his seat riding through the streets.

  In a silver-top[taxi] to her door.

  (Songwriters: KELLY, PAUL MAURICE, To Her Door lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.)

  Next time you craft an example, see if you can include some memory hooks to help bring your example to life.

  [c] Story components

  Have you ever listened to a bad storyteller? It’s frustrating. A typical bad story is a series of facts held together by ‘and then …’, ‘and then …’, ‘and then …’. The simplest way to make your story interesting is to have a point. But you can do much better.

  The top 3 components of a vivid story

  Predetermined story structures can sometimes be too rigid. The solution? Master the components of great storytelling, so you can build a vivid story to suit your needs. Here are 3 components of a compelling story.

  1. Set the scene

  Introduce the situation and paint a picture of the scene. For example, where did the events happen? Is there a backstory to your main story? Set it up. Then, add your characters (and maybe exaggerate their qualities a little). For example:

  ‘It happened in this room! Seven people sitting around the boardroom table with the CEO screaming across the mahogany in anger, and the Sales Manager red faced trying to defend his position…’

  2. Paint a picture of the characters

  Defining your characters can make your story pop. What can you tell us about your characters? Name? Role? Personality style? Is the character shy, loud, ditzy, a close talker, a soft talker, etc. Listeners invest emotionally in well-painted characters. You don’t even have to go into great detail, doesn’t this one line tell you a lot about the person?

  ‘My dad was so loud you could hear him singing from all the way down the street.’

  When I tell stories about communication, I often start with my parents.

  ‘My parents confused me from a young age. When I asked a question, Mum never gave enough information and Dad always gave too much. Mum would simplify so much that I didn’t learn anything and Dad would overwhelm me with so many details (and diagrams written on the back of a cigarette packet!) that I never wanted to ask another question.’

  Now I can continue with a story and my listeners will be interested in how each character acts or reacts to a situation. They are invested, interested in what happens to these people.

  Another thing you can do to build your character is get more specific about an aspect of their appearance or personality. For example:

  ‘Ralph has a stooped posture like he’s been carrying a weight his whole life.’

  ‘The founder of Smoogle had a little notebook and pen in his top pocket every day of his working life. He was determined to catch all his brilliant ideas and never waste a useful thought.’

  ‘My sales manager is never still. He always has something in his hands, like a cricket ball or a pen, and is constantly clicking his fingers.’

  Don’t you want to know what happens to these characters in a story now that you know a bit about them?

  3. Enhance the drama!

  When my son was six years old, he came home from school and said proudly, “Today I wrote my own story”. As I started to ask him about it, he jumped in excitedly and said, “And Daddy, a story has to have a problem and a solution.” I said, “Cool. What was your story about?”

  “I was flying a kite.”

  “What was the problem?” I asked.

  “The string broke.”

  “Bummer. What happened next?”

  “A man came and fixed it.” End of story!

  I giggled inside at the simplicity of his story, but later realised that his kite escapade taught him a crucial lesson that many speakers still don’t understand. Drama. Where is the drama in your story?

  Ask yourself: What are the important events? What are the stakes? Is there tension and resolution? Were you up against a deadline? Was there a turning point that threw your plan into disarray? Drama comes from the following areas:

  Events: What are the dramatic events in your story? Isolate significant events from details. Cinderella meeting the fairy godmother, the carriage turning back into a pumpkin at midnight, and the prince seeing that the shoe fits Cinderella, are all dramatic events. Cinderella sweeping the floor is no
t.

  Obstacles: What obstacles are encountered as you (or your character) attempt to achieve a goal.

  Stakes: High stakes build suspense. What bad thing will happen if you fail? In movies like Ghostbusters, Armageddon and Independence Day, the ‘bad thing’ is that the earth will be destroyed. What bad thing will happen if your project fails?

  Countdown: People can’t resist a countdown or a deadline, it’s like a ticking time bomb. How many days to the deadline? For example, the race is tomorrow and their car is in pieces all over the garage, or our heroes have to get on the plane in the next 2 minutes because the villains are chasing them.

  Conflict: Are there arguments between team members? Is there a villain? (The police chief says to the rogue detective, “The Mayor called me personally to ensure you stay off this case - or I’ll have your badge!”). Internal conflict is also compelling. Self doubt is conflict. Were you about to give up? Did you feel like the opposing forces had beaten you? Did you worry that you didn’t have it in you to succeed? Remember; ‘that which is most personal is most universal’. Consider sharing your doubts and concerns with your audience.

  Turning point: At a turning point, the story goes in a new direction. Perhaps a character has had a revelation or they’ve made a difficult decision. Maybe they have learnt vital information or set a new goal. A turning point implies language like: “…and that’s when I realised…” or “…then came the breakthrough…” So, what did you realise? What was the breakthrough in your story?

  Climax: Obstacles, stakes, suspense, countdowns, conflict and turning points all build to your climax, which is simply the satisfying ending to your story.

  You now have a feel for the 3 key elements of a compelling story.

  1) Setting the scene,

  2) Painting a picture of your characters, and

  3) Adding drama.

  And the great thing for a speech or presentation is, you don’t need to put them all together and craft a 2-hour screenplay or 400-page novel. Your ‘stories’ can be tiny scenes that use just 1 or 2 of these elements. You don’t need to cram them all in.

  For example, my ‘Skate Park story’ earlier on in the book uses 3 story elements: characters (me, 15 year old skaters, someone’s mum and a nurse), 2 x high stakes events (knocking myself out on the skate ramp, uncontrollable shaking at the hospital) and 1 x revelation (there is a separation between your ability to think and physical symptoms). The end.

  Choose the story elements that work in your situation, and then use them as building blocks. Cherry-picking story elements helps shorten or lengthen the story to fit the time you have allocated.

  How to tell your story

  If you want to learn from the best, watch standup comedians. They are usually great storytellers. In a short amount of time they set the scene, reveal their characters, bring the drama to life and highlight a turning point or punchline. Don’t worry, you don’t have to be as good as a professional comedian, but it is important to commit to your story.

  See if you can inhabit a character - mimic their voice, style or movement. You don’t have to be an actor or an extrovert. Do it simply to express your character’s uniqueness.

  For example, if you’re in marketing and you’re talking about your target market - a professional woman aged 28-32 years who only listens to radio in her car. Be her, while you are talking about her. Give her a name, say Daphne, and say “Imagine I’m Daphne …” Hold the imaginary steering wheel, adjust the volume button on the radio. Not overacting in a pantomime-style, just move the way you would hold the wheel if you were driving.

  Take away point

  You don’t have to be brilliant at every story component. You do need to give your audience a satisfying ending. And in most cases this is simply the takeaway point.

  How to ACTIVATE your listener’s mind

  Here are a few simple options to activate the mind of your listener.

  [a] Contrast

  Howard Hughes inherited a fortune at age 19 and moved to Hollywood to make his name as a filmmaker. He produced and directed Hells Angels in 1930, which is considered one of the first big budget action films. It’s about combat pilots in World War 1 and contains the most incredible dogfight sequences ever filmed.

  During filming however, Hughes had a problem. The planes were flying dangerously fast but there was nothing in the background but sky, so it didn’t seem fast. With no contrast it was impossible to get a sense of how fast the planes were going.

  Hughes realised he needed clouds in the background. Unfortunately, he couldn’t just add them with CGI graphics as filmmakers do today. So he decided to wait for clouds and reshoot the entire flying sequences. But the weather was so good around Hollywood it was difficult to find clouds! He hired a full-time meteorologist whose sole job was to predict where to find clouds, with enough warning so the crew could get to that location for filming. There was a lot of waiting around and it put the film way over budget, but it worked. Contrast helped the audience see the reality of the plane’s speed - a fact that was unclear without contrast. The movie was a hit and made money even though its budget blew out to a massive $3.8 million (by far the most expensive movie ever made at the time).

  Life is rife with opposing forces: light/dark; hot/cold; male/female; black/white; life/death, up/down. When you think about it, all forces exist in opposition in a way that helps frame our understanding of the world we live in. Our mind’s are activated by contrast. Contrast is also great for highlighting both sides of an argument, which helps the mind retain and recall an idea. Contrast is an easy technique to use. The simplest way is to say what something is NOT. For example,

  “This product is poor at X, however if you want Y it’s the best.”

  “This project won’t do A, but it will give us B.”

  “If you want the cheapest product on the market, then forget about product X, however, if you want the best, this is the answer.”

  Showing contrasting viewpoints helps your ideas emerge from the background. Using contrast makes a stronger impression than just emphasising benefits.

  The language of contrast

  Imagine you’re making a presentation about a new direction for your company. Instead of just saying: “This strategy will take us in the right direction to achieve our goals”, say…

  “If we keep going in this direction we will end up with X… (bad stuff)…however, with the new strategy we will end up with Y… (good stuff).”

  Here’s another example of the language of contrast. Instead of saying: “Sales are 1.3 million”. Refer to the past to show contrast. You might say,

  “2 years ago we had sales of $400K… now we have sales of $1.3 million.”

  You might even use your hands to demonstrate contrast. Holding out your left hand you say something like, “In the past…”, then, holding out your right hand, you say, “But now…”.

  As always, you don’t need to be a professional actor or force the gesture. Imagine you’re explaining these ideas at a desk to one person if that helps you feel more comfortable. These techniques can be just as appropriate in normal conversation.

  [b] Variation

  No matter what speaking style you have, loud or quiet, fast or slow, if it is unchanging, it can become tedious to your listeners. Variety engages. You already have the chunk structure to provide some variation, which is a good start - as you open and close each chunk, you provide variety. However, there are many options to provide variation when you speak.

  Movement: Consider walking to different points on the stage to add variation, it forces the audience to follow you with their eyes. Or use your hands to emphasise points.

  Interactivity: Give the audience an exercise. Like catching a ‘message ball’ or turning to a certain page of your handout. Ask the audience questions - either rhetorical questions or direct questions where you want them to answer.

  Pace: Play with your pace. Most people speak more quickly than they need to. Learning to slow down is a g
ood starting point. However, variation is the key. A long silence can have a strong impact.

  Volume: Think of your voice as having a volume control from 1-10. You’ll have a comfortable range (usually a narrow range). Play with it. Start by going to the opposite of your natural range just 10% of the time. Perhaps as you make a point. You’ll quickly be able to expand your range.

  Your effortless vocal range

  In the past I was a ‘try-er’. I know this because my Alexander Teacher used this term as an insult to help me learn an important lesson. “You’re one of those ‘try-ers’ Cam”, she said in a disparaging tone. What was the lesson she was teaching me? It was about wasted effort. When I spoke to an audience, I tried so hard to be impressive, using so much effort to speak, I was wearing out my vocal cords.

  What’s an ‘Alexander Teacher’ you ask? It’s someone who instructs on body awareness to improve performance. The idea is to use the ‘self’ more effectively. Many dancers, singers, musicians, actors and athletes have benefited from the Alexander Technique, which guides us on how to use our body with reduced effort.

  The reason I was visiting her twice a week was that I was losing my voice on stage. It was painful, frustrating and had me second-guessing my career choice of professional speaker and trainer. My Alexander Teacher explained that our voice doesn’t ‘wear out’ if we use it properly. She also explained that speaking in a relaxed way, without all the trying and over-efforting, might even engage the audience more effectively.

  You don’t need to exhaust yourself

  Initially, this was difficult to accept. I played football and was taught that we needed to use 150% effort and have 200% commitment! Have nothing left at the end of a game. No pain, no gain! So, I guess it just felt normal to exhaust myself when speaking for high stakes.