Chapter Sixteen
“Grab your boots.” Chase held up her long coat, and Jessie easily slipped into it. “Let’s get out of here.” He smoothed wisps of fly-away hair from her eyes. Her weary expression tugged at his heart. If this woman was exhausted, it had been a bad day.
“But it’s so late.”
“C’mon, the girls are sleeping, and Birdie is still here working on something in the kitchen for a while,” he urged.
“She’ll probably be glad to go home to her own quiet house tonight. She needs a break.” Jessie tucked the legs of her jeans into winter boots.
“Man alive. I’m glad this one’s almost over.” He wiped a hand across his face. The babies had worn him out, worn them all out. “Things have to improve.”
“They’re teething. Eight hours may not make much difference.”
He shrugged off her pessimism. “We can always hope. Let’s walk in the snow until we believe tomorrow can be a better day.” Chase opened the front door. “Shall we?”
Jessie offered that sweet smile he’d glimpsed a few times before. It always made him feel like he was being rewarded. But for what, he had no idea. Not that it mattered. It was enough just to have a few minutes alone with her. No crying babies. No work. No interruptions. Just Jessie and a crisp winter night.
She stepped outside, and he followed. A gust of arctic air hit. “It’s windy, Jess. You gonna be warm enough?”
“I’m fine.” She covered her mouth with a gloved hand. “Maybe the cold will wake me up.”
He pointed off in the distance. “Let’s head over there. I want you to see the gazebo.”
Chase led the way, trekking a path through the deepening accumulation toward the far corner of the large back yard. Jessie followed close behind, walking in his forged boot prints until he stepped up into the privacy of the small wooden structure. Reaching for her hands, he pulled her up.
“I’ve never been this far back in the yard,” she admitted. “The snow is too deep to bring the girls out here.”
Chase brushed several inches of new, powdery snow from the bannister, and Jessie ran her woolen fingers over the lattice decoration. “The design in this wood is exquisite.”
One corner of his lips tugged upward as a bit of pride kicked in. “Like it?”
“It’s beautiful.” Her clear eyes widened with amazement. “Did you build this?”
“A few years ago. After Mom and Dad passed, before Charlotte had the babies. I needed something else to focus on besides this ranch and that empty house. I spent a lot of evenings building different projects and learned I had a knack for woodworking.”
“You certainly do. This is impressive.” She tilted her head back, surveying the ceiling and walls. Then she looked down to the smooth planks of the floor lightly covered in fresh snowy footprints. “It’s…it’s just lovely, Chase. Honestly.”
“Thank you.”
He stood staring into gorgeous green eyes that too seldom settled directly on him. She seemed even prettier than usual. That dusty pink color the winter air had whipped into her cheeks made her look so alive to possibilities, and the light scent of her perfume reminded him of a field of summer wildflowers.
What was wrong with him? The irresistible attraction he felt for this woman would be his undoing, if he wasn’t careful. And it wasn’t only physical. He didn’t just want her. He could recognize that for what it was. This was something else, something deeper. Unfathomable. Profound. He needed Jessie. Her acceptance; her affection; her respect. Everything.
He felt tongue-tied and nervous, like he had as a kid when he’d asked to take her home one Friday after a football game. She’d broken his young heart that night…with a little help from her brother. Chase had done what he’d learned to do with feelings, and failure. Shake it off, move on. He’d put those emotions on hold, locked them away in memory. Or, at least he thought he had. Until tonight…
“Jessie…”
“Hmm?”
Her shy smile made his heart ache. Was this the only woman who could make him feel this way? He’d had his share of relationships, but never like this. Control. Being in charge. Those were things he was accustomed to, not being rattled by some wisp of a gal with wild red curls and an endearing grin. But rattled, he was. Maybe this was inescapable. Maybe he’d loved her since he first saw her at that school carnival as kids. Maybe he’d loved her before he knew what love was.
He wanted to kiss her. Unhurriedly, deliberately. To touch her face…her hair…her soft skin… The frosty air felt charged with some vibrancy.
The lightly falling snow over a ground already frozen white and hundreds of tiny icicles on the trim of the gazebo made the setting nearly magical.
Does she feel it, too?
Clearing his throat, he attempted to appear unaffected by the moment as he reached for her hand. Then he averted his gaze to the evening sky. “If it weren’t for the full moon, we’d need a lantern out here tonight.”
“Or we’d be completely in the dark.” Which was a place Jessie wouldn’t mind being with this man.
She looked down at their fingers interlaced in pleasant contact, even with gloves between them. There were too many things she liked about Chase. From those strong hands that gently cradled babies or worked wonders with wood, to the way he didn’t kiss her just now when she was fairly certain there’d been a moment…
If only she’d found him a few months earlier, for a different reason, under other circumstances. Maybe they’d have had a chance. Peanut could have been his. Theirs.
Her eyes stung from wistful thoughts of what might have been.
“I know Brian called,” he said quietly.
She swallowed at the lump in her throat. “It was nothing.”
“I’d like to believe that.” He hesitated. “I don’t want you to leave.”
But was there reason to stay? She waited, wanting more.
Anything. Give me something.
“Brian wants you back. He’d be a fool not to.”
His questioning eyes captured her attention as much as the emotion in his usually steady voice.
“Is a future with him what you want?”
She shook her head. “No.” Not anymore, if in fact she ever did. “But I need to make changes, get settled. And Birdie said the employment agency called. They’ve found someone for this job.”
“We need you.”
Those weren’t the words she’d hoped for. Not nearly. She gave an uncertain shrug. Even if he fell in love with her, could it last? Take root, grow, and become something amazing, something permanent when all she had to offer him was more responsibility, additional burden? Did he really need three babies to be concerned about? Weren’t two enough of a challenge?
Pulling her hand away slowly, she looked across the glittery white yard. Not touching him was her only hope of saying what needed to be said.
“This is your chance to hire the right person, a nanny actually looking for the job. Not many of them come along out here in the middle of cowboy country.” She forced a light, nervous laugh. “Maybe you’ll get lucky, and she’ll be that pretty little twenty-something.”
Jealousy, hot and angry, coursed through her veins. What was wrong with her? Jealous of his late wife and fictional characters? Was she losing her mind? Or just her dignity?
A strong hand smoothed her hair. “But I want you.”
She closed her eyes, aching for more. Did he mean that? The way she wanted him to mean it?
“Chase, there are things about me you don’t know.”
“So…tell me more when you’re ready.”
It took all her effort to meet his gaze. His tender touch could make her fall apart if she let it. Did she dare risk that much? What if he didn’t want her the way she wanted him? For all time? She’d be putting her whole life on hold, and…
“What if Charlotte shows up? I’d be right back at the beginning. No job, no home.”
“I realize it’s not much, but I promise you work
here at the ranch as long as you want it. And even if Charlotte comes back, all responsible and mature, she’ll have to prove herself over time before I’ll let her take those babies.”
“But they’re her children. She has every right—”
“You know the law. I get that.” He pushed stray strands of hair away from her cheek. “I love my sister, and, maybe, if she works at it, she can become a good mom. Until then, I’ll protect the girls, whatever it takes.”
That’s exactly what this man would do. The right thing for those babies. Whatever it takes. And it made her love him even more.
“You know, you’ve rescued me as much as I’ve rescued you. The day we bumped into each other at the employment agency, I didn’t even have a place to stay that night except the local hotel. I know I desperately need to make some progress in my own life, but, truth is…” She lowered her gaze. Maybe they didn’t have to resolve everything tonight. “If you truly want me here…”
“I do.”
“Okay, then. For now.” Jessie smiled up at him as slivers of moonlight shone through the open skylights.
A tiny twitch in her abdomen startled her. Just nerves? Maybe, but time is running thin.
One corner of his mouth curved into that captivating half-smile she’d grown to cherish. He stood silently, likely weighing something in his mind. She could tell by the contemplative depths of those slate blue eyes. Pondering the hazards of kissing an employee, perhaps? Mixing business and pleasure? He’d consider that a risk. And oh, how she wished he wouldn’t.
“We should be getting back to the house,” he said, interrupting her lovely daydream. “It’s late, and Birdie will want to call it a night.”
Disappointment rippled through her. He must have decided the risks of kissing her outweighed the need. If he’d checked the imaginary set of scales in her head, he’d have found them tilting heavily the other way.
Smiling, he took off his gloves, leaned close, and brushed a wisp of something from the corner of her lips.
“What? Am I wearing dessert on my face?” Just the sensation of his fingers against her skin sent her heart skittering.
“Don’t know.” He raised a hand to taste the grains of sweetness. “Birdie’s sugar cookies?”
She nodded and breathed in, the freezing night air momentarily catching in her lungs. Jessie thought her heart might stop beating. It took all her focus to keep her feet on the ground and not lean into him, inviting the kiss she longed to be lost in.
The edges of his smile faded. Chase’s fingers brushed her chin, angling it up slightly. His hand on her face was cool, but marvelously familiar. Impossible, she knew. He’d barely touched her before that moment.
“Jessie,” he whispered. “Honey…”
His voice sounded strained by some struggle, some restraint she could not understand.
“There’s a lot at stake.”
So much at stake. Like whether she was going to survive this night if he didn’t take her in his arms and claim the heart she so desperately wanted to give. What if he didn’t feel the same? She had to know, couldn’t bear not knowing another second. So, she followed instinct rather than reason. Her heart rather than her head. With the slightest movement, she eased closer, wanting more of whatever this was they were so near to discovering.
His strong arms encircled her, drawing her close. His eyes were dark. Unreadable. Her almost undetectable sigh slipped out as Chase leaned near, his breath mingling with hers.
“I need you to be sure.”
She blinked, not fully comprehending. All she knew was she wanted this man in a way she’d never wanted any other. Everything. Always. “I’ve never been as sure of anything as I am of you.”
When his mouth slanted across hers, it was in slow, sweet possession that actually made her knees go weak, causing her to cling tighter as she savored the moment. The firmness of his mouth moving against hers. The warmth. The need. And she kissed him back with all the love and longing she’d been drowning in.
But she wanted more. More than this.
She wanted forever.
Chapter Seventeen
“Jess…” He abandoned her lips to brush a kiss against her temple, his breath stirring her hair. “Let’s go back inside. You’re trembling.”
“It has nothing to do with the weather.” She felt the warm curve of his smile against her skin.
Then he slipped his glove back on and tipped his head toward the house. “C’mon.”
Clasping his hand, Jessie followed as Chase led the way toward the house. After covering the wide expanse of the yard in silence, he pushed open the back door and ushered her in out of the cold.
She had no more than stepped inside the privacy of a warm, dark entryway, when strong hands found her waist. He drew her close, rekindling their kiss, and Jessie responded with every ounce of desire she’d ever felt. This man. This moment. This magic. It was all she’d ever wanted, ever dreamed it could be.
But guilt nipped at her conscience. She hadn’t told him what he needed to know. Was she risking it all with mere silence?
Maybe. Possibly. Probably?
Jessie pulled away slowly.
Gently, he framed her face with now warm hands. “Honey, what is it?”
She gave a sorrowful shrug. “I…I don’t know…how to tell you…” Had she won this man’s heart, only to reveal…what? Another tiny heart beat within her?
Just then, the kitchen light flipped on. Through squinting eyes, she looked up.
“Well, well, well. It’s about time.” Birdie beamed while she buttoned her winter coat. “You lovebirds look like two deer caught in the headlights.”
“Could be because you’ve focused a damn spotlight on us.” Chase tugged out of his jacket.
“Could be.” She chuckled. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
A flush of crimson warmed Jessie’s cheeks. She slipped off her long coat and hung it on a nearby hook, hoping no one would notice her obvious embarrassment.
“There’s hot chocolate and marshmallows on the counter, not that you’re interested. The babies are sleeping away, and I’m done for the day, so I’ll see you both in the morning. Whatever you’ve got going on there, take it elsewhere, kids. You’re dripping all over my clean floor.”
“Good night, Birdie.” Chase opened the door for her.
“See you two tomorrow.”
Jessie kicked off her wet boots. They had left quite a puddle. She couldn’t help but think the snow was melting faster due to the heat of that kiss. She fanned her face at the vivid memory.
Chase dimmed the intrusive light and reached for her hand. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, I can’t even remember.”
She couldn’t help the sad smile tugging her lips at the sound of such sweet words. “I feel the same way. But, Chase…” She took a deep, shuddering breath and exhaled slowly. It was time. “It’s complicated. More than you know. Because I’m…I’m…”
“You’re beautiful and kind and—”
“Pregnant.” She barely breathed the word.
He remained perfectly still, searching her face. Then he tilted his head a bit to one side without saying anything. Like he was taking it all in.
Jessie pulled her lower lip in between her teeth and gave a weak nod. She placed a hand on his arm. Holding on. Wishing he would say that it would be all right, that it didn’t matter.
But he did not.
“Please, say something.” Her stomach knotted. An acute sense of loss rifled through her. Was this the end of them, of everything they’d almost had? She’d kept the secret so long. Too long, maybe? It had seemed the best thing to do. How could she have known she’d feel this way? That they’d feel this way about each other? She’d never dreamed it would matter so very much. Her eyes welled with tears.
He reached out, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “Does Brian know?” he asked, his voice infinitely quiet.
She nodded miserably.
“And he let you go?”
Disbelief clouded his expression.
Warm fingers brushed her cheek, wrapping around the back of her neck, guiding her closer. His tenderness nearly stole her breath away. Tears spilled over as she moved into the comfort of his arms.
Tugging her close, he held her as she wept for so many reasons. Her baby, whom she wanted very much, could cost her the love of this good man. He didn’t need another child. It wasn’t fair to him or the twins. And a pregnancy that should be exciting and new was fraught with misgivings and doubts. Everything was going wrong. Turning sideways. All at once.
“How could he?” Chase whispered against her curls.
She moaned softly, instinctively, in response to such gentle words. “I’m glad Brian is out of my life. That’s how I want it to be.” She buried her face in the curve of his neck and felt the steady beat of his heart. How safe she felt. More than she’d ever known. A feeling she hadn’t realized she lacked. “I should have told you weeks ago. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Don’t let anything spoil this for you, Jess.”
He pulled away slightly, placing a hand against the cream-colored sweater covering her abdomen. His smile was as intimate as his caress.
“This baby could be once in a lifetime.”
She eased back into strong arms and clung to him. To his warm, wonderful words. His hope. His optimism. His understanding.
“But, Chase…” She bit her lower lip, fearing the question, but fearing the answer more. Does it change everything?
“We’ll be okay, Jess. We’ll figure it out.”
“Are you sure?” Her heart skipped a beat. “I mean, do you still…still want me to stay?”
He searched her eyes. “More than you know.”
Welcome relief flowed over her, but another kind of loss tugged at her emotions. “I’m so sorry I’ve thrown cold water on this…this…”
He grinned. “This…what?”
“This night. The most thrilling kiss of my life,” she admitted with a sheepish shrug. A shiver shot through her at the mere memory.
“Mmm…” He traced the edge of her ear with a warm thumb. “Well worth the wait.”
She offered a shy smile. “And anything worth having is worth waiting for?”
The Cowboy's Twin Surprise Page 10