Not Without You

by Watson, A. P.

  “Do you?”

  “Well . . . Why did you come up to me in class today?”

  “I’m guessing men hit on you quite frequently, right?”

  “Yes, and it gets really old after a while. I mean, I’ve stopped having conversations with them because it’s just easier to wave them away.”

  He laughed, and the sound filled my ears like music. “I came up to you because I could hear you bitching in class Tuesday and I died laughing. I thought you were hilarious, and I wanted to get to know you better.”

  “That’s acceptable.”

  “Glad I have your approval,” he said, the corners of his lips turning upward.

  Picking up the remote for the television, I flipped through a few channels. “Anything in particular you want to watch?”

  “Lady’s choice.”

  I scrolled through a few channels before coming to a stop on one of my favorite movies, The Goonies. “Is this okay with you?”

  “Of course. Who doesn’t love this movie?”

  “We can be friends,” I announced in a matter-of-fact tone.

  “Oh, you’ve just now decided this?”

  Settling back into the couch cushions, I shrugged. “I’ve kind of been thinking about it all day.”

  “What sealed the deal for you? Was it the fact I told you that I liked pussy?”

  My skin hummed as if it’d been set on fire. What the hell was it about this guy casually uttering the p-word that made my composure go to shit?

  “Oh my God!” I smacked his arm and pulled my hair over my shoulder to hide my blush. “What is wrong with you?”

  Ryan leaned toward me until his lips were mere inches from my ear. “So many things.”

  “Obviously.”

  “You’re not really complaining.”

  “Give me a minute and I’ll fix that.”

  His laughter filled the room, echoing off the walls. “I figured as much.”

  We watched the remainder of The Goonies without much conversation. Silence had the ability to make some people uncomfortable, but I reveled in the quiet. Wren and I didn’t need to talk every single second of the day, and we would often sit for hours without uttering a word. Somehow, I felt the same kind of companionable silence with Ryan as he didn’t seem to feel the need to force a conversation.

  By the time the credits finished rolling, it was already after three in the morning.

  “What time is your first class tomorrow?” I asked.

  “Not till noon. Yours?”

  “Ten.”

  “That’s not too far away. I’ll leave so you can get some sleep.” Ryan moved to stand, but I stopped him by latching on to his wrist like he was a coveted set of Old Holland oil paints.

  “Would you stay a little longer?” The words spilled from my lips before I even had a chance to contemplate what I was asking him.

  He nodded, settling back into the leather cushions. “Yeah, of course.”

  “If you want to leave, you can,” I replied, immediately second-guessing my question. “It’s just nice to not be alone all the time. Whenever Joe comes over to play doctor with Brooklyn, I’m left down here by myself for hours on end.”

  “And Wren works a lot.”

  “Yeah, she has an apartment and school stuff to pay for. The woman is a boss. She works her ass off.”

  “She seems pretty awesome.”

  “She’s the best.”

  “Have you thought about trying to get another roommate?”

  “Believe me, I’ve exhausted all possibilities in that area. My scholarship includes on-campus housing, and since we’re in the middle of a semester, I’m locked into my room situation like a woman wearing an eighteenth-century corset.”

  “I’m sorry. That really sucks.”

  “Eh,” I replied with a shrug. “It’s not your doing.”

  “You know what we could do?” When Ryan faced me, his perfect periwinkle irises sparkled with mischief.

  “What?”

  “Give your roommate a taste of her own medicine.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You said she and her boyfriend are always having sex—”

  “You want me to have sex with you?” I asked, practically shouting my question. Heat warmed the apples of my cheeks. I felt as if Jackson Pollock had splattered me with red paint, because I knew my blush had to be as clear as day.

  “You didn’t let me finish.”

  “Yeah, I know, because you were propositioning me for sex.”

  “No, I wasn’t. Will you just listen to me for a second?”

  I released a heavy sigh and prayed to God above that Ryan hadn’t noticed how flustered I was. “Fine.”

  “I said we should give her a taste of her own medicine. And what I meant is we should pretend like we’re having sex to get back at her,” he explained. “Some discarded clothes, a few moans, and everything covered by a blanket, and she’ll be the one bolting out of the room as fast as she can.”

  My eyebrows arched nefariously. Hottie was a legit scheming mastermind. It was now my turn to look like the damn Cheshire Cat. “You know, I think you may be onto something here.”

  He shrugged. “Somehow, diabolical seems like the best choice when it comes to you.”

  Flipping my raven hair in a manner that would’ve made me a shoo-in to act in a Pantene commercial, I touched my hand to my chest. “You understand me,” I said in the most drawn-out debutante voice I could muster.

  “I do what I can.”

  “Are you free tomorrow night by any chance?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Friday means Joe will be over at seven. Think you can swing by after six?”

  “I can do that.”

  “Awesome. We’re putting this idea in motion.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  “We should go over a few things first.”

  “Naturally,” he agreed.

  “Are you going to be okay with getting half naked with me?”

  Ryan slid his arms along the back of the couch. “Shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “And you have to pretend to be really into me.”

  “I can definitely manage that,” he replied with all the confidence in the world.

  Picking the remote back up, I began flipping through the channels. “Good.”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  Something about the tone of Ryan’s voice forced me to look at him. It was as if all his usual mirth had evaporated into thin air.

  “Yeah? What’s wrong?”

  Blowing out a deep breath, he asked, “You said you stay down here a lot by yourself, right?”

  “Yeah, but only at night. Sometimes I suffer through the weirdness upstairs, but for the last three weeks, I’ve been sleeping down here most of the time.”

  “But the doors lock and everything?”

  “Oh yeah. You have to have a key card to get in.”

  “Has anyone ever bothered you down here?”

  I shook my head. “No. I’m usually the only person that hangs out down here. Every now and then, people come to play games, but no one stays. Why do you ask?”

  “You’re probably going to think I’m being ridiculous, but something about you staying down here by yourself, where drunk dumbasses—girls and guys alike—can just stumble through, doesn’t sit well with me.”

  “You haven’t even known me for twenty-four hours and you’re already concerned about my safety?”

  He gave a noncommittal shrug. “It’s the way my mom raised me. Always treat women with respect, never force them to do anything they don’t want to do, and make sure they know they’re safe with you.”

  He repeated the principles by heart, as if he were reciting some kind of sacred proclamation straight from his memory.

  “She did a damn good job with you.”

  “I like to think so,” he agreed.

  “I won’t be staying down here once I get a key to Wren’s new place. Rest assured, I’ll be safe b
ehind the locked doors of her apartment.”

  “Good.”

  “You’re not leaving until I’m back in my room, are you?”

  “Nope.”

  “I figured as much.”

  Tucking my feet underneath me, I relaxed against the soft couch cushions. A chill began to creep over my muscles. I pulled Ryan’s hoodie tighter around me and absorbed the warmth of the soft fabric.

  “I knew you were still cold,” Ryan said, pushing to his feet. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

  “Okay, but take this so that you can get back in.” Holding out my key card, I felt the tips of his fingers brush against mine as he took it.

  In the few minutes he was gone, I continued searching for something to watch. At this time of night, there wasn’t much on except for infomercials. But after a few more clicks of the remote, I stopped on The Golden Girls, chuckling at the antics of Dorothy, Rose, Blanche, and Sophia.

  If Wren and I don’t cause all kinds of trouble in a Floridian retirement community one day, I’ll die of shock . . . and disappointment.

  “Hey,” I said, watching as Ryan approached. “That was pretty fast.”

  “I told you I’d be right back.” He unfolded a fleece blanket and wrapped it around me.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’ve been freezing all night. I should’ve gotten it hours ago.”

  “I was fine.”

  “No, you’re stubborn.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Whatever,” I scoffed.

  “Never said I didn’t like it.”

  Ryan and I sat on the couch, our shoulders touching as we watched The Golden Girls. With the combination of his shirt and blanket, I was entirely surrounded by his scent. I breathed it in as sleep beckoned and my eyes began to close.

  “TERAYN.” A VOICE SOFTLY uttered my name, the sound fading as my mind refused to wake.

  “Nope,” I murmured.

  “It’s almost nine,” a masculine voice said, louder this time.

  My eyelids popped open like some kind of crazed jack-in-the-box. Beautiful streaks of amber bathed the room around me in light. The tips of my fingers pressed against something hard. Where the hell did I fall asleep? Rubbing my hand along the firm surface, I sat up and came face-to-face with Ryan.

  “Oh!” I jumped, my attention was quick to take note of our intimate hold on one another. The hard surface I’d been using as a pillow was Ryan’s chest. Apparently, we’d fallen asleep on the leather couch in the common room. Pushing off the fleece blanket, I discovered I was lying on top of him. My legs entwined with his, giving off the appearance of a living Celtic knot.

  God, his body felt nice pressed against mine.

  Great. Not only did I have the itch to draw every single line of this guy’s body, but I also wanted to touch each inch of it. Blaming the irrational thought on lack of sleep, I began the complicated process of unwinding myself from Ryan.

  “You passed out just after four.”

  “Did you sleep at all?”

  “Yeah. I woke up just a few minutes ago.”

  Combing my fingers through my hair, I moved toward the opposite end of the couch. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be on top of you.”

  I swore under my breath. Eloquence was not a trait I possessed this early in the morning, especially not before a few cups of coffee.

  He grinned, his blue eyes sparkling as he studied me. “Trust me, I’m not complaining.”

  “Thanks for staying with me last night. You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I wanted to. Besides, I wasn’t about to leave you down here alone. You would have frozen to death.”

  “Nah,” I countered, “I’ve got ice water in my veins.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yep.”

  “Must be why you were shivering so much then,” he mused with a grin.

  I sighed dramatically and rolled my eyes in a perfect circle. “Fine, I was being stubborn. Are you happy now?”

  “Extremely.”

  “You said your first class was at noon?” I asked, unzipping his hoodie.

  “Yeah. It only lasts forty-five minutes though. I’ve got two classes back-to-back and then I’m done for the day.”

  “That’s nice.” I handed off his jacket with a nod. “My class this morning is also only forty-five minutes, and thank goodness, it’s the only one I have today.”

  “And then you’re going to see Wren?”

  “Yeah.”

  Ryan stood from the couch and stretched. The bottom of his T-shirt lifted a bit, and I could just make out the V-shaped grooves in his hips. After taking Anatomy & Physiology, Wren probably knew the technical name for those babies, but I always referred to them as panty droppers. Something about those lines made the composure of levelheaded girls go to shit, and I’d be lying if I said they hadn’t almost gotten me in trouble on more than one occasion.

  Jumping off the couch before Ryan could catch sight of my drool, I folded the blanket and shoved it in his direction.

  “Well, I should probably go get ready for class, but thanks so much for all your help last night. I truly appreciate it.”

  “It’s no problem. Like I said before, if you want to study some more this weekend, just let me know.”

  “I will.”

  “And tonight, we’ll have our fun with your roommate,” he stated in a suggestive tone.

  “Oh, yeah.” Somehow, I’d pushed the memory of our plan from last night out of my brain. “So, I’ll see you tonight around six thirty?”

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Ryan winked at me, making me feel every bit like a hormonal schoolgirl. He gathered up his hoodie and blanket before exiting the common room and stepping out into the sunshine.

  I gathered up all my stuff in record time before sprinting upstairs. Thankfully, the room Brooklyn and I shared was empty. After throwing on some clothes, I twisted my hair into a complicated fishtail braid and then started on my makeup. Being an artist had its perks. My hands were steady from years of painting, and now, I could draw on winged eyeliner with the skill of a practiced surgeon. After a quick swipe of cherry lip balm, I switched out my statistics textbook for my drawing pad, charcoal pencils, erasers, and ridiculous assortment of felt-tipped pens. Seriously, the people at Hobby Lobby knew me by name due to the amount of art supplies I’d purchased from them in the past few years.

  Sliding on my Uggs, I flung my bag over my shoulder and headed to the art annex. Along the way, I decided to shoot Wren a quick text.

  Me: Hey, I know you’re probably still sleeping, but I’m gonna grab some food after class is over and then swing by your new place. Also, I have things to tell you!

  With that, I tossed my phone into my bag and sprinted across campus to make it to Intro to Visual Arts without being tardy.

  By the time I reached the lecture auditorium, the majority of the seats were still vacant. People always seemed to skip Friday lectures more than any other day. I guess that’s because most everyone wanted to start their weekend early, but I actually enjoyed this class. All right, so I enjoyed every class that wasn’t statistics, but that was just my art-obsessed brain at work. Seriously, I commended Ryan for being able to double major. The guy was smart, impressive, and ridiculously attractive—a lethal combination.

  I pulled out a pen and notepad, forcing myself to focus on the lecture that was starting. My mind needed to be distracted from Ryan and the fact we would be pretending to have sex this evening. At the time, it had sounded like a great plan, but was getting physically close to Ryan a smart move for me?

  Exhaling, I stilled the thoughts addling my brain. Ryan had confessed he wasn’t a fan of romantic entanglements either. So there was absolutely nothing for me to worry about. This whole scheme was about enacting some revenge. That’s all. Putting pen to paper, I lifted my gaze to the projector at the front of the auditorium and began scribbling notes.

  However, I only managed to write a single sentence before I felt a tap on my sho
ulder. As I glanced behind me, I came face-to-face with Keith. The only reason I was even on a first name basis with this guy was because he was one of those dudes who couldn’t take no for an answer.

  He flashed me a bright smile. Despite being a jerk, the guy did have nice teeth. But that was the only thing he had going for him. He’d already asked me out at least five times this semester—much to my disappointment. It was almost as if he expected me to change my mind. Yeah, fat chance in hell, dude.

  “Are you having a good week?” he asked.

  It was fantastic until you decided to ruin it for me.

  “Yeah.” I stuck to a one-word reply, because it was the only thing I trusted myself to say without screaming at him to fuck off.

  “I’m glad.” He answered with another million-dollar smile, but little did he know, his charm had zero effect on me. “I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you.”

  My eyes rolled like a damn hamster wheel at his comment. Cue my gag reflex. Did this asshole honestly believe that was a good pick-up line? “Trust me, forever wouldn’t be long enough,” I muttered under my breath.

  “What was that?”

  “Nothing. Just ready to focus on the lecture.”

  “Well, while I’ve got your attention, I just wanted to ask—”

  “For the love of all that is holy, the answer is no!”

  “But you didn’t even know what I was going to ask.”

  Call me evil, but I chuckled at his attempt to save face. “Yes, I do. And it doesn’t matter how you phrase it or where you offer to take me, the answer will always be no.”

  “Damn.”

  “I’m not interested in dating—anyone.” With a loud huff, I snapped my head forward and focused my attention back on the images that were being displayed at the front of the auditorium.

  For the next forty-five minutes, I wrote furiously and without interruption. My consciousness slipped into the realm of art. Illustrious shapes of dazzling colors and mediums passed before my eyes. This was the world I loved, the one I lived for.

  I’d always enjoyed drawing and painting, but after Mom passed, I tried to paint my pain away. It’s almost comical how the word paint is pain with the letter t tacked on to the end. Perhaps that’s part of the reason why I was able to delve so fully into expressing my creativity. The world and everything in it fell away whenever I put pen to paper. Creating was my solace, the one way I felt reprieve from losing the person I loved most. Dad and I managed, but he was never really the same without her.