I froze. Was that true? Was everybody gossiping about me? Or was she trying to bait me? I never knew where I stood with Flo, Jess, or Ursula.
Derek had been avoiding me lately, but I’d been avoiding him back.
“Well, then Ursula is a liar,” I said. “Because I haven’t slept with anyone working on this movie and I’m not going to.”
“Hmm,” she replied. “Well I’m sorry to hear people are gossiping about you behind your back. That’s never fun.”
“No, it really isn’t,” I grated out. “I sure hope you don’t spread the rumors you hear about me, Flo.”
“I would never.”
I hated it when people lied to my face.
“Okay great. Thanks.”
She smirked. “Don’t mention it. This business is so dependent on word of mouth,” Flo continued. I was absolutely sure that Ursula had put her up to this. “It would be horrible if you got a reputation for being a slut.”
“I’m not a slut.” I ground my teeth. I wanted, in that moment, to hit Flo. I’d never hit anyone in my life. But all of a sudden, I wanted to.
She giggled. “Oh, I know that, silly,” she told me, playing it off. “But a reputation is a reputation, even if it’s not true.”
If she was building up to something, she needed to spit it out. “What are you getting at, Flo? I didn’t sleep with anybody! I definitely didn’t attempt to seduce Derek.”
“Oh nothing. Just thinking aloud. You know, it might be a good idea for you to just drop out of the production. Don’t you think?”
I blinked. “What? Why?”
“Well, it’s probably making Ursula uncomfortable to see you, don’t you think? It might be better for your career if she didn’t feel that way about you. Even if it’s not true. She’s very influential.”
Ugh. Ursula should really come do her own dirty work.
“It shouldn’t bother her at all. I never touched her boyfriend.”
Ursula wanted rid of me. Either that or Flo wanted my solo. Actually, the more I thought about the situation, it was probably both.
Ursula had already won, but apparently that wasn’t good enough. She wanted me to run away with my tail between my legs, too? Haha. No way. This production was my ticket to a Screen Actor’s Guild membership. I needed that for auditions and any chance at a future in the industry. I was not going to run away from my opportunities just because Ursula didn’t like me. Or because I couldn’t have Derek. Even if it broke my heart and killed me, I was doing this.
“I’m not quitting,” I told Flo. “You can tell Ursula that if you want to.”
Flo shrugged. “Again, I was just thinking.”
“Okay great.” Fuck you. “I’ve gotta’ go.”
I stormed out of the bathroom, unwilling to engage on this topic any further with Flo. I was steaming mad. Part of me wanted to reach out to Derek and yell at him, but I just didn’t have the heart. I told the choreographer I was feeling sick and she took one look at how pale I was and sent me home.
20
Derek
“Yeah, that one. Right in front. Doing the solo. Her.”
“Really?”
“That’s what they say. Easy as pie. Practically a nymphomaniac.”
I was passing by the soundstage where the chorus girls were about to film one of their first scenes when I overheard a grip and a gaffer talking about the girls. I looked over, wondering who they were talking about. It was Ariel. She was just finishing up a solo wearing her new, sequined costume. She looked fantastic. They hadn’t noticed me, so I continued to listen, pretending to be distracted by my phone, but feeling my mood tanking by the second.
The last few weeks of rehearsals had bled into a confusing, long blur. I had to see Ariel every day, but I couldn’t touch her, talk to her, or even acknowledge her without risking Ursula making good on her threat. It was killing me slowly.
“Maybe I can get her number then,” the grip said, squinting. “If that’s the village bicycle, then I certainly wouldn’t mind a ride. I bet she can do the splits. Do you think she can do the splits?”
“I’m sure she can do the splits,” the gaffer said. “She can probably do the whole Kamasutra without breathing hard. Look at her legs.”
“I’m looking. I’m definitely looking.”
The gaffer laughed. “Word is she’ll sleep with anything that moves, so you might even have a chance.”
“Who’d you hear this from?” the grip asked.
“One of the other chorus girls that are always hanging around with Ursula Jones,” the gaffer replied. “According to her, this girl has such low standards she might even sleep with you.”
“Gee thanks.” He looked torn between hope and offense.
“Hey, I am trying to help you here. But you should definitely use a rubber if the rumors are true. Especially if she’s a sure thing. You don’t need to pick up any infections.”
He rolled his eyes. “Again. Thanks.”
I frowned. It didn’t take a genius to put the pieces together on this rumor. Ursula had struck again.
Holden, ever the perfectionist, was unsatisfied with something about the set, so the gaffer and the grip had to quit talking after that and the chorus girls were allowed to take a break. Ariel was approached by the grip and shook her head aggressively at whatever he said to her. He shuffled off dejectedly and she looked extremely frustrated and stomped off, flushing.
This was getting out of hand.
I might be fulfilling my end of the bargain by staying away from Ariel, but it seemed like Ursula was still hellbent on running Ariel off too. I could only guess that these rumors were her idea.
Meanwhile, I’d been attending event after boring event with Ursula on my arm. It was getting very old. The press, particularly Meg Butler, might be getting a good show, but it was at the expense of my happiness. And clearly Ursula was still tormenting Ariel on top of it. When Ariel went into an empty rehearsal room, I followed her.
“I told you,” she said, turning around angrily. “I don’t want—” she paused when she saw it was me and not the grip. “Oh. It’s you.”
I raised my hands up peacefully like I had when she’d screamed at me in her car that first day we met. “I just want to talk to you.”
“I really think you’ve done enough,” she said. “Don’t you?”
“I heard the rumors,” I said carefully.
Ariel made a noise that sounded like it shouldn’t come from a human throat. It was an angry, frustrated noise. Her hands were balled up into fists at her side.
“Did you start them?” she asked, looking frustrated. “I heard you started them.”
“I didn’t start them. Come on, why would I do that?”
She sniffled and then straightened. “I have no idea. These last two weeks have been horrible. Everybody’s talking about me, and as far as I can tell, nobody has anything nice to say.”
“I do.”
As frustrated as she was, I felt better being with her. Just being alone with her felt soothing to me, like a balm on a sunburn. I hadn’t realized just how much I missed her. Even though we’d both been on set for eight to ten hours a day, we hadn’t said a word to each other in almost two whole weeks. There were things I wanted to tell her. I might have promised Ursula that I would pretend that Ariel was invisible, but she wasn’t, she wasn’t invisible at all. She was all I could see.
At the moment, however, Ariel looked like she wished I’d disappear. She laughed bitterly when she was done making her little angry noises. “Everybody’s heard the rumors and think they know all about me.” Ariel looked like she was on the verge of tears. “I’ve had to turn down half the men on the set who think I’m the world’s easiest conquest.”
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. It sounded inadequate even in my own ears.
Ariel sort of melted in on herself. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at me. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to trust. Somebody told m
e you started the rumors, but I think Ursula put her up to it. I think she started them. I think she wants me to just give up and quit.” She laughed bitterly. “I can’t believe how insane this all is.”
“Me either.” I shook my head, wondering how we got so far down this insane path. All I wanted to do was kiss Ariel. It was what I’d wanted to do since I first saw her. And it felt like the entire world was preventing me.
“I better get back,” Ariel said, turning and trying to brush past me.
I probably should have at least tried to fight what I was feeling, but I didn’t. I grabbed her hand, spun her around, and looked into her eyes.
“I’m going to kiss you now unless you tell me not to.” Her lips parted in surprise. But she didn’t say anything, perhaps too surprised to reply. “Last chance.” She just continued to stare.
I couldn’t help myself.
She was frozen in my arms at first. Her eyes were wide open, and her lips pressed against mine for a chaste, shocked heartbeat. Then the passion I’d been feeling for her mixed with whatever she must have been feeling for me and the dam broke.
Her mouth tasted like bubblegum, and I tightened my grip on her waist, exploring her. She buried her fingers in my hair, gasping into our kiss and letting me steal her breath. She was stealing my rationality. It only seemed fair.
Rationally, I shouldn’t care about her. I barely knew her. I shouldn’t care about ruining her career, or her life, or even her afternoon. But watching her grow more and more unhappy over the last week while I put on the world’s stupidest dog and pony show for Ursula and the paparazzi was killing me. Now, finally, I felt alive again.
Her soft lips, eager tongue, and sweet breath revived me. This was what I needed. What I’d been missing my whole life. I kissed her and the world realigned around me, making my heart pound and my thoughts race away. I wanted them to go. I just wanted Ariel.
I couldn’t think of anything else but the feel of her in my arms and the need to be closer. There was a wall here somewhere in this room and I managed to put her back against it, pinning her there so I could really take my time with her. Her neck tasted as good as her mouth did, and I loved the ways she whimpered when I gently grazed it with my teeth. Her grip on my hair tightened and her breath hitched.
When we finally pulled apart, panting, I could see my own need reflected in her blue eyes. I needed more of this. A lot more. But this was probably the worst possible place to get it.
“Derek, we shouldn’t do this,” she breathed, suddenly looking nervous. “Ursula—”
“I don’t want her. I was never seeing her. Not for real. The pictures are just for the press.”
Relief colored her features. “I thought—”
“I know,” I said, brushing her cheek. Her skin was so soft, warm, and smooth. “I let you think that. I did it because Ursula threatened to get you fired from the production. But she’s gone too far with these rumors about you. She’s not keeping up her side of the bargain. That means I don’t have to either.”
“What do you mean?”
“It means that I’m done pretending that I’m not crazy about you.”
She shook her head. “She’ll have me fired. You have to keep pretending with her. Otherwise I’ll be the one who suffers.”
I frowned. “This is dumb—”
She kissed me and her gaze turned mischievous. “It is dumb. But just because you have to pretend in public doesn’t mean we have to pretend in private, does it?”
I blinked at her. “I thought you didn’t want to do that.”
She laughed. “I don’t,” she said, gripping my upper arms with her little hands and looking at me possessively. “I actually hate the idea. But I hate the idea of living in purgatory more, don’t you?”
I swallowed. “I can’t ask you to do this, Ariel.” It wasn’t fair to her. I didn’t like the idea of keeping her a secret.
Her expression was understanding. “You aren’t asking. I’m offering. I guess you can turn me down if you want to.” The feeling of her little fingers on the nape of my neck said otherwise.
I shook my head back and forth. “I don’t think so.”
Ariel deserved better than me. I knew that. But I couldn’t resist her, either. I’d just have to try and be good enough.
She smirked at me. “Then we do this in secret. Maybe it’ll be fun? Either way, it’s temporary, right? Only until the movie comes out. Then we can be totally honest about everything.”
I nodded. “You’re right. It would only be for a few more weeks.” I kissed her again, feeling like I’d just found a part of myself that had been missing for a long, long time. “I still don’t like the idea of keeping things a secret, but...”
She reached out and put a finger to my lips. “It’ll be okay,” she promised. “Besides, just think how furious Ursula will be when she realizes that we’ve been together, right under her nose, this entire time. The look on her face will be priceless.” She paused. “But she can’t find out. Promise me she won’t.”
I took her hand and looked down at it, tiny and a delicate, in my own palm. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. Even if it meant keeping a secret that I knew could compromise us both. It was the lesser of two evils. “I promise.”
21
Derek
“So, be honest, what do you think?” I asked Ariel, showing off my Batman costume that evening. “Do I look like the caped crusader?” I did a few of my best Batman poses for her.
Ariel giggled at me, peeling off my mask and looking so good in her yoga pants and little tank top that I could barely contain myself. “It’s great. Very fancy. I love the tights.” She winked.
“These are crime-fighting tactical leggings,” I said seriously.
“They’re tights.”
I laughed. “Yeah. They’re basically tights.”
“Well, I appreciate the commitment to the character.” Ariel was all smiles and giggles tonight, and it made my heart lift. She’d been so down lately. We both had.
“I try,” I said modestly. A lot of actors get bored of costumes and end up hating Halloween. Not me. I’d always had a natural flair for the dramatic, I guess. I couldn’t get enough. Halloween was my absolute favorite holiday and always had been. Candy and costumes? Yes, please.
“How was the party?” she asked, taking a sip of the glass of wine I’d poured her when she arrived. “Did you have fun?”
I shook my head, thinking Ursula might be the one to finally make me hate Halloween. “No. It was a disaster. It was one of those horrible Instagrammer parties where everyone is just endlessly taking pictures. Nobody was even talking. It was completely bizarre. Just a whole lot of people taking pictures and fiddling with their phones, and barely even acknowledging the other humans right next to them.”
“Sounds like my high school,” she remarked.
I laughed. “Back in my day, high school kids didn’t have smart phones.”
Smart phones appeared when I was in my late teens, and even then, most kids hadn’t had them. I couldn’t imagine what high school would have been like with the internet literally in your pocket. It was a miracle anyone learned at all anymore.
Ariel smirked at me. “Okay, old man,” she said. “Do you want to tell me how you walked three miles uphill both ways through the snow and worked in the factories until your eyesight went because you only had candlelight from candles you had to make yourself on the old homestead?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not that old. Jeez. Besides, I never walked to school in my life. I definitely never lived on the old homestead. I grew up in a castle. I was a stereotypical rich kid, remember?”
Ariel laughed. “Oh yeah, how can I forget about that. You probably had a driver, didn’t you?”
“I sure did.” I didn’t even share the fact that my driver was actually a helicopter pilot. It was pointless to pretend I was ever normal. I’d never been even close to normal. I probably never would be and that was fine with me. Being normal seemed
decidedly shitty, anyway.
“So, you basically were a little Bruce Wayne then,” Ariel said, looking at me with a little smile on her face. “Pre parent-murder, obviously.”
“I always wanted to be Batman when I was a kid,” I agreed. “I saw that as a viable career path for a while, since I did seem to have the rest of the package. Except for the whole orphan thing, obviously. That sounded pretty lousy.”
“Why Batman? Why not Superman?” Ariel asked. “Superman is a lot stronger. And his backstory is a lot less tragic.”
What an excellent question. And I had an excellent answer for it. “Because Superman is dumb,” I told her.
She shook her head at me. “He can fly!”
This was a very longstanding question between me and my brother Thomas. He always picked Superman. He was always wrong.
“No, I mean, Superman is literally, actually stupid. He’s an idiot. The man is strong and virtuous and whatever, but he constantly gets outwitted by people he should be able to not only defeat but defeat easily. Batman has no powers, but he’s smart. When Superman and Batman go head to head, who wins? Batman wins.”
“Plus, he’s very handsome,” Ariel added. “And super rich.”
“Exactly. Batman’s the best. Batman is where it’s at. Anyone who tells you different is totally wrong.”
We were at my house. It was late, a little after ten p.m., but it had been the soonest I could get out of the party with Ursula. “I wanted to go with the Tim Burton Batman from the nineties,” I explained to Ariel. “You know the one with the weird Bat-nipples on the suit? But I couldn’t find one on short notice. So, I was stuck with the more modern Batman. It’s fine. It’s just not the same, you know?”
“Bat-nipples?” Ariel asked, staring at my smooth, bat-nipple-less chest. “Do you mean…” she trailed off.
“Haven’t you seen Batman Forever or Batman and Robin?” I gasped, horrified.
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