by Cee, DW
“No Marni. You haven’t lost me. Are we all good with your feelings, now? Are you still in love with Ben?”
“Not in the way you’re thinking, but yes. I’ll always love him. He’s my brother-in-law. He’s Ali’s dad. He’s one of my closest friends—or at least he was. He was my love for a very long time. But, I told Ben that after tonight’s conversation, the ‘ex’ part of our relationship was done. From here on out, we were only family.”
“You really said that? That asshole actually agreed?”
“He did. He also agreed to cut you some slack and to be flexible about our situation after we married.”
“Did you have a knife to his throat when you forced him to agree?”
I chuckled. “Nope. He did it on his own free will. He can be reasonable.”
“I’ll believe it when I’m on the receiving end of reasonable.”
“Will you try and get along with him? Maybe I should ask the more important question that wasn’t really answered. Are we still getting married in a few days? I suppose I can return the dress, but your mom might be pissed if we cancel the nuptials now.”
Noah chuckled. “Yes, Marni Montgomery. You can’t get away from me that easily. We’ll be married this weekend. Are we still flying separately?”
“I think that’s easiest, don’t you? There’s no point in you and Mom driving up here and catching a flight with us. You go with Mom and I’ll go with the Howards. We’ll arrive around the same time.”
“All right, my lovely bride-to-be. Let’s get a few hours of sleep. We’ll talk again in a few hours.”
“Goodnight, Noah.”
“Goodnight. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
After getting off the phone, I felt guilty not having explained my entire conversation with Ben. I curtailed much of the drama once I heard the insecurity in Noah’s voice. I didn’t think he needed to hear Ben’s confession. Like I’d told Ben earlier, I truly believed he saw me as a substitute—not as a wife for him, but as a mother for his child. I understood where his heart was coming, from and I wouldn’t mistake gratitude for love.
Since our conversation ended on such a wrong note, I needed to make things right with Ben.
“Hello?” I knocked on his opened door. The light was still on.
“Hey,” he spoke but didn’t look at me. He stared into the dark night from his balcony.
I reached over to give him a hug. He was surprised by my apology attempt and stood up to hug me in return.
With my head on the crook of his neck, I told him, “I’ll always love you, Ben Howard. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me.”
We stayed in this position until the sun came up.
Chapter 7 - Ben
Just The Two Of Us ~Will Smith
“Why the sad face, Sweet Melody?”
“It’s negative, again.”
“My beautiful wife, I keep telling you that we don’t need a baby. I only need you. Am I not enough for you?”
“Of course you are, but I want a little one who’s half you and half me. There’s no better way to express our love for one another than with a child. I want to create a baby with you.”
“It’s been five years since we married and two years since we’ve really tried. We’re both young. I think a baby will come sooner or later. Don’t stress so much.”
“You think it just takes some time? It seems all our friends are able to have kids so easily.”
“That’s not true, Sweet Melody. When the time is right, you’ll get pregnant and we’ll have a gorgeous little girl just like her mama.”
“I think I should see a fertility doctor. There’s something wrong with me, Ben. I can feel it.”
“You are absolutely perfect. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re only twenty-three. You’re too young to have kids anyway. Let’s give it a few more years of just you and me. After that, if you still can’t get pregnant, we’ll go see the best doctor in America.”
“All right, Ben. I guess you’re right. I am still young. I don’t need to have kids any time soon.”
“You don’t. All you need is me, and all I need is you.”
“I love you Ben.”
“I love you, too, Sweet Melody.”
My talk with Marni didn’t go as I’d planned. For reasons not quite understandable to me, I thought I could convince her to halt the wedding—not just postpone it, but all together cancel it. The confession I made to her was surprising even to me. Who knew I had all those emotions buried inside and I could blurt them out so readily?
The guilt in my heart was insurmountable. Every time I was in my bedroom, I used to stare at my late wife and touch her face through the picture frame. Yesterday and today, I got out of bed without being able to look at her. If she knew my heart, she’d be shedding tears.
A part of me wondered if Marni was correct. Maybe I didn’t have any feelings for Marni. Could the feelings have been more of gratitude than of the heart? Was it that simple? If that was the case, why did it bother me so badly that I was losing Marni? Contrary to what Marni and Noah believed, it wasn’t because I was losing a fulltime caretaker. In my mind and heart, Noah and Marni didn’t fit.
“Ben? Knock, knock?” Marni walked in with Ali.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Am I getting paranoid or does our Alice here feel a little off to you?”
“How so?” I took her from Marni to try and investigate. Ali would have none of it. Tears abounded. “Are we talking about the crying? The crankiness? The sheer terror she can be when you’re not around? Perhaps she senses change coming.”
Marni rolled her eyes. “Don’t be lame. Come and feel her forehead. Is she warm to you?”
“Why are we doing this when we have thermometers that can give us an answer in under a second?”
“I tried that. It comes out normal, but I swear, she’s not herself.”
“You think there’s a molar coming in? Have you checked?”
“All four molars are in already.” Marni checked Ali’s head for a fever again. “Maybe I’m just being paranoid. The thought of getting on a plane filled with germs makes me think maybe you and Ali should stay home.”
“You don’t want Ali at your wedding? I know you don’t give a damn if I’m there.”
“Don’t say that, Ben.” The two of them started heading to Ali’s room. “I want both of you there, but not if Ali’s not feeling well.”
“You seriously worry too much. She has no fever. She’s happy, mostly. She’s eating and drinking fine. I truly believe she understands the big change that’s coming. The clinginess stems from your abandonment.”
Marni shook her head and rolled her eyes this time. “All right, then. How about you start packing her clothes since she won’t let me step two feet away from her. Ali and I will supervise.”
“Sure. Make me do all the work.”
I did as was told and packed a suitcase with everything but the kitchen sink. I hoped, as my baby grew older, she could learn to pack lighter.
“Let me rock our sweetie to bed. I think she needs a whole lot of love and attention tonight.” Marni gently rocked an already tired girl to sleep.
“You want me to put her down?”
She shook her head no and walked with Ali to her bed. The second she laid her down, Ali’s eyes shot open. They were filled with tears and fear.
“It’s all right, Baby Girl. I have you.”
Marni went back to the rocker and tried to put Ali down when we both believed she was out for the night. The blood curdling scream was back. By the third try, I was thinking Marni might be onto something.
“Should I take her to my room and sleep with her?” I offered.
Marni chuckled. “And do what? Try and appease a girl who’ll holler until I show? Just admit that though you’re her dad, I’m number one in her life.”
I grudgingly had to agree. “Damn. How did this happen? Wait until she wants to learn to ride a bike or throw a b
all. See who she comes to then.”
Laughter followed my statement. “I’ll take her into my room and have her sleep in bed with me. We’ve never done that before. It’ll be sweet.”
“You’re spoiling her, Mar. What will we do when you’re home with Noah and Ali has one of her I-want-Auntie-Mar tantrums?”
“Bring her over and let her sleep at my place?”
“I don’t think so.”
I watched Marni lay in bed with my little girl. Her arm wrapped around that tiny body, and Ali, in turn, rolled closer to Marni and snuggled into her inviting chest. Marni looked like a fierce lioness protecting her cub. My baby behaved the part of a newborn, demanding love and protection from her mother. The part missing in this scenario was the lion king. What I would have done to have been the proud lion protecting its mate and child. I would have given up a kingdom for that privilege.
Chapter 7 - Noah
Just The Two Of Us ~Will Smith
“Let’s have a baby, Siena.”
“What the hell, Noah! We just got married.”
“I know, but seeing your cousin with her baby made me think it’d be nice to have one of our own. You’re not planning on working. I’ll take a desk job at a naval port. I want a family.”
“Noah! We’re young. Why would you want a little brat already? I’m not sure that I ever want a child.”
“Are you being serious? You don’t want kids? You told me once before that you wanted them.”
“The more I think about it, the more I think I’m not cut out to raise children. I don’t want to get fat. The thought of delivering a baby scares the shit out of me. Raising kids is even more horrifying. They depend on you for everything.”
“That’s the beauty of having kids. They depend on you. They love you. They look to you as their hero no matter what. Think it over, Siena. I want kids.”
“Well I don’t. The more you badger me, the more I don’t want them. Don’t push me, Noah. You won’t like the results.”
“I will not negotiate in this area of my life, Siena. Think long and hard before telling me that you don’t want children.”
“Are you ready?” Dad and I were out for drinks at a quasi-bachelor party. Carson promised to join as soon as his meeting was done.
“Dad. I can’t wait to marry Marni. She’s the girl I should’ve married, not Siena.”
“As long as you can learn from your mistakes, it’s all good, Son. Your mother and I want grandchildren. We’re expecting one immediately.”
The thought of my father playing with a baby warmed my heart and made me chuckle. “You’re really going to retire if we have kids?”
“I’m considering it. That means I’ll have to move near you and my grandchild.”
“Oh, that’ll make Mom jealous. It wouldn’t surprise me if she considered buying a small place near us so she could play with her grandchild. I never thought either of you would be like this.”
“Seeing little Ali made me realize what a big mistake it was to let you grow up without me. I told you earlier, a man needs to learn from his errors. I’ve learned and don’t want to repeat that phase of my life. I wasn’t there for you when you were young. I’m here for you now.”
“Dad, it wasn’t as bad as you make it sound. Mom and I did fine, and I don’t have any hang-ups about you not having been around. Just remember, I had the coolest dad on the block. All my friends were in awe of you, especially when they saw pictures of you in the news.”
“Thanks, Son. God was gracious to me when he blessed me with an understanding son.” Dad slapped my back. “I assume you and Marni have worked out all your differences?”
“We have and we’re ready to start this marriage. I’ve grown to accept her situation with her niece and brother-in-law, and she’s convinced me that she’s really doing this for family. She said if our family needed help, she’d do the same thing.”
“I don’t doubt it. Marni’s a good girl. I see a lot of your mother in her. You chose well.”
“I did. I’m psyched about our future.”
“Make sure you put her and your children above your career. When all else fails, they’ll always be there for you.”
“Thank you, Dad. I consider you the best role model a son can have. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Son.”
Chapter 7 - Marni
Just The Two Of Us ~Will Smith
“Move in with me.”
“What? I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because that’s sinful. What would I tell my mother?”
“News flash, Marni. When you spend the night at my place, she knows what you’re doing.”
“She does not. Oh my gosh! I can’t talk about this. It’s too embarrassing.”
“Move into my place or let’s get a new place together. I think it’s time.”
“Noah. It’s too soon. We only just got back together.”
“We’ve been together long enough. I think it’s time to let go of the past and only look to the future. You said you’ve forgiven me for my mistakes. If that’s really so, then let’s take our relationship to another level.”
“Noah.”
“Don’t give me that look. You love me. I love you. I see us together twenty, forty, sixty years from now with a boatload of kids. If you feel the same way, live with me.”
“Can I think about it? I need to talk to Mom and make sure she’s all right with her daughter living in sin.”
“Trust me. Your mother will pack your bags for you once you tell her you’re moving in with me.”
“Give me some time and I’ll have an answer for you soon.”
“I’m glad we moved to San Diego, Marni. It’s nice to be in your hometown. Though I miss my mom, I love spending time with yours.”
“She definitely loves you too.”
“It’s almost that time, Marni. I can’t believe my little girl is getting married.”
“Your little girl is over thirty and getting older by the minute.”
“Are you happy, Marni? Is this what you want?”
“Mom,” I answered with much surprise, “I thought you loved Noah.”
“I do love Noah. If you choose to marry him, I’ll love him like a son.”
“Is there a but?”
“There’s no but on my end. I’m happy as long as you’re happy. I just want to hear it from you—that you’re happy and this is what you want for the rest of your life.”
My mother has always been my biggest supporter. What I lacked in the father department, I gained ten-fold in the mother department. Her first priority was making sure I was happy. Perhaps it was guilt. Perhaps it was her desire to see me have what she lost. Whatever her reasons, she was a fierce mama bear where her daughter was concerned.
“I love Noah, Mom. I want to marry him. There will be no regrets.”
“OK.” She decided tonight, the night before my wedding day, we needed to have a heart-to-heart. “Let’s get ready for bed and I want to explain a few things to you. After we talk, if you still tell me you want this, I won’t ever mention it again.”
“That sounds scary, Mom.” I laughed while getting my toothbrush out of the toiletry bag.
Mom and Noah arrived in New York yesterday and made sure everything was ready for the wedding. Originally, Ben, his parents, Ali, and I were scheduled to arrive half an hour after Mom and Noah, but Ali wasn’t feeling well, so we decided to fly at the last possible minute. Bringing a sick child on the plane was no easy feat. I shouldn’t have been so selfish. I should have insisted even harder that everyone stay home. Ben, in a rare show of selflessness, encouraged me to get on the plane solo, and told me they would be all right without me. I declined and insisted we all travel as planned.
Except for the take-off and landing where I was forced to hold Ali down in her carseat, I held her the entire five hours. I was the only one to console her. Once we landed, I’d hardly said two words to my fiancé and future in-laws. We shuffled to the h
otel room, fed Ali, and I put her down in Ben’s room. She was none the wiser since I laid in bed with her until she was done for the night.
Mom and I had decided earlier that we’d spend my last night as a single woman, together. I wanted to tell her tonight how much I loved her and that I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without her help.
“Ready, Mom. Do your best, or worst.”
“Marriage didn’t work out for me, as you know. That reason alone makes me cautious for you. I want you to find that one man who will be with you no matter what life throws at you. And, you have to be confident in your love for him too. So confident that you will be with him no matter the circumstances.”
“All right. Tell me why you doubt my love for Noah.” Mom’s worried face spoke volumes. “It’s all right, Mom. Even now, I trust you more than anyone in this world—even more than Noah. Please be honest and tell me all that’s bothering you.”
“Just hear me out. I want to take you down memory lane since you arrived at Ben’s house.” I nodded in encouragement. “You left Noah to take care of Ali. You two fought tooth and nail before you left him, and Noah called it quits.” I sighed heavily. Those were some ugly days. “You and Ben begin taking care of Ali and feelings start resurfacing.” My protest didn’t have a prayer. Mom put out her hand and told me to stop. I obeyed. “Shea, Benjamin, and I saw the sparks and thought a reunion was imminent. Day by day, Ben’s grief transformed into smiles and laughter. His parents were overjoyed you were back in his life.”
“I think you three saw what you wanted to see. It wasn’t like that with us. We just reverted to our natural friendship.”
“Perhaps. What we knew—you and Ben were perfect parents to Ali. It was as though Ali was just the youngest in your large brood. You both were seamless in your caretaking of that little girl.”